Ask the guy who is NOT a pedophile

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So, I’m not a pedophile. I don’t feel any urge to have sex with children. I mean, if there was a way to affirmatively NOT have sex with children, then I would affirmatively NOT have sex with every child that I could get my hands on (or, as it were, NOT get my hands on).

It seems that several folks here at the SDMB feel differently than me on this subject, so I thought I’d start an Ask Me thread. Should be a good opportunity for you to see what guys like me are thinking. Anyway, I’d be glad to answer anything you ask.

2

Why do you hate America?

3

Are you sure you never raped and murdered a small child in 1990? Possibly inspired by Glen Beck?

4

I don’t understand, what do you do with grown, sexually mature adults? I don’t know about you, but it seems dangerously irresponsible to attempt to further defile those who have already been tainted by the ravages of age and free thinking rebellion, at least with children their first sin can be one of closeness and shared love.

I hope that was as painful for you all to read as it was for me to think up. I’m going to go attempt to hit my head with a hammer until I lose the ability to successfully use insane troll logic.

5

So if you’re not a pedophile, then . . . what exactly do you do, abuse the elderly?

6

Ever hear of a money shot? Except it’s on real money.

7

When did you learn that you were not a pedophile?

In what way are you identifiably not a pepophile?

Do you think that those of us, like you, who are not pepophiles, should be identifiable?
What Jragon said, this troll think is harder than I thought.

8

So if you were in the middle of making sweet sweet love to your wife and she screamed out “do me like a Japanese schoolgirl!” would you be all “no way man, that’s sick. And just for that I’m totally returning your vending machine panties,” or would you be all “Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto”?

9

Are you Mr Garrison’s Father?

Its a sad state of affairs when you won’t abuse your own kid!!!

10

What do you think about the new show “To Catch an Average Member of Society” where adults answer ads from other adults on dating sites, meet up, and nothing of interest happens? I think it’s a testament to the degradation of our once great morals, but it’d be interesting to find out what someone on your side thinks.

11

Wassamata, was the pedo brouhaha detracting from the attention being given you?

12

Wait do you post on mellophant too?? :smiley:

13

Two questions:

  1. Why are there punishments for molesting children? That is, what could possibly feel worse than molesting children? It’s like punishing people who hit themselves on the head with hammers. I understand why stealing cars will get a person in trouble, because cars are nice, and I’d like to have lots of them. But this? Ik.

  2. Michael Jackson turned so pale that we all thought he was trying to become caucasian. Then his hair got long and his manners effeminate, and we figured he was trying to become female. Now I just heard that at death he weighed 136 lbs, and had become somewhat stooped and hunched over, so he must have been getting shorter. My question: was his goal actually to turn himself into a little child?

14

Why must you invent this creepy non-pedophile image just to become the center of attention? Bloody attention whore.

15

I have issued Rand Rover a warning – specifically for trolling, though I could have chosen jerkishness or ignoring a moderator’s instructions (to not bait Cesario.)

This is locked.

Rand Rover, I have had enough of your provocation. I suggest you dial it way the fuck back.