You know why I am down all the time? Because I’m a piece of shit who can’t do anything right. “Depression” is a bullshit fucking medical term invented by pharmaceutical companies so that they can shove more of their shit down my throat. I don’t need therapy, I need euthanasia so that I can stop contaminating the world with my shit ass self, not to waste time in a shrinks office talking about bullshit he wouldn’t give two shits about if he wasn’t getting a goddamn check from my insurance companies.
Unfortunately, however, I don’t actually have the spine to off myself so I have to keep putting up with this bullshit while trying convince myself that someday I won’t be such a useless sack of shit. I gotta say though, that’s getting harder and harder to do.
Sometimes it really, really helps to talk to someone.
It doesn’t matter if they’re getting paid for it, any more than it matters to a horny guy that hookers get paid. It’s all about you - think of your therapist as a high-class call girl you just chat to. After the first couple sessions, you won’t even think about it.
Actually, in a way, I do care, but I also know that my feeling so isn’t going to make one damned difference in your world.
However, I will ask this just cuz I’m another human being… do you want to continue in this world or not? If you do, let us find ways to help you cope with whatever shit you have weighing you down. If you don’t want to continue, let’s find the best and fastest way to get you out of here so the rest of us don’t have to bother with you.
I totally agree. This may make me sound like a jerk, but I like continuing with my therapy even though I’m feeling pretty good these days, because every couple weeks it’s nice to have an hour where I get to chat with someone about my life, like you do with a friend, only it’s totally one-sided. You get to talk about your shit, and you never have to commiserate with them, or feel bad that their problems are worse and you shouldn’t complain, or whatever. I do have friends and I do enjoy having balanced conversations with them, but that me, me, ME time really does make a positive difference in my life.
For what it’s worth, I suffer severe depression, and I control it without any pharmaceuticals. And I find it’s well worth the effort. If you’re going to be miserable, why not give some type of treatment a shot? The absolute worst that can happen is you feel miserable, just like you do now.
OP, I’ll tell you something. You don’t see with your eyes, you see with your minds eye. Your eyes are simply optical data sources, it’s your mind’s eye that turns that those impulses into sight. Further your feelings and perceptions color your site. Each eye has a blind spot but you can’t see it because your brain compensates with the other eye, and what it thinks should be there.
The brain is the only instrumental that uses intuition as a vital component. If your moods are out whack it’ll mess with your outlook and your world or your perceptions may seem hopeless, but it’s a medical condition, you need treatment just the same a diabetes patient. The only difference is diabetes patients don’t hate themselves as a symptom.
Seriously, take advantage of whatever you can to help yourself 1. improve your outlook/self-image and 2. improve your actual functioning in the world.
Ideally BOTH; the two are strongly linked.
Shit, you can’t be THAT bad…somebody has and/or does love you. And you’ve got some pretty stiff competition for “worst/most useless person ever”. If you aim for that title, you’ll just lose again.
Ok you may not be depressed. But your pretty damn negative and hard on yourself. Maybe that’s your problem. Been there done that saw the therapist etc…
Also, diabetes patients don’t generally wind up talking to therapists about their blood sugar and complications, nor do they pride themselves on being able to cope with their illness without “pharmaceuticals”.
It might be that your negative thoughts about yourself are a bullshit construct invented by your brain to screw you over, and a course of medication might be a way to get your brain to stop being so assholish and let you get on with your life.
And if you can’t do that right, you’d just make yourself worse, at least for a while. Been there, done that, couldn’t stand up without leaning against something for about 36 hours.
Don’t expect the advice in this thread to be any different from the last three. You’re not worthless, you’re depressed. You need to get help for your depression.
Instead of continuously declaring that you’re worthless, why not just ask the SDMB for help with something specific? It’s not like you have something more important to do…
Dude–go look up the definition of depression. The fact that you think you are a worthless “sack of shit” and want to kill yourself means you are depressed. If you prefer not to use that term, fine. But the point is, by giving it a label, people can be tested, and treatments can be found. And that’s what’s happened with depression.
I’ve already seen you, and I know you do not want to feel this way. So why not do what you can about it? Yeah, you may not feel like it, but what good has trusting your feelings done for you in this situation?
Think of it this way: these people can make you not a “useless sack of shit.” Why would you turn them down?
Seriously, the notion that an imbalance in any other bodily chemistry should be treated by toughing it out and being a better person was jettisoned by the medical community as soon as they learned how to correct those problems. I cannot understand why we persist in treating brain chemistry differently.
Agreed 100%. A brain bathed in the wrong chemicals is as much your enemy as a pancreas that’s stopped functioning.
This may come as a surprise, but most people don’t feel like you do. For most folk, life is actually pretty good. And that includes many who are worse off than you are. Feeling like you’re worthless is not normal. And that particular sort of abnormality has a name, and it can be treated. You can be happy.
Well as I recall, in one of his previous self-pity party threads, some very generous Doper actually offered to purchace and send mookie a book that the Doper thought would be helpful, but poor, poor mookie didn’t bother to even thank the generous Doper (can’t recall who it was) for his very thoughtful offer, let alone take him up on it. (books can’t ooze sympathy and fawn over people with attention, I suppose)
Mookie seems to enjoy vaguely theatening to harm himself (usually in a passing, throw-away comment) to see the SDMB rally around him and assure him what a fine young man he actually is, then when the thread eventually sinks, he waits a few months and starts the ol’ “Woe is me” cycle again…
So the behavior you described, by his own admission, isn’t confined to message boards. I have trouble mustering any sympathy after reading this OP and the others. All he wants is a pat on the head- which he refuses to accept because it’d stop him from getting further pats on the head. It’s like a thin girl who constantly comments on how fat she is so that all her friends can assure her that she isn’t.
