The Twisty Springer Show

[TwistofFate]

Hello folks, and welkome to the Twisty Springer show. On tonights show we are going to have people who have disturbing confessions to make to their friends Please meet our first guests, Screetch-owl and Coldfire...

Screetch-owl, would you like to take up the story?

[blur]

(blur stands up and shakes his fist and gets the crowd pumped} Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y

[Coldfire]

Y'all don't know me! It ain't like that! Shut up, you bitch! Come up here, I'm gonna whoop yo'ass!

[screech-owl]

Ya know, I was told to be here for a ********g 'special surprise', and boy did I get it. *********g producer told me you had a secret crush on me and you bring that ******g pig!

Call me a Bitch?! Whup MY ass, now are you?!?! C'mere and ******g try it.

Then again, a pig could be interesting.
_{ohmygoddidIjusttypethat!?}

[screech-owl]

_{ohmygodIhitsubmitinsteadofpreview!
thenagain,submitcouldbefun}

[TwistofFate]

* Screech- owl attacks the pig

Homer, could you please remove screech owl from the stage

[crowd] Homer! Homer! Homer![/crowd]

Coldfire, I believe you also have a secret confession, you want to make on the Twisty Springer show. who is it about?

[yojimbo]

Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y Twist-Y

[Coldfire]

'S like this, Twisty. I been messin' round behin' ol' screech-owls back with anudda woman. An' I wanna purpose to her today, on da show.

Can we bring her on out? Her name's tatertot, and she be real ghetto!

[Astroboy14]

Since Coldfire seems to have gotten coldfeet... I'll step foreward! I'm not ashamed of it!

It's like this: I'm straight, dammit! But Coldy's SO cute! And we were both drunk... And Coldy said "You know, Astroboy, I never knew anyone could be so random and annoyingly pedestrian." My knees went weak, and I looked at him. He had this steely look in his eye, and a leash in his hand! The llama stepped over in response to Coldy's tug, and Coldy looked at me with that look he has... you know?

And then the llama dropped to its knees, and suddenly tatertot appeared next to it (and I think you all know how I feel about tater! YOW!!)! And Coldy said, "How would you like to ride the llama, Astroboy?" And tatertot said. "I bet he'd LOVE it!" and... well, all I can say is it was beautiful!!

That was 3 weeks ago, and now Coldy and tatertot won't return my calls!! SOB!!!

^{Astroboy runs for the wings in tears...}

[Astroboy14]

'S like this, Twisty. I been messin' round behin' ol' screech-owls back with anudda woman. An' I wanna purpose to her today, on da show.

Can we bring her on out? Her name's tatertot, and she be real ghetto!

Ooops! I thought we were talking about another secret...

Nevermind!

[TwistofFate]

Astroboy, welcome to the show! Take a seat. Could you tell me how you feel about the LLama?

Coldy, how many people have seen your Llama?

[tatertot]

::tater enters, and for some reason starts clawing and kicking screech owl, even though technically tater is the one who done screech wrong. Security pulls tater off, sits her in a chair. tater indignantly skoooches her seat as far from everybody else possible and glares::

[Coldfire]

C'mere baby, you my woman.

[Astroboy14]

Could you tell me how you feel about the LLama?

Coldy, how many people have seen your Llama?

Coldy and tater swore to me that no one else knew about the llama! And I believed them! SOB!!!

I feel so USED!

The llama won't return my calls, either, and it had such wonderfully knobbly knees! Our last moment together was when the llama and I looked deeply into each other's eyes, and it hawked and spit a huge loogie on me. God! It was wonderful! I get shivers thinking about it...

This morning, a different llama showed up at my door... when I answered, it said, "Sssnnnnooorrbbwaaaaa." Which, I think (I've been studying llama since Coldy and tater first introduced me to the wonderful world of ungulates) means: "I hear that you're easy!"

What could I do? It had its way with me, and then left without even a thank you!

I feel SO dirty!!

What's next??

SOB!!

[tatertot]

Okay, the reason we don't be returning your phone calls and shit is that we ain't got no phone since somebody ::glares at Coldy:: spent all the money to pay for Bitch here to get a weave. Who you think you're fooling Bitch? We all know that ain't yo' real hair.

Yeah, and that's why I came here today, Jerry, to tell that Pig Lover that he's got to go. Oh yeah, and I also want to tell him that he not my baby's real daddy.

[Coldfire]

Bitch, you jus' jealous cus' you fat.

And I slept with yo sister, too.

[TwistofFate]

so Tater (If you don't mind me calling you that) did you have any idea that Coldy was carrying on with Screech, Astroboy, a pig and a Llama behind your back? Would you not notice something like that?


and we'll be taking questions from the audience soon.

[tatertot]

I was too busy to notice, because I was off having me some hot fun with a real man, not some Dike plugging, cheese eating, tulip plantin' l'il Mama's boy like him :oints accusingly at Coldy::

[TwistofFate]

Ok, so lets recap the story. Screech owl brought Coldy onto the show to tell him that she didn't want anything to do with his pig lovin' ways, and that she ahd found someone new. Coldy, in return, said that he had been foolin' around himself with Tater. Astroboy informed us that Coldy and Tater got him involved with a Llama, and that ever since then his life has been on a downward spiral. Now tater says that she has something to reveal herself.


Tater, would you like to tell us whats on your mind?

[croud] you go Girl!! Kick him to the Curb!![croud]

[redneck croud] Homer! Homer! Homer![/redneck crowd]

[tatertot]

How you gonna ask me what's on my mind? I think you know what bes on my mind.

:::lot's of indignant arm & neck motions:::::

[TwistofFate]

So "what be on your mind?" as you put it tater?

who is this "real man"?

[Tygr]

Uhh, yeah... Twisty, I'se jus' wan' say (to tatertot) lil' miss thang there think she ALL DAT, but tha' Clog-Boy gonna find out soon what he done give up, cuz.

The owl? Dude, she be fine - she all THAT, a bag o' chips, AN a forty!

Astroboy, man, you a FREAK! Da llama, she be deservin' better dan you.

Oh, an' Twisty? Lemme axe you a qwestion - weren't dat llama on here las' week on da show 'bout da "Secret Sex Jobs"? Look like she been gettin some body work done since then! You cain't be tellin' me dem things is REAL!

[tatertot]

Oh no you didn't forget! ::lots of neck bobbing and arm thrusting::

Twisty, you don't remember two years ago, the message parlor down on 45th street? I know you remember cause your picture was on the front page after they busted your ass!

Yeah, remember me now? Huh? Yeah, that's right Twisty Springer be my baby's daddy. And I came here today get my child support!


Of course, Twisty ain't the real man I wuz talking about. I think I'm gonna let my man come out here and speak for himself.

And Tygr you wish you had some good as this ::assorted strutting and lewd touching of oneself:::

[TwistofFate]

That wasn't me!! Tater, I got a surprise for you!!

*A man enters the stage wearing a Twisty springer mask

Yup! thats right! Your Babies daddy is....

*twisty Springer mask is torn off to reveal...

JimmyNipples!!

so, who is your secret man?

[Coldfire]

*Coldfire sprints towards JimmyNipples and punches him in da head*

[tatertot]

You're just trying to get out of the $15.000 a month court-ordered child support payment! I can prove you be my baby's daddy!

:::enter that Abe Lincoln looking DNA expert motherfucker:::

And my secret man is late, he had to work, something some of these clowns could be taking lessons in :::glares accusingly at Coldfire, Astroboy and Jimmy Nipples:::

[TwistofFate]

*Homer drags the now unconcious Jimmy Nipples from the stage, and puts him on top of the now growing pile of knocked out Springer guests. The Crowd settle down, after much hooting and hollering.

Until your "Mystery man" shows up tater, I'm going to continue with the show.

*the guests move back while 3 new chairs are put on the stage..


Please welcome our new guest. she is here to tell her 2 live in life partners that she has a secret to tell them.

Could our new guest pleaswe intorduce ourselves and give her side of the story??

[TwistofFate]

thats "Could our new guest please introduce herself and give us her side of the story?"


*Hands Tater a big cloth bag with a large green "$" on the side.

[screech-owl]

::screech-owl regains consciousness in the green room in time to hear:

...we ain't got no phone since somebody spent all the money to pay for Bitch here to get a weave...

Weave? I'll give you a ********g weave, you **** **i*o***** *******n******* ******g **p****u********!!!

::struggles with Homer and the other bouncers backstage, knocking over several chairs in the green room, gets away and bolts on stage::

Look, you *******g tater, this is my ***o***g hair, not some **f**-*** weave, you ******g ****r! Let's see if your *******h hair is *c*****real!

::grabs tatertot out of her chair by the hair and starts beating the ******** out of her onstage.

::assorted whooping and hollering from the audience as various pieces of clothing are torn.::

[Astroboy14]

Astroboy, man, you a FREAK! Da llama, she be deservin' better dan you.

Tygr, You want somma this? YOU WANT SOMMA THIS?? Come on, then Ms. Thang!! Bring it on!

*Astroboy rips off his shirt and beats his chest, taunting Tygr*

[JimmyNipples]

*Jimmynipples shakes the cobwebs off*

*Gets off the pile of people....looks around for Dutchie*

*Can't find him.....so, of course, unzips fly to reveal a massive penis with numerous piercings*

"I gonna axe yall one thing....You want some of dis?? You want dis??"

*Coldie blind sides Jimmynipples again. Pants around ankles, pierced dink flopping in the breeze....the fight is on!!!*