I make no reference to anything specific. I will only say that a specific example has done nothing more than reminded me of the phrase.
I am quite sure there are people for whom the use of this phrase is actually true (they are really not people known for complaining, but something is serious enough that they must complain) but what I am attempting to pit (and only for entertainment - I have no real contempt for the practice) is the enthusiastic use of the phrase by people who, with a passion, love to complain.
They get extra thrill from having used the phrase, because it makes them feel like they are infallible, while at the same time being able to do the fallible act of complaining.
I Also pit other examples of this behaviour (Such as “I am not a racist, but” and “I hate to be the bad guy here but”)
This type of thing is one of my least favourite things to see happen on TV because what we see on TV we have no control over, yet we wish to slap the face of the person who has irritated us and explain their mistake to them.
I do occasionally use the “I hate to be the downer/asshold/bad-guy, but” phrase in a very particular setting. Usually only when people really have their spirits up about something, or someone, and I can see a pretty glaring flaw with their assessment. Like at a recent film shoot for a student film in which the director/producer wanted a 50m tracking shot down the sun-roof of a car, with a semi-ellipctic curve (starting 1,5 over the car at the start of the shoot, then moving down into the sun-roof and then moving back up, while the car was moving). They were all very excited about the shot.
Sorry to be the bad-guy here, boss, but that’s going to cost $1200 in crane rentals, $400 in tracks for the dolly, n hours to set up and I sure as hell won’t let you use our leased camera outside, uncovered, in a scene you want to do in pouring rain. Further, the camera with the 35mm adapter, the lenses and the picture flipper is about 80cm long and weighs 16 kilo, which is 5kg more than the max weight allowance for the crane housing, and we have no way of pulling the focus for the track - meaning we’d have to invest another $300 for a digital-arm focus puller as well as money to insure the camera for the single shoot.
Oh, and you’re already $850 over budget and nobody wants to lend you money because you’re an asshole.
Whoh. Sometimes the phrase is simply accurate: I certainly felt the bad guy to ruin their day, but some times people need to think things through more carefully.
I agree with the spirit of the rant, though. I’d be an asshole myself, if I was grinning behind my lips the entire time, like most of those “I’m not a racist, but . . .” people are.
I have…a close male relative who pretends grave reluctance to narrative, and then drags the helpless over hill and dale, interspersed with lengthy digressions to nail down some utterly minor and insignificant detail, and then, as he approaches the remote horizon of conclusion invariably intones…
A very insightful teacher once told me that people who start off with pseudo-disclaimers like “I hate to be…” or “I don’t mean to be…” in fact LOVE to be and DO mean to be.
“I hate to be negative” means “Of course I’m going to be negative.”
“I don’t want to be rude but…” means “I’m gonna be rude”
Etc
You know, I think it’s just a verbal tick for some people. I tend to start things off sometimes with “I hate to be the bad guy here, but” although, to my credit, I usually catch myself and go on with “no, actually, I probably will enjoy being the bad guy, but that’s neither here nor there.”
While I think you’re right about it being some form of feeling better about what one is doing (complaining, being the bad guy, being racist, etc), I think sometimes it could just be a pseudo-polite phrase they picked up along the way. For me, it’s kind of like saying, “look, I’d like to say I’m sorry that I have to tell you this, but” – a way of softening the blow.
Of course, I only use the “I hate to be the bad guy” one, so maybe I am being biased? I’m usually the one who starts off a complaint with “you know how I love to complain.”
One thing I’ve noticed throughout my whole life is that all the most frequent liars I’ve known make it a point to constantly go out of their way to talk about how much they HATE liars. And lying to them is about the worst thing anyone can possibly do, on par with simultaneously anal-raping their grandmother and pouring sugar in their gas tank.
Now with things like Myspace, etc, I’ve looked up some of the old liars I knew and all their profiles say things like “I’m 100% genuine. All I ask is that you be real with me. I hate fake people. I hate liars.”
I have also noticed that. What’s that old saying? People who say, “To make a long story short…” never do. When he says that, do you ever chime in and say, “Too late!”
The other one that gets me is when people declare, “Well, I’m the kind of person who…”
No, you aren’t. If you were, it would be apparent by your actions, and a declaration would not be necessary. Now, maybe you’d really like to be. Maybe once upon a time, you were. Maybe, someday, you will be again. Right now, though? You’re not.
The lady who sits by me isn’t much of a talker. I knew this right away because she told me, complete with examples of people she’d known who talked more, the various reasons why excessive chatter is bad, descriptions of how her parents had instilled this characteristic in her and how she’d passed this on to her own child, her appreciation of quiet people like me, etc. I hear her give this speech to people all the time (among others).
Sounds like your boss is a bit insecure and afraid of upsetting his employees.
I had to fire off an e-mail to one of the people I managed because he forgotten to do something, meaning I had to log on from home to take care of it. It was short, sweet, this is what happened, in the future please make sure blah de blah. I certainly didn’t apologize for it…he messed up, and he needed to know what he had done so it didn’t happen again.
Dunno - I get where you’re coming from, Lobbers, but I reckon there’s a spoonful of confirmation bias in the mix here too. What is especially notable, but not even slightly surprising is that the phrase “I’m not one to complain…” only ever appears as a prefix to complaints (I mean, nobody ever says “I’m not one to complain, but that blue shirt sets off your eyes just beautifully!”).
Is it possible that you’ve noticed the correlation between the phrase and complaints, and mistaken it for (or let it reinforce a notion of) a correlation between the phrase and people who complain more than average?
It does, but it often also indicates that the person saying it realises it’s lacking in respect, but feels it is important enough to need saying anyway.
