To people who don't "get" rants (ahem, obfusciatrist)

The BBQ Pit
1

In this thread:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=218513
Now playing in a BBQ Pit near you…

I posted a little rant about a guy writing a check at the grocery store. It’s liberally peppered with sarcastic, self-deprecatory stuff such as:

and…

See, I deliberately made the whole thing kind of over-the-top; the point being that in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t a biggie. I don’t know, I thought it might be amusing. I realize I’m no Lewis Black, but I enjoy the rant-type threads here, and occasionally like to proffer my own.

Doing so, I fully expect to get the usual slew of responses such as “Fuck you Blowero - I’ll shove my check up your ass” and stuff of that nature. But the ones that always kind of baffle me are those like this one from obfusciatrist:

You might be thinking, why did I start a new thread, rather than just respond in my previous thread. And here’s why: I’m noticing that this is part of a larger trend of posts along the lines of “Gee, you’re so uptight - I can’t believe you’re complaining about this.” So I ask you, obfusciatrist, did you really think I was seriously upset about the check writing thing? When I said I “might just survive this thing”, were you under the impression that I seriously thought I might not survive? Do I think people who write checks at the grocery store are dinosaurs? - Yes. Did it ruin my day? - Of course not.

And to all of you who feel compelled to post the little “Gee, how come you’re so uptight?” type comments (which invariably sneak their way into every BBQ Pit rant thread), I ask you - Did you really think the OP was serious? Last time I was at the gun counter at my local WalMart, I didn’t see any fellow Dopers in there loading up on ammo for their planned rampage over the bad fast-food service they got, or the guy who cut them off on the freeway. Honestly folks, do you go to comedy clubs and heckle the guy on stage with “Wow, man - I can’t believe how uptight you are. Just deal with that bad airline food.” Or “Well if you think Madonna is so old and skanky, you don’t have to watch her.”

Are we going to have to start putting disclaimers in every thread?

WARNING! Doper not seriously upset by incident; light-hearted jibe only; may include mock anger and exaggerated outrage for comedic effect.

2

Gee, how come you’re so uptight? I can’t believe you’re complaining about this…

<< d & r >>
:smiley:

3

I’m with you. I think anyone who posts in The Pit, especially in rant fashion ought to be bullet-proof.

Anyone who wants to get in the way of the poster should use the same judgement as they would when approaching a 6’8" 245 lb man wearing a Speedo, sporting scale replicas of England’s crown jewels (hopefully not the REAL ones!) and painted in blue & white stripes while pontificating from a soap box at the corner of 5th & Pennsylvania Ave. An image which, hopefully, activates the “Agree with this whacko or stay away from it” instinct in most sentient creatures.

Now, if you’re calling someone out like say, obfusciatrist, and offering a cyber-bloody I’d suggest you get ready for a struggle.

Alas this IS an open forum, so you’re going to have someone pop in hiding behind their monitor and call you a racist fuckwit or something without the decency of an explanation. But there IS the unmentionable function, available to all who would use it in secrecy, for dealing with this sort of lowlife potshot meathead.

Don’t cave in to the part-time trolls! Putting disclaimers in Pit threads is like putting novacaine on your bayonette!

4

Of course I didn’t think you were particularly upset. But I did think your rant was based on patently stupid ideas of what is normal and acceptible.

  1. There are many good reasons for not pre-printing a DL# on a check.

  2. There are many good reasons for not pre-printing a phone number on a check.

  3. For the time you lost, it was completely irrelevant whether the person was buying a bottle of orange juice or $35 in apples and other fresh produce. It took just as long to process the check.

  4. Debit cards are a much higher risk proposition than checks (most consumer advocates, and many debit consulting services will strongly advise you away from them), so that in itself is no good argument against using checks in the grocery store.

But regardless of whether you are truly bothered by something, if you take the time to type out a long rant that is essentially an exercise in expressive stupidity, then I’ll feel free to take the chance to tell you so (though I, too, won’t really be all that upset).

So no, I didn’t really think you feared you’d die in line due to a minute-long delay from a check writer. I feared you are amazingly stupid and not yet aware of it.

But thanks for the pitting, I’m around so rarely these days that it was nice to feel included again.

5

But, obfusciatrist, aren’t most rants about mundane things essentially stupid anyways? Why take exception to this particular one? Why bother at all?

6

Because I was reading this particular one. Because this one had so many points from which it seemed to clearly depart from an even reasonable basis for annoyance.

There was no particular reason to bother at all. I just happened to be reading that one in the middle of the night with nothing else to do. You are most likely correct that most of the other threads in the Pit are equally as stupid as this one was. Thank you for that validation.

7

Oh, come on, blowero, you rant about someone writing a check in the grocery store, and then rant about someone telling you that you’re being unrealistic? Get fucking real.

And the second rant is based on the fact that you were not really serious? Your entire rant and all your responses in that thread show that you were deadly serious.

The response by obfusciatrist in this thread makes perfect sense. I’m not going to re-read the other thread because frankly, after 30 some replies, all it does is reinforce my opinion that you were an asshole.

I live in Colorado; I have not been asked for an ID, or a DL #, or a phone number in a grocery store for over a decade. None of those are on my checks. Maybe the guy was from Colorado. Maybe the guy was in that store for the first time because he did not want to cross a picket line. Maybe the clerk was new, and didn’t know how to handle a check. Maybe a combination of any or all of the above.

As I said before, I certainly got the impression from the other thread that you were very serious; as I said before, I certainly got the impression that you are an asshole; as I’m saying now, get over yourself. Jeez Louise.

8

blowero, start including disclaimers. Considering the number of posters I’ve seen with no sense of sarcasm or hyperbole, it’s the only safe way. And if you forget such disclaimer, actively ignore such a poster.

[aside]For the record, I’m against anyone paying by check for anything. In my little town (NYC), the first assumption is always fraud; the DNA testing to prove identity just takes too long. It’s an archaic way of paying for things when even the liquor store takes debit cards and, surprisingly, cash [/aside]

9

I think you’re right. What a pathetic, boring life it must be for those who lack any sense of irony, hyperbole, or sarcasm. These folks must sit at home watching T.V., constantly saying “I don’t get it”. They must get in fights with other people every day because they didn’t realize the other person was kidding. I mean, it’s gotta be pretty painful walking around all day with that stick up your butt.:smiley:

Obviously education is not going to work, so I think I’ll take your advice and just ignore them. I guess the terrorists have won…

10

Sir, I have just one thing to say to you…

You left out “sense of humor.” :wink:

11

I must preface by stating that I am rarely serious (no, seriously), but when anger is at stake and you stand at 5’6" 150 lbs (by “you” I mean “me”) you don’t stir the waters much, but there is an interesting point here somewhere…

Are we to assume that ALL rants are lightly salted, or just blowero’s (sorry to single you out so, but you’re my most immediate example). I didn’t read your original rant so I can not comment about it directly, but it appears that you were simply poking a little fun at someone, yes?

I have read many rants on these boards and most don’t seem so light, if you get my drift (the vocabulary alone would impress many a sailor). So how are we to know? Perhaps it is not any of our business you say, which is true initially - until someone posts and it becomes open for discussion (or am I mistaken here too).

So being under the impression that most rants are quite serious I therefore try not to comment on many (ok, I blew that rule here) or, failing that, at least offer a suggestion for improvement (which, I am led to believe, is one of the worst things to do when someone is complaining - most people don’t want answers, they want to just vent… and maybe get some support).

But is this the case when it seems apparent that the complainer has not exhausted all alternatives? Many complain about things when there IS a simple solution or merely a lack of understanding on their part; should THESE things be commented on? Is it possible to advise people of their misunderstanding without getting burned at the stake? Often, I could rant about the silliness of a rant or the fallacy of the argument given (either of which, I now see, may be intentional). :wally

Basically, I think there is a lot of confusion on what the point of these rants is really all about… or maybe I’m the only one. :dubious:

12

wheres esprix in all this? i had exactly the same problem with him in the david blaine pit thread.

sense of humour and acceptance of someone ranting about little things is required. especially over hardly world shattering subjects. thats what the pits here for.

13

Ah, the evergoing struggles between the figurativists and the literalists…the figurativist tells how he sped away at a million miles per hour, and the literalist thinks that it’s impossible, since he’d get compressed into a tiny black hole once he exceeded the speed of light.

Just smile and nod your head.

14

Dinoboy, I did not say that you shouldn’t comment on rants. I said that I fail to understand the point of saying, in effect, “Gosh you’re uptight; Why are you complaining so much?; You just have to deal with it.” While I suppose telling someone they are uptight (because they jokingly ranted about something) is, as you say, “a suggestion for improvement” in an EXTREMELY loose sense, it is hardly a constructive suggestion, is it?

If I may offer a suggestion (and this one I think is constructive), you might try lurking in some pit threads for awhile before you rush to judgment. The vocabulary that would “impress many a sailor” is part of the joke. A lot of this stuff is very tongue-in-cheek. I realize it’s a little confusing, since the rants are mixed in with some rather serious anger, but I’m not seeing how it’s all that hard to make the distinction. And since you didn’t even read my rant, you’re hardly qualified to comment in that area.

A good rule of thumb might be, as paulberserker pointed out, if it’s not an Earth-shattering subject, chances are the person is being a little tongue-in-cheek. I mean, if someone has to explain ahead of time that he’s going to use hyperbole, it sort of ruins the point, doesn’t it? I used to laugh my ass off when Sam Kinneson would talk about his marriage and scream “I’M IN HELL - OH, OOOOOOH!” Don’t you think it would have been a little anti-climatic if he had then said, “O.K., I’m not really in hell, please don’t think I’m uptight.”?

15

Hmmm, upon reading blowero’s thread, I see no evidence that he verbally abused or threw things at the checkwriter. If you’d wanted to rant about the idiocy of David Blaine, I might have agreed with you to a certain extent, but taking it the step further was, IMHO, unacceptable.

I’m sorry my disapproval of your and your compatriots’ actions sullied your “good time.”

Actually, never mind - I’m not sorry at all.

Esprix

16

You are poisoning the well here. I’d say it is entirely possible to enjoy irony, hyperbole, and sarcasm while still finding your post completely devoid of any worthwhile examples of those same devises. I didn’t care enough to comment on your juice thread, but now that you have seen fit to open a second one, I’ll agree with obfuscatrist and state that there is nothing wrong with commenting on what you to believe to be a flaw in the rationalization for a thread.

If you don’t want comments, keep a journal. We aren’t here to coo over the inane ramblings of the attention deprived. If you want to post publicly, deal with the comments or turn a blind eye.

17

People who don’t understand letting off steam with a tongue-in-cheek rant should have a bellows-full of bees blown up their butts.

Then they should be beaten bloody with bricks and banana clips.

And then burned alive. And buried in Boston.

Or something.

18

Blowero rules…If you don’t get it, stay away from it.

19

Well, blowero, in rereading your thread I find small amounts of hyperbole. I find no irony, sarcasm, or humor. Oh well, I guess from now on when I read one of your posts I’ll think to myself “Hmm! I wonder if this is supposed to be one of them things called ‘jokes’? Is he trying to be funny?” Then I’ll shrug my shoulders and move on to a post written by someone that can write funny.

What he/she said.

20

This is getting really strange. I explained that I don’t object to responses or comments per se; I just find it really idiotic for people to always say: “Gee, you sure are uptight; why are you complaining?; Just deal with it”. How exactly is such a post a “comment on a flaw in the rationalization for the thread”?

You seem to have completely ignored my previous explanation of this. I think this is pretty much English that I’m typing; why is it not sinking in?

See, the BBQ Pit is the place where people post hopefully humorous rants about relatively trivial things. So to say “Why are you ranting about a relatively trivial thing?” is tantamount to saying “Why are you typing words on your keyboard and posting them on an internet message board?” Such comments are, in effect, completely devoid of content.

“You suck” <- valid comment
“You’re wrong” <- valid comment
“You’re an asshole” <- valid comment

“Why you type words on message board?” <- stupid, pointless comment