On Turning 50 Alone

[PapSett]

Today, around noon, I turned 50. I did so alone, as I do most everything else in my life.


I am an only child. Parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles all dead. No cousins live locally. I don't have any local friends. I have my dogs and cats, and a few internet friends, and well, that's about it.



There isn't a day that isn't incredibly lonely for me, and this one especially so. In a couple of hours, I will be oing into a job that I hate and spend until midnight there, feeling lost and sick to my stomach. I will come home, drink 1 beer, take 1 Tylenol PM and go to bed, to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again.



For 50 years, I have searched for...something. I don't even know what for any more. I have given up thinking that I will find a life partner. I have tried, I have reached out, and I cannot find a FRIEND, much less a lover.



I am not in good health; I am tired constantly, every joint in my body aches, I was diagnosed with diabetes last year and have been without insurance since. I won't be eligible for insurance till Sept. 1. Maybe once I can get medications and find out exactly what is wrong with me, parts of my life will improve. I hope so, anyway.



I used to be incredibly creative. I painted, I drew, but most of all, I loved to write. That creative outlet has left me. My muse has packed his bags and headed for the coast without so much as a glance over his shoulder. I miss him. I miss losing myself in my writing, where I held some sort of power over the outcome of things. I no longer feel whole with this part of my life gone.



Right now, the high point of my day is that moment when I crawl in bed and turn out the light. It is that moment that keeps me going thru the rest of the day. I find myself counting the hours down at random times throughout the day.



I don't really know why I am writing this. I don't want birthday wishes, because truthfully, if I could, I would skip this day entirely. I just thought I might share my innermost thoughts with one of my few contacts with humanity. Venting, if you will.



If you read this far, thank you.



Fifty years. How the hell did I get this old and have nothing to show for it?

[WordMan]

I normally don't post to threads like this - I don't see myself as someone who should be telling others what to do. But your post is pretty clear - I am sorry you are feeling like a lone voice. It does seem, based on what you write, that you may benefit from talking to someone - I have no idea if you might be assessed as clinically depressed, but you clearly aren't seeing a path out of your current situation so it sounds like time to look for help from others so that you can find that type of path.

I wish you luck, strength and health - and happy birthday.

[Ellen Cherry]

Just wanted you to know I read, PapSett, and hope that you are able to find meaning and happiness in your life. Wordman may be right and if there is a treatable reason why you have so many lonely isolating feelings, I hope you get it. Everyone deserves to be, at the very least, content — if not happy. Take care, please.

[Cat Whisperer]

You haven't posted a single problem that isn't fixable, but like WordMan says, if you aren't looking for solutions any longer, that's the first problem.

You don't just have a few internet friends; you have a whole board full of us, and we aren't going anywhere.

ETA: I forgot to say Happy Birthday!

[DCnDC]

Sorry you're feeling down. FWIW, happy birthday.

[EmAnJ]

I read, and as said, you are not alone. So happy birthday!

[Zebra]

I hear you.


"How the hell did I get this old and have nothing to show for it?"


I frequently feel the same the same way.

[Wile E]

I can sympathize. I turned 50 a couple weeks ago.

I won't go into all the details. I'm not completely alone, I have an S.O. But I only see him about once a week because of our schedules. I don't know if we will ever be more serious. My mother has Alzheimer's. I don't go out of my way to keep in touch with my siblings, even though we all live in the same city, but that's mutual. I've been doing the same job for 20 years, took a demotion a few years ago to cut down on stress but I still have extra responsibilities and no authority now. I make the same pay but I still live paycheck to paycheck. My house is in need of repairs, I have insurance but can't use it as much as I should because co-pays and deductables take too much out of my budget, I have too many pets, I used to be creative also and still have plans to do stuff but can't get motivated enough or feel like there's more important stuff I should do if I have the time.

Anyway, my problems may not be as bad but I get where you're coming from. This is not where I wanted to be at 50. I've been up and down over this, I'm not giving up because I still have hope that I can get things better eventually. I know it's something I have to work at. I try to do little things to help me meet my goals so I can get a small feeling of accomplishment. Well, maybe I'm not the best for giving advice but if you want to vent to someone who understands a little of how you feel you can send me a pm.

[sunstone]

I have read your posting, and want to add my voice to those who send their good wishes and let you know our concern.

If at all possible, see if you can get a medical checkup - perhaps there is a community clinic or something of that nature that will be helpful. My two sons expressed almost exactly the same thoughts before they were diagnosed as suffering from depression. (Several years post treatment they are doing well)

I can see that you can enjoy things...your picture with your dogs shows a woman who is feeling happy and can feel joy.

Best thoughts to you! And happy birthday!

[Vinyl Turnip]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, now I'm depressed too.




I'm normally loath to use these, but just in case:

[Wile E]

Oops, I wasn't going to go into details but I got carried away and said more than I intended about my own problems. And I hate it when you talk about your problems and someone else tries to top your problems with theirs. Sorry about that. I wasn't trying to top yours but just let you know I can sympathize. I guess we all need to vent sometimes.

[Salem]

Ok, virtual birthday party for PapSett! I'll bake the (sugar-free) cake! What's your favorite kind?


And yes, I can relate to not being where you thought you'd be at this age. I hope you're able to get some good medical care and talk to your doctor about how you're feeling-- even if it has to wait til September, just hang in there.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Salem

Ok, virtual birthday party for PapSett! I'll bake the (sugar-free) cake! What's your favorite kind?

I will bring silly hats.

I hope things improve for you. Who knows, if the first fifty were crap, maybe the next fifty will be AMAZING! Happy birthday, pal.

[missred]

I'll bring the noisemakers!

PapSett, if your diabetes is untreated, that could be what is causing your being tired all of the time. There are likely clinics in your area that charge on a sliding scale that can provide you with at least a minimum amount of care so that you face a healthier future (I know, I've been uninsured with diabetes myself).

Like CW said, you have a whole board full of friends! You also have the joy of having your dogs. IMHO, life will get better.

Here's to the next 50 years. ::raises glass of unsweet tea::

[Unintentionally Blank]

A period of time with no friends and the Dope will be easier than a time with friends and no Dope.

Happy Birthday, my 40th sucked too. DO...SOMETHING. Go Walk. Wash the Car. Take up a hobby. Learn to knit. Buy a $12 fishing rod and go fishin'.

Buy a pad of paper, a #2 Pencil, and go sketch the sunrise. Not your media? Tough.

[FloatyGimpy]

Do you live anywhere near a rec centre with a pool? About three months ago, I started going to the pool pretty much every day at the same time during the adult swim. I go on my own and didn't know anyone there. After seeing me every day, people started chatting with me and now I know most of the people there. It's mostly chubby, middle aged ladies, floating around on water noodles, chatting away. I bet you could meet people there. I was very quiet and made no effort at all to meet people there because I really was just going for myself, they ended up befriending me.

Happy Birthday to you!

[Anne Elk]

I agree! Do anything but sit alone and feel bad for yourself. Ride a bike, pet a dog, go for an airplane ride, paddle a boat, throw a pie at a clown! Anything but mopping about. Please.

[Tethered Kite]

Originally Posted by Zebra

I hear you.


"How the hell did I get this old and have nothing to show for it?"


I frequently feel the same the same way.

I think that happens by allowing the days to slip by without doing anything to improve one's situation. They pile up so fast.

I look in the mirror several times a week and remind myself that I am all alone. And so is everyone else. I was born alone. I will die alone. No one is ever going to care as much about me as I do myself. How much do I care about myself? Enough to make myself happy?

I sometimes have problems with feeling sorry about this unsavory fact of the human condition. I call it self-pity and it is absolute poison for me and my satisfaction with life.

My focus is good mental health and good physical health because those are about the only things in my life that are truly mine to work with. And there's no guarantee with either.

All in all those cold facts suck. But they are inalterable, I think, so I've changed my outlook on life to one that provides the most contentment for me - achievable goals, a focus on what I have that is good, not comparing myself to others and like that.

It's not so bad recognizing that one is all alone (even though I have pets, offspring and a husband.) It's given me permission to be exactly who I am and to take care of myself. And heck, I do a darned bit better at that than anyone else I know. Heh.

Choices. Got a million of 'em. I plan to use as many as I can before I make my exit. Hope you all do, as well.

[purplehorseshoe]

Hi, PapSett. I read your post. All the way through. And I thought about your life, and tried to picture you (I rarely look at photos of Dopers) and your dogs. I'm an only child and estranged from my parents (aw, shit, Father's Day is this weekend ... ) so I have some sympathy for you although I doubt you want or need it.

Do you want unsolicited advice instead?

Do something for yourself. It can be stupid, or monumental, or eye-rollingly silly. Just say, "Fuck it, it's my birthday! So I'm gonna [x]!" and then, go do x.

Do something for your health. What's that line in "Dazed and Confused" where the pregnant chick is buying booze? The clerk sells Ms. Preggo her hooch and then says, "Now remember to eat a green thing every day." So go eat one green thing, and use one muscle group today. Done? OK .. that's enough for one day. You can do something else for your health tomorrow. Start small and manageable, they all say.

Do something for your soul. You say your muse is gone, but routines usually chase muses away. Shake something up about your routine. Hell, listen to a different radio station when you drive in to work tonight.

OK, that's enough advice. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Here's to a better tomorrow. <clinks beer with PapSett>

********************************************

Erm, sorry, thought I was done, but I have one more thought: Tylenol is hell on the liver, doubly so when combined with alcohol. I had to go on medication once that negatively affects the liver, and it made me feel like death warmed over. IANAD but it's possible that liver problems are causing - or contributing to - your feeling so crappy.

[Perciful]

PapSett,

Happy Birthday! You are 50 years young and I hope this makes you smile. I love quotes so here are some on happiness...

•William Shakespeare
My crown is called content, a crown that seldom kings enjoy.


•Abraham Lincoln
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.


•Colley Cibber
The happy have whole days,
And those they choose.
The unhappy have but hours,
And those they lose.


•George Bernard Shaw
The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not.


•Anton Chekhov
People don't notice whether it's winter or summer when they're happy.


•Leo Tolstoy
If you want to be happy, be.


•Jean de La Bruyere
We must laugh before we are happy, for fear of dying without having laughed at all.


•Dalai Lama
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.


•St. Augustine
Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible.


•Robert Anthony
Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy.


•Edith Wharton
If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.


•Cynthia Nelms
Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.



Happy yet? No Ok. Here are some Proverbs to cheer you up:


George Matthew Adams
If you have nothing else to do, look about you and see if there isn't something close at hand that you can improve! It may make you wealthy, though it is more likely that it will make you happy.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh
If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments.

Chinese Proverb
If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.

The Dalai Lama
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

English Proverb
If you want to be happy for a year, plant a garden; if you want to be happy for life, plant a tree.

Coretta Scott King
I'm fulfilled in what I do... I never thought that a lot of money or fine clothes-the finer things of life-would make you happy. My concept of happiness is to be filled in a spiritual sense.

John Ruskin
In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: They must be fit for it: They must not do too much of it: And they must have a sense of success in it.

Richard Bach
In the path of our happiness shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime.

Susan B. Anthony
Independence is happiness.


Happy Yet? No? Well I'm out of quotes and proverbs except one my dad used to say. "Why be ordinary, when you can be extaordinary"... My Dad was big on quotes.

I am in exactly the same boat you are but I'm happy most all the time. I have pain and I tire easily. I'm alone and I have a job. I once was very creative and now I seem to have less of it. The difference may be in how I look at things. I get up every morning and I'm happy because I get another day. I try and use everything God left me with. I ask in my morning prayers to let me be of service to others.

I really think happiness is a habit and I need to cultivate it. Have a nice Birthday!

[Chimera]

What do you need to have to show for it?

I turn 48 in a month. Pretty much where you are. Divorced, few friends, not much to show for anything. Complete my bankruptcy tomorrow, so I got nothing, not even good credit.

I do everything alone. But you know what? I short while ago I lost the ability to lament over that fact. I realized that if I really did want to socialize more, nothing was really stopping me. In the end, you do what you want to do. If you lament because you're not doing other things, then you have to take a step back and realize that you are making the choice to do what you are doing now. You can either keep making that choice and learn to be happy with it, or you can decide to make different choices that will lead to different results. For me personally, I've realized that I'm happiest when I'm alone, that I choose this for a reason. That I do like to socialize, but only on a managed and rationed basis. Too much social contact stresses me out and overloads me.

There were times in the past where I went to parties only because I wasn't invited to very many parties in the first place, because I was afraid that I might not be invited again if I didn't go. Then, even though I was in a bad mood, or unhappy about something else, or in physical pain, I went, had a shitty time and made other people unhappy with me. So eventually (and I'm a slow learner at such things), I learned that no matter how infrequently such opportunities arose, I should absolutely NOT go when I was not in a position to enjoy it.

Beyond that small advice, I can tell you something, one searcher to another;

There's a good chance that you're looking for yourself, in others.
There's an equally good chance that you're only looking for approval.
Maybe those two are the same thing.

Take a look within, in all honesty, review your actions and motivations, and find out what you are really looking for. Then decide if you really want it or not.

[Cat Whisperer]

Another thought - have you tried volunteering at all? It's an old cliché, but it's absolutely true - helping other people really does help you feel better.

[aruvqan]

Happy birthday!

Diabetes can make you feel run down, and achy - I can use 3 glazed sugar donuts as a sedative [high blood glucose levels can make you very dragged out and hungover feeling]

And I have a bit of odd advice - get a human room mate. Not a sex partner, just another human being living in the same place. They will give you someone away from work that you can *talk* with, and interact with. You may never end up BFF, but just having someone around to talk with can make it less lonely, but them not being a sex partner gives you private time as well. Internet buddies are ok, especially if for example they are like my game corporation companions, I spend hours chatting with them on teamspeak. However, as much as I like them, having a roomie to chat with [when my husband was out to see for long cruises] kept me from being depressed and fugueing out.

[Wesley Clark]

Maybe it is the sour grapes talking, but whenever I start to feel inferior I just think of and read about all the people who 'have those things' and are miserable anyway. I know tons of unhappy couples, and tons of people who have friends who still don't feel like they fit in. You can find tons of people with great careers and who are married who still hate their lives. You can find tons of examples of people who are wealthy, well known, respected and make a living off of their artistic expressions who are addicted to drugs and alcohol to combat the inner turmoil and emptiness.

What I have learned in my own life is to a large degree how lonely you are is mostly under your control because it is based on how much self acceptance and self compassion you can muster. How lonely you are (for me at least) comes from that and not how many relationships you have, etc. For me that has done tons to ameliorate my loneliness for 2 reasons.

1. You don't 'need' other people to feel complete the way you would if you don't like or accept yourself. You complete yourself and feel comfortable by yourself while still being able to enjoy other people.
2. If you build those things, your personality changes for the better and people want to be around you more.

[pbbth]

Originally Posted by PapSett

Today, around noon, I turned 50. I did so alone, as I do most everything else in my life....Fifty years. How the hell did I get this old and have nothing to show for it?

Originally Posted by Zebra

I frequently feel the same the same way.

Nonsense! You both have extreme levels of awesomeness to show for it! Besides, I don't think many people are where they want to be in life. My love life is good and my job is good but my housing situation sucks so badly that I literally got in a sobbing fight with my fiance about whether or not we should just give up the entirety of our savings to our scum sucking anal fissure of a slumlord so he will let us out of our lease (because at this point it would require us giving him every dime we have to pay out the length of our lease) and start over without a dime to our names just to get out of this crap hole. This is not where I expected to be when I turn 28 on Monday. But being in a bad place with my residence doesn't erase all the other stuff I've got going on in my life.

Tonight when you go to bed and your ceiling is all in one piece and you don't have to duct tape your closet closed to keep the mold from permeating the house and your bathroom isn't pouring water through the light fixtures remind yourself that you have that going for you. If that isn't enough I have a birthday present for you! For discounts on your diabetes meds you can check out www.sunrxdiscount.com and see if it helps at all. It is a free discount program for various medications that can be used by pretty much anyone and might help you bridge the gap between here and September.

[StGermain]

PapSett - I'm sorry you feel so bad. Everyone feels that way sometimes, but wallowing is a bad thing. I know you're prone to depression. But think how much better you are now, than you were this time last year. You have a job. All you have ot do is hang in there until September and your insurance kicks in. Hopefully you can get a little chemical assistance (that sounds wrong somehow).

And I know you're disappointed that the barn you visited never called you back, but maybe you need to keep after then and try to set something up. I really think you'd feel better if you had some equine in your life.

Happy Birthday! You deserve it!

StG

[Magiver]

Grow some hobbies. As people age it's natural for friends to drift apart. All that means is that you need to keep restocking your friends. I have a variety of hobbies and each one comes with it's own set of ever-replenishing friends.

Seems to me you could start with painting and poetry as 2 different hobbies to look into. Photography seems like a logical addition to painting down the line.

Happy birthday

[lavenderviolet]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

Another thought - have you tried volunteering at all? It's an old cliché, but it's absolutely true - helping other people really does help you feel better.

I agree with the advice to try to find volunteer opportunities. It is a good way to feel useful, to meet other people, and often hearing about someone else's problems helps to put your troubles in perspective.
Maybe look into volunteering to visit with elderly people at the local nursing home or a dementia care facility - then you could be helping out another lonely person out there. You don't have to be an especially good conversationalist or anything. I've noticed from my job (in healthcare) that a lot of elderly people really crave just having someone around to listen to them talk.

[Incubus]

I will soon be lamenting that I am 30, which is significantly younger than your milestone, but there is something I want to share with you that I've learned over 29 years of existence-

Its never too late to change your life or your attitude. We hamstring ourselves by convincing ourselves "I've done X for so long there's no way I'll change.".

Find someone in your life to hang out with or talk to. No man is an island. I'm sure there's someone in your life that would enjoy your company. This might sound a bit creepy, but hear me out- something I noticed that was kind of touching on Craiglist was the number of people posting an ad asking if anyone wanted to do something. Of course many of them were sexual in nature, but quite a few were written by lonely people- Folks who found it depressing to go see the A Team in theaters by themselves, or simply wanted a conversation with someone over a couple of Swansons microwave dinners or something.

Another thing that cheered me up was reading Post Secret. any time I felt mediocre, unaccomplished, lonely, etc I read entries and realized that my lonely self lived in a world full of lonely insecure people who might equally feel like they are in a kind of 'rut'.

[Justin Credible]

I'd like to second a lot of what Incubus says above. I'm 29 too and just now learning that you can in fact change lifelong habits. Good luck with everything, Papsett.

[PapSett]

You guys truly are the best! I had a very, very rough night at work- just an example of one call, a guy had been having cell service problem at his home (worked fine anywhere else) and I checked the mapping tool which showed *30* towers in his home area being worked on. I explained this to him and told him they were working on the problem and he screamed at me that he is an executive at Warner Brothers and he wanted his service NOW and didn't care if I climbed that tower myself.

Um... OK. I'll get right on that.

That was just 1 of maybe 40 calls... each one worse than the one before. If I learn nothing else from this job, I am learning how to treat people with respect.

Anyway, I digress.

I am saving this thread and am going to refer to it often. There are MANY great sugestions here, and I can honestly say I have never felt such an outpourin of friendship and acceptance.

Oh... favorite cake? German chocolate. :-)

[Magiver]

Originally Posted by PapSett

You guys truly are the best! I had a very, very rough night at work- just an example of one call, a guy had been having cell service problem at his home (worked fine anywhere else) and I checked the mapping tool which showed *30* towers in his home area being worked on. I explained this to him and told him they were working on the problem and he screamed at me that he is an executive at Warner Brothers and he wanted his service NOW and didn't care if I climbed that tower myself.

Um... OK. I'll get right on that.

That was just 1 of maybe 40 calls... each one worse than the one before. If I learn nothing else from this job, I am learning how to treat people with respect.

Anyway, I digress.

Next time he calls complaining he can't get a signal cut him off. It's not like he's going to know you hung up on him.

And next time you think work sucks you might want to think of the people (ahem) who have been laid off.

[FloatyGimpy]

So glad you're feeling a bit better!

[Cyningablod]

PapSett,

At the risk of being one to proffer more unsolicited advice, I feel like I should say this:

I have struggled for much of my adult life with depression, whether strictly neurochemical, or partly as a result of life circumstance.

Of all the counseling, medication, advice, platitudes, self-help techniques, and well-meaning overtures from friends and family, know what one single piece of advice helped me the most, by far, through all my years of treatment?

"Look without, not within."

Meaning, make your life more about helping and fulfilling others, and you will find that you can't help but be fulfilled yourself. (Quite a few psychologists and therapists have picked up on this, in fact, and it now forms an important part of some kinds of behavioral therapy for depression.) While your options may be limited due to your health problems, there is an entire world of people out there who could benefit from your compassion, friendship, intellect, etc. The possibilities to help others are almost endless.

Perhaps you could tutor. Or help someone learn English. Get in touch with the Boys & Girls Club, the United Way, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, the Y, your local hospital, nursing home or shelter, and find out what you can do to help. Something, anything. I think you will find, like I did, that reaching out to help others is the best possible help you can give, yourself.

Best wishes.

And indeed, happy belated birthday!

[Face Intentionally Left Blank]

Originally Posted by PapSett

You guys truly are the best! I had a very, very rough night at work- just an example of one call, a guy had been having cell service problem at his home (worked fine anywhere else) and I checked the mapping tool which showed *30* towers in his home area being worked on. I explained this to him and told him they were working on the problem and he screamed at me that he is an executive at Warner Brothers and he wanted his service NOW and didn't care if I climbed that tower myself.

I worked cell phone support for a couple years. There are a lot of angry ppl out there that can ruin your day. I hope to never work it again, even though I got "Employee of the month" once, and runner up a couple times. I was good at it, but never so good that ppl wouldn't unload on me with both barrels. It sucks to be good at a job and still be yelled at.

Glad you're doing better. FWIW, I think there are a lot of folks out there living a life they hadn't anticipated, didn't plan for, and didn't want. I know I am. My favorite piece of bumper-sticker philosophy is, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans." Still, it would be nice if we didn't have to weather it all by ourselves.

[Chimera]

Originally Posted by PapSett

You guys truly are the best! I had a very, very rough night at work- just an example of one call, a guy had been having cell service problem at his home (worked fine anywhere else) and I checked the mapping tool which showed *30* towers in his home area being worked on. I explained this to him and told him they were working on the problem and he screamed at me that he is an executive at Warner Brothers and he wanted his service NOW and didn't care if I climbed that tower myself.

As I frequently say here: a lot of Anger is based on the feeling of powerlessness. People want the power to make their world be the way they want it to be and unfortunately, we don't have that power. So in the customer service field, you get the displeasure of working with people in positions of power, who are powerless over this particular situation, don't understand why, and become angry. They're used to using their anger and power to bully people into changing things to suit them.

Next time you get someone like that, remember one thing: They're angry because they're afraid. They're afraid because they don't have the power to fix the situation. They're throwing that anger at you because they want to try to force YOU to fix the problem. Don't work from their anger, work from their fear. And, like in many situations, if you can't fix it, then let the anger go by, because while it may on the surface appear that they're angry with you, it really is all about them being powerless to have the world be the way they want it to be, right now. (Imagine them as tantrum throwing 5 year olds who aren't getting their way. Sometimes it helps.)

[OtisCampbellWasRight]

PapSett,

Today is my birthday, and I am 53 years old. My life has been blessed with a wonderful, loving wife and many good friends. Yet, in spite of this, there are moments when I look at my lot in life and say "This is not where I wnated to be at this point in my life." I think most people feel that way sometimes. Then I remind myself of what I call the "Gymnasium Syndrome." Say you are exercising in a Gym, and you look to your right. You see some guy who's really buff and think to yourself "Gee, I wish I was in that good of shape." Then you look to your left, and some guy is looking at you and thinking the same thing. It always helps - especially as we get older - to focus on the positive, and be thankful for what you have.

Tonight I will celebrate my birthday with many of my friends. Most of them are people that I met through my church and through my Masonic lodge. I cherish these people and would do anything for them as they would for me.

Although there are several here who poo-poo religious beliefs, may I offer this: Go and find a church where you feel comfortable; both with the people and with the doctrine and sacrements. You may find that this becomes a very real source of support and encouragement. I know that I am never alone and that the Lord is always with me. You are also a child of God and He loves you, cares about you and wants to see you happy.

[fervour]

I read your post too and hope today has given you a brighter perspective.

[PapSett]

Originally Posted by Magiver

Next time he calls complaining he can't get a signal cut him off. It's not like he's going to know you hung up on him.

And next time you think work sucks you might want to think of the people (ahem) who have been laid off.

Point 1- our calls are monitored and if you hang up on a customer, you are fired. Period. I might hate the job, but it pays decently and I *need* it.

Point 2- Believe me... I KNOW. I was laid off from American General, a job I LOVED in May '09. It took me 10 long months to find this job. I was almost out of unemployment. So I count my blessings that I have a job every day. But that doesn't change the stress level, y'know?

[Cicero]

Happy Birthday. I have seen the reverse side of 50 for a few years and often look back and wonder where it all went.

You are nor alone- there are heaps of us on the board.

I see your problem- one beer? Come and visit and we will cure that.

[Rocketeer]

It's easy to be unhappy. But sometimes on the way home from work, which can be a stressful commute, I force myself to think, "Well, this stretch of road has been pretty good. No big slow trucks, no knuckleheads in Hondas, smooth sailing." You've got to think about the good things in your life, and not focus on the bad. Unhappiness is a feedback loop; the more you think about being unhappy, the easier it is to be unhappy.

And a hobby sounds like a good idea. May I suggest building models? I belong to three different model clubs (each with a different focus) and the guys in them are, almost without exception, easy to talk to and friendly. And you get the satisfaction of having built something cool; I think we all have a desire to do creative things, to accomplish, and model building is a excellent way to create.

[casdave]

I don't have any answers for you, since we have never met, however, I am close to your age, my background circumstances are similar in many ways.

I have found that getting out helps a lot, try going to your local college and taking up something you have never done before, you will meet all sorts of folk in all sorts of situations, take up cordon blue catering, or sports coaching, anything at all.

Just get out and do something you have not done before, do something that makes you feel nervous.

[Savannah]

I had a post last night, but it got eaten. You don't know, and may never know, how many lives you've bettered and how the world is better because of you. There are many kinds of loneliness in this world, and people who look or seem like they've 'got it all', often don't. Some peoples' troubles show on the outside, and some peoples' don't seem to show at all. But they're there. Alone is hard, and aging is hard. It's easy to say "count your blessings", but that doesn't always ease the ache and the questions about why life turns out the way it does.

There is lots of wisdom in this thread, and I don't know what I can add to it, except that as long as there is a tomorrow, there is hope.

[lavenderviolet]

Originally Posted by Cyningablod

Perhaps you could tutor. Or help someone learn English. Get in touch with the Boys & Girls Club, the United Way, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, the Y, your local hospital, nursing home or shelter, and find out what you can do to help. Something, anything. I think you will find, like I did, that reaching out to help others is the best possible help you can give, yourself.

Come to think of it, working with young people might be a better idea than my idea of working with the elderly. So many kids love animals and I know how much Papsett loves her animals. Perhaps the local Big Brothers/Big Sisters can match you with a kid who loves animals so you could let them play with your pets or take them to a zoo or something. You can help the next generation grow up to be less jerkish than the people you deal with on the phone.

[missred]

Glad you're feeling a bit better today, PapSett.

In some respects, I'm like you in that I'm single, live by myself and work an off shift. I don't really have the time to get lonely though.

To add to what some of the others have said: volunteer work is cool. I've done Meals on Wheels, distributed mail and done activities at the local VA hospital, I do a papercraft hour with clients of a rehab center once a month and am doing work on a couple of political campaigns. The people that you meet are from all walks and often share some of your interests.

Hobbies are another thing to fill time. Find something that makes a spark in your soul. I get out the cameras on occasion, do papercraft (some of which I sell), sketch and dabble on the fringes of the music business. Even the activities that are pretty much solo pursuits give me perspective on my personal relationships.

Look within and outside, the world's waiting for you to explore it.

[Icerigger]

Happy Birthday!

[Mosier]

Get out of the house. Have that beer at a bar, instead of at home. Next time someone at work invites you somewhere, go with them. Go see a movie (but not The A-Team. I heard it's bad). Pick up the house and invite someone over.

But really, get out of the house.

[Autolycus]

Which doper is wishing you feel better? *2 thumbs to chest* This one is. Hang in there.

[PapSett]

I just wanted to pop in and let y'all know that thanks in part to all the encouragement I have gotten here, I called an ad today to take riding lessons. The stable also does handicapped riding lessons and after I get my experience back, I will see about volunteering to help with that program.

Horses are my big love in life; I have been horse-less since 1986 when my horse broke my arm and I was unable to care for him any longer. I have maybe ridden 2 times since. I have not felt whole.

This is a step in the right direction.

[Mops]

PapSett, good to hear you are going to do new things. I wish you well.

I am in the same boat - also not where I had hoped to be at this stage of my life.

A few years ago I realized something: I had made misery my comfort zone.
I got out of it - now I feel well (and I have good friends). One thing I did was to always do new things. Every day I do something I have not done before - some days only to walk down an unfamiliar street from work or to browse in a shop I always pass by. One day last week I made do with running down the 500 m track I train on, in the wrong direction that time.

What's with your joint pain, by the way - a medical condition or just lack of activity? I have found even moderate exercise cheers me up (once I changed my mindset to having exhausted myself = success). Taking up riding again sounds good.