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  #1  
Old 02-15-2010, 08:28 PM
MichaelEmouse MichaelEmouse is offline
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Signs of female interest

Inspired by this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=552307

Melodyharmonius said :" Guys will be the first to admit that they can be clueless about the things us gals consider "big hints."

I've found that also. What are some of the hints women use to signal romantic/sexual interest?
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  #2  
Old 02-15-2010, 08:32 PM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is offline
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I just read that if someone stares at you for more than six seconds, it means that they either want to kill you or have sex with you. So there you have a fifty-fifty chance.

Other signs that I've heard of include her licking her lips, mimicking your gestures and movements, and touching her hair. Getting naked and inviting you into her bed is also a good indicator.
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  #3  
Old 02-15-2010, 08:32 PM
Todderbob Todderbob is offline
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Differs from female to female, in my experience, but...

Look for touching, does she touch you more than she normally does other people?

Does she look nicer when she knows she's going to run into you, than when you run into her accidentally?

Does she "puff up" her features? (if she's proud of her hair, she'll twirl/touch it, if she's proud of her ass, she'll make it a point to give you a view of it, etc)

Does she make excuses to spend time with you, or even alone with you?

The problem is, most of this stuff isn't a choice, it's just stuff females do to attract mates, so it's ridiculously subtle and flies over the head of most guys. And that's entirely separate from the women who actually have an active interest in a guy, rather than a passive one.
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  #4  
Old 02-15-2010, 08:33 PM
The Bith Shuffle The Bith Shuffle is offline
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I've heard that if a woman laughs at something you said that wasn't really that funny she's probably into you.
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  #5  
Old 02-15-2010, 09:03 PM
Richard Pearse Richard Pearse is offline
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I thought a girl was into me once. She was very chatty, hung around with me at parties, was touching my arm, grabbed my arse when she got drunk, etc. Then I eventually realised she was like this with everyone else too .

Last edited by Richard Pearse; 02-15-2010 at 09:03 PM..
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  #6  
Old 02-15-2010, 10:37 PM
Polly Glot Polly Glot is offline
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Originally Posted by 1920s Style "Death Ray" View Post
I thought a girl was into me once. She was very chatty, hung around with me at parties, was touching my arm, grabbed my arse when she got drunk, etc. Then I eventually realised she was like this with everyone else too .
She was probably into them, too.
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  #7  
Old 02-15-2010, 10:41 PM
FrustratedIdiot FrustratedIdiot is offline
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If she goes out of her way to see you/talk to you, she likes you.
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  #8  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:14 PM
HazelNutCoffee HazelNutCoffee is offline
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I tend to signal my interest by getting drunk with the guy in question and then making out with him after dragging him to a dark corner. That's just me though.
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  #9  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:17 PM
Livardo Livardo is offline
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Ladies: Please don't be flirty as fuck if you're already in a relationship. Thank you.
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  #10  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:38 PM
AK84 AK84 is offline
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**Opens notepad**

Fire away ladies.
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  #11  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:49 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee View Post
I tend to signal my interest by getting drunk with the guy in question and then making out with him after dragging him to a dark corner. That's just me though.
I'm pretty sure that even I would have no trouble interpreting that signal.
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  #12  
Old 02-15-2010, 11:53 PM
Huerta88 Huerta88 is offline
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The hair-stroking and gazing into your eyes things are pretty potent.

The more general precept: "If she's into you, she'll find reasons to spend time with you; if she's not, she'll find reasons not to" is pretty solid. Most social humans who are reasonably well-acquainted and like each other find reasons to meet up. If your lady-love e-mails you spontaneously, she's interested. If she grudgingly trades one-liner replies to conversations you initiate -- maybe not so much.

If she flatly turns you down -- not great. If she gives you the "I can't do Tuesday, but I'd love to take you to the tequila bar near my house Thursday" -- you're in good shape.
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  #13  
Old 02-16-2010, 12:08 AM
zoog zoog is offline
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Some of us men can be pretty clueless about this stuff. Case in point:

I rode a commuter bus to work once upon a time. This one attractive girl started sitting next to me a lot. She made a point of asking questions about things I was reading, etc. One evening as we were arriving home, she said "I noticed that you always walk home from here - do you need a ride home?" I told her thanks, but it's only about a block and a half. So I walked home, went to the mailbox and grabbed my mail, started looking through it, and then...

It dawned on me. Maybe, just maybe... So the next day I asked her out.

That was 16 years ago. We're still married. Good that I eventually figured that out.
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  #14  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:17 AM
Princhester Princhester is online now
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When I was in senior high school and even more completely and utterly clueless than I am now, I gave an attractive girl a lift home and when we got to her house she asked me if I wanted to come in for a drink. I said thanks but no I was OK because I'd had a drink just before, and drove off.

And now I'm going to just hit "Submit Reply" and walk away from this thread so I don't have to think about this any more
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  #15  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:25 AM
BigBertha BigBertha is offline
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I am not everyone, but I always make a point of giving verbal hints. They tend to be obvious so the guy in question gets the point and if also interested, he does them back.
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  #16  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:51 AM
salinqmind salinqmind is offline
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Posts above remind me of a submission to patheticgeekstories.com - a high school boy was walking home and a cute girl in his class was driving by and stopped and offered him a ride. He accepted - and some what-was-he-thinking-impulse compelled him to jump into the BACK SEAT. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

I have no advice for the men, but ladies:

If you are interested, you cannot be subtle. They can't see the bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator. They can't see the cat sleeping in the middle of the floor, and they accidentally step on it. Whether men just have bad eyesight or are genetically clueless, you cannot be subtle, twirl your hair, bat your lashes. You have to make eye contact and SAY something encouraging. Often several times, as women's voices are not well heard while they're staring at your cleavage. You just can't be subtle if YOU are interested in THEM.
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  #17  
Old 02-16-2010, 01:51 PM
zoid zoid is online now
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Well my wife shoved me up against a wall and stuck her tongue in my mouth - worked pretty good it did.
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  #18  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:24 PM
Long Time First Time Long Time First Time is offline
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If she says something along the lines of, "I'd really like to find a guy like you" or "I wish someone like you would ask me out."

That means - Ask me out stupid.

However, if she says you'd be good for a friend- forget it.
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  #19  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:31 PM
Bijou Drains Bijou Drains is offline
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Recently I heard a girl say to a guy "I really like going to FB games" which to me was a pretty obvious way of telling the guy to ask her out. Not sure if it worked or not.
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  #20  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:38 PM
black rabbit black rabbit is offline
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If she's sporting a fairly obvious boner, take it as a sign that you should go for it.
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  #21  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:43 PM
breaking-reality breaking-reality is offline
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If I'm nervous I giggle a lot, which either means I like you, or you're making me uncomfortable. How's that for mixed signals?

When I'm into someone, though, I definitely flirt. I'm pretty sarcastic, though, so I could see how my flirting or banter might just be construed as being witty/sarcastic rather than flirty.

I've heard that subconsciously women will touch you, look at you a certain way, play with their hair, or try to draw attention to their mouth (playing with a straw while drinking, biting a pen, etc.). I'm sure I've been guilty of doing these things, but I generally don't notice if I'm doing them. So for me, I think it's more a nervous or natural behavior rather than something intentional that says "I want you".

However, if I like someone enough I will say things that make it clear to them that I'm interested. Like saying we should hang out sometime, or if they say something they're doing and I say "oh, that sounds fun", or "I'd love to do something like that" that generally means "please extend an invite if you want me to come along".
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  #22  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:45 PM
Man With a Cat Man With a Cat is offline
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All chicks dig me. I don't need to read signs, because I know if they even so much as glance my way, that's my sign.


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  #23  
Old 02-16-2010, 02:56 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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The other day -- Valentine's Day, no less -- I was in a really cool bookstore. There was an amazingly beautiful woman sitting down in the stacks reading something. I was looking at some books kind of near there, and decided to say hi. She looked up and gave me a big flirty hi back. I said that I loved the store and she said "me too." I then started to walk away. As I did so, I looked in her gorgeous eyes and noticed that she was not breaking eye contact. Like, at all. She almost fell over backwards to maintain eye contact. Instead of stopping and introducing myself, I just kept going.

That's when everything slowed down to extreme slow motion. I pulled out my gun, pointed it down, pulled the trigger, and watched the bullet slowly spiral downwards towards my foot. And I thought to myself "And there's nothing I can do to stop it."

I went back a few minutes later to see if she was still there, but she wasn't.

And to think, she could have given me the best VD I've ever had.
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  #24  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:08 PM
Wash Wash is offline
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And to think, she could have given me the best VD I've ever had.
In that case it was probably best you walked away. Even the best VD is still bad by definition.
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Old 02-16-2010, 03:14 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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In that case it was probably best you walked away. Even the best VD is still bad by definition.
I don't know. She was so cute that I would have settled for a moderately enjoyable VD.
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  #26  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:51 PM
Happy Poster Happy Poster is offline
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I don't know. She was so cute that I would have settled for a moderately enjoyable VD.
You've never been introduced to the parasol then
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  #27  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:52 PM
BlinkingDuck BlinkingDuck is offline
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Touching.

An interested woman will touch you. and touch. and touch.

One that is not will never (ok very rarely) do so...and if she does accidently she won't do it again.
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  #28  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:55 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is offline
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Does she "puff up" her features?
Hey, I think she likes me.
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  #29  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:57 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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I disagree with the touching. Some people are just very touchy feely, and mean nothing by it. Other people are absolutely not.

Yes, someone interested is more likely to touch, but there are enough exceptions to the rule that it's not a great barometer.
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  #30  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:57 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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---

Last edited by Shagnasty; 02-16-2010 at 03:59 PM..
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  #31  
Old 02-16-2010, 03:58 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
I don't know. She was so cute that I would have settled for a moderately enjoyable VD.
We are trying to tell you that no VD is enjoyable but it could be worth it if she really was that hot. I am not sure why you are even focused on VD.

Last edited by Shagnasty; 02-16-2010 at 03:59 PM..
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  #32  
Old 02-16-2010, 04:21 PM
Shakes Shakes is offline
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I would caution against the whole touching thing. Sure some women will touch you if they're interested. But let's be honest, there are a lot of women out there who are just tactile creatures that have a impulsive habit of touching people to get a point across.

Anyway, here are some good indicators:

Crosses her legs towards you.

Applies make up on in front of you. or maybe when you step away to the restroom and when you come back she putting on the finishing touches. (hope that makes sense)

Watch her hands, are they busy? Unless she's using them to text away on her cell phone; this is good.

Over the top emotional responses to trivial things you've said or done. Even angry responses are a good indicator.
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  #33  
Old 02-16-2010, 04:25 PM
The Bith Shuffle The Bith Shuffle is offline
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Originally Posted by Shagnasty View Post
We are trying to tell you that no VD is enjoyable but it could be worth it if she really was that hot. I am not sure why you are even focused on VD.
I assume you are kidding...?
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  #34  
Old 02-16-2010, 04:45 PM
kelly5078 kelly5078 is offline
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When I first went out with my wife, she told me she had to meet a friend at 9:00. At 8:00 she called the friend to say she couldn't make it. Even I figured that one out.
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  #35  
Old 02-16-2010, 04:50 PM
jjimm jjimm is offline
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
I would caution against the whole touching thing. Sure some women will touch you if they're interested. But let's be honest, there are a lot of women out there who are just tactile creatures that have a impulsive habit of touching people to get a point across.
Opinions requested.

I have a situation at work where for about a month, the girl in question (who I am training), when I'm at her desk, wraps her arm around mine, puts her hand on mine while I'm using the mouse, wraps her fingers in mine for a second or so, and pushes her knee into mine. If she comes to my desk she often runs her fingers in a circle on my arm while asking me stuff. The other day, when there was just the two of us in the office she inadvertantly (?) pushed her boobs up against my arm, and later wrapped both hands around my forearm, and then got a pen and wrote "I am jjimm ♥" on my it. She's also invited me to go with her and a female coworker to see a movie (a chick flick) this week.

Normally, I would interpret this only one way, but in this circumstance she's about 20 years younger than me, extremely fit, and involved with someone.

I have been completely passive about the whole thing, for professional reasons as well as moral ones, though the other day, experimentally, I gently held the crook of her arm for an extended period, and she didn't shy away from me.

Is this is just that she's really tactile? Or is what is happening, in fact, what I think is happening..?


ETA: for the sake of honesty, I will admit that I'm enjoying the hell out of it, whatever it is.

Last edited by jjimm; 02-16-2010 at 04:52 PM..
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  #36  
Old 02-16-2010, 05:41 PM
Shakes Shakes is offline
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Originally Posted by jjimm View Post
Opinions requested.

I have a situation at work where for about a month, the girl in question (who I am training), when I'm at her desk, wraps her arm around mine, puts her hand on mine while I'm using the mouse, wraps her fingers in mine for a second or so, and pushes her knee into mine. If she comes to my desk she often runs her fingers in a circle on my arm while asking me stuff. The other day, when there was just the two of us in the office she inadvertantly (?) pushed her boobs up against my arm, and later wrapped both hands around my forearm, and then got a pen and wrote "I am jjimm ♥" on my it. She's also invited me to go with her and a female coworker to see a movie (a chick flick) this week.

Normally, I would interpret this only one way, but in this circumstance she's about 20 years younger than me, extremely fit, and involved with someone.

I have been completely passive about the whole thing, for professional reasons as well as moral ones, though the other day, experimentally, I gently held the crook of her arm for an extended period, and she didn't shy away from me.

Is this is just that she's really tactile? Or is what is happening, in fact, what I think is happening..?


ETA: for the sake of honesty, I will admit that I'm enjoying the hell out of it, whatever it is.
She's either being a cock tease or she's into you.

The age thing makes me wary but you never know.
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  #37  
Old 02-16-2010, 05:43 PM
Lamia Lamia is offline
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A particular type of touching that is very often flirtatious is "grooming" touching, such as plucking lint from your clothes or adjusting your collar.

If the woman is twirling her own hair that may be a sign, although some women do just have a habit of twirling their hair.

If the woman laughs a lot at all your jokes and this is not the reaction you usually get, she's probably flirting. You didn't just get funnier all of a sudden.

ETA: Many women will quietly but deliberately place themselves near a man they find attractive. One obviously shouldn't assume that any woman who happens to be in the vicinity is interested, but if the same woman seems to keep popping up or if a woman comes over and stands by you and keeps looking at you then she may intentionally be trying to make it easy for you to make a move. (Not truly "the first move", since she's already made her first move, but the first overt move.) Of course if your move is rebuffed then you should be a gentleman and move on to someone else, but there are times when a woman doesn't "just happen" to be standing by you.

Last edited by Lamia; 02-16-2010 at 05:48 PM..
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  #38  
Old 02-16-2010, 06:22 PM
appleciders appleciders is offline
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Originally Posted by tdn View Post
I disagree with the touching. Some people are just very touchy feely, and mean nothing by it. Other people are absolutely not.
Seriously. I have two female friends in particular who are extremely touchy, and will put their hands on the center of your chest just to make a point or get your attention, or grab your arm in conversation just to emphasize that they're interested in what you're saying. I'm also positive that they're not hitting on me, because they do it a) to EVERYONE and b) in front of their boyfriends.

A better metric might be that if a girl touches you more than she touches other people.
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  #39  
Old 02-16-2010, 06:27 PM
Cat Fight Cat Fight is offline
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She might also stop touching you like she touches other people, avoid your gaze and start speaking in short, concise sentences. Her giant crush has made her super self-conscious! Isn't love grand?
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  #40  
Old 02-16-2010, 07:01 PM
Calculon Calculon is offline
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Originally Posted by Shakes View Post
Applies make up on in front of you. or maybe when you step away to the restroom and when you come back she putting on the finishing touches. (hope that makes sense)
I had actually heard the opposite, that if a woman puts on make-up in front of you it is a sign that they are not interested in you. The logic behind this was that make-up is all about illusion, and if a guy sees you putting more on he knows that what he is seeing is not real. So if a woman chooses to do that in front of you it means that she doesn't care whether you think her look is real or fake.

I am open to other interpretations, I just don't know what they would be.

Calculon.
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  #41  
Old 02-16-2010, 07:23 PM
Taomist Taomist is offline
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Just remember that 'flirty', including touching, doesn't mean anything in itself. Some people <men included> flirt to manipulate, some for so long and so well that it's an automatic response to make people respond well in return.

So...your mileage WILL vary depending on the model you are attempting to drive.

Good luck
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  #42  
Old 02-16-2010, 07:28 PM
Superfluous Parentheses Superfluous Parentheses is offline
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Originally Posted by salinqmind View Post
If you are interested, you cannot be subtle. They can't see the bottle of ketchup in the refrigerator. They can't see the cat sleeping in the middle of the floor, and they accidentally step on it. Whether men just have bad eyesight or are genetically clueless, you cannot be subtle, twirl your hair, bat your lashes. You have to make eye contact and SAY something encouraging.
Or just bite them on the arm.

Hey, it got my attention

Last edited by Superfluous Parentheses; 02-16-2010 at 07:28 PM..
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  #43  
Old 02-16-2010, 07:54 PM
Unintentionally Blank Unintentionally Blank is offline
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Originally Posted by Lamia View Post
If the woman laughs a lot at all your jokes and this is not the reaction you usually get, she's probably flirting. You didn't just get funnier all of a sudden.
I do. I get funny and un-funny all the time. Rarely at the RIGHT times, mind you.
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  #44  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:24 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Originally Posted by Superfluous Parentheses View Post
Or just bite them on the arm.

Hey, it got my attention
I am 36 years old and have never asked a girl out for the first encounter in my entire life and still really have no idea about how to go about such a thing. My ex-wife and I were together for 17 years since we barely started college at 18 years old. I accidentally left my coed dorm room un-locked one night when I was as sick as a dog from a cold. I woke up at 2 am with her sitting on my bed and I didn't really know what was happening. She climbed in bed and made out with me for an hour or so before I got too sick to continue. She was gorgeous but she left and that made me sad.

I woke up the next morning and the other guys were talking about who they were taking to the football game that weekend. I couldn't think of anybody that would want to go with me until they started asking questions. I had a fizzling brainstorm like a profound Beavis and Butthead moment. I thought it might be a Hail Mary Pass but just might work. I was shocked when she said she would go with me to a huge public event together although I still had no idea what that meant.

My younger brother got his wife because she just stood sat on his front porch because she had no idea whatsoever when he would come home. He just got home and let her in and that was that.

TV is really unfair to men in some ways but lots of us are complete imbeciles in others. Ladies, if you are interested in someone, all you have to do is just say it. One short sentence can make you lap the competition three times over.
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  #45  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:28 PM
Serenata67 Serenata67 is offline
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On touching:

If she touches herself in sexy places, she's into you. I would always run my fingers on the top of my cleavage, around my collarbone and neck, around my ribcage, along my legs (if wearing a skirt and crossing my legs), etc. If I'm talking to a friend, I'm not gonna be playing with my boobs. If I'm into a guy, my nervous hands just gravitate to my sexy places.
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  #46  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:40 PM
Rack-a-Bones Rack-a-Bones is offline
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Originally Posted by HazelNutCoffee View Post
I tend to signal my interest by getting drunk with the guy in question and then making out with him after dragging him to a dark corner. That's just me though.
I like the way you operate!
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Originally Posted by Mr Bus Guy View Post
All chicks dig me. I don't need to read signs, because I know if they even so much as glance my way, that's my sign.

I agree with Mr Bus Guy; I don't know how you guys miss all these signs.

The bartender at a pub I frequent says hi when I come in, calls me honey and remembers my drink. She wants me.

The cute girl that drives the 15 bus to Ballard on the evenings smiles and says hi to me when I get on the bus. She totally wants me.

The hot cashier girl at the store across the street where I got my lunch today told me to have a great day. She did not say this to the guy in front of me. She wants me so bad I can taste it.

The two girls that smiled at my witty remark in the pub the other night totally wanted to take me back to their place and double team me. Unfortunately I had to catch a bus.

Yep, signs, signs, every where there's signs.

Last edited by Rack-a-Bones; 02-16-2010 at 08:43 PM..
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  #47  
Old 02-16-2010, 08:49 PM
Rack-a-Bones Rack-a-Bones is offline
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Shagnasty, I can't tell if you're serious, or I am just getting gigantically whooshed, but if that post is true you're going to need to change your user name.
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  #48  
Old 02-16-2010, 09:18 PM
Shagnasty Shagnasty is offline
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Shagnasty, I can't tell if you're serious, or I am just getting gigantically whooshed, but if that post is true you're going to need to change your user name.
I am 100% dead serious. That is a true story. I do loves me some pretty women with all my heart but Shagnasty is just a really old Southern word of British origins that doesn't mean what most people think it does. Yep, 36 years old with a few outstanding hookups and a still very attractive ex-wife with two daughters and I still have never asked out a girl out for a first date. The SDMB is the place to go to hear about unusual scenarios.

Last edited by Shagnasty; 02-16-2010 at 09:19 PM..
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  #49  
Old 02-16-2010, 09:31 PM
MichaelEmouse MichaelEmouse is offline
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Originally Posted by Serenata67 View Post
On touching:

my nervous hands just gravitate to my sexy places.
Love how if this was said by a man, it would be seen as incredibly creepy, and possibly a misdemeanor.

Not that I have something against it. Just saying.







In another vein, what's a good way for a man to flirt with a woman? By "good", I mean a way that's not crass/offensive yet gets the message accross.



Shagnasty, you have to tell us what it means now.

Last edited by MichaelEmouse; 02-16-2010 at 09:32 PM..
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  #50  
Old 02-16-2010, 09:46 PM
elfkin477 elfkin477 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: NH
Posts: 19,269
Quote:
Originally Posted by FrustratedIdiot View Post
If she goes out of her way to see you/talk to you, she likes you.
This is a very good sign. We don't go out of our way to see guys we're uninterested in for no reason (or for terribly flimsy reasons).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Livardo View Post
Ladies: Please don't be flirty as fuck if you're already in a relationship. Thank you.
Humanity as a whole needs this memo, at least judging from the number of men I've encountered who charm you half to death before mentioning their SO...

Can we strike the "touching her hair" thing from the list, please? This is a poor indicator given a lot of women will play with their hair while 100% alone, too. And some of us just have hair that tries to escape from where we want it.

A whole lot of signs are best weighed by how she treats you in relationship to other people. Does she touch you a lot, and more often than other people? Does she make firm eye contact with you, more so than with other people? Does she laugh at your stupid jokes, more often than other people's?
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