I love a man walks into a bar jokes so please contribute
A man walks into a bar and says ouch the next guy walks around it.
Mods I do not think this is a duplicate or zombie but close if otherwise
I love a man walks into a bar jokes so please contribute
A man walks into a bar, and there’s a horse as a bartender. The man keeps staring at him.
Finally the horse says “What, you never saw a horse bartend before?”
The man says “It’s not that; I just never thought the bear would sell this place.”
a neutrino walks through a bar
A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them angrily and says, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
In Soviet Russia bar walks into you!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, why the long face?”
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper says “Really? You have a drink named Steve?”
A very large and dangerous-looking biker walks into a bar and tells the bartender “Gimme a shot!” The bartender pours him a shot, and the biker swallows it in one gulp. He slams the shot glass down on the bar, looks down the bar to his left, and says “Everybody at this end of the bar is bunch of cocksuckers! You got anything to say about, you come and talk to me!” Everyone cowers in silence. The biker orders another shot, tosses it back, slams the shot glass down on the bar, looks to his right and says “Everybody at this end of the bar is a bunch of motherfuckers! You got anything to say about it, you come and talk to me!” At the far end of the bar, a small man gets off his stool and starts walking towards the biker. The biker turns to him and says “You got something to say to me?”
“No,” the guy says. “I’m just on the wrong end of the bar.”
A Canadian, an American, a Brit, a Frenchman, a German, a Japanese, a Vietnamese, an Australian, an Egyptian, a Chinese, and a New Zealander walk into a bar.
The bartender says “Sorry. You can’t come in without a Thai.”
Horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "It’s probably not a good idea that you’re in here. You’re a very large animal. Any sudden movements and you may injure somebody. I don’t know why you’re here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them, so you should probably leave.”
A guy walks into a bar and says “Bartender, give me a shot of tequila”.
The bartender pours the shot of tequila, the man downs in one gulp and says “Give me another”.
The bartender pours another shot of tequila, the man downs it and orders 7 more in succesion.
Finally the bartender says " Buddy why all the tequila? You have a bad day or something?" The man says"No actually I had a great day. I’m celebrating my first blow job!"
The bartender says “Well then, the next shots on me” to which the man replies" Nah, if the first nine shots didn’t kill the taste, I doubt one more is going to do it".
A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre.
So he gives her one.
A termite walks into a bar and yells, “Where’s the bartender?”
A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a beer?” The bartender says “for you, no charge.”
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says “why the long face?”
Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the bartender says “why the long face?”
A skeleton walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer…and a mop.”
No, no, no. It goes:
A termite walks into a bar and yells, “Is the bartender here?”
These are great please keep’em coming
The owner of this bar has come up with another idea for selling more drinks; a Thursday night drinking contest. Anyone who’ll come up to the bar and toss down six shots of the strongest whiskey in the house, then recite the alphabet backwards, will get the shots on the house and win $100 as well.
They try it a while and its a success - no one can do it, and everyone’s buying all that whiskey. One night, though, they announce the start of the contest, and the bartender notices one fellow leave for a while, then comes back after a few others have tried their luck. The fellow comes forward, tosses down the drinks, and recites the alphabet backwards perfectly.
The bartender congratulates him, pays him the prize money, then asks why he left for a while. What, the fellow needed to go somewhere to get his nerve up? “Nah. I just went out to the next bar down the street and tried it out there first, just to be sure I could do it.”
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a beer. 8 dollars, says the bartender. The bear drinks up and pulls out the money to pay. As the bear is getting ready to leave, the bartender says “we don’t get many bears around here.” the bear says “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”
A Freeway and an Interstate walk into a bar and spy two rather fine petite Farm Roads sat by the bar. They proceed to try to chat up the farm Roads, the Freeway tries to show off his hard shoulders and the Interstate is flexing his clover leaf intersections. The Farm roads are understandably impressed.
Suddenly the door opens and a small slight red piece of tarmac walks in. On seeing the red piece of tarmac both the interstate and the Freeway jump behind the bar.
The red piece of tarmac goes up to the bar, orders 4 shots of tequila, slams them back and looks over to the farm roads and says, “Let’s go” and they all leave the bar.
The Interstate and the Freeway climb up from behind the bar and breath a big sigh of relief. The bartender looks at them and asks “What’s up, why are you two large pieces of public transportation infrastructure so scared of a small slight piece of red tarmac?”
the Interstate replies “you don’t understand, that guy is a fucking cycle-path!”
A man walks into a bar with a dog beside him. He says to the bartender, “This dog can talk. Give me a drink and I’ll show you!”
The bartender is skeptical, but it’s a slow day, so he says “Okay” and gives the guy a drink.
The man turns to the dog and says, “How does sandpaper feel?”
The dog says “Rrrrruffff! Rrrrruffff!”
The man says, “What’s on top of a house?”
The dog says “Rrrroooffff! Rrrrooofff!”
The man says, “Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?”
The dog says, “Rrrruuuth! Rrruuuth!”
The bartender says, “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard! Get out of here and take that dumb mutt with you!”
Outside on the sidewalk, the dog turns to the man and says, “Should I have said DiMaggio?”
What happened to the gorilla!!?
A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, gimme a drink before the trouble starts!” So the bartender pours him a drink. The man quaffs it and says, “Gimme a drink before the trouble starts!” The bemused bartender pours him another drink. This exchange occurs several more time and finally the irritated bartender asks, “Look, buddy. You keep saying to give you a drink before the trouble starts. When’s this trouble going to start?” The man replies, “When you find out I don’t have any money.”
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of beer. He then proceeds to sit at a table and drink each pint individually. The bartender asks him why he got three drinks and let 2 get old and warm while he drinks the first. The man replies that he’s a triplet and his two brothers live in different countries. They decided that each week, they’d go to a pub at the same time and order a beer for each brother and drink them in remembrance of each other. The bartender is suitably impressed and the guy returns each week for this solemn ceremony. After some months have passed, the man comes in and orders two beers. The bartender is aghast. “I’m so sorry, did one of your brothers die?” he asked. “Oh no,” replied the man. “I’ve simply stopped drinking.”