Corrupted Wish Game

[descamisado]

The idea is to make a wish, any wish, and the person replying grants the wish but corrupts the outcome of the wish. After corrupting the wish of the person before you, you place your own wish and on an on...

Example...... " I wish I was wiser"

Respondent: Wish granted, however, with the instant added wisdom comes an instant 30 years of aging.

Okay, I will go first.

I wish I had a billion dollars.

(Please include the wish you are responding to. Also please try to preview or at least to see if that post has been answered.)

[kunilou]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

I wish I had a billion dollars.

Here you go. 100,000,000,000 bright, shiny pennies.

Oh, by the way. You have to come get them.

I wish I were irresistible to women.

[Mr. Excellent]

Originally Posted by kunilou

Here you go. 100,000,000,000 bright, shiny pennies.

Oh, by the way. You have to come get them.

I wish I were irresistible to women.

Done! The entire female half of humanity has an irresistible, uncontrollable craving for kunilou flesh. With or without curry sauce.

I wish I were dictator of Earth.

[Captain Carrot]

Originally Posted by Mr. Excellent

Done! The entire female half of humanity has an irresistible, uncontrollable craving for kunilou flesh. With or without curry sauce.

I wish I were dictator of Earth.

You're now dictator of Earth -- by Roman custom. You get six months to fix up whatever mess caused the people to put you in power, then you get unceremoniously booted out, with no protection. Lots of people dislike what you did and are now gunning for you.

I wish my dad were healthy.

[John DiFool]

Alright, your dad is now a total and complete fitness freak, and any and every conversation you have with him from now on revolves around exercise routines, protein milkshakes, endless monologues about his last triathalon, and the state of his bowels.

I want a completely honest President of the U.S.

[Elendil's Heir]

The new President looks around and decides, to show a break from the politicized Justice Department of the Bush years, to make you an example of impartial justice. A team of FBI agents combs through every detail of your past, and you're prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law for every misdeed you have ever committed.

I want to have a week of mind-blowing passion at a vacation resort with the actress whom I consider the most beautiful woman in the world.

[The Controvert]

Ah yes, too bad about that deadly STD you contracted. I wish I were an immortal God with the power to grant myself unlimited incorruptible wishes.

[blondebear]

Whoops, I'm sorry. There was a typo in your request. What kind of dog food and breed of mate would you prefer for the rest of time?

My wish is to have humankind live in harmony with the natural world.

[ultrafilter]

Originally Posted by blondebear

My wish is to have humankind live in harmony with the natural world.

Right, we're back to being chimps. I wish for a healthful and tasty grilled cheese sandwich, maybe with a tomato slice.

[Silver Tyger]

Originally Posted by ultrafilter

Right, we're back to being chimps. I wish for a healthful and tasty grilled cheese sandwich, maybe with a tomato slice.

Yeah, that was yummy. Thanks.

I wish I had a better job.

[Manatee]

Unfortunately, the sandwich appears in your lung and you die instantly.

I wish to be omniscient.

[Manatee]

Originally Posted by Silver Tyger Girl

Yeah, that was yummy. Thanks.

I wish I had a better job.

You're hired as a ditch digger (you didn't say better than WHOSE job).

[SmartAleq]

Originally Posted by Manatee

Unfortunately, the sandwich appears in your lung and you die instantly.

I wish to be omniscient.

Congratulations! Now you know for sure that you were an accident and your birth ruined both your parent's lives and prospects--and they kinda hate you for it. Also, your spouse is fucking your best friend(s.)

I wish every person on earth would become strongly empathic, such that any pain a person causes another is felt equally by the causer as the causee.

[Blaster Master]

Originally Posted by SmartAleq

Congratulations! Now you know for sure that you were an accident and your birth ruined both your parent's lives and prospects--and they kinda hate you for it. Also, your spouse is fucking your best friend(s.)

I wish every person on earth would become strongly empathic, such that any pain a person causes another is felt equally by the causer as the causee.

Thanks to the effects of the Golden rule, "What goes around, comes around", and "six degrees of seperation" all combined, everyone on Earth is now in complete an utter agony.

I wish that healthy food would taste as delicious as unhealthy food.

[bufftabby]

Originally Posted by Blaster Master

I wish that healthy food would taste as delicious as unhealthy food.

(Ha! I saw you before you edited!)

All food now tastes bland and boring, and may be sipped through a straw.

I wish was a little bit taller.

[Mosier]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

(Ha! I saw you before you edited!)

All food now tastes bland and boring, and may be sipped through a straw.

I wish was a little bit taller.

Oops! Your wish was granted while you were still wearing your shoes, and now your feet hurt AND you have to replace most of your wardrobe.

I wish everyone could just get along!

[Manatee]

Except that everyone gets along a LITTLE too well, humanity engages in an undending global orgy, and civilization collapses.

I wish that all of these wishes had never been made.

[EsotericEnigma]

Originally Posted by Manatee

I wish that all of these wishes had never been made.

...and ta-da! All wishes here have been erased, a Mod has closed the blank thread and now you're left with nothing to do on a Friday night.

Since the thread is now blank...

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

The idea is to make a wish, any wish, and the person replying grants the wish but corrupts the outcome of the wish. After corrupting the wish of the person before you, you place your own wish and on an on...

Example...... " I wish I was wiser"

Respondent: Wish granted, however, with the instant added wisdom comes an instant 30 years of aging.

(Please include the wish you are responding to. Also please try to preview or at least to see if that post has been answered.)

I'll go first,

I wish I could see the future of everyone but me.

[OtakuLoki]

Originally Posted by EsotericEnigma

I wish I could see the future of everyone but me.

Congratulations! You now have an encyclopedic knowledge of the coming destruction of planet Earth by the Vogon constructor fleet. In about three minutes...



I wish I could have a do over from age 15.

[Manatee]

Originally Posted by OtakuLoki

Congratulations! You now have an encyclopedic knowledge of the coming destruction of planet Earth by the Vogon constructor fleet. In about three minutes...



I wish I could have a do over from age 15.

POOF! You're 15 again, but with no memories of the life that you had previously lived, so you make exactly all of the same mistakes all over again.


I wish that whatever my enemies did to me that they would suffer threefold.

[Oredigger77]

Done. Unforunatly one of them accidenly got you laid and now will have sex with three girls for your one.

I wish I had a 12" pianist.

[Mosier]

Originally Posted by Oredigger77

Done. Unforunatly one of them accidenly got you laid and now will have sex with three girls for your one.

I wish I had a 12" pianist.

The genie granting your wishes is a little deaf, so now you have to explain why you have a person who studies dinosaur bones in your pocket.

I wish for more wishes!

[racer72]

You sir now have a 12" pianist. The only song he knows is "Loving You", the Minnie Ripperton song and he insists on playing it all the time.


I wish to become the inventor of an environmentally friendly source of fuel that is plentiful and inexpensive.

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by Mosier

The genie granting your wishes is a little deaf, so now you have to explain why you have a person who studies dinosaur bones in your pocket.

I wish for more wishes!

You do, billions of 'em. They're all granted to other, bad people though, for bad things.

Racer72's Wish: I wish to become the inventor of an environmentally friendly source of fuel that is plentiful and inexpensive.

(Please include the wish you are responding to. Also please try to preview or at least to see if that post has been answered.)

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by Mosier

I wish for more wishes!

Here ya go. Alas, it's a defective batch. With each one, as soon as you mutter the words "I wish", the wish expires and is no longer usable. People look at you oddly because you constantly mutter "I wish... Damn. I wish... Damn.", &c.

Originally Posted by racer72

I wish to become the inventor of an environmentally friendly source of fuel that is plentiful and inexpensive.

And so you do. But you are unable to make any money from it since you can't patent shit.


I wish the cat would stop leaving hair all over the place.

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

I wish the cat would stop leaving hair all over the place.

Granted. However, there's no hair to shed now because the cat contracts a disease the commucible to humans, and is most contagious the night you throw a blowout party at your house with 100 guests.

I wish the world would stop watching TV and start reading and conversing more.

[EsotericEnigma]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

I wish the world would stop watching TV and start reading and conversing more.

Done! We all spend all our free time with our noses in a book, forsaking our jobs and responsibilities for our insatiable desire to read, and reread, this one book, and discuss (argue) its intricacies for hours upon days upon weeks. Did I mention it's a collection of Harry Potter fanfics?

I wish I was playing in the NBA.

[fusoya]

Granted. You DID say WNBA, right?


I wish that Tina Fey and my girl who looks a lot like Tina Fey would join me in the shower this morning.

[ArrMatey!]

Originally Posted by fusoya

Granted. You DID say WNBA, right?


I wish that Tina Fey and my girl who looks a lot like Tina Fey would join me in the shower this morning.

And by 'join' you did mean 'become grafted to', right? Congradulations, you're now a three-bodied freak.

I wish I had stronger willpower.

[bufftabby]

Originally Posted by ArrMatey!

I wish I had stronger willpower.

Congratulations. Mr. Will Power is now exponentially stronger, and he's ALL YOURS.

I wish my dog could talk.

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

Congratulations. Mr. Will Power is now exponentially stronger, and he's ALL YOURS.

I wish my dog could talk.

Now he can. He just talks about freaking baked beans and secret recipes all day long!

I wish people would treat others the way they want to be treated

[Harmonious Discord]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

I wish people would treat others the way they want to be treated

You are now irritated with people treating you in a way you do not want to be treated.

I wish the big one would just happen.

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by Harmonious Discord

I wish the big one would just happen.

Then you fall right to sleep and can't stay awake for Leno.

I wish I could have a pony.

[Mosier]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

Then you fall right to sleep and can't stay awake for Leno.

I wish I could have a pony.

Your pony has been prepared with the combined effort and genius of the best French chefs. Enjoy!

I wish my finger would heal.

[Harmonious Discord]

Originally Posted by Mosier

Your pony has been prepared with the combined effort and genius of the best French chefs. Enjoy!

I wish my finger would heal.

Your finger now stops and waits on command when you say heal.

I wish for an instantaneous transport system.

[Tierce]

Originally Posted by Harmonious Discord

I wish for an instantaneous transport system.

This portal will transport you instantly to New Jersey whenever you want. Sorry, the reverse journey is not possible with current technology.

I wish Windows Vista didn't suck.

[bouv]

Originally Posted by Tierce

I wish Windows Vista didn't suck.

Granted. Windows Vista now, officially, blows.

I wish that my two former douchebag roommate would realize they were in error, and give me the $1000 they owe me so I didn't have to go through with this lawsuit.

[Harmonious Discord]

Originally Posted by bouv

I wish that my two former douchebag roommate would realize they were in error, and give me the $1000 they owe me so I didn't have to go through with this lawsuit.

Congratulations you have $1,000 US dollars. Unfortunately the dollar is no longer worth anything, and you must barter for food.

I wish for a shiny new ray gun, that causes clowns and mimes to go away.

[Elendil's Heir]

The clowns and mimes go away... to the homes and workplaces of your friends and family. Congratulations - they now hate you.

I wish the Holocaust had never happened.

[Harmonious Discord]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

I wish the Holocaust had never happened.

The world switches and congratulations you were never born.

I wish for a great vacation.

[Spoons]

Originally Posted by Harmonious Discord

I wish for a great vacation.

Let's go back in time, when airport security wasn't so difficult and time-consuming, and make sure you have a great one. Beautiful weather, interesting sights, friendly people, and superb dining and nightlife. But all good vacations eventually end, and so does yours; you board your plane home on September 11, 2001.

I wish the weather would improve.

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by Spoons

Let's go back in time, when airport security wasn't so difficult and time-consuming, and make sure you have a great one. Beautiful weather, interesting sights, friendly people, and superb dining and nightlife. But all good vacations eventually end, and so does yours; you board your plane home on September 11, 2001.

I wish the weather would improve.

Assuming you mean warmer than it is now, global warming really kicks in: average annual temperatures rise by 10 degrees. If you mean, you hope it stops raiing, it does. And doesn't rain again for 10 years. You want it cooler? Next winter, it'll snow an inch -- every day.

I wish I could really tiptoe through the tulips.

[SmartAleq]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

I wish I could really tiptoe through the tulips.

Poof! Granted! Too bad about that sudden and hitherto unknown tulip allergy...

I wish I had a five pound Cadbury milk chocolate bar with raisins and hazelnuts in.

[astorian]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

Assuming you mean warmer than it is now, global warming really kicks in: average annual temperatures rise by 10 degrees. If you mean, you hope it stops raiing, it does. And doesn't rain again for 10 years. You want it cooler? Next winter, it'll snow an inch -- every day.

I wish I could really tiptoe through the tulips.

As you do, Herbert Buckingham "Tiny Tim" Khoury is waiting, and beams "You are my true love, the one I've always dreamed of," and starts showering you with French kisses.

[OtakuLoki]

Originally Posted by SmartAleq

I wish I had a five pound Cadbury milk chocolate bar with raisins and hazelnuts in.

Congratulations! You have just been sent a free sample of Cadbury's new milk chocolate, raisins, hazlenut and wasabi bar. (Yoda delivered by)



I wish I had an R/C USS Virginia.

[kunilou]

Originally Posted by OtakuLoki

Congratulations! You have just been sent a free sample of Cadbury's new milk chocolate, raisins, hazlenut and wasabi bar. (Yoda delivered by)



I wish I had an R/C USS Virginia.

Granted. Too bad you didn't wish for the controller, too.

I wish I were the most talented person on earth.

[Mosier]

Originally Posted by kunilou

Granted. Too bad you didn't wish for the controller, too.

I wish I were the most talented person on earth.

You remain exactly as talented as you currently are, but everyone else in the world becomes infected with a zombie virus that leaves them stupid and talentless (not to mention hungry for brains!).

I wish leprochauns would do my yardwork while I was asleep.

[John DiFool]

Originally Posted by Mosier

You remain exactly as talented as you currently are, but everyone else in the world becomes infected with a zombie virus that leaves them stupid and talentless (not to mention hungry for brains!).

I wish leprochauns would do my yardwork while I was asleep.

Yeah, they do, but, being the mischieivous little bastards that they are, they dump all the grass shavings into your car.


I'll wish for a million dollars. These shall be genuine (non-counterfeit) normal-sized non-sequential American $100 bills (each 100% intact) of the most recent series, with the normal portrait of Ol' Ben on the front (i.e. no other funny portraits), wrapped neatly (yet loosely, not glued together or glued to or in the briefcase, or the like) in packs of 20 in an unlocked easily openable leather briefcase wrapped in a plastic bag (bag easily unwrapped or torn to allow access to the briefcase), deliverable to exactly 3 feet in front of my exact location (floor level of my apartment) precisely one day after the date and time on this post, with absolutely no dyes, invisible tracking devices, or other identifying information/permanently damaging devices (of the bills or of me) of any sort on them or in the briefcase or bag.

BTW (not part of the wish) I will be delivering these furtively to the charity of my choice, using gloves and without letting any of my DNA or such contaminating the briefcase or the bills.

[descamisado]

deleted. duplicate

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by John DiFool

Yeah, they do, but, being the mischieivous little bastards that they are, they dump all the grass shavings into your car.


I'll wish for a million dollars. These shall be . . . . in the briefcase or bag.

Every bill will smell like ass times 1,000.

I wish to end all wars.