Ask the Chick Who Was Recently Four, is Currently Five, and is Soon-to-be Six Months Pregnant

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I know, I know - finally, right? I’m sure everyone’s been waiting with bated breath to hear the continuing saga of Lumpy & Me, but it’s been a really busy time at work, and since I’ll be taking almost three months off in the near future, I feel I ought to chip in while I can. So between coming in early, going home late, and sleeping as much as possible (when not at work), I haven’t even had time to read the boards, much less post. I predict I’ll be taking a similar hiatus after Lumpy arrives.

Okay, so on with it, already. We last saw our intrepid heroes dangling from a cliff, with no rescue in sight. Or, generally feeling fine, and not even really showing yet. We now rejoin them at 26 weeks, where we hear Heart of Dorkness say…

In the fourth month, a lot of cool stuff happened:

  • I started to show, as evidenced by all my coworkers (most of whom I’ve never spoken to before) asking me if I’m pregnant, and random strangers commenting on my belly. Seriously, people: don’t do this.

  • I discovered that pregnant bellies are not soft and cuddly at all, but surprisingly firm. I think it actually has a little more give now, or perhaps I’m just getting used to it, but when it first started really protruding, I was continually surprised at how hard it was.

  • I found that belly growth and weight gain aren’t as closely linked as I had thought. Some weeks, I wouldn’t gain at all, but my belly would get noticeably bigger, and others, I would gain several pounds and not seem to change shape at all.

  • I gained a lot of weight - six or seven pounds in the four weeks after my last update.

  • I found out Lumpy’s sex. He’s a boy (or a girl who’s going to have some serious body-image issues). And several people, on finding this out, have said, “Oh, your husband must be *so *happy!” Uh… yeah. No more so than if we were having a girl, of course, because I didn’t marry an asshole, but yes - he’s happy. As am I. Also, bite me.

  • Lumpy started moving, and it really did feel a lot like gas at first. And because I’m farting more than ever before (and that’s saying something), it was sometimes hard to tell what it was. More and more, I can totally understand how, if your belly didn’t really grow and the kid couldn’t move around much more than that, you might not know you were pregnant.

In the fifth month, more cool stuff:

  • Lumpy started seriously moving: kicking, punching, rolling, and unless I’m mistaken, installing a climbing wall and moon bounce. I have a feeling he’s going to be one of those total spaz kids who constantly runs around like a Tasmanian devil, and I’m going to be the mom everyone rolls their eyes at, thinking, “God, why can’t she control that little hellion?” And I’ll think back fondly on these days when the only damage he could do was kick me in the ovary. If you didn’t know you were pregnant, and felt this, you’d surely suspect something was up.

  • Lumpy’s movements can be not only felt (externally), but seen. The little bouncy kicks are cool, but my favorite is when I’m lying around in the evening and can watch my whole belly undulate. That shit’s totally freaky. And that reminds me, I want to go see Splice. If you’ve seen it, let me know if it’s any good.

  • I gained a lot more weight: another six pounds in the next four weeks, and another four in the last two and a half weeks, totalling 20 pounds gained so far. Apparently, though, I’m right on track, and should expect to gain another 10 before I’m done.

  • Beyond the weight gain, I’ve felt back to normal for the most part, and it’s been great. No nausea, headaches, or backaches, and even my poop is returning to normal (although I’m still not back to my daily schedule yet). The most noticeable changes have been in just the last couple of weeks. I have been a little more tired, and I’m starting to have trouble getting up from a squat or sitting in a low chair. I also can’t comfortably bend over to do things - I need to bend at the knees. It’s really counterintuitive when, say, unloading the dishwasher. I figure that’s understandable when you suddenly gain 20 pounds, all in your belly, and most of it in just two months.

And the two things that everyone says will absolutely happen, boob growth and cessation of hair loss, are still nowhere to be seen. I actually had to get a bra strap extender, because my chest is somehow getting bigger in circumference, but the cup size hasn’t budged. And I still shed a few hairs every day, at roughly the same rate, as far as I can tell.

So, that’s the news from Lake Wobegon. Questions?

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Congrats on the boy! Any real names for Lumpy picked out yet?

Also, as for the “your husband must be so excited!” comments, we got the opposite (we’re having a girl) - like, “oh, did your husband really want a boy?”. Um, no? People are weird.

ETA: it gets really sci-fi when you can poke your belly and identify parts - mine likes to stick her butt out and make a big lump on one side.

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Congratulations on your pregnancies Heart of Dorkness and badbadrubberpiggy

Wait until you get a foot stuck under your ribs and a punch in the cervix:eek:

Not long from now and random strangers will try and stroke your belly:smack:

Good luck:)

4

Yep, we have a name - whew. I won’t post it, for privacy’s sake, but it’s basically a happy-medium choice: traditional (biblical, even, although that’s not the most common association) but not outdated, more popular than we would have guessed but not trendy, and not too old-sounding for a kid or too youthful for an adult. The one bummer is that there’s no real nickname for it, but I don’t have one either, and I lived.

People do indeed say idiotic things. And inappropriate! Jeez Louise - I go into a meeting the other day, and the project manager asks how my pregnancy is going.
“Fine, fine.”
“Any morning sickness? Aches and pains?”
“Nope, everything’s fine.”
“Wow, you’re lucky. You know, when my wife was pregnant…” And he proceeds to regale me and the other four people in attendance with *way *more information than his wife would ever want us to know, I’m sure, and somehow winds up with, “…and if you’re having trouble in labor, you’ve got to get up and walk around. That’ll do the trick.”
“Uh… thanks. I’ll remember that. So, anyway… here’s what I’ve been working on…”

Then, there was the guy behind me in the grocery line who joked, “So, have you figured out what causes that yet?” I didn’t expect him to be talking to me, and so didn’t catch it the first time - so he repeated it. I said, “Yeah, I’ve got a pretty good idea.” Mind you, this is my *first *kid; it’s not like I have a gaggle of rugrats in tow, which would at least make his comment something approaching humor. So after a minute, he tries again: “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” “Yep.” Long pause. “Well?” I just smiled politely and left.

Fortunately, Sorrel, I haven’t had any unwanted belly-touching, yet. Maybe my tattoos and piercings make me look sufficiently menacing. But I also just don’t get out much, and I’m sure that helps. Yay for being a crazy-looking hermit!

5

Yay! Glad to know you and Lumpy are doing fine. Your OP made me giggle. If you hang on to that fantastic sense of humor, you’ll be the coolest Mom ever.

My husband I just decided to conceive… soon. Within months. Our ‘‘let’s adopt in 2-3 years’’ just became, ‘‘hey, let’s give birth next year.’’ So I’m fascinated by all of this, in the sense that I will soon be in your shoes (or bare feet, as it were.)

Is it scary? I don’t love the idea of having my body taken over, even though the biological/sci-fi aspect of having something alive inside of you sounds pretty neat. Does it feel like you are out of control of your body? Or does it feel… natural?

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Did you go through periods of time where you were One, Two, and Three months pregnant? If not, can you relate the method by which you proceeded directly to Four months pregnant?

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Pregnant? How do you think the stork feels about you putting him out of work?

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Sweet! I think you’ll be a totally rad mom. And it’s a good question. For all my jokes about playing host to an alien creature, it really hasn’t felt that way at all. For the most part, I’ve felt about as in control of my body as I ever do. I mean, yes, I’m gaining a lot of weight without eating a whole lot more*, but that’s supposed to happen. And if I were to eat more, or less, or if I ate exclusively at McDonald’s, I’d gain more, or not as much, or feel like crap, just like I normally would - so I still have a good deal of control. Essentially, I feel no more out of control of my body than when I’m sick or physically exhausted - which is “not really at all”.

I guess it might be different if I were having horrible nausea and vomiting and couldn’t keep food down, or had some other symptom that kept me from living my normal life. But that might be the case if I had a major illness or injury, too. And at least with pregnancy, you know it’s your body doing what it’s supposed to do (even if it’s making you miserable), and it will be over in 9 months.

The one thing that does feel out of my control is feeling Lumpy move around - but that’s his body, not mine. And as awesome as it is when I feel it, or when he learns a new trick, most of the time, I don’t even notice. Imagine if you had a pet mouse in your pocket at all times. You’d very quickly become accustomed to its movements, and would tune them out. That’s what it’s like, and actually, it’s kind of a bummer. The truly freaky “omigod there’s something alive in there! …and it’s MOVING!” moments are sadly few and far between.

No, I went about things in the usual fashion (although if you do find out how you can skip months, please let me know). Since you missed my clever reference above, here are the previous installments:

Month One
Month Two
Month Three (Hi Opal!)

Dude, have you seen what he charges for delivery? If he wants to appeal to the DIYers, he’s going to have to offer more competitive prices.
*Yes, you’re “eating for two”, but that doesn’t equal two adult appetites. Since one of those two starts out microscopic and only ever gets as big as a baby, you only need about one additional snack per day.

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If so, do you plan to go through the remaining months in order, or will you try and mix it up a bit?