Jack Chick just converted me to Christianity [or not]

Secret Agent Ninja Angels who save people from shapeshifting werewolf shaman. If it’s not true, I’m going to make it true.

Let’s enumerate:

[ul]
[li]Picture 8, right side. The best 5th Grade comeback EVAR. “Yeah, well, Jesus made the sun so THERE!”[/li]
[li] I need to find a way to work “Who’s with you, Mary?” “It’s just Jesus and me!” Into an exciting trailer for a forgettable summer B-horror film.[/li]
[li] Like I said above: Best. Angel. Save. Ever.[/li]
[li] On a negative note, Chick seems incredibly inconsistent about this “Satan” character. He can’t seem to decide whether he’s a chummy middle-management type, or a guy who is liable to yell “FEAR ME!” Maybe they were having a theme day in the Hell local office?[/li]
[li] Man that guy repented [del]to save his own hide instead of a good, selfless reason[/del] just in time. Phew. I was getting worried.[/li]
[li] In all seriousness, I actually laughed at the matter-of-factly “by the way” addendum of “Margaret didn’t believe in Jesus and her soul went into the pit of hell.”[/li][/ul]

In closing, Jack Chick is the true prophet. I am converting to Chickianity because his angels GET SHIT DONE.

Scheming, hook-nosed Indians? OH HELLZ YEAH

The “Jesus is Brown” thing was odd. It was a strange bit of rationality that completely severed the narrative being delivered.

Stop! You’re killing me! :smiley:

“Pastor, I’m in a mess out here. I really need prayer”. I wish George Carlin would have unleashed on Jack Ckick in a personal way as well as religion in general.

More chicken, Mr. Wolf?

I think that THE PROPHET’s techings deserve to be considered a completely new religion.

It shall be called “Chicktianity”.

You know, I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with the “humans with wings” view of angels. I might be off, but aren’t they described in the Bible as basically giant wheels of fire? I mean, yeah, it’s a little late to switch back in a mainstream way, but I bet a nice artsy indie film could totally draw an audience by portraying angels as something as kickass as that.

Splitter!

“Skinwalker” would be a good name for the hero of a porn knockoff of Star Wars.

“Aren’t you a little big for a stormtrooper, if you know what I mean?”
“Stormtrooper? Oh–I’m Luke Skinwalker–and I’m here to rescue you!”
“Are you sure that’s all you’re here to do?”

boom-chicka-wow-wow

Hahaha, he’s actually knocking on the door while yelling “I’m going to kill you”.

Also, I never realized those Indians were such vicious murdering bastards.

And Satan went nuts!

Should have tried saying “Landshark!”

:smiley:

Oh man, that is SO full of win!

pic 5, right: Did anyone else notice the terrified foreigner tied up outside Crazy Wolf’s “lair”?
pc 12, left just NEEDS a "and I’ll huff, and I’ll puff, and I’ll bloooooooowwwwww you’re house down (“blow” of course, being said the way it is in the Looney Tunes cartoons, in a blubbering manner)
pic 15, right: “More chicken, Mr. Wolf?” Again, so full of win
pic 18, right: “And Satan went nuts!” Is all his writing this golden??

To tie in with the thread title, though, does anyone REALLY accept Jesus based on Chick tracts? I mean, if I, as a Christian, find his stuff utterly laughable and deserving of nothing but parody I can’t see how it would work on all those “heathens” out there.

Sure. You men eat your dinner, eat your pork and beans. I eat more chicken than any man ever seen.

Jack Chick couldn’t convert Saint Peter to Christianity if Jesus was standing behind giving the thumb’s up.

Man, it’s about time we had a worthy villain in one of these tracts. That Crazy Wolf is one bad-ass dude.

Jack Chick really has gone insane. I know, I know, SO many people have said the same thing about him before, but really, honestly, when you get down to it, he was not insane then, he was just the author of some shitty, silly, stupid tracts with a dumb message and bad art.

This new one takes it to a totally different level. This new one is insane.

As in, looks like it could have been written, and drawn, by a crazy person. Crazy crazy - not, “he obnoxiously voices ideological opinions that I vehemently disagree with, so he’s crazy,” like Glenn Beck being “crazy,” but crazy as in, someone with schizophrenia or who has been abusing LSD, or both. Truly crazy.

So, Jack Chick is basically Johnny Hart (when he was alive) with an added relig- …

So, Jack Chick is basically Johnny Hart (when he was alive)?

Ya know, Ol’ Chickie Boy may be his own special level of crazy but this tract is one of his more entertaining ones of late. Plus, the recipe for “Corpse Powder”! One never knows when that might come in handy. :smiley:

Who actually saves their nail clippings to be stolen?