I empathize. I definately feel it’s harder to be outgoing around people I have a history with. I suppose I had it easy in that the new friends I made were in college. Fresh start and all.
Is it possible to find a new circle of friends? One where you won’t be around these people? Perhaps you have an acquiantence who you could get to know better. Maybe ask them to call you when they’re doing something or call them everyone once in a while. Kind of get your foot in the door and start something off from there. I’ve found that many people are accomodating that way.
About your history… is it possible that it’s a bigger deal for you than other people?
Ryan, I asked about your sleep because a change in sleeping habits is one of the symptoms of dlinical depression.
There is not way for us to know if what you are going through is normal or possibly depression (which is very treatable with medication.) You would need to see a professional for a diagnosis.
My own problems with depression began when I was in my late teens and that is often true.
Maybe this list will help you to decide if you need to see a doctor. Here are some of the other symptoms of depression:
You don’t have to have all of these symptoms. Sometimes it is only a few. But if the pattern lasts for longer that two or three weeks, please see someone.
It is not your fault or a sign of weakness. It very likely may have a physical cause, but nothing that can’t be set right.
Ryan I agree that it is really tough being your age. School gives us an identity and a belonging and a structure of expectations. Adult life means creating your own meaning - which takes practice. I’m sure your friends are going through the same thing, whether they admit it or not; everyone tends to be self-centered at that age.
The other posters here have made excellent suggestions. Just don’t try to fix it all at once, or expect that you’ll get it together overnight. I think it really helps to start with one thing you enjoy. You wrote a lot about the people in your life, but you didn’t say anything about other interests. Perhaps this is a moment for you to quit focusing on relationships so much in favor of finding out more about your own interests. Life’s gonna hand you a lot of ups and downs, so if you’re in a down where social life is concerned - that’s okay. It’s temporary. Make the most of it, enjoy being with yourself. Sometimes our friends/family can drown out our inner voice.
And do stop comparing yourself with other people - you don’t know what their lives are really like. Some of your peers may have it all together right now, but in 10 years there’s a good chance you’ll all be in basically the same place.
I think a better wording would have been “eventually you’ll all have been in the same place”. In other words, the same thing happens to everyone eventually in different ways. My best advice, is to find things you like doing. While that has been said over and over, it is true. Get outdoors, take up mountain biking, hiking, see movies, find a better job ‘just because’, volunteer, go to the gym, etc etc there are any number of places to experience, meet people and better yourself.
I would just like to thank all of you who have helped and guided me through this, you help has not been ignored and am truly grateful for all of your adivce.
I have been blessed!
Many thanks,
Ryan_Liam
NoClueBoy That is the most fabulous, life affirming, uplifting, terrific thing I have ever seen. It made me grin like a baboon, and it wasn’t even directed at me!
<<<wild applause>>>
Ryan - go talk to a health professional as soon as you can. It sounds like depression. (Lyllyan=clinically depressed) -
What do you have planned for the near future? Anything? Make some plans, go see things you have wanted to see.
Find some way to help out in the community, perhaps teaching underprivledged kids to read, or stopping by a retirement home and visiting with the people there - something that will reaffirm your self worth.
Quit sleeping all day. Get out and exercise, talk walks - take along a sketch book and sketch what you see, make notes of interesting things. Take up archery, martial arts, photgraphy, bird watching. DO something. Don’t be a human BEING! be a human DOING!
It will be hard. There will be days, lots of them, that you just don’t feel like doing anything. Get up anyway.
I’ll offer some motherly advice here: Go clean your room!
Sorry - wrong advice. You’ve gotten some great input for others here, and there’s really not a lot I can add. But I will share this - my own daughter (who, I believe, is your age) is going through some rough patches right now. Not to the same degree as you, but enough for me to think that part of it just comes with that stage of life. I vaguely recall 30-some years ago when I went through similar periods. I look back now and see it was part of the transition from childhood to adulthood.
I have no magical answers - I wish I did. Just don’t stew over it - find someone you trust and talk it out. Get professional help if you need it - it’s not a sign of weakness to need an assist. Take care of yourself.
I know how you feel. I’m almost the complete opposite of all of my friends and sometimes I feel like less of a person when I’m around them. I can be surrounded by my friends and in a crowd of people and still feel lonely. I get depressed easily, but it never lasts long. I only have a few close friends and it’s hard to describe the feeling of lonliness when no one is around. It’s like there’s nothing left in the world. Like suddenly someone took all the things in your life that make you happy and tore them into pieces.
Something that has always helped me - get out and do something physical. I run. I run until I can’t run anymore, until I’ve sweated out every last drop of sadness. It helps, it gets you pumped up and ready for the next day, and the next day is better! We’re about the same age so I’m kinda on your wavelength. Shoot me an email if you wanna talk, I have MSN Messenger and AOL (screen name is blink178). Never hesitate to make a new friend.
