He injured his back in September; eventually it was learned that he actually fractured a bone due to some sort of bone weakness that they originally thought was a hormone deficiency. Recently he’s been getting sick, can’t keep food down, etc, so yesterday he was taken to the hospital where they learned he had elevated WBC counts, decreased hemoglobin and an enlarged spleen. He was diagnosed with osteomyelitis.
Today he was diagnosed with leukemia (or possibly lymphoma).
This is not the first incidence of leukemia in the family; his older brother had it as a child and pulled through.
I feel like I should do something nice, but I’m unsure of exactly what.
My first instinct was to send flowers, but really, what’s a 24 year old guy going to get out of flowers? My second instinct is to buy him something like a portable DVD player to keep him entertained (he’s expected to be in the hospital for at least a month), which, even though the cheapest seem to run for less than $100, is a big deal for me, a poor college student. It’s going to take a while for me to save up, but hopefully I’ll manage.
In the meantime, I am just trying to be there for my friend.
If anyone has any alternate suggestions of nice things I can do, they are welcomed and appreciated.
Prayers (he’s on the religious [Christian] side), well wishes, good thoughts, lit candles, whatever your style is, are also much appreciated.
I feel for you. Leukemia is what my mother-in-law died of. It seems to strike the very old or very young from what I can tell. She was gone less than a year after diagnosis. Good luck to you.
Thank you. My grandmother was also battling with leukemia this time last year. She’s currently in remission, but she’s not quite the same. She used to be a strong, hilarious, fat (to be blunt) woman who’d cuss you out in a second if you pissed her off. Now she’s a tiny, terribly frail woman who seems more like a child to me. It makes me very sad. I miss my grandma.
Instead of a portable DVD player, why not a few books, or a gift certificate to amazon.com?
The DVD player is a nice idea, but there’s nothing wrong with books. Books are also a lot more portable, in my opinion. I’d be worried about the DVD player walking away if I hauled it all over the place in the hospital. A book isn’t quite so tempting as a theft object.
Also, regarding leukemia - I very vaguely remember it’s better to get leukemia younger than it is older. If I recall correctly, younger=acute=easier to cure, whereas older=chronic=impossible to cure. I’d rather not be quoted on this though. And, at 24, I’m not sure where he fits on the spectrum.
My mother used to tell me that if she could remember everything she’d been taught in school, she’d be a brilliant woman. At 15, I just kind of smiled and nodded. I get it now. and wish I had more flowsheets.
Thanks for the suggestion – it’s something that popped into my head, but he’s not really the reading type, with the exception of bike/car magazines, which my friend/his brother has covered. Although I’m sure I could get old issues on eBay, now that I think of it…
I agree with the idea to get him something that will keep him entertained when he’s too sick to be out and about. What about some kind of game for his computer? Video games?
Oh, and as an FYI: There are several different types of leukemia. The treatment/prognosis for each type is different. So, you can’t really judge what things will be like for him by looking at other leukemia patients unless you’re sure they have the same type.
All my best to him.
I don’t know how the Mods feel about this kind of idea. If I knew someone who was 24 and going to be hospital-bound for at least a month, I’d try to get as many books donated as possible. One can only watch * so much* t.v.
Can you find out what kinds of books he likes? And once ascertaining this, can we try to organize a book drive? No clue how to do the logistics to be safe and maintain privacy, but man were I in his shoes ( hospital slippers ) I’d be SO grateful for piles of books to chose from. Any he doesn’t want he will donate to the hospital.
I knew a girl who died of leukemia when she was 14. I was also 14. I saw her once a week for many, many months. Over time, on Sundays, there were no more visitors. Just family. Then near the end, just her parents and one sister. Knowing her changed my life forever. So in memory of a nice, kind, regular gal named Kerri who never got to fall in love, have a job, make a life… I will be glad to help with this book drive.
Again, no clue if this kind of thing is okay to even suggest here. The Rules on this are vague by design I believe.
I sent the email wrapped around a one pound bar of Godiva. Not only is it the Straight Dope Administrator’s Chocolate of Choice, but of course it also means, " Go Diva"
While it would be nice to send magazines or chocolate or whatever, being there is one of the best things you can do. Ask how things are going, be willing to let your friend vent to you, offer to give rides or bring over dinner when things get hectic for them.
It seems from what I have seen that most friends disappear after a few weeks or month or two. Stick in there. BE a friend through the awful frightening lonely sick times. Let him rage. Let him cry and yell at you. Let him find in you a real friend who supports and cares, and will listen.
And still listen in 8 months when the numbing sameness of being so desperately ill is it’s own depression.
Many thanks to TubaDiva for her kindness in letting us get this going. Apparently now I’m into her for a candle lit steak dinner with all of the trimmings, a fine icy cold beer or two to wash it down, apple cobbler with French vanilla ice cream, footsie and an evening of unbridled unbridledness.
What Cartooniverse says is true (well, the being a friend part, anyway).
As someone who has some experience in being a caregiver/carepartner/buddy to people who have had terrible things happen to then, long term can be really hard. There’s no end of people that are able and willing to hang at the beginning but they get tired or busy or whatever (it’s not intentional, it’s just that life goes on and life gets busy sometimes) and it can be difficult to find people willing to, say, hold your hand for chemo. Or even just bring you a dinner if you’re going through a bad patch and can’t quite do for yourself.
It’s the people who are there when stuff stinks everyday that are really your friends; the rest are just people that you know. You don’t have to dance attendance on them but just be available in the long haul. You’re not taking them to raise or anything like that but sometimes a few minutes of your time or a little bit of consideration is worth more than rubies to someone battling long-term issues.
If I could suggest something that worked wonderfully with a coworker who was fighting cancer for a number of years, how about organizing a regular schedule of people providing meals to his family? That takes a lot of stress away from them, and would help them have more time with him. The office I was in organized dinner four nights a week for this woman and her family, and it really meant the world to them; it was just one small detail or life that didn’t have to be coped with.
I agree with the suggestion to most of all just be there, though. Sounds like you’re a really good friend – I hope things work out well for your friend’s brother!
Yeah, this is what my Mom and her Friends friends do. ( Mom’s Quaker ) They rotate meals and provide for an ill friend. It’s a huge detail, and helps to make for a somewhat less fractured family life day to day. Knowing dinner will be on the table every night is so important.
Sorry for the delayed response, but my internet was turned off for a little while.
I’ve emailed TubaDiva regarding people donating books, for anyone who is interested. I’ll post here when I hear back from her.
Cartooniverse, I sent you an email too. I just wanted to publicly state that it’s really awesome what you’re trying to do here, and it gives me a little more hope for the world.
In the meantime, a little update.
The follow up on my OP, he has internet access and (from what I gather) a DVD player in his room, so my original plans of getting him a portable one are unnecessary.
The bad news: apparently it’s worse/further along than they initially believed, and he’s expected be to in the hospital being treated for much longer than the month we were originally told. Six months is being thrown around.
He started chemotherapy on monday and is, as one would expect, very weak and tired, but hanging in there.
There’s some talk about doing a bone marror transplant somewhere along the line. His chances of finding a match seems quite good to me, as he has 4 siblings and a largish extended family. However, he’s expressed some disinterest in even going through with a transplant, so we’re kind of worried that he’s giving up already.
Ok, I just talked to TubaDiva who has granted me permission to collect a few books.
This is what I told Cartooniverse so I’ll just paste it here: I’m trying to get an idea of what he would be interested from his brother but he doesn’t really know. So I’ll say anything (barring genres obviously directed towards women) is fine. If he doesn’t like them, we’ll donate them to the hospital (or somewhere else if they’re not interested).
If anyone would like to send a few along, my email address is in my profile.
