My husband and I are getting ready to have a baby in 4 months (my first but he’s been through this before during his first marriage). A friend of mine is a very strong doula advocate (she’s a doula in training). My husband is worried that if we have a doula, he won’t have a role in helping me and participating in the birth - he really wants to be my main support person/coach.
Since my friend’s opinions are perhaps a little biased, I’m interested in other peoples opinions regarding doulas - did you use one during your birth? did it help? and from the father’s perspective, did the doula usurp your role or did she help you participate better and help you have a positive experience?
(Note, that I am definitely in favour of minimal intervention/natural childbirth)
A doula is a woman who you pay to help support you through your birthing experience. I believe most, if not all, of them have had kids so they understand what it is like to be in labour and childbirth. Unlike nurses, they stay with the mother for the entire labour, provices emotional suport, physical comfort, provide information to the mother to help her make informed choices etc …
They are not medically trained and I don’t believe there is a professional designation but they do have an association that guides their training.
At the risk of being flamed, I think doulas aren’t too far removed from ‘birth junkies’. If you plan to deliver in a hospital or birthing center, I don’t see any reason why your husband couldn’t perform the support role quite adequately. The hospital or birthing center is certainly staffed with many experienced people of all kinds who are already trained to help and assist during the birthing process. Are you taking any classes? Most delivery centers offer many classes these days.
Friend o’ mine is a doula. A lot of times she will do it for free; sometimes there will be a young girl all alone giving birth and so the hospital knows to call her. I think it’s a wonderful idea and I wish I had used one when I had my baby. If I have another kid I probably will use one.
A doula is going to know more about childbirth than a husband. She is going to know how to deal with doctors and when to put up a fight about certain issues (like “don’t do a c section just let, can we try this first?”). From what I’ve read doulas are EXCELLENT at getting babies out when doctors are ready to break out the scalpel. They know all sorts of cool positions and have ways of getting the baby’s head to turn just so, so you don’t tear or need an episiotomy. If it’s very important to you to have a natural birth, use a doula because their episiotomy rates are practically nil.
Your husband could very well be perfectly calm during the labor. However a lot of husbands fall apart, not externally but internally. The woman they love is in pain and they can’t fix it, and that drives men nuts. Plus he’s going to get hungry, need to pee, need to walk to calm his nerves, etc. and it’d be good for you to have someone else there.
My bride and I have a baby due in June, were I to suggest something like that, I’d be on the couch for mos. (best case), or divorced (expected case).
If she suggested a doula, I would be crushed, then pissed. That’s my job, I plan to do it well. She may be the one giving birth, but this is our experience, not hers and some stranger’s.
But you’re paying a doctor to share the experience, and trust me: if you have a typical OB, they will not show up until it is time to push. And then they’ll charge you 2-4k for the privilege of having them there with you for an hour or so. Why not drop a few hundred on a doula, get to know her for the entire pregnancy and have her there the WHOLE time when the big event arrives?
Another nice thing about doulas is that they are so patient. They realize birthing takes time and are willing to wait it out with Mom. Many doctors just want to hurry up and get the kid out, so they’ll pump you full of pitocin or rush into surgery. I think some of them do it out of necessity but I’m willing to wager a lot of times they do it out of convenience: I’ve never seen an OB around here willingly put a woman into labor on a weekend, for example (unless it was an emergency). They want those babies born by Friday night, dadburnit, because they’ve got an 11:00 teetime on Saturdays!
My sister had a doula for both her children and she is a ****** advocate for using doulas. The one she had was a native American and she brought with her lot’s of spirituality and a wonderful sense of wholeness to a process that should be seen for what it really is…the birthing of a human being.
This woman did not charge, and came very very highly recommended from other moms and she is nationally known for her remarkable abilities and sometimes unusual approaches.
My wife and I are going to use her for our baby when it comes…
I had doulas for both my births and I think they can actually enhance the Dad’s experience, rather than usurping his role. Labor–particularly first labor—can go on for an awfully long time. It’s nice to have two people there so that they can spell each other occasionally and no one gets too exhausted. Experienced doulas also simply know a lot more about making the woman comfortable than any first-time father-to-be is going to, no matter how much studying he has done. I think dads should also not underestimate the emotional impact seeing your wife in pain is going to have. Having another support person there who is totally focused on the mom, but not quite so emotionally invested is good.
My husband stayed with me the whole time. He cut the cords. He went along to watch the babies have their first exams, etc. And because I had a doula, he never had to worry about leaving me alone.
I didn’t have a doula, but I can see how it might actually enhance the husband’s experience as well. In addition to what cher3 said, he could relax about having to take care of his wife physically and just focus on the emotional support and enjoying the process - no calling the nurse to have ice brought or wondering what medical decisions to question, just wallowing in the moment. Having not used one, though, maybe I’m off base.
SnoopyFan, if your OB was so awful, why didn’t you get another one? I can’t imagine my doctor treating me like that. He was a great doctor through the whole pregnancy and birth and now, when I go in for my checkup, he cuddles my boy and tries to decide if he looks more like me or my husband. I did end up having an emergency c-section and I’m so thankful I had a great medical doctor there when I had to be rushed to the operating room. Good OBs are out there - I don’t live in a big city by any means.
P.S. just because it’s a pet peeve of mine…I had a medical doctor, no midwife, an epidural, an induced labor (I was high risk and it was done for a good reason), and an emergency c-section, but it was not an unnatural birth. The bub grew in my body and came out of me - it was natural. I think “minimal intervention” is a much better term.
having witnessed several births from natural to c-section I suggest you take the “spinal”. Natural childbirth is not nearly as much fun as it sounds =)!!
There is alot of confusion about what a doula is and what they do… Amethyst states the are not medically trained and SnoopyFan states that a doula may be able to persuade an OB to delay a C-S. That’s a pretty big contradiction in my opinion. Can anyone clarify?
Doulas are not medically trained. They don’t take any part in the delivery. They are trained in methods of helping women undertaking childbirth to stay comfortable and relaxed as possible, which can, in some cases reduce the need for pain medications.
No responsible doula would interfere with an OB about the need for a c-section or any other medical procedure. They can tactfully run interference with overly officious nurses when necessary, just as anyone else helping out at the birth would do. For example, I remember my first doula gently suggesting to one of the nurses that she really could wait until my contraction was over before pumping up the blood pressure cuff. However, my doulas did provide me with information in advance about ways to delay or avoid the need for pain medication, ways to prepare in advance to possibly avoid episiotomy, etc.
Speaking for how doula’s work in Ontario, Canada - from what my friend has told me and my understanding of what she said …
Doula’s are not medically trained but they are trained by the various doula associations and as stated earlier they do seem to be somewhat of birth junkies. I don’t mean this in a derogatory manner - but they do read alot about births, attend births, and take workshops in births. Because they spend the whole time with the mother, they are able to recognize some things such as noticing that ‘transition’ is taking place which otherwise might not be noticed. As well, they have a variety of ‘exercises’ and massage techniques that are meant to make the mother feel better/more relaxed and encourage the baby to be in the correct position etc.
Now as to persuading the OB on stuff … here the doula’s don’t usually interact directly with the doctor on medical decisions but they are obviously present when the doctor approaches the couple to discuss a medical intervention. As I understand it, the doula will talk to the parents about the suggested intervention and help them ask the doctor questions about it, including suggesting alternatives to the procedure. The doula cannot perform any ‘medical’ interventions.
I don’t believe that the doula and the doctor actually consult together. I know from talking with a obstetrics nurse, that sometimes the medical professionals find the mothers reliance on the doula’s opinion a hindrance when they believe something needs to be done. Since I’m trying to look at this objectively, I’m sure that sometimes the doulas are a hindrance and other times the medical professionals are less than thrilled to have another person giving their input.
SnoopyFan, if your OB was so awful, why didn’t you get another one?
It’s sort of hard to get a new OB when you’re um, in the middle of labor.
MY OB sucked, and she was OB #2. I didn’t say that she planned my labor for her convenience (although looking back she sort of did, I suppose), I said that some OBs around here do just that. As far as the showing up when it’s time to push thing, yes, she did. She was there 45 minutes out of 22 hours.
Plus keep in mind some people have no choice as to what OB they go to. I did, which is why I dumped OB #1. Lived to regret it, of course, but at least I had a choice. Some people have insurance that TELLS them which OB they’re going to use.
All five of my children were born here at home, some with a midwife, others without. No matter how poor I was, I always hired a doula.
There are different types of doulas it seems, birth doulas and support doulas.
Ours would typically arrive a day or so before the birth to help us get ready, be nearby to help my wife or even me during the birth. I know on the first one, I probably got more backrubs than the wife, and was for certain the most nervous one.
Our doulas, took the place of a grandmother, had we lived closer to one. Typically she would be here a week or ten days, doing house cleaning, meal preparation, keep the other children occupied, in other words, spoil the family and help us with what ever we wanted.
If you can find a support doula, I highly recommend it. We always formed great friendships with ours it seems.
Well, I don’t actually doubt that a doula Could be a benefit to some, but I don’t care for some of the stereotyping I see here such as “The Dr’s are just in it for the money and rush you they can hit the golf course”, or the “uncaring nurses” attitude. Nurses, aside from providing medical care, are supposed to be the patient’s advocate. Labor and Delivery nursing is a specialty that most nurses choose because the enjoy the work, I would think. Also, I don’t think L&D nurses have up to six patients. I would be surprised to find the ratio more than 1:1, or 1:2.
Perhaps the OP can ask someone at the place she plans to deliver what the nurse to patient ratio is there. She should also check with her Doc to find his/her attitude about midwives and doulas. If the Doc doesn’t care for them, showing up on delivery day with one could be uncomfortable for everyone. If the Doc does like them, he or she may even have a recommendation to pass along.
Clarifying the doula’s role is important here. Apparantly they function soley as a paid or unpaid labor support person. Finding someone with experience and some kind of credentials or recommendations (as opposed to a hobbyist) seems like it would be important.
My objection to a doula is simply personal- I, personally, wouldn’t care to have a relative ‘stranger’ with no formal training involved in my birthing experience, and I certainly would not care to pay for them to attend.
Personally I resent the idea that dads are too weak, stupid, un-equipped, NON-female, do deal adequately with the birth of THEIR child.
From what I surmise this whole doula thing means that moms have no faith in the three most important (other than themselves of course) people in the room.
DAD, Dr, Nurse.
