On the other hand, there’s my grandma, who has often started conversations by saying, “I’m going to tell you something that you’re not going to like to hear”, and I’ll be damned if she wasn’t right every time!
Good rule of thumb: whenever someone challenges you with “Are you calling me a liar?” 99 percent of the time, they’re lying.
Another one: Any sentence that starts with the phrase “To tell the truth” is 99% of the time a lie.
You believe me, don’t you?
But I’m not not one to complain!
I never get this drunk…
What I’ve learned over time is that “It’s a matter of principle” really means “I’m about to do something stupid and self-destructive.” 
I used to know this guy that would often talk about how he was a very humble person. Then he’d continue about how he is famed, almost worshiped, wherever he goes, and he doesn’t get it because he is just a humble person.
Not to shit my pants, but… oof.
I can’t remember ever hearing that phrase when it wasn’t followed by some unabashedly bigoted comment.
And I’m not one to generalize 
Heh…reminds me of a Kim Wayans character from “In Living Color”, Benita Buttrell. “You didn’t hear that from me, 'cause I ain’t one to gossip!”
Just to throw another one out there – ever notice that the people with the most Playboy merchandise and Playboy myspace profiles are the ones that no amount of photoshopping/cosmetic surgery/airbrushing could help?
I will note I did actually break myself from the “to make a long story short” – I usually say “to make a short story long.” Truth in advertising.
I used that phrase in a post earlier today. What it meant was “Listen up, you dumbfuck.”
Goddamn that was funny. I nearly shit myself laughing at that. Thank you.
I don’t like overgeneralizations like this.
I’ve heard it said a lot. People who say they are perfectionists aren’t really perfectionists. People who don’t like to complain complain too much. People who blah-de-blah. I don’t buy it.
I hear perfectionists all the time mention that they are perfectionists, etc. Most complainers I know dispense with the caveats and just launch into their complaints. They are too focused on their complaining to give a shit what other people think.
One of the most amusing examples is my step-MIL who mentions all the time how generous she is and how much she really cares about people. It’s all true, but it’s completely ridiculous how often she brings attention to it. She can’t have a conversation without, ‘‘Well, I’m the sort of person who cares about people/spends lots of money on other people, that’s just how I am.’’ She’s not lying, it’s just really unnecessary to keep bringing attention to it. It’s like she can’t handle you not knowing how generous and/or compassionate she is.
The ones I hate are “Don’t take this personally, but…” and “Not to offend you, but…”
In both cases, I am going to take it personally and I am going to be offended. Warning me about it ahead of time doesn’t soften the blow any.
Today, I remembered this thread by opening a statement by removing the ‘not’
“To blow my own trumpett - [insert arrogant statement here]”
You see - for better honesty people should adjust their wording in similar ways…
“I am a racist so”
“I like to complain so”
“To be a pain in the ass…”
My respect would increase (from quite negative to slightly less negative) in the face of this honesty.
I hate to admit it but I once heard a person admit openly to being racist, and felt a slight pang of [slightly] better respect for the seeming bravery of admitting, at least, that they know they are a shitbag.
If I was wrong in this adjustment, please educate me.
I’m not one to rape your mother, but…
I vote we start using these qualifiers in a way to point out how ridiculous they are.
I’m not one to be racist but these eggs are delicious!