So, I’m P-R-E to the Double G-O, and my maternity clinic has indicated that if I choose to use a doula they will work with that person and make that person part of the team.
Great.
What the heck is a doula? Do I need one? Near as I can tell they’re sort of a coach, but isn’t that what the Mr. is supposed to do?
Has anyone used a doula? Was it good? Bad? Would you use one again?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Leaving my personal opinions out of it:
You’re probably not going to get a better answer than the one on Wikipedia, which is pretty comprehensive.
We didn’t, but had friends who did briefly and got rid of her in short order; we also had friends who got one and seemed happy with her service.
I would suspect the usefulness of a doula is inversely proportional to the amount of support and help you expect to receive from the medical professionals involved, prenatal classes, and friends and relatives, and your own familiarity and comfort with the process. I cannot imagine why we would have needed one, but we had all the advantages - a good local prenatal class, friends and relatives to help, previous experience taking care of babies, and to be honest we’re just generally not all that fond of having strangers around the house. Your circumstances might be different.
I had a doula for my delivery. They are like a birth coach and everything else to help you during the delivery. For example, mine took photos of all the best moments that my husband didn’t have to do. So when my husband cut the cord, she was the one snapping. Its sort of another hand during the delivery. The main function we wanted her for is to guide us through the pushing and contractions and take off the pressure on my husband so he could enjoy the process as well. She helped with breathing and helping me get through the contractions until I wanted the epidural, then she helped with the pushing and positions.
I think I would hire another one just for the photo aspect and the pushing coaching. What I didn’t like about mine was that when I wanted to rest and needed quiet she was a little too talkative. But overall it was a positive experience. With her and the delivery nurse coaching for the pushing it helped a lot and my husband wouldnt be as forceful so it helped. Her fee was about $600.
A doula is, in short, a professional labor coach. We hired one for our first little man, and she was absolutely priceless. Having someone there who’d been present for 400+ births was both reassuring and extremely helpful. Sure, my hubby was there to coach me on, too, but she had seen it all and knew what to do in a variety of circumstances. Some people like having their family present (mother, sister, in-laws, etc.), but we just wanted hubby and someone who knew what birthing babies was all about. She also was great at running interference between medical professionals and us, as well; she softened the chaos and helped ensure our birth plan was followed.
The personal touch and individual care was priceless, and I actually remain friends to this day with my doula.
A doula typically will meet with you once pre-labor to go over your birth plan, then of course during labor, and then once postpartum as well. Mine is also a lactation consultant, so she was (and is) a great source of info on breastfeeding.
We would have used the doula again for our second child, but he wound up being a C-section. FTR: we attended labor classes and had a fair amount of medical support, but considering I happened to go into labor when my OB was on vacation, it was nice to have a familiar face (especially since the on call OB was a bit lacking in bedside manner).
Her fee was $400, and worth every cent. It’s not for everyone, but for us, a doula was absolutely a right decision.
I had a doula with my first son and I thought she was wonderful. We met with her once while I was pregnant, and she helped me flesh out my birth plan. Then she came to our house while I was in labor. Turns out, my labor had stalled, so she ended up leaving, and later meeting us at the hospital.
There, she mainly provided moral support. She and my husband were the only two people who were entirely focused on me during labor. The nurses and the doctor are in and out of the room, but the doula is 100% focused on you. She played soothing music and lit candles. She gave me a massage during labor. She stayed with me while my husband went to get something to eat. She helped us make a few decisions (though she expressly is NOT able to provide medical advice - it was more like asking a friend’s opinion). She took pictures after the delivery.
I would have had a doula with my second son as well, but he was an emergency c-section.
I didn’t use one, but I wish I did. The licensed doulas in my area also offered post-natal care.
My labor was horrible (and very unusual so it’s not something to worry about, OP!) and my then-husband was worthless. I was in so much pain that I didn’t make the decisions that I would have made otherwise, and if I had a doula, she would have been able to speak for me better than hubby.
What I really would do over again was the first couple weeks at home. Like I said, hubby was worthless. I had no family in the area. I was recovering from a c-section and my baby wouldn’t nurse. I had to get up every 2 hours to try, oozing from my incision, doing EVERYTHING myself. Having a professional help me just get through the first couple weeks would have been priceless.
First off, congrats!!
I didn’t have a doula, but my mum was with me coaching me though aspects of the labour kind of like a doula (like when I needed to push and the midwife told me to breathe through it as they wanted me to wait for the OB to arrive…Sure, like that’s possible! Mum helped me pant through them instead).
I’d done a lot of reading about the different stages of birth (the Bradley Method and Hypnobirthing), and would have enjoyed someone I liked being there to kind of explain and encourage as we went along, especially the first time around, although I think I did fine (arrived at the hospital 9cm+ dilated, baby out with 20 min pushing, no drugs and no tears, pheew!!).
I have a friend who had a home water birth with private midwives who acted like Doulas - I can ask her more about this if you are interested.
It is critical to make sure you pick a complete team to support you, who are all prepared to work with you on your birth plan, which means the doula plus the midwives, OBs etc. I’ve heard stories of people where either the med team or the doula weren’t supportive at the time (even doulas being ordered out of the room by a dr, to the relief of the mum), so interview until you are happy that each is a person you can imagine relying completely on, who will bring none of their own philosophy to the event that you aren’t comfortable with. And in my experience, the med would trump the doula - but you may feel differently.
If I had it to do over again, I would have one, even though I had a c-section. I felt very alone through the process, even though my Mom and SO were there. They were both kinda absorbed in their own experience (that’s another thread) and not really there for me at all.
I would have liked to have someone there whose job it was to focus on me and making the process as positive as possible. I also needed an advocate with the doctors, and that would have been invaluable.
Congratulations!
I’m considering one. Yes, my husband will be my primary coach, but if I end up giving birth here in St. Louis, I won’t have my mom and/or aunt (an OB/Gyn nurse) around to relieve him, either. It’d be nice to have someone around who can relieve my husband if he needs to leave to go get food, or whatever, if labor is long. Also, it’s nice to have someone who’s completely my advocate, without also being worried about me, like my husband will be.
Is she allowed to speak for you? Or does she just remind you and the medical team about the birth plan you set up? I mean, if you pass out and can’t communicate with your doctors, can she give consent for procedures?
She’s not allowed to speak for you, but she can remind you and the medical team of what’s in your birth plan. She can also be invaluable in setting up the birth plan in the first place, by making you think about all the stuff you never thought about needing - sort of like a good lawyer can help you with your will even though you can also write it yourself. But she can’t give consent for procedures (unless you’ve given her a healthcare power of attorney, I guess).
A lot of women prefer to have their doula at their house during the early stages of labor, too - even if you’re not doing a home birth, she is experienced enough to help you know when it’s time to go to the hospital, and not going too early can be a good way to avoid unnecessary interventions.
I hired my doula (for my planned VBAC of my second baby) about a week before I found out that I had placenta previa and would have to have a scheduled C-section. :smack: But it turned out that she was hugely helpful in helping me figure out what to ask for at the hospital to make the C-section less traumatic than the first one had been. She was also great at the hospital during the birth, and she visited me weekly during the nine weeks I spent there on bed rest. I’m glad I hired her, even if I didn’t get the birth I had been hoping for.
I meant more like remind me of what my goals and plans were and to use her medical knowledge to translate my wishes into something a nurse and/or doctor would listen to.
My water broke after like three contractions, but it didn’t break real big. I think my baby poked a hole in it, then shoved herself up against the hole so no more leaked out. No one believed me at the hospital that my water had broken. Finally they did a test and were like “oh, we do detect amniotic fluid.” Thanks for ignoring me for 3 hours!
When they realized that, compounded with the fact that my contractions went to less than 5 minutes apart instantly and that I wasn’t dilating, they wanted to break my water without a shadow of a doubt.
I said yes. It was not what I wanted. It was against everything I learned in class. Then that didn’t hasten labor and they had to give me inducing drugs and it was a whole big mess that was exactly the OPPOSITE of my birth plan. If I had a doula, I like to think she would have talked me out of my panic tree and explained better my wishes to the staff.
I have had doula training. A good doula can be helpful if you have strong preferences about the way you give birth, especially if you lean toward having a natural birth. They’re also good if you are going to be without any support otherwise.
I hired one for the birth of my second baby, because I wanted support for a natural, unmedicated birth that had to take place in a hostile environment, but the baby popped out so fast that she didn’t get there in time.
I loved having a doula - actually, I got two, because my doula had a doula-in-training with her that night. Of course, she asked our permission to let the trainee attend too. The trainee seemed to be experienced already too. They were great. They massaged me, fanned me, talked to me, encouraged me, did whatever nobody else was available to do, and generally made me feel like I didn’t have to worry about anything but getting the baby out. My husband was a great coach and I still am happy we had doulas. They were also free because the birth center I used has a volunteer doula program. But for my next kid, I’ll definitely make sure I have one if it’s possible, free or not.
???
Where the heck were you having your baby? Beruit?
Anyhow, we’re planning on having as many medical interventions and drugs as possible, so it’s kind of sounding like a doula may not be ideal for us.
Or am I missing the point? FWIW, I’ve already told the Drs. at the birthing team that if anything goes awry to get in there and do a c-section, or get forceps or suction, or whatever they need to do ASAP. That seems like it kind of goes against the doula mentality. No?
If your goal is to have a natural and unmedicated birth, a hospital is very frequently hostile, because they have a plan of medical managed birth and natural birth doesn’t follow their plan.
If your intention is to load up on medical technology in your birth even though much of it actually runs counter to best outcomes for mother and child, you’re not likely to find a doula who can offer much to you.
Congrats! Hope you and little one have a wonderful delivery experience with or without a doula. I did not use one with any of my 3 but I did opt for the epidural and it was the greatest thing in the world. (My last little one was over 9 pounds).
My wife and I did a home birth, so we had the opposite idea, and we had a doula and a midwife with no doctors and it was great. Our doula helped my wife out a lot in early labor, and took photos for us and wrote up a birth story and everything. She also came by a couple times after the birth and served as a secondary lactation consultant, and checked my wife for signs of depression.
As cool as all that was, the biggest reason for her being their was for the labor itself. If you are going to have medical interventions you don’t really need a doula there. No need to have someone helping you manage the pain when you aren’t feeling any.
ETA: CONGRATS ON THE KID! Babies are great, mine just turned three months. You are going to get lots of people telling you that you are a horrible person for wanting medical interventions. Just remember people like me and my wife got just as much crap from people who thought we were crazy for having a natural birth (at home no less!) People think it’s their right to give you advice, you can tell them all to go to hell. 
Good luck, you will do fine. 
Just curious (I’m not planning on spawning) - does insurance cover this? It sounds like a good idea especially for a first child. My friend had a horrible labor and her husband was pretty much useless in dealing with hospital staff as he didn’t know what he was doing either.
My insurance did not, but ours wasn’t very expensive (relatively) and offered us a payment plan. I want to say it was about $1,600 for her services which included a once a week phone check in for the last 8 weeks of pregnancy, the photos, the birth story, the labor coaching and two post partum check ups.