I was recently reading a book that included these jokes,laughed myself silly.Post some of your own.
How do you get two bagpipe players to play in unison?
Whats the difference between an accordion and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion
Whats the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
The skunk might have been on the way to a gig
Why do bagpipe players march when they play?
To get away from the noise
How do you know when the stage is level?
The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth
Whats the difference between an accordion player and Osama Bin Laden?
Bin Laden has sympathizers
How do you make a million dollars playing folk music?
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?
jayjay
July 23, 2008, 2:06pm
2
The obvious corollary to your first posted joke is that that’s no guarantee, either…
How do you kill a soprano?
Glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool.
picker
July 23, 2008, 2:13pm
3
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they have machines for that now.
How do you stop a guitarist from playing?
Put sheet music in front of him
My favorite:
What’s the difference between a bull and a symphony orchestra?
The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Three more:
What’s perfect pitch?
When you toss an accordion into a Dumpster and it lands on a banjo.
What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
What’s the difference between a banjo player and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Dammit, I’m supposed to be working!!
What’s the definition of 12-tone music?
How many altos does it take to change a light bulb?
One. The rest complain that it’s too high.
What’s the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
You should take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
What do you call a guy walking with 3 musicians?
What’s the difference between the first desk of violas and the second desk of violas?
What’s do a tenor and a scud missile have in common?
They’re both offensive and highly inaccurate.
Figaro
July 23, 2008, 3:55pm
10
How do you make a trombonist’s car more aerodynamic?
Take the Domino’s Pizza sign off the roof
What is a Gentleman?
Someone who can play the trombone, but refrains
What does a soprano do first thing in the morning?
Put her clothes on and go home
tdn
July 23, 2008, 4:01pm
11
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Damn you, Mad --I’m reading the same book and you used all the good ones!
OK…
What do you call 5 accordion players at the bottom of a swimming pool?
How many union musicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as the union says. You got a problem with that?
I’m a tuba wife, so I hear all the good ones.
Q. What’s the range of a bass tuba?
Q. How do you fix a broken tuba?
I didn’t say those were the good ones.
How do you get an Austin musician off your front porch?
How many Austin musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten- one to screw it in, and nine to sneer, “WE could have done that, but WE have integrity.”
What do you call an Austin musician who’s broken up with his girlfriend?
astorian:
How do you get an Austin musician off your front porch?
How many Austin musicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Ten- one to screw it in, and nine to sneer, “WE could have done that, but WE have integrity.”
What do you call an Austin musician who’s broken up with his girlfriend?
::tries to clear coffee out of nose and off screen::
What’s the difference between a soprano and a seamstress?
A seamstress tucks and frills.
How do you know when there’s a singer at your door?
He has the wrong key and doesn’t know when to come in.
Not really a joke, but speaking of Austin musicians, this is from Bill Hicks’ Rant in E Minor :
*I was in Australia and the Australians had a big contingency at the Branch Davidian compound and I’m from Texas, so they were very curious. They were asking me all about it. “Oh, this guy’s so weird, Koresh, isn’t he weird…”
And I was thinking, well, wait a minute. Frustrated rock musician, with a messianic complex, armed to the teeth, and trying to fuck everything that moves. I don’t know how to tell you this, but it sounds like every one of my friends in Austin. I don’t know if this is going to be an isolated incident. I’m waiting for Will Sexton to build a compound somewhere.*
Figaro
July 23, 2008, 6:37pm
18
Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them
Why don’t violists get hemorrhoids?
All the assholes are in the violin section
(no setup)
Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?
How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital
How can you tell a trumpet player from a savings bond?
The savings bond eventually matures and earns money
(and a riff on **Fachfervirrt’s ** last contribution…)
What’s the difference between an opera conductor and a baby?
A baby sucks its fingers.
Dang, I’ve heard all these before, but they’re still tear-inducingly funny.
How do you know your drummer’s at the door?The knocking speeds up.
