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  #1  
Old 04-18-2009, 10:13 AM
rjk rjk is offline
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A knife, a fork, and a spoon walk into a bar ...

This came up at work a couple of nights ago. One of our managers said "Tell me something funny." Since we were in the Food Service area, I had to say, as I went off to do some real work, "A knife, a fork, and a spoon walked into a bar ..."

Later, I thought about a punch line, and all I could come up with was "... with the intention of drinking all night long. The spoon sat there sipping his whiskey all night long. The fork kept ordering four-olive martinis (so he could spear one olive on each tine) all night long. But the knife couldn't cut it and went home."

That's pretty bad. Please help me out with something better!

In Typo Knig's thread "Finish the Joke I Dreamt", Boyo Jim mentioned an inspiring group. We really need a similar joke beginning "One cock, one chicken, and one colonel walked into a bar ..."

Feel free to post any "<Some interesting group> walked into a bar ..." challenges or punch lines.
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  #2  
Old 04-18-2009, 10:37 AM
beowulff beowulff is offline
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... and the bartender said "Are you guys lost? The restaurant is next door."

... and the bartender said "Hey! The sign says 'We now serve flat steak, not flatware!'"
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Old 04-18-2009, 10:43 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is online now
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...and the bartender says "We only allow violence in here, not sex. Knifing is okay, but do your forking and spooning somewhere else."

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 04-18-2009 at 10:44 AM..
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Old 04-18-2009, 10:52 AM
twickster twickster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie-Xmas View Post
...and the bartender says "We only allow violence in here, not sex. Knifing is okay, but do your forking and spooning somewhere else."
I laughed.

I'm not sure that's a good thing, though.
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  #5  
Old 04-18-2009, 04:42 PM
Hari Seldon Hari Seldon is offline
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I just read this one somwhere (forgot already where). A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food".
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  #6  
Old 04-18-2009, 04:53 PM
mattomic mattomic is offline
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... and they get to talking about what would happen if they hooked up. The spoon and the fork figure that if they were to get it on and end up having a child, it would be a spork, a half-spoon half-fork. The knife and the spoon also imagine some sort of sharp-edged spoon. But when it comes time to imagine what a half-knife half-fork would look like, they're stumped. The knife asks out loud, "I dunno, what would you call something that's thin, useless and has a head full of pricks?"

The bartender replies: "Paris Hilton."
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Old 04-18-2009, 05:02 PM
A Spoonful of Awesome A Spoonful of Awesome is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mattomic View Post
... and they get to talking about what would happen if they hooked up. The spoon and the fork figure that if they were to get it on and end up having a child, it would be a spork, a half-spoon half-fork. The knife and the spoon also imagine some sort of sharp-edged spoon. But when it comes time to imagine what a half-knife half-fork would look like, they're stumped. The knife asks out loud, "I dunno, what would you call something that's thin, useless and has a head full of pricks?"

The bartender replies: "Paris Hilton."
Winner.
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  #8  
Old 04-18-2009, 07:10 PM
rjk rjk is offline
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I certainly agree that mattomic's post takes that one!

But the other challenge still stands (I'll rephrase a little): "A cock, a hen, and a colonel walk into a bar ..."
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  #9  
Old 04-18-2009, 07:19 PM
glee glee is online now
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A snail walks into a bar. The barman throws him out.
A year later, the snail comes back in and says "What did you do that for?"
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  #10  
Old 04-18-2009, 07:22 PM
tomndebb tomndebb is offline
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A rabbi, a nun and a parrot walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this? A joke?"
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  #11  
Old 04-18-2009, 07:43 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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A spoon, a knife and a fork walked into a bar.

The spoon told the bartender he wanted a very complex martini he had read about but never had a chance to try one. "Certainly, sir, said the bartender: "how would you like your drink prepared?"
The spoon said; "In a deep champagne goblet,
Three measures of Gordon's, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it's ice-cold, then add a large, thin slice of lemon peel".
The bartender said; "that certainly is a very complex drink but I'm up for it" and promptly mixed it perfect the first time.

The knife stepped up and said "I, too, have a very complex drink but if you can produce it I will die happy."

Please mix together the following and serve it with the glass on a large gold brick wrapped in lemon slices."
* 1 oz. (30 ml) EverClear
* 4 oz. (120 ml) Bombay Sapphire or Jeremiah Weed
* 4 oz. (120 ml) Cold Wild Turkey
* 2 oz. (60 ml) Herradura Tequila
* 5 oz. (150 ml) Rum
* 1 worm from bottle of Mezcal
* 2 oz. (60 ml.) Gatorade
The bartender did as he was bidden and produced another perfect drink.

The fork then came up to the counter and said; I'd like a henway, please."

The bartender, by now a bit befuddled, asked; what's a henway?"

And the fork said;
















"about 4 pounds"

Last edited by running coach; 04-18-2009 at 07:43 PM.. Reason: typo
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  #12  
Old 04-18-2009, 10:52 PM
De La Rue De La Rue is offline
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There's always the awful pun "That was no ladle, that was my knife!", but I guess it would just be between the fork and spoon.
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  #13  
Old 04-19-2009, 12:15 AM
Amber in Treasury Amber in Treasury is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Spoonful of Awesome (re: mattomic's joke) View Post
Winner.
Indeed! Muahaha.

Last edited by Amber in Treasury; 04-19-2009 at 12:15 AM..
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  #14  
Old 04-19-2009, 06:27 AM
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! Malleus, Incus, Stapes! is offline
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For years, my family has been trying to come up with the punchline for "The Vilna Gaon walks into a bar..."
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  #15  
Old 04-19-2009, 02:15 PM
Damfino Damfino is online now
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"Ouch!"
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Old 04-19-2009, 04:25 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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A grasshopper walks into a bar.

Bartender: "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

Grasshopper: "You have a drink named Bob?"
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