It's finally happened, Jack Chick has blown a fuse

[Don't Call Me Shirley]

What the FUCK is he talking about? Even with my conservative Baptist upbringing, I can't wade through bullshit this deep.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/...pc=1047_01.asp

I like it when she uses the force to knock the vampire down.

[Antinor01]

Umm, that was interesting. So vampires can be saved and the chosen one of Satan will be named Igor. Thanks for the info Chicky!

[ShelliBean]

I think it's obvious. Faith would not have been chosen if she hadn't been a virgin (as they referred to her in their first conversation about her).
Therefore I can only conclude that Jack Chick wants to make sure we have our daughters pop their cherries as soon as possible. You know, to save them from the pasty-faced devil vampire child that will eat them on Halloween.

[bannerrefugee]

I liked this one a lot more than most. Jack really has skill with drawing Halloween monsters.

I wonder who knocked up Vampira.

[Gyrate]

Note the obligatory "Haw haw haw" in panel 16.

Also, there's something wonderfully twisted about telling a vampire "Blood has to be shed for sins to be forgiven."

And note: God can't lie. Jesus does orthodontia. And Satan is kind of a jerk. Man, I learn so much from these comics.

[Promethea]

Originally Posted by ShelliBean

You know, to save them from the pasty-faced devil vampire child that will eat them on Halloween.

Should Alfred E. Neuman ever turn vampire, he will look like this.

[ShelliBean]

Originally Posted by Gyrate

And note: God can't lie. Jesus does orthodontia. And Satan is kind of a jerk. Man, I learn so much from these comics.

Yes, but even Jesus can't take away that nasty teenage acne...

[Jackmannii]

Note that it took two months to find a virgin to be Igor's first victim. Could this be Chick's subtle commentary on the licentiousness of our modern age?

On the other hand two glaring contradictions go unexplained - first, the "doctor" warns that Igor's name must not be spoken before he is born, then goes right ahead and reveals it. This is also a HIPAA confidentiality violation.

Plus, what's our virgin honey doing by celebrating Halloween, the Devil's own holiday? She's just encouraging the neighborhood kiddies to get involved in the Black Arts.

I also think it's subpar, Old Testament-wise, for the righteous to brand Satan's teachings as "a big fat lie". I look for fire and brimstone from Jack Chick, not third-grade taunts.

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by Jackmannii

I also think it's subpar, Old Testament-wise, for the righteous to brand Satan's teachings as "a big fat lie". I look for fire and brimstone from Jack Chick, not third-grade taunts.

And you know what!? Hitler was a dork!

[shy guy]

That one is kind of fucked up, isn't it? "Igor?" The spawn of Satan is going to be named after Dr. Frankenstein's disabled sidekick?

I like the evil-looking Fang in the first panel, as well as the fact that one of the vampires appears to have been moddled on Gandalf the Grey.

A couple disappointments -

We never get to see Vampira. I was hoping to see what Chick would do with an Elvira-type.

I half-expected the entire thing turn into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossover at the end, with Faith saying "five by five" and then staking poor Igor.

[Cervaise]

Faith is hot. I want to do her in the butt.

Also, the vampire boss is a Jew.

That is all for now.

[MsRobyn]

"Room 13" sounds like a euphemism for the bathroom. Or a torture chamber at Gitmo.

Oh, and Igor looks like a dork.

Robin

[SpazCat]

So this is what happens when Jack Chick falls asleep watching the Friday night Creature Feature.

[Jragon]

For a little bit I actually thought he was going to swallow his pride and parody himself, proselytizing for the dark lord just for kicks.

Either way I think I actually like this one, I mean not enough to convert, but cut out the last couple panels and change a name here and there and you have next year's forgettable summer B movie.

[Tyrrell McAllister]

Is that Osama bin Laden in panel 12?

[Chef Troy]

Originally Posted by Jackmannii

...Plus, what's our virgin honey doing by celebrating Halloween, the Devil's own holiday? She's just encouraging the neighborhood kiddies to get involved in the Black Arts. (snip)

Didn't you notice? Along with the candy, she was handing out Chick Tracts!

[cher3]

Originally Posted by Chef Troy

Didn't you notice? Along with the candy, she was handing out Chick Tracts!

In fact, I bet she's supposed to be handing out this Chick Tract.

I feel a bit dizzy.

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by cher3

In fact, I bet she's supposed to be handing out this Chick Tract.

I feel a bit dizzy.

Are you telling me Jack Chick has mastered the subtle art of recursion?

Curses, I thought we had more time!

They'll have catapults by Friday...

[Hal Briston]

Says Faith in panel 35:

That's a big fat lie! Jesus can fix anyone! No matter what bad things you've done!*


*See Lucifer Dethroned, from Chick Publication

Quoteth Jack, "My post is my cite!"

[constanze]

After reading Terry Pratchett's Discworld series*, I can't take the name "Igor" seriously as name for a bad guy anymore.

Besides, I think it's a real let-down to have such a telling name (or unimaginative) as "Faith" for the girl ... and only "Igor" for the guy!

I'm also a bit disappointed that Jack Chick has gone soft/wishy-washy: according to traditional vampire custom, you're supposed to either stake them through the heart or cut their heads off (and fill their mouth with salt - Cecil did a column on this once, how you first need to find out their ccountry of origin to use the correct method of disposal). One thing all these variants have in common is that they are usually deadly to humans too.

So obviously, Chick chickened out of advocating drastic measures like these, for fear of being sued if any easily impressed readers of his took his words too literally.

Also, where in the scripture is it said that the power of God works against Vampires, which weren't known in New Testament times and that region, and therefore (unlike normal demons) not mentioned?

I haven't heard that Vampires need to impregnate a female Vampire to get a Prince of Darkness, either, - I thought you got new vampires from biting? And wasn't the Prince of Darkness thing supposed to be reserved for the Devil, in that apocaliptic book of Revelation?


* The definite Vampire book - both for its satire of the various vampire disposal mehtods and for exploring the deeper issues - is his Carpe Jugulum.

[Bryan Ekers]

That's what he does. Get over it!

[detop]

It just goes to show that ol' Jack can't draw for shit. This is how Faith should look like : http://blog.oregonlive.com/peterames...aith-buffy.jpg

[Manduck]

If they ever allow avatars on the SDMB, I'm going to use panel 10 as mine. IGOR!

[Manduck]

If they ever allow avatars on the SDMB, I'm going to use panel 10 as mine. IGOR!

[Pyper]

Unfortunately, I haven't had an opportunity since I graduated college, but I've always wanted to respond to prosletizers the way the "sinners" in Chick Tracts do.

"Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?"

"Who?"

I think it would blow their minds.

[BrainGlutton]

In the Chickiverse, homosexuality is always a result of demonic possession; no stretch vampirism is too.

[Man With a Cat]

Faith gets me hot.

No, not her, I mean "faith"

Ok, I'm kidding.

I printed this and colored nipples on Faith then soiled my monitor.

Just kidding.





Or not.

[Guinastasia]

My Russian studies professor in college was named Igor.

How the hell would a VAMPIRE get cold? I thought vampires didn't like fire?

And "the Chosen One?" I thought Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One? Darth Vader would have Igor for breakfast.

[RandMcnally]

Originally Posted by Jragon

And you know what!? Hitler was a dork!

Hey, there's no excuse for name calling!


A rather stupid tract to say the least, but I did enjoy one of the lasts panels.

"If we can't trust Satan, who can we trust?"
"Jesus?"
"Shut up."

I have no idea why I thought that was funny.

[Captain Carrot]

Originally Posted by Cervaise

Faith is hot. I want to do her in the butt.

Eh, I'm not really seeing it. Unless you mean Buffyverse Faith, in which case I'm with you up to 'in the butt'.

[Zebra]

I really should be stoned before I read these things.


Was the "9 unknown men" a reference to the 9 old men, a group of animators from the early days of Disney studios?

[Half Man Half Wit]

So, they summoned the devil just to ask him whether Igor will do well? And all he did then was to answer 'yup, he'll do'? Seems to me that, if you could summon the devil at will, you could do more useful things with him than just use him as a Magic 8 Ball... They could've all become gifted Blues musicians at the very least.

Oh, and, Chick's mythology surely has some similarities to Lucas', only it's Jesus who gives you the force, not midichlorians.

[Martiju]

I especially like the teaching panel (17th) - looks like it's pretty easy to learn how to be a vampire...!

And is it me, or does panel 33, where they wonder about him still being in the house, suggest that there is more than literal biting going on there...presumably that'll be all the nasty sin acting when faced by a virgin..?

[BubbaDog]

Originally Posted by Tyrrell McAllister

Is that Osama bin Laden in panel 12?

Possibly.

But I'm wondering why the vampire on the right in panel 16 looks like George Carlin.

Is Chick taking a shot at him too?

[Dunderman]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

And "the Chosen One?" I thought Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One?

No, you're thinking of Neo. Or Eddie Murphy in that movie with Charles Dance and the hot Tibetan girl.

[Freddy the Pig]

The sinners, vampires, and Satanists are exciting and interesting. Their black magic is real, they are in touch with greater powers, and they are capable of inflicting serious harm on anyone other than an evangelical Christian.

Faith, on the other hand, is bland and forgettable.

Were I young and impressionable, this tract would certainly have the opposite of the desired effect.

[Buck The Diver]

In panel 8, is that owl......farting?

[ivan astikov]

I thought at first glance that the OP's post read

Originally Posted by Don't Call Me Shirley

Even with my conservative Rapist upbringing,

, and from that point on, I could not take the thread seriously.

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

Originally Posted by Don't Call Me Shirley

What the FUCK is he talking about? Even with my conservative Baptist upbringing, I can't wade through bullshit this deep.

http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/...pc=1047_01.asp

I like it when she uses the force to knock the vampire down.

It's interesting to note that the Singapore's has blocked off the site; so may someone fill me in as to what happened in the comic?

[Don't Call Me Shirley]

Originally Posted by ivan astikov

I thought at first glance that the OP's post read , and from that point on, I could not take the thread seriously.

You could have made your point without putting quote tags around that statement and putting my name on it.

[HMS Irruncible]

Originally Posted by Zebra

Was the "9 unknown men" a reference to the 9 old men, a group of animators from the early days of Disney studios?

It's the Cylons. Chick must be taking on the Sci-Fi channel now.

[Giraffe]

Originally Posted by ivan astikov

I thought at first glance that the OP's post read , and from that point on, I could not take the thread seriously.

ivan, we don't allow alteration of attributed quotes. If you want to post an alternate version, please remove the poster's name first.

[Miller]

"If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?"
"Jesus?"
"Shut up!"

First non-ironic laugh I've ever got out of a Chick Track.

[Rico]

Originally Posted by Antinor01

So vampires can be saved and the chosen one of Satan will be named Igor.

Wouldn't that be...EYE-gore?

(Lightning flashes, thunder booms, and Marty Feldman rises from the grave...)

[Jragon]

Originally Posted by Rico

Wouldn't that be...EYE-gore?

(Lightning flashes, thunder booms, and Marty Feldman rises from the grave...)

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

[Blake]

One question.

WTF are Blade and Gandalf doing at the bloodsucker cocktail party in the second panel?

[SpazCat]

Originally Posted by Blake

One question.

WTF are Blade and Gandalf doing at the bloodsucker cocktail party in the second panel?

Because they know that vampires throw the best Evil Incarnate parties. D&D has nothing on a good bloodsucker cocktail!

[FriarTed]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nine_Unknown_Men

I thought the tract was actually cute & a welcome relief. No group (except vampires, of course) was actually attacked & libeled.

[usar_jag]

Originally Posted by Miller

"If you can't trust Satan, who can you trust?"
"Jesus?"
"Shut up!"

First non-ironic laugh I've ever got out of a Chick Track.

I'm happy to learn that I wasn't the only one...

[Zebra]

This is like his Magical Mystery Tour track.

We're all trying to figure out which of these clues prove that Paul is dead.