A conversation I had with my son about masturbation: “Son, you’re not a dork if you beat off. You ARE a dork if you get caught beat’n off. So be careful!”
Having said that, I’ve only ever been caught once. I was in the shower and my (at the time) wife pokes her head in there because she needed her razor. She laughed her ass off. (and rightly so) I didn’t think I’d ever get her to shut up about it.
nope.
Not yet.
Not while I was actually doing it but my mother caught me passed out with my hand down my pants :eek: God, I cringed about that for years and in fact I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone that before. How refreshing.
Shakes , your wife caught you masturbating, as in, you don’t do it in front of her?
I’ve been interrupted, but not caught. I used to wank it under the covers very surreptitiously, in the event that if someone walked into my room I’d immediately be able to stop the knuckle shuffle and no one would be the wiser. My dad surprised me a couple times, once right at the moment of orgasm, by opening my door and telling me to get out of bed or something. I’d feign sleepyness and move slowly enough that he’d turn and leave, giving me time to quickly clean up.
My wife and I have a system to let each other know if we’ll be using our time in the shower to spank it, so we can spare each other the distraction.
I’m not sure. This one time, my then-GF arrived home unexpectedly. I kicked my flesh magazines under the bed and threw on some clothes in record speed. She never said anything but I bet she knew.
Why did she laugh? Were you doing it funny? 
Twice, both times by my brothers. C’est la vie.
My wife has caught me and I’ve caught her, but that just leads to good times.
I was never caught by my parents, but my mother once found a stroke mag I accidentally left in the bathroom. I’m pretty sure she knows why it was there.
By my parents when I was little who told me it was dirty and wrong and bad. 
Parents, be enlightened about this kind of thing or you’ll traumatize the kids.
No. Never really was her thing. I guess I would have had she’d asked.
She claims the retarded look I had on my face was classic.
Today? Nope, been extra careful.
Sister (9 at the time-me 13) peeked in the bathroom (I could see her shadow behind the curtain)-told her to get lost, in no uncertain terms. No idea if she was able to put 2 + 2 together or not…
Yeah, at 13 by my mother. She used to like to tell the story that I simply said, “Please close the door on your way out.” and then finished, but I certainly don’t recall it happening that way.
In actuality, I just died of embarrasment.
It became a bit of family lore!? :eek:
I’d kill myself. Or my mom.
Red handed…
I remember in high school it got out that a guy named Randy Morgan got caught and from then on it was my group of friends’ standard rhetorical question as comeback, a la “does a bear shit in the woods?”
“Hey, are you guys going to the game this Friday?”
“Does Randy Morgan play with himself?”
You need to check your diet, dude.
Or ease up on your grip.
I haven’t been caught (yet), but I recently heard a great bit of schadenfreude: a guy was attending a business meeting remotely (hotel room, I think) and failed to notice that his embedded webcam was sending video to all the other participants of the meeting. The guy was watching pron and operating the laptop with one hand . . . and didn’t notice all the IM windows popping up from the other meeting attendees.
I don’t know if he finally figured out everybody could see the action or if he found out when his manager called him with the news.
My thought when I heard this story was this is why I don’t like being a people manager. That is not a conversation I would have liked to have.
Since this story made the rounds at work I’ve noticed a lot of post-it notes taped over webcam lenses.