Movie love most like real love?

[carlotta]

What movie, for you, is the best illustration of real love? I'm talking romantic love here.

I'm a little stumped myself, partly because I mostly go for unrealistic movies, musicals, fantasies, partly, I think, because I've spent a lot of time judging real life love (in which I've been fantastically lucky) by movie love

I looked over everything I ever rented from Netflix and I think the winners are Paul Giamatti and Laura Linney playing John and Abigail Adams in the "John Adams" miniseries, but picking a miniseries may be cheating.

[kapri]

Maybe not dead-on, but the love the Joseph Gordon-Levitt character in 500 Days of Summer had for the Zooey Deschanel character was realistic. And the one split-screen fantasy/reality scene definitely rang true for a lot of people, including me.

[Tim R. Mortiss]

Although I don't have an answer, I'd like to compliment you on a most intriguing question!

One problem with coming up with good examples might be that "real love" would not be particularly interesting in a movie. Real people, really in love, and staying happy until death do them part.... well, it might be excruciatingly boring to all outside observers!......TRM

[MostlyClueless]

I'm going by what I felt at the time, but I thought that the romance in 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' was quite credible.

SPOILER:

Mostly because it failed in the end, though.

[ianzin]

My all-time favourite piece of fiction is Pushkin's 'Onegin'. Everyone should see the criminally overloooked but superb movie adaptation. One of the many reasons I love it is the highly realistic handling of the theme of love and passion. I could write so much more, but I don't want to spoil it for those who don't know the wonderful story - which AFAIK remains unique in literature.

The well-known Richard Curtis movie Love Actually weaves together seven or eight different story lines. Okay, it's a comedy, and some of the stories are fairly predictable movie fare. But I think some of the stories offer a realistic portrayal of what love means to real people in real situations, particularly Mark's story and Sam's story.

[Krokodil]

Thora Birch and Steve Buscemi in Ghost World. It ends badly and quickly. What other endorsement do you need?

[as_u_wish]

The relationship development in Something's Gotta Give resonates with me.

[jjimm]

Originally Posted by MostlyClueless

I'm going by what I felt at the time, but I thought that the romance in 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' was quite credible.

I was going to post this too. And Love Actually. Also, the lead-up to the breakup in the otherwise execrable The Breakup was pretty good- little innocuous things that snowball into an intractible situation rang true.

[Drain Bead]

I think almost every relationship in the movie Parenthood was ridiculously realistic.

[carlotta]

Originally Posted by Drain Bead

I think almost every relationship in the movie Parenthood was ridiculously realistic.

Yes! This is one of my favorite movies of all time. I watched it with my husband before we got married and had kids and we still watch it a lot. We talk to each other a lot like Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen, sometimes even quoting ("Show 'em honey!", "How proud you must be.") but maybe that is real love imitating movie love.

[msmith537]

Sadly, in my case, the upcomming Leap Year.

[Hazle Weatherfield]

Yep, Love Actually was what popped into my head, first thing. I also agree with Parenthood.

[Barrett Bonden]

I thought High Fidelity was a pretty realistic treatment, so much so that at times it was painful to watch.

[Alpine]

When Harry Met Sally strikes a chord for me, besides being a very funny movie.

[Jennyrosity]

I came in to mention "Love Actually", but specifically the relationship between Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson's characters. Some of the other "loves" happen too quickly for me - at least two couples get engaged within a month of meeting - whereas theirs seems complex and real. I love how in the airport sequence at the end she meets him off the plane, and you can see she's started making more of an effort with her appearance, but also that she still hasn't forgiven him and things are still strained between them.

I also love how quickly her character pulls herself together following the gift scene - so true to life, because your two kids are waiting downstairs, it's their Christmas concert, what else are you going to do? You have to be ok for them.

[madmonk28]

Originally Posted by Barrett Bonden

I thought High Fidelity was a pretty realistic treatment, so much so that at times it was painful to watch.

I agree. It's not puppy love, but just workaday pain in the ass love.

[Spoke]

No movie captures falling in love as well as Before Sunrise. Pitch perfect.

No movie captures the wistfulness of lost love like Before Sunset.

[Headrush042]

Just popped in to nominate Lost in Translation.

[MaxTheVool]

Not quite an answer to the question asked, but similar enough...

The most realistic-seeming married couple dynamic I've seen on a TV show is the coach and his wife on the excellent Friday Night Lights.

[HISSNLISSN]

9 Songs, and no I'm not being facetious.

[HeyHomie]

Calendar Girls

An upper-class British man and woman are both in their 60's. They've got separate lives, and they focus more on their kids than they do each other. But even though there's not much open affection, it's obviously that they love each other intensely.

There's a rather touching scene where the husband, a gardener and wildflower enthusiast, reads from a poem. I'm paraphrasing here, but he says something like "The flowers of Yorkshire, just like the women of Yorkshire, bloom most beautifully later in life."

SPOILER:

Their love for each other becomes especially apparent after the husband dies.

[Disheavel]

Once http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0907657/

It just does the awkwardness and other factors involved in a true relationship and yet has the characters all cheesy and romantic hoping as well.

[Cosmic Relief]

Originally Posted by Tim R. Mortiss

Although I don't have an answer, I'd like to compliment you on a most intriguing question!

One problem with coming up with good examples might be that "real love" would not be particularly interesting in a movie. Real people, really in love, and staying happy until death do them part.... well, it might be excruciatingly boring to all outside observers!......TRM

Yes, it's surprising that there aren't any movies about people who stay together, since that's by far the most common situation in life. It must be all the liberals running Hollywood.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by ianzin

The well-known Richard Curtis movie Love Actually weaves together seven or eight different story lines. Okay, it's a comedy, and some of the stories are fairly predictable movie fare. But I think some of the stories offer a realistic portrayal of what love means to real people in real situations, particularly Mark's story and Sam's story.

Nine stories, actually.

Both Mark's and Sam's stories are almost more about unhealthy obsession than love. Think about it -- Mark is basically a stalker. But between the excellent acting and the brilliant score, those stories really make you feel the sweet anguish of unrequited love.

Jamie and Aurelia's story hits a little closer to home for me. He says "It's the best part of my day, driving you home." And she says "It's the worst part of my day, leaving you." That says so much. And then when he takes Portuguese lessons, then leaves his family on Christmas Eve so he can fly to Portugal to propose to her.

Shakespeare in Love also really captures it for me. There's a scene of about 7 minutes in which you can feel down in your soul that these two people see nothing in the world but each other. It's one of my favorite scenes in all of cinema.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Cosmic Relief

Yes, it's surprising that there aren't any movies about people who stay together, since that's by far the most common situation in life. It must be all the liberals running Hollywood.

I think that that's missing the point.

From an outside perspective, relationships are really pretty boring. It's two people spending time together. Who wants to watch a movie about two people sitting on a couch, holding hands, and watching a movie together? That's boring.

The bigger challenge of a love story is to make the viewers feel what the characters are feeling. The actions are boring. The feelings are anything but.

[Cosmic Relief]

Originally Posted by tdn

I think that that's missing the point.

From an outside perspective, relationships are really pretty boring. It's two people spending time together. Who wants to watch a movie about two people sitting on a couch, holding hands, and watching a movie together? That's boring.

Okay, let me spell out the subtext of my comment since apparently your irony receptors are momentarily on the blink. Yes, stable, healthy, and 'challenge-free' relationships are boring, I agree. I disagree with the characterization that these are the somehow the most "real" or "normal" relationships out there. In fact most relationships in my observation are in some transitional or stressed state... beginning, ending, waxing, waning, changing, growing, deteriorating. The stories about people staying together their entire lives are in fact unusual and interesting because of their rarity and for having survived these challenges (but of course, they are also "real").

[tdn]

Ah, gotcha.

And yes, the transitional moments make the best movie fodder.

[Elysium]

Originally Posted by MostlyClueless

I'm going by what I felt at the time, but I thought that the romance in 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' was quite credible.

SPOILER:

Mostly because it failed in the end, though.

This is definitely my choice. It just felt really really authentic. They fought, they said horrible things to each other, but they also absolutely loved each other and that's why it was so frustrating to them.

The idea that they are continually drawn together even if they can't really remember what happened before, and more that they're willing to give it another shot knowing it might blow up all over again, that's what love feels like for me.

It just really captured that feeling of loving someone so much that they drive you insane sometimes, but you don't feel complete without them.

And the scenes in Jim Carrey's memories were so well done.

[Spoke]

Originally Posted by tdn

...the sweet anguish of unrequited love...

For the sweet anguish of unrequited school-age crushes, I'd say The Year My Voice Broke really nails it.

[pancakes3]

princess bride.

[astorian]

Well, obviously, there are all different types of love, and different phases.

“About Schmidt” was very real in the way it portrayed an older man’s feelings toward a wife he’s been with seemingly forever. At the start of the movie, Schmidt (Jack Nicholson) is bored and annoyed by his wife… but after her death, he’s utterly lost without her.

[WordMan]

Originally Posted by spoke-

No movie captures falling in love as well as Before Sunrise. Pitch perfect.

No movie captures the wistfulness of lost love like Before Sunset.

I came in to post these, but agree with High Fidelity and When Harry Met Sally, too. All of these movies involve the intricacy of communication while trying to figure out love - they have a geekiness element that rings true...

[carlotta]

Originally Posted by pancakes3

princess bride.

You're kidding right? Love this movie, LOVE IT, but it's kind of the epitome of fantasy, love-conquers-all movie love, doncha think? Or were you talking about Max and Valerie?

[KneadToKnow]

Harold and Maude.




What?

[capybara]

Originally Posted by Headrush042

Just popped in to nominate Lost in Translation.

I was going to suggest the same thing. That sort of "what on earth has happened in my head/world this strange week" effect.

Probably unpopular opinions about already-formed love: The Peter O'Toole character in Creator, and the relationship in The Fountain, and the end of American Beauty-- the desperate grieving insanity when it falls out of your hands.

[Novelty Bobble]

This is no reflection on my own experience (or maybe it is because I'm stable and happy) but you can't beat a bit of doomed or unrequited love. e.g.

Lone Star, Misissippi Burning, Pleasantville, or the UK series of "The Office"

That's real life for you, It's going to be messy, complicated or not happen at all!

[Apollyon]

Originally Posted by tdn

Both Mark's and Sam's stories are almost more about unhealthy obsession than love.

I think that's a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it "puppy love" or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad).

Think about it -- Mark is basically a stalker. But between the excellent acting and the brilliant score, those stories really make you feel the sweet anguish of unrequited love.

That, and that Mark finally realized that he had an unhealthy obsession, and quit it.

Jamie and Aurelia's story... leaves his family on Christmas Eve so he can fly to Portugal to propose to her.

I really like that story.

[Dewey Finn]

Originally Posted by Apollyon

I think that's a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it "puppy love" or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad).

And a nice part of the story was the growth in the relationship between Daniel and Sam. I liked it at the end, when Sam jumped in Daniel's arms.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Apollyon

I think that's a little unfair to Sam; his story is about first love. Call it "puppy love" or a crush if you will, but I cannot see how it is an unhealthy obsession. (Also worth noting a fine performance by Liam Neeson as Daniel, Sam step-father, and now a solo-dad).

Yes, true.

That, and that Mark finally realized that he had an unhealthy obsession, and quit it.

Yes, in the end he did. But he had a lot of Teh Crazee before that. I wonder if this had played out IRL if Juliet would have just gotten a restraining order.

But still, it was a great story for conveying an emotion. I can't watch that story without feeling something.

OK, maybe I just have a thing for Keira Knightly.

[Eleanor of Aquitaine]

Originally Posted by Dewey Finn

And a nice part of the story was the growth in the relationship between Daniel and Sam. I liked it at the end, when Sam jumped in Daniel's arms.

Sam calls him Dad towards the end, too, instead of Daniel.

Sarah and Karl's story makes me angry -they give up too easily.

[tim314]

I have no idea . . . surely not any romantic comedy I've ever seen. They always have the bit where there's some kind of misunderstanding and it looks like the two leads are going to break up, only to of course work it all out in the end. I guess this is done to build suspense, except there's no suspense because everyone knows the formula already. I always think, "If this were me and my wife, we'd have apologized and made up within 10 minutes."

[fessie]

Oh! Oh! Gotcha covered, absolutely:

The Four Seasons

[ShelliBean]

Originally Posted by jjimm

Also, the lead-up to the breakup in the otherwise execrable The Breakup was pretty good- little innocuous things that snowball into an intractible situation rang true.

Ugh - I watched this movie after filing for divorce and it made me a little sick to my stomach watching all my fights played out. Definitely real in the "stupid stuff to fight about that points to the end" in the movie. A friend of mine was getting divorced a short time later and I told him "you aren't ready to watch the arguing."

"I don't want you to wash the dishes because you have to. I want to you want to wash the dishes." "Who wants to wash dishes?"

And the lemons!! It was all just a play out of 'it's important to me, that's why you should care' and it was just heartbreaking. For someone that had just been through it.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Eleanor of Aquitaine

Sarah and Karl's story makes me angry -they give up too easily.

Yeah, even though she's in a pretty horrible situation.

But what the heel does she see in Karl? Sure, he's good looking, but is there a personality there? I don;t think he has more than 2 lines in the entire movie, and they're both pretty vapid. Then again, she fell in love with him in 30 minutes, so maybe she's a bit shallow.

[BrainGlutton]

I'm gonna go the cynical route and vote for War of the Roses.

[melodyharmonius]

Originally Posted by Eleanor of Aquitaine

Sarah and Karl's story makes me angry -they give up too easily.

Originally Posted by tdn

Yeah, even though she's in a pretty horrible situation.

But what the heel does she see in Karl? Sure, he's good looking, but is there a personality there? I don;t think he has more than 2 lines in the entire movie, and they're both pretty vapid. Then again, she fell in love with him in 30 minutes, so maybe she's a bit shallow.

I would hesitate to stay, that in this case the story is NOT about Sarah and Karl. The story is about Sarah and her brother Michael. That she loves him so much, that rather than just leaving him in that mental health facility by himself, she sacrifices her chances of romantic love and a real life by constantly being there for him.

And I agree that Karl might be a heel, but I don't think Sarah falls in love with him because she's a bit shallow. I think she falls in love with him because she hasn't been able to have any realistic interactions with anyone in a long time - and he's the closest thing to a relationship she's ever been able to have - someone who works a few feet away from her and she can have interactions with on a regular basis.

But when she gets to the next level - that's when she can't keep up. She's as much in restraints as her brother is.

[melodyharmonius]

Originally Posted by KneadToKnow

Harold and Maude.




What?

If you want to be you, be you! And if you want to be me, be me! There's a million things to be, you know that there are!

I love Harold and Maude. I would contest however, that although a lovely story - they are not a truly equal partnership of love.

Therefore, I nominate Laura Roslin and Commander Adama.




what?

[tdn]

That's an excellent analysis of the Sarah/Karl/Michael story. Thank you.

The funny thing about that movie is any story on its own is not much of a story. There's very little depth because there's so much width. It's a little like Crash in that regard. That it all works is a credit to the film editor.

[gravitycrash]

Another vote for When Harry met Sally. Plus I can relate to it in real life. Before my ex wife and I began dating she pretty much hated me, she called me a slimy worm and worse more than once, and meant it! Even though the marriage didn't work out, we still like each other and hang out sometimes.

So even though the movie is a comedy, I thought it was a realistic portrayal of how love can begin between two people.

[melodyharmonius]

Originally Posted by tdn

That's an excellent analysis of the Sarah/Karl/Michael story. Thank you.

The funny thing about that movie is any story on its own is not much of a story. There's very little depth because there's so much width. It's a little like Crash in that regard. That it all works is a credit to the film editor.

My bf and I actually watched the DVD the other day, including some of the extra footage (documentaries and stuff) and one of the things that I found interesting is that there is actually like 80 minutes that was cut from the movie. Which I think would give it more of the on-screen depth you are looking for.

I think one of the things that the editor/director hopes is that you will find a story or two within the group and say, "yeah, I know what that's about" and fill in your own depth - as they had to leave a lot of it on the cutting room floor! )