Just because a thread is in the Pit does not mean you have to be a jerk.

The BBQ Pit
1

I am not going to link to the specific thread that inspired me to post this, as I really don’t want to cause any hurt feelings or strife. To be honest, this has been something that has been bothering me for a long, long time and so in a very real way a link to a specific thread is irrelevant because my rant has more to do with the very nature of this forum, and the reason for posting here.

It boils down to this: There seems to be this notion that because this is the Pit, one needs swear or snipe at other posters. That because of the very nature of the Pit itself, if someone posts a rant about something happening in his life that it is causing pain or anger that it is not only fair game but that the thread is somehow not complete unless that pain is somehow mocked or at best treated in a dismissive way.

Please don’t misunderstand; I don’t want to suck the joy out of life here. When we vivisect telemarketers, or bludgeon obvious trolls, when we rant about people cutting in line, or people that have enough groceries in their carts to underwrite the UN food aid program and are in the express line, I am there. When someone rants about bad customer service, and then has his ass handed to him for being a jerk, this is all to the good. I also know that there is MPSIMS, where one can share something that is going on in a more congenial environment.

However, there are times in life where what is happening to you just won’t fly anywhere but the Pit. When you simply have to rant out loud and shake your fists at the heavens. Further, it is not hard to spot threads where the nature of the rant is deeply felt and very personal to the OP, and that the OP is in some small way committing an act of trust by disclosing this to us.

What I am suggesting (and I wish that I had been better about this over the years here, and am trying to do better) is that before you post a reply that you stop for a moment and remind yourself that there is another human being on the other end of your connection. That you are not interacting with some archetype of something that you hate, but a real live human being that, like you, will bleed if you prick him.

Oh, and because this is the Pit: Actually, no, did you notice how (even though I am pretty angry and sad about this topic and what it seems to say about us as people) that I did not resort to profanity?

One final thought, and then I will go on my merry way. Chances are that this rant will be viewed by some, or many, as self-righteous or sanctimonious. To be honest, that is probably a fair criticism of my personality both on line and in real life. That is for me to battle. If any of you can just take away from this post to pause before hitting submit and reflect on how your words will impact another human being, I will be content.

2

We don’t have to, but we may… right?

3

Obviously, I am not a mod. That is not for me to say, and really not the point that I was making at all.

4

Just to be clear, people get really pissed off with the coy “I won’t tell you which thread I’m talking about, but…” bullshit. So, correct me if I’m wrong, but we are talking about Scylla’s most recent, no?

5

I agree with this view, it’s the Pit, the whole point is we can snark. That’s why it was designed, so moaning about it being used for what it is is just inane, frankly as a Mod (IIRC) has said before, if you can’t stand the heat get out of the pit. Simple. If the nameless thread I assume this is referring to was in MPSIMS there’d be no problem, and whether I condone the responses it received or not is irrelevant, it was in the Pit it was fair game.

6

Not trying to piss anyone off here, or be coy. I really am posting a rant that has to do with something that I have seen over and over again here. I really don’t want to cite specific examples, as my feeling is that it would not only open old wounds (or newer ones) but it would also detract from what I am saying. There is no one specific thread, post or poster that I am talking about here. I am ranting about what I see as an overall cultural issue of this forum.

That being said, it is fair to say that the thread that you referenced was what finally prompted me to post.(here is the link, if you think that it will make people happy)

7

Kitchen, hot, get out, etc. Don’t wanna feel the flames? Stay outta the Pit. I’ve gotten reamed here myself, yet somehow I managed to carry on without slashing my wrists or spattering my brains all over the wall. Did me good, actually, in a Nietzchian sort of way. IMO, you haven’t lived untill you can be called an asshole by a crowd, yet find it in your own heart to retort (if only under your breath), with pure venomous conviction, “well fuck off and die yourselves”, and then turn off the laptop and sleep happy.

8

Chimpy, While everything that you say is, as far as I know, technically true what I am suggesting is that it is worth considering that just because we can do something does not necessarily mean that we should.

9

Binarydrone, you should have thought of this a couple of months ago. You made a comment that ripped away any shreds of respect I had for you.

10

I agree, it’s not just one thread. I’m not even sure it is just the forum. I can understand one poster simply not liking another. In my mind, the proper thing to do is either ignore the poster, or take the poster to task for something specific they have done to offend you.

We also have loads of people who choose option 3: attack the poster simply for having the audacity to post. They are easy to pick out, because they have to adopt one of several easily identifiable rationalizations for their puerile antics. Here’s a cheat sheet:[ul]
[li]You attention whore! = People seem to seek out your posts and say positive things. I am jealous. [/li][li]You sniveling sycophant! = You have said something positive about a poster I don’t like. How dare you.[/li][li]Your writing is [fussy, arrogant, ‘purdy’, in dialect, affected, etc.] = Your posts get more attention than mine. I just don’t like you. I’m not mature enough to ignore you.[/li][li]If so-and-so where in the thread, you just know what they’d say… = I won’t let you be mature enough to ignore my petty sniping. Come fight me.[/li][/ul]Well, I’ll tell you what… I won’t be bullied into naming names so that the chimps can wander in with their hands full of fresh feces to fling, but I’ve seen a number of posters tarred in this way; or in some cases completely run off. Maybe the don’t be a jerk rule needs some teeth.

11

I agree. I was a bit taken aback at being called “morally bankrupt” and “slimy” in the Schiavo thread – but a well-chosen epithet helps make a point, and those comments made me see how repugnant my opinion was to those posters.

But sometimes the name-calling is unreasonably harsh. Others in that thread who were saying pretty much the same thing as I did were treated much worse, and I felt bad for them.

Pile on too much abuse, and the poster you’re trying to get through to just has to stop listening, in self defense.

And it’s hard for the abuser to back down, if someone gets through to them with an opposing view that might warrant some thought.

It’s lose-lose when the level of vitriol gets too high. The piled-on-poster stops listening, and the piler-oner can’t step back.

12

If this is true, I would ask that you link me to that comment so that I can apologize to anyone that was hurt by it. I am not kidding when I say that I am not perfect in implementing what I am suggesting in my OP and that I am trying to improve.

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And as proven by my statement “whether I condone the responses it received or not is irrelevant” I don’t see the point in such discussion, Scylla receirved both positive and negative replies as opposed to merely snark so your point seems slightly well… pointless.

14

I read the thread in question. It had been posted in the wrong forum.

15

Binary, while I’m in complete agreement with you and have argued that point against several posters in the past, some are never going to feel that way and will always reserve the right to tee off w/o regard to the feelings of others here and I’m not sure there’s anything we can say to convince them otherwise. Therefore, I’ll continue to (try and) practice what we preach in the hopes that others may follow suit but I sure don’t hold out hope that this will ever become the norm rather than the exception.
Maybe I’ve been guilty of it in the past and I sure don’t look down on anyone for feeling different but it troubles me and usually make this a less useful or productive place, IMHO.

16

Your argument was morally bankrupt, not you. There’s a difference, and the fact that you rethought your argument shows that difference clearly.[/end direct to AuntiePam]

There is no forum here for unthinking agreement with the OP. If one feels strongly enough to post on something, one must accept that likely there will be others who feel strongly in disagreement. The simple act of posting in disagreement to a pity party or whatever does not make one a jerk.

17

This, to be honest, is exactly why I did not want to provide a link in the OP. While that thread is an example of what I am talking about, I am not here to “Pit” that specific thread. Sort of a forest for the trees kind of deal.

18

Even if I were to agree on this point, and I don’t necessarily, what do you think the punishment is for posting in the wrong forum?

Feel free to consult the rules. This is an open book test.

19

Banning, and then the offender is turned over to the secular authorities to be burned at the stake.

20

That particular OP was pure MPSIMS. No griping or complaining - it was just ‘a day in the life of’ (or ‘a moment in the day of the life of’). It should have been put in MPSIMS if the author wanted light-hearted “keep your chin up” replies or pats on the back. Since he chose to post it in the pit, what does that tell you about the sort of replies he was anticipating?

In his closing remarks:

It sounds like this was his first day on the SDMB and he had no idea what to expect in the BBQ Pit.