I don't need your commentary on my life choices, Amazon.com!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear Amazon.com,

Little did I know, that when I ordered your fancy paper for my dissertation, you were making your plans for me. Apparently, many women who order dissertation paper secretly just want to get pregnant. But poor ole us, we’re having a bit of trouble since we waited so freakin’ long. We’re practically guaranteed infertility, since our careers were so important to us. But you, the amazing Amazon Data Miners, can help!

Thank you, but in the future, when your recommendations pertain to my reproductive health, please keep them to yourself! (Like my parents and in-laws have learned to do.) Now, if you could recommend what I should get my grandma for Christmas based on last year’s suduko book purchase, then I would be forever in your debt.

Sincerely,
Galena

:rolleyes:

Anybody else gotten hilarious Amazon suggestions that they care to share?

2

It’s gone now, but once upon a time I found a listing for some sort of food where all the similar purchases were thongs and enemas.

3

They keep wanting to sell me “how to talk to women” books when I buy watches, and multi-tools, but I don’t think it’s a personal comment on my mad seduction skillz. In your case, however, I think they were trash talking your ovaries as being procrastinating slackers.

In many cases by the time a woman is writing her dissertation it’s just about time for the man of her dreams to some along, impregnate her, and make her the best educated mommy ever!

4

For a while, I was getting recommendations for Barbies, Disney Princesses, and, I believe, Bratz dolls, because I rated the Howl’s Moving Castle DVD.:rolleyes::dubious:

5

I’m reminded of a conversation with my stepmother when I was in grad school, in which she rhapsodized about how no woman is complete until she’s had kids.

God, I loathed that woman.

6

Amazon was constantly trying to recommend me electronic gadgets and computer hardware (I’m a married guy in my 40s and I guess my book and DVD purchases reflect that).

It took about 5 years but I think it finally understands that I pretty much never buy this kind of stuff.

7

Is there a button somewhere that means, “I am only buying this as a gift for somebody else whose personal preferences I find annoying”?

8

At some point I must have either purchased or priced something child-related on Amazon because every so often I get announcements about toys being on sale. I have no definite memory of this; I don’t have any kids and can’t think of any reason I would have bought any kids toys at Amazon.

I also get announcements about electronics sales, but that makes a little more sense because I have priced (although to the best of my recollection never purchased) various electronic gadgets there over the years.

9

Yes, you can mark the item “do not use for recommendations.”

10

I got pearl jewelry recommended to me after I bought books on Perl programming.

11

When I added this atlas to my wish list, it made perfect sense that this shmoopy-looking novel about “what does it mean to come home” would be recommended.

I’ve also gotten some unbelievably out-of-left-field recommendations from Netflix. The absolute strangest was when I added Iron Man to my queue, and on the “Movies most like…” screen that pops up, one of the recommendations was Oklahoma. Just a tiny little leap in genre there…

12

For years Amazon kept recommending African-American literature to me. That stuff that’s all about relationships in real-world settings.

The only thing I ever bought from them was science fiction.

And I’m so white I’m transparent.

13

I wouldn’t mind but it keeps recommending things to me that I own or don’t want (despite regularly clicking the “I own this” and “I’m not interested” buttons). What’s the point of getting the same recommendations for things you’re never going to buy if it squeezes out all the new ones?

14

The trouble is that Amazon treats every single version of a book/movie/what-have-you as a separate item you might want. Which is more than a little stupid. I just TOLD you I own Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I have no interest in purchasing the paperback version as well!

15

Marry me.

16

Also, if you purchase Book One of a series, and then Book Two, it will count those as separate items and you will get recommendations for Book X (of a completely different genre and author) because of Book 1, and get ANOTHER recommendation for Book X because of Book 2.

17

Of course, there is Maddox’s observation about Crocs.

18

Well, my purchase of one little book on hydroponics seems to mean that I want to grow lots and lots of pot.

19

I work on recommendation software (not for Amazon, but other big players) and it’s not easy to eliminate all the oddball recommendations that come up. Sometimes there really is a correlation (sometimes a weak one but not always) between very odd items. Depending on where you set thresholds just a few people who bought both items could create a correlation. Identifying that the paperback and hardcover version of a book are the same thing is not easy, depending on the catalog information you have at hand.

In most cases, the software knows nothing about the products. It relies only on click and purchase correlations.

20

Hell, I got recommended body fat calipers and a talking scale because I told it I owned a seamstress-type measuring tape.

Also, I routinely get things like Chutes and Ladders and books about pregnancy recommended to me because I got one of those rolly-ball ice cream makers.