I feel more alone than ever

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Ok, so I have been battling for a few months with myself, you know, trying to find out what I’m here for seeing what I should do with my life, learning lessons, but one battle is becoming increasingly difficult to overcome – loneliness, I just don’t seem to get over it and be content with myself, I looked back on my past and I can see a parrten emerging, with myself and people around me

They all leave me.
My dad had done (but thats because I pushed him away because he was a deadbeat, and there will be NO reconciliation)

My friends don’t seem to be there for me when I need them most, I’m always there for them, even when I don’t want to and it just, well disatisfying that I have to compromise my sympathies with them because I know I won’t get the same treatment back (I know that sounds egotistical, but I have been pretty selfless these past months)

Even on the net, my messinger friends are leaving me, my best friends comp has been busted and a girl I really like is gonna lose touch with me in september, combine this with a inferiority complex and it makes me feel alot worse.

Its like there is a massive void, and it is too big too fill, I try, and I try, but it seems its never enough. Wat can I do?

I just feel absolutely more alone than ever before, it seems that when I left school, life has become more empty and shallow, and meaning is being slowly lost.
I guess what I’m asking is, is this normal for a teenager to feel like this at my age? Or do I need help or something?

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possibly be signs of depression

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Listen Ryan,
For a person who didn’t have many close friends at school, and barely made any during College and University, i felt the exact same as you. Even till today sometimes.

It happens. I used to try and be there for my friends all the time, but things don’t work out like in the movies or books. Not for most of us. Even with some people around you, you see others having more fun than yourself, am i right?

All you have to do is not let yourself dive into this void. Friends will come back and/or you’ll make others for sure. All you gotta do is at least buisy yourself with little projects.

You just got to keep moving on. Know your not alone to feel like this.
Trying to fill a void, just for the sake of filling it, is like throwing dirt in a bottomless pit. But, trying to do little things like small hobbies, just to challange yourself, and try to stick with them till completed, will help that bottom to close up so you can start filling it.

This world is a lonely place. It’s up to you to know how to cope with it.
Being a schizophrenic helps too lol…maybe just for me :D;)

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Its other people who depress me, I’m like content, then I see some people who look alot more happier and seem to experience good things and I’m like ‘thanks for raining on my parade’ they make me feel very small and insecure. How do I overcome that?

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You don’t have to believe me, but I know how you feel. I know what it’s like to put effort into a relationship and not get back what you expect.

But don’t ever stop caring for those people. You might not realize it now, but even if they’re not being the most supportive people in the world, they’re still your friends. That’s more than some people ever have.

Believe me, I’m not trying to degrade your feelings by saying you should be grateful for what you have. Clearly at the moment, you don’t feel that way. And that’s all right. People go through times like this where they feel like they deserve more. And maybe you do. Not knowing you, I can’t make a clear judgement on that subject. But by reading this, I can tell you right know–the very fact that you have friends is a very, very good thing.

I can’t tell you if this is “normal,” because I don’t know you personally. I’m guessing this isn’t normal for you, though, as you’re inquiring for help. And I suppose that you’re not feeling “yourself.”

You’ve mentioned your father, but not your mother. Is she someone you can talk to? Do you have any family you can discuss this with? You might be surprised; they may be more helpful than you think.

Try to keep active. Everyone says it, but volunteering really does make you feel better by giving back. You really can see that what you’re doing makes a difference.

I’m sure I sound like a bunch of non-committal cliches, and I’m sorry if what I say doesn’t help. Know that you’re in my prayers, and I truly hope that you feel better soon.

I’m wishing you the best of luck, Ryan_Liam.

Ferry

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Yes, it’s normal. If you have an unusually long-lasting feeling of despair and/or depression, however, you may want to consider seeing a doctor. (Not a professional opinion.)

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you are the only one that won’t let you down. It’s difficult to find a friend that’s 100% reliable at all times.

I’ve also learned to accept the fact that if for some reason I were to remain alone (no sig other), it wouldn’t be so bad. Not exactly how I thought my life would turn out, but oh well.

During those especially lonely times you may want to try doing something creative. That usually helps me feel a little better.

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Thanks Ferry, I don’t talk to my family about my dad, because they have other commitments and priorities to sort out, my mum needs to find a job, and well who else I got? My Grandmother will not understand (And I have given her the benefit of the doubt, and I have spoken to her on similar subjects, and she does not listen) and, I hate my father with a passion, the reasons being is because he doesn’t care for anyone but himself, everyone else is a distant second…
I feel tooo grown up.

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Well, you’ve always got us. :slight_smile: I’m glad we can help even just a little bit. Take care of yourself, though.

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This sucks, and I hate to have to be the one to tell you, but the golden rule doesn’t work in reverse: it’s not designed to. We don’t treat other people the way we want to be treated in order to earn good treatment for ourselves. There is nothing you can do to be sure that people will always be there for you, or even be as good to you as you are to them.

Being nice to your friends–being there for them–is giving a gift. Have you ever known someone who always gives people elaborate birthday gifts, but then gets all in a snit when the gifts they get back aren’t worth as much as they spent? Or the couple that throws an elaborate wedding and then bitches at how they didn’t get enough presents to cover the cost? It makes that person seem greedy, and makes you wonder why they ever gave those gifts in the first place, no? This is the same thing. Be nice to people because you want to be, because it brings you pleasure. Or don’t be nice to them–you ought to be civil, because that’s polite, but never give a gift that you don’t want to give. When you give more of yourself than you really can afford to give, it actually drives people away because on some level they recognize that you are trying to manipulate them, to use guilt and obligation to buy insurance that they HAVE to be there for you. People don’t like to feel manipulated, and it makes them tend to drift away.

Furthermore–and you won’t believe me, but think about it anyway–I promise you that you have let people down and didn’t even know it. Sometime in the last six months you had a friend reaching out to you and you just couldn’t see it. I have to. This is what it means to be human and falible: we do the best we can. Have faith that your friends are doing the best they can, too.

I won’t tell you to stop comparing yourself to people that you think are better off than you, but I will suggest that you start comparing yourself to people that are worse off just as often. Sure, there’s no good reason why that asshole over there should have a great girlfriend and a good job and you have neither. He hasn’t done a thing to deserve it. But you haven’t done a thing to deserve not being handicapped, or having a painful, disfiguring disease, or having a mom who really hates you, or being utterly without a friend or family member in the world. Right now there are people with all those conditions within a mile of where you are sitting, and they are looking at you wondering “what the hell did he do to get all that?” And I’ll tell you–you didn’t do a damn thing that they didn’t do.

Lastly, have faith that this will pass and it will get better. These are NOT the best years of your life! Times like these hurt. It helps to have someone to talk to, and it can help a great deal to go see a doctor–there can be midical things going on that you are not aware off–but the fact it, being transformed from boy to man is a painful process. Try and act like the sort of person you want to someday be, and trust that it will get easier. And one day you will be amazed that someone so happy could have grown out of someone so miserable.

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I think a lot of people get jealous when they perceive that others have more toys or bigger toys or get to go all over the world, or have a better job, etc. The only way to deal with that is, IMHO, to focus on creating the kind of life that you want. I gather you are not in the regular adult working world yet. So I think you have a chance to create your own future by your choices in your college major, future work, etc. You also have people here to give advice, as well as the Internet to find many options for the future. Also takes a little patience. ~ FWIW

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Ryan, now that you are out of school, what are your plans? May I ask how long you have been feeling this way? Any changes in your sleeping habits?

If I could be your age again, I would save every penny that I could get my hands on and travel the globe. Nothing broadens like being exposed to other cultures.

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Sleeping habits have me being in bed until the late afternoon, just to use the day up.

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Extended sleep cycles can serve to aggravate depression. Try to get up earlier and go for walks outside or do some reading. At the least, download something like HexaGreat-3D and teach yourself computer art or animation.

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How do they extend depression?

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preaching to the converted here

i have had unipolar depression for 17 years. lonliness is the worst result of this awful disease. i spent almost 18 months isolated and alone, on welfare, sleeping 18 hours a fucking day…no friends nothing…its hard to offer advice when i know how pathetic it sounds when you are in the grip of it

try to do one thing that makes you feel alive…for me it was books…i’d loose myself in literature and art. after awhile i would forget momentarily.

as for people…thats tough…most people piss me off on principle and I am by no means an extrovert…

but sometimes they can help…

email me if you wanna talk

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Man, I know where you are coming from. I tried the bar scene for awhile, I found most people I met there I really didn’t care to be close friends with. I have never tried the church scene, they say that’s a good way to meet new people, I think I will give that a go one of these days.

I have lived all over the place, and worked all over the place, so I have to find new friends every time a make a move. My best success has been taking a class as a junior college. Go for it man, give it a try, take anything that looks interesting to you. It’s really pretty cheap and it only takes up like one night a week usually. I do a lot of computer stuff, so I usually take some kind of computer class, there always seems to be a lot of forced interaction in computer classes.

There are always volunteer jobs around too if you don’t need the cash but would like to get out for some fresh air and into the public. Do some surfing, you would be surprised at the interesting volunteer work that’s out there.

When I get down, I always kick myself in the butt and tell myself, hey, happiness isn’t going to come knocking at your door and invite you out to lunch, man you have to go out there and find it.

As far as keeping up with the Jones, I got over that several years ago. I did kind of a Zen thing where you constantly make lists, lists of what you like, lists of what you don’t like, lists of things you can change, lists of things you can’t change, lists of things that are important, lists of things that aren’t important, and on and on and on. These lists are dynamic, change them, add to them, prioritize them, over and over and over again. Eventually what is really important in your life will float to the top. Then keep shortening your lists until you get to your bare minimum lists. These are your lists to live by, and of course you can modify them as you go, but eventually they will become very stable.

Don’t worry about things you CAN’T CHANGE, those things we all have to accept and live with, end of story. Concentrate on the things that are important to you and things you CAN change. Form plans of attack to make those changes, plans that do not work are not failures but learning experiences.

Be happy with yourself, give yourself credit where credit is due, play music and dance around the room, laugh at yourself, because in the end, it’s just yourself you have to live with for the rest of your life.

Take care brother, best of luck to you.

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I remember being in your situation.
I felt like my friends weren’t there for me and that I always gave them so much and they gave me so little. Also, other people’s happiness would bring me down. So I was in a situation very similar to yours.

I remember someone I knew told me to get better friends because they didn’t deserve me. I told her she was wrong and I defended them. I said she didn’t really know them.

Now that it’s a year since that time I can tell that they weren’t good friends. I made new friends that were much better. Friends I could relate to and I could count on.

I found out recently that during the last couple months of our friendship my supposed “friends” were acting as if I was a burden when they were around other people. “Oh nitek’s coming?” It only makes me laugh now.

So please take a good look at your friends. Really ask yourself if they’re good friends and good to you. Are they people who add happiness to your life or are they just better than being alone?

One of the big things that lead to me being happy was cutting those people out of my life.
Also, with the whole “other people’s happiness hurting you” thing… know that people will like you and want to be around you if you let them.
I don’t know if you’re the same but I used to always assume that people wouldn’t/didn’t like me. It was a real problem. I would feel excluded and alone in social situations because I felt like people didn’t want me there. But I learned that in almost every occasion people will engage and include you if you open up to them!

I’m having a hard time explaining what I mean here. It’s kind of like having two views of the situation. It sounds to me like you’re in the “they’re happy and I’m not one of them” mindset like I was. But things are so much better once you realize that you “they” are just friends that you haven’t met yet (man, does that sound corny).
Have faith in the fact that the large majority of people are happy to meet someone new and friendly. Know that the only reason people don’t engage you is that you seem distant and uninterested.

I want to clarify that I may be completely off base with my assumtions (sp?) and advice. I’m only talking based off my personal experiences and what was true for me. YMMV.
I hope this helps at all.

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Its when I do try to interact, theres always some asshole who notices my slip ups or knows something about my histrory (which s embarrasing) and this keeps me away. Sometimes it does, but not all the time.

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sorry for the typos

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See a mental health professional and keep an open mind about anti-depressants. Together, they can often change lives for the better.

T’aint no shame in it. I waited too long to have a depression treated. A lot of lost time…

But I’m making up for it.