The Devil Asks: What do you wish for?

Thread Games
1

The Devil offers to grant you a single wish, and in exchange you forfeit your eternal soul (standard fare for a deal with the Devil). Of course, the boon granted always comes with a catch.

In this thread game, your posts should consist of two parts:

  • A cruel, Monkey’s Paw-esque twist to the above wish
  • One wish of your own

We’ll start the game with the wish made by Johnny Blaze in the opening to Ghost Rider (2007):

I wish my father would recover from his cancer.

And here’s a response based on the opening of that same movie, plus a simple wish for money:

Your father recovers from his cancer, only to die in an accident.
I wish for a million dollars.

~Max

2

I wish for a million dollars.

Due to inflation, a Big Mac is $795,000.99.

I wish I could drop 75 lbs.

3

I wish I could drop 75 lbs.

You lose two legs and an arm in an explosion.

I wish I was beautiful.

4

You get free plastic surgery that renders you absolutely lovely, but due to an infection, you suffer neurological damage that badly slurs your speech.

I wish that sharks gain the ability to fly, breathe air, and reproduce quickly.

Alternate wish:

The ability to cure disease.

5

I wish that sharks gain the ability to fly, breathe air, and reproduce quickly.
They get into politics, too.

I wish that evil never existed

6

Nothing good can exist without evil to contrast with. Everything in the universe that requires any sort of moral judgement to decide if it’s good or evil ceases to

Oh wait, did I just negate everybody’s existence including the devil’s and my own? Oops.

I wish I existed again.

7

You exist again. You’re the only thing that does and you got nothing and nobody to interact with.

I wish to be God.

8

Congratulations! You are Harold P. God. You live in Cedar Rapids, are divorced (twice) and have three children you know of, and have to pay alimony and support for all of them. And you’ve just been fired. And your car won’t start.

I wish for scientists to find an affordable cure for epilepsy.

9

The cure causes leprosy as a side effect.

I wish for the Devil’s soul.

10

The Devil says “I was going to only give you the normal eternity of torture. But now you’ve made it personal.”

I wish for an end to world hunger.

11

You got it! And I hereby remove all food supply from your planet. Hope you enjoyed that last steak!

I wish for the New York Yankees to win the next 20 World Series.

12

Mwahaha! They were going to win anyway.

I wish for it to be mathematically possible to divide by zero.

13

Mathematics is revised so this is possible. But as a result, all more advanced mathematical operations no longer work.

I wish to win the lottery.

14

You win $750 million in the lottery and your loved ones are abducted and held for ransom, for - guess how much.

I wish my first career choice had worked out.

15

Your first career choice worked out, but the market for that career totally dried up. Eternal unemployment.

I wish I had met my one true love at an early age.

16

Your one true love turns out to be the gender you are not attracted to, and as deeply, passionately you two are in love with each other, the inability to resolve the physical barrier in your relationship remains an unending source of torment and jealousy.

I wish I could get people to like me.

17

You are given a button to press. Whenever you press it in the presence of someone they will like you. Once they leave your presence, though, they will loathe you and wish you dead. Until you push the button again, and so on, and so on. Nobody likes you always.

I wish for an end to wishing.

18

A horde of angry Dopers show up at your house and pummel you to death for trying to end the game.

I wish I could fly.

19

You are given the ability to fly, but not the ability to stop.

I wish I could write the Great American Novel.

20

When I was a kid I had a recurring dream like that. I kept flying higher and higher, and could never come down.

You write the Great American novel, but it gets printed in a language that nobody can read.

I wish I could have perfect health without dieting or exercising.