Just feeling lonely. Almost turning 35 soon. I wonder if I’ll keep getting more lonely as I get older. It’s mostly in the area of wanting to have a partner again. But it’s hard to stay motivated to keep trying. Went on a date of sorts this week (with friend of mine, but she’s always been very hush on any dating intentions she’s ever had)…it was a nice reminder of how it can feel.
Friendships are tougher now, so many people are into their own busy lives. And even then I want something more than just fairly superficial friend hangs.
Sometimes my habits and hobbies are out of a sense of duty these days rather than genuine excitement. I worry I could end up becoming a real hermit in my condo.
Anyways, a bit rambly, but I can’t sleep and I’m alone on a Friday night. First world problems, but expressing myself helps.
I’m sorry Quasimodal. The grass is always greener. . .I’m from a large family and am an introvert. I know I should be sleeping, but these are the few times I am alone with my thoughts.
I sometimes wish I were a hermit. You don’t just get the good parts of a relationship. You get all of their anxieties and fucked up thoughts too.
Hire a hooker. They’re cheaper, you don’t have to pretend you are listening to them, and they go away when you want to be alone. You don’t even have to socialize with the husbands of their friends.
Not a lot different here, these days. My adult daughter (who will be moving with me) is very supportive, but still my child, for all the limitations that imposes. The dogs are both my greatest daily joy and a proximate cause of the current problems, so it’s a mixed bag. I forgive their cost when one or the other curls up to sleep between my legs at night.
One of them thar “friend” things would be awfully nice about now, though.
It does get better. It’s not too late to date (granted, I’m not really one to talk), but batchelorhood can be great, especially if you have siblings with children. I originally wanted to be a grand father; now I’m concentrating on being a great uncle.
And it’s never too late to discover something new to do. Just last year, at 49, I discovered croquet.
Do you like listening to music, some restaurants have bands play on the weekends . You will be around other people and this may help you feel less lonely.
This is one of those things where I kind of feel the same, and kind of don’t. I’ve been single my entire life (40 years old) and I’ve had people ask “aren’t you lonely?” Not really. I realize it’s a well-meaning question, but I’ve never felt a burning need for companionship. I like being around people, when I want to be. Otherwise, I’d rather be alone. on the other hand, when I do feel like being around people (outside of work) my peers all have families and that’s (rightly) first in their lives.
Sorry to hear it Quasi. You know you’re not alone in feeling alone, of course. It’s difficult to remember that late at night sometimes.
You didn’t ask for advice so I’ll leave that out except to say that sometimes I’m very lonely myself but other times there are just too many people around and I can’t stand it. So it’s a balancing act.
I’m 32 and I’ve also always been single. I haven’t had people ask “are you lonely”, because I’m not close enough to anyone for that to be an appropriate question for them to ask. Being around lots of socialising people sounds like a nightmare. I suppose it would be nice if there was just one person I could have a conversation with, but you can’t free a fish from water.
Hey y’all. Thanks for the words. I wasn’t really looking for advice. I don’t know if there’s anything really left to say anymore. I’d like a companion, but for some reason I’m not a hot commodity that way. People who know me here know that I’ve been frustrated with lack of interest…being a responsible person with 11 year career and having fun active hobbies (dance, running, traveling, musician, yoga…craft beer etc…) …that someone would take ahold of me. I have often been told I’m too mature…I’ve sort of given up hope that there’s anything left I can do to entice someone to be interested in me. I just keep doing my thing…I mean what else can I do? So most of the time I’m ok, but every so often I’m up at 3 am on a Friday night by myself and my basic human needs take ahold and make me feel sad. So I’m glad this forum is up 24/7.
I guess its just a dream I used to have…and sometimes it revisits me until I find a way to return to reality.
Also some other answers, I don’t see a therapist anymore…95% of the time I’m all right.
Hobbies…yeah some might be changing soon…like in the Fall after I complete some projects I’m focused on. But I don’t expect that will change anything. With the amounts I’ve done in my life to change things with maybe the hopes of meeting a companion…well I have no reason to think any more change will help.
Otherwise today I had a great day teaching kids and I’m on track to run another half marathon at the end of the month. See lots of good things. Just the people part is a downer.
I don’t have much to contribute but I sympathize, I’m in my thirties and going through a divorce with children. I feel a crushing loneliness every day. I never really kept up my friendships beyond one or two people after I got married, so now that I’m back on my own again I pretty much have no social network to even meet new people. Even when I’m around other people I don’t really feel much connection to anyone.
Don’t try to entice anyone. Focusing on trying to get a partner and focusing on your loneliness will result in that focus coming thru in any attempts you make to meet potential dates. Enjoy your hobbies for what they are. Don’t try to do anything but to have a good time. This attitude will end up coming thru when you meet people and make you much more attractive than you would be if you were fixated on finding a relationship.