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  #1  
Old 12-11-2010, 01:34 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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John Wayne would have kicked Chuck Norris's ass

There's too much politics in GD, so this is something everybody can weigh in on.

Mods, kick it over to CS if you have to.
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  #2  
Old 12-11-2010, 01:48 PM
Captain Amazing Captain Amazing is online now
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Norris was an MP in the Air Force and a trained martial artist. Wayne never had any combat training. So, I doubt it.
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  #3  
Old 12-11-2010, 01:50 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Norris, hands down. Wayne would be toast.

You're confusing image with reality, although even the image would probably say Norris would be the winner.
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  #4  
Old 12-11-2010, 01:58 PM
Tangent Tangent is offline
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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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  #5  
Old 12-11-2010, 02:14 PM
elucidator elucidator is offline
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Chuck Norris makes Jesus call him "Sir".
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  #6  
Old 12-11-2010, 02:16 PM
Lord Ashtar Lord Ashtar is offline
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Originally Posted by Tangent View Post
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
I'm stealing this.
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  #7  
Old 12-11-2010, 02:51 PM
elucidator elucidator is offline
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You know, this caused me to think: I can't make up my mind if I despise real tough guys more than fake ones.
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  #8  
Old 12-11-2010, 02:57 PM
The Tao's Revenge The Tao's Revenge is offline
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John Wayne used a gun. You don't bring round house kicks to a gun fight.
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  #9  
Old 12-11-2010, 03:04 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Tao's Revenge View Post
John Wayne used a gun. You don't bring round house kicks to a gun fight.
Norris did, the gun was afraid to fire.
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  #10  
Old 12-11-2010, 03:07 PM
XT XT is offline
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Norris for sure. Not only was he a trained martial artist, as others have pointed out, but he used to fight in the old school full contact martial arts tournaments, and win fairly regularly. I actually saw some of those when I was a younger martial artist and they were pretty intense.

Don't get me wrong, I like the Duke, but he wouldn't have had a chance...not unless Norris brought a foot to a gun fight.

-XT
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  #11  
Old 12-11-2010, 03:47 PM
Sam Stone Sam Stone is offline
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He didn't just win fairly regularly - he was a six-time middleweight world champion in full-contact Karate, and retired from that undefeated. He also fought heavyweights like Joe Lewis, and his fight record was something like 65-5.

Norris actually has more credibility as a real martial artist than any of the other major action stars, and that includes people like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Steven Seagal. Many of them padded their real karate resumes to enhance their movie careers, but Norris was the real deal.

Last edited by Sam Stone; 12-11-2010 at 03:48 PM..
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  #12  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:09 PM
Stranger On A Train Stranger On A Train is offline
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Originally Posted by Sam Stone View Post
Norris actually has more credibility as a real martial artist than any of the other major action stars, and that includes people like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Steven Seagal. Many of them padded their real karate resumes to enhance their movie careers, but Norris was the real deal.
Chan doesn't claim to be a professional martial artist and is really quite humble about his abilities. Bruce Lee certainly told a number of apocryphal tales about his experiences in Hong Kong, but he was insanely quick, and until the last year of his life in prime condition. He might not land a punch as hard as a larger opponent (although there are numerous demonstrations of his fa shin "three inch punch" forcing a larger man backward several feet) but he could land three or four strikes in the time it would take a conventional pugilist to deliver a full bodied straight punch.

My pick: Jimmy Stewart, who enlisted in the Army Air Force prior to the beginning of US involvement WWII, fought to serve in a combat role (he ended up first training B-17 pilots and then flying bombing missions over Germany with the 445th Bombardment Group), receiving the Air Medal with three clusters and two DFCs, retiring as a full colonel, would have been smart enough to let Wayne and Norris duke it out and then would have run away with both of their women.

Stranger
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  #13  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:12 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranger On A Train View Post
My pick: Jimmy Stewart, who enlisted in the Army Air Force prior to the beginning of US involvement WWII, fought to serve in a combat role (he ended up first training B-17 pilots and then flying bombing missions over Germany with the 445th Bombardment Group), receiving the Air Medal with three clusters and two DFCs, retiring as a full colonel, would have been smart enough to let Wayne and Norris duke it out and then would have run away with both of their women.

Stranger
Stewart's style would be to let the Duke kick Norris's ass, then take credit for it. He did that once before.
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  #14  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:42 PM
Alessan Alessan is offline
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Hell, what about David Niven or Christopher Lee, both of whom were commandos in WW2?
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  #15  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:48 PM
China Guy China Guy is offline
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If you postulated a no maiming or broken bones type brawl, Chuck would still kick the Duke's ass fast. Allow broken bones and the Duke would have a broken knee in a matter of seconds.

Heck, in a "normal" sized tournement space, let the Duke have a holstered pistol and I would put money on Chuck for the win.
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  #16  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:50 PM
Snarky_Kong Snarky_Kong is online now
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Norris was a poor student and is a creationist. He'd be easy to trick into some sort of suicidal mission.
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  #17  
Old 12-11-2010, 04:53 PM
Sam Stone Sam Stone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stranger On A Train View Post
Chan doesn't claim to be a professional martial artist and is really quite humble about his abilities.
True. I actually went back and changed my sentence to say "many of them enhanced their resumes" because of Chan. I'd also give a pass to Bruce Lee, who was quite a scrapper in his younger days and who other martial artists have described as being very good in a fight. Norris still would have beat him however, simply because of the weight difference. You just can't get around a 50-60 lb difference in weight when two fighters are skilled.

Quote:
Bruce Lee certainly told a number of apocryphal tales about his experiences in Hong Kong, but he was insanely quick, and until the last year of his life in prime condition. He might not land a punch as hard as a larger opponent (although there are numerous demonstrations of his fa shin "three inch punch" forcing a larger man backward several feet) but he could land three or four strikes in the time it would take a conventional pugilist to deliver a full bodied straight punch.
The three-inch punch is just a matter of fast weight transfer, and lots of martial artists can do that. Where I'd give Lee more credit is that he worked tirelessly to develop skills that actually translated into real fighting, and abandoned the stuff that didn't. He was a serious martial artists in that he didn't just develop flashy moves for use on TV, but he thought long and hard about the art itself and trained exceedingly hard, even at aspects that were of no use in the movies.

Steven Seagal is/was a real martial artist and has real skills, but his resume is so padded/fake that it's hard to separate fantasy from reality with the guy.

Quote:
My pick: Jimmy Stewart, who enlisted in the Army Air Force prior to the beginning of US involvement WWII, fought to serve in a combat role (he ended up first training B-17 pilots and then flying bombing missions over Germany with the 445th Bombardment Group), receiving the Air Medal with three clusters and two DFCs, retiring as a full colonel, would have been smart enough to let Wayne and Norris duke it out and then would have run away with both of their women.

Stranger
Good call! John Wayne played the great iconic American hero, but Jimmy Stewart WAS the great iconic American hero. And he was so humble about it that right up to his death many people didn't know just what he had accomplished in the military. Flying daylight raids in B-17's was one of the most dangerous things you could do in the war.

After the war, he continued to serve in the reserves while carrying out his Hollywood movie career, and was eventually promoted to Brigadier General, then was given a retirement promotion to Major General. Not bad for a guy who started as a private, and who had failed the medical for enlistment three times and kept trying until he got in.
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  #18  
Old 12-11-2010, 05:04 PM
Snarky_Kong Snarky_Kong is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Stone View Post
Steven Seagal is/was a real martial artist and has real skills, but his resume is so padded/fake that it's hard to separate fantasy from reality with the guy.
Plus the martial art he practices is Aikido. Which skews very heavily towards art.
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  #19  
Old 12-11-2010, 06:09 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Tao's Revenge View Post
John Wayne used a gun. You don't bring round house kicks to a gun fight.
Norris doesn't use guns because they kill people too slowly.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Snarky_Kong
Norris was a poor student and is a creationist. He'd be easy to trick into some sort of suicidal mission.
There is no such thing as "evolution". Only animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
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  #20  
Old 12-11-2010, 06:53 PM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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I do know John Wayne would kick Jeff Bridges' ass.
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  #21  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:10 PM
Chronos Chronos is offline
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It may well be that Chuck Norris once was a genuine badass, but he's turned into an absolute pansy. If he were as tough as the silly cliches make him out to be, then he'd either suck it up and accept reality, or he'd get off his butt and start that armed overthrow of the government he likes to talk about so much.
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  #22  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:17 PM
Sam Stone Sam Stone is offline
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You do know he's 70 years old, right?
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  #23  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:21 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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Originally Posted by Chronos View Post
It may well be that Chuck Norris once was a genuine badass, but he's turned into an absolute pansy. If he were as tough as the silly cliches make him out to be, then he'd either suck it up and accept reality, or he'd get off his butt and start that armed overthrow of the government he likes to talk about so much.
He talks about violently overthrowing the government? Can you give us a cite? I'm genuinely curious. I know he's a pretty hard core righty, but violent overthrow of the government...?
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  #24  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:23 PM
The Amazing Hanna The Amazing Hanna is offline
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There´s no doubt that Norris is the better unarmed combattant, but fights seldom happen like that in the real world. In the real world, you win by having other people fight for you, by catching your opponent by surprise, by being better armed, or by intimidating or charming him into not wanting to fight you in the first place. The battle is not always to the strong, as the good book wisely points out.

The question we should ask ourselves: which one of the two had the sharpest and most ruthless mind?
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  #25  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:28 PM
Simplicio Simplicio is online now
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Originally Posted by Sam Stone View Post
You do know he's 70 years old, right?
You do know John Wayne is dead, right?
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  #26  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:32 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam Stone View Post
You do know he's 70 years old, right?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Simplicio View Post
You do know John Wayne is dead, right?
So is Chuck Norris. Death is afraid to tell him.
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  #27  
Old 12-11-2010, 07:54 PM
FinnAgain FinnAgain is offline
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On that note, I really can't wait till Norris is dead so these horrible jokes finally stop.
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  #28  
Old 12-11-2010, 08:10 PM
Simplicio Simplicio is online now
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On that note, I really can't wait till Norris is dead so these horrible jokes finally stop.
I suspect they'll just hop to a different celebrity. They started as Vin Disel jokes, IIRC, so its not like the celebrity is that important, so long as they're some sort of well known male action star.

Which I guess raises an obvious question, when Norris dies, who will be the next Chuck Norris guy?
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  #29  
Old 12-11-2010, 08:12 PM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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People make jokes about Chuck Norris, but nobody makes jokes about Bruce Lee. That's because they're not jokes. Anybody on the internet will tell you, completely in earnest, that Bruce Lee was simply incabable of being defeated. Bruce Lee in his lifetime beat up thousands of men, women and children, most of them at the same time, receiving only a small cut on his upper lip for his troubles, which did not bleed. A 40 story building, a shipload of iron ore, and a Boeing B-29 Superfortress once challenged Bruce Lee to a four-way death match; none was ever heard from again. Bruce Lee is widely regarded by most paleontologists to have traveled back in time and beat up the dinosaurs, causing their extinction. Bruce Lee soundly defeated the color brown. Pangea is believed to have separated after it lost a bet against Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee is the unrecognized and uncredited winner of the last nine Super Bowls. Bruce Lee once got in a fight with the air and beat the shit out of it; this is the reason that people now get asthma. in 1959, Bruce Lee traveled to the bottom of the Marianas trench to challenge it to a fight, but the trench backed out. Bruce Lee voluntarily left the Garden of Eden three days before Adam and Eve after leg wrestling the unicorns into submission. Mars was a moon of the Earth before being kicked out of orbit by Bruce Lee. Cheese in Bruce Lee's refrigerator never went bad because he would fist fight the mold nightly before bed. When he rose again the next morning, his pants would fly onto his legs rather than fight him. The fight between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris at the end of Return of the Dragon was not part of the movie; rather, it is actual footage of the fight which will take place between them at the end of time in which Bruce Lee will kill Chuck Norris, thus destroying the universe.
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  #30  
Old 12-11-2010, 08:13 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Originally Posted by Simplicio View Post
I suspect they'll just hop to a different celebrity. They started as Vin Disel jokes, IIRC, so its not like the celebrity is that important, so long as they're some sort of well known male action star.

Which I guess raises an obvious question, when Norris dies, who will be the next Chuck Norris guy?
There can be only one!
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  #31  
Old 12-11-2010, 08:27 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is online now
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Actually, I believe that in one movie, Bruce Lee kicks the shit out of Norris -- including ripping out a swatch of Norris's chest hair.

Okay, let's see, maybe Troy Polamalu?
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  #32  
Old 12-11-2010, 09:10 PM
Miller Miller is offline
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Originally Posted by Sam Stone View Post
Steven Seagal is/was a real martial artist and has real skills, but his resume is so padded/fake that it's hard to separate fantasy from reality with the guy.
His resume isn't the only thing Seagal has padded out.

Hey-oh!
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  #33  
Old 12-11-2010, 09:15 PM
poet poet is offline
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Originally Posted by TriPolar View Post
There's too much politics in GD, so this is something everybody can weigh in on.

Mods, kick it over to CS if you have to.
I can't stand Chuck Norris' Mike Huckabee-loving-ass. Jim "Matress Mac" McIngvale, founder of Gallery Furniture, financed a few of his films, in the 80's & 90's. I won't say anything but "shady", if anything. Over-hyped and bad acting.
He doesn't hold a candle to John Wayne.
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  #34  
Old 12-11-2010, 09:36 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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I can't stand Chuck Norris' Mike Huckabee-loving-ass. Jim "Matress Mac" McIngvale, founder of Gallery Furniture, financed a few of his films, in the 80's & 90's. I won't say anything but "shady", if anything. Over-hyped and bad acting.
He doesn't hold a candle to John Wayne.
I don't think anyone is saying Norris is a better actor, if that's what you're talking about. But this thread isn't about that. It's about kicking ass, physically. There is no question that Norris could kick Wayne's ass.

Are you disputing that?

Last edited by John Mace; 12-11-2010 at 09:36 PM..
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  #35  
Old 12-11-2010, 09:36 PM
elucidator elucidator is offline
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He likes to leave the impression that he is a Texan, but he is from Oklahoma.
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  #36  
Old 12-11-2010, 09:54 PM
John Mace John Mace is offline
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He likes to leave the impression that he is a Texan, but he is from Oklahoma.
At least he's not from Connecticut, but that does explain the Cherokee ancestry.
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  #37  
Old 12-11-2010, 11:37 PM
Try2B Comprehensive Try2B Comprehensive is offline
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I've been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as 'Beef, its what's for dinner' is, it doesn't look like a lot of help in a fistfight.
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  #38  
Old 12-11-2010, 11:48 PM
TriPolar TriPolar is offline
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Originally Posted by Try2B Comprehensive View Post
I've been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as 'Beef, its what's for dinner' is, it doesn't look like a lot of help in a fistfight.
Don't know where that came from. Wayne wasted away from stomach cancer. In his last appearance at the Academy Awards, they put a wet suit on him on under his suit so he wouldn't look so thin.
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  #39  
Old 12-11-2010, 11:51 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Originally Posted by Try2B Comprehensive View Post
I've been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as 'Beef, its what's for dinner' is, it doesn't look like a lot of help in a fistfight.
Sheer crackpot. This came up in another thread and a Doper who is a pathologist said that in autopsy there might be a few pounds of feces at most.

Think of the volume 50 lbs. would take up and the claim becomes obviously ridiculous.

He was a one-eyed fat man, not constipated.

It was Jackmannii

Last edited by running coach; 12-11-2010 at 11:53 PM.. Reason: added link
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  #40  
Old 12-12-2010, 12:07 AM
Rick Rick is online now
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Originally Posted by Try2B Comprehensive View Post
I've been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as 'Beef, its what's for dinner' is, it doesn't look like a lot of help in a fistfight.
Not true
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  #41  
Old 12-12-2010, 12:32 AM
Try2B Comprehensive Try2B Comprehensive is offline
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Well, minus 50 lbs. of impacted feces gives Wayne a fighting chance, but I'd still put my money on Norris.
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  #42  
Old 12-12-2010, 02:21 AM
outlierrn outlierrn is offline
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Did Wayne actually have legitimate handgun skills? Not snarking, I have no idea, but could he have hit Norris at 15 yards?
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  #43  
Old 12-12-2010, 02:31 AM
Simplicio Simplicio is online now
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Did Wayne actually have legitimate handgun skills? Not snarking, I have no idea, but could he have hit Norris at 15 yards?
Dunno. Norris was an MP for several years in Korea, so I imagine he had at least decent firearm training though.
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  #44  
Old 12-12-2010, 03:05 AM
Alessan Alessan is offline
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You realize, of course, that MPs get basically the same amount of respect in armies as snitches get in prisons?
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  #45  
Old 12-12-2010, 03:11 AM
Simplicio Simplicio is online now
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You realize, of course, that MPs get basically the same amount of respect in armies as snitches get in prisons?
Umm...OK? So....he wouldn't have gotten firearm training? Not really sure where your going with this.
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  #46  
Old 12-12-2010, 04:44 AM
Cisco Cisco is offline
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Who would win between Bon Jovi and a blade of grass?

Assume Bon Jovi sneaks up on the blade of grass while it's sleeping.
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  #47  
Old 12-12-2010, 04:56 AM
Alessan Alessan is offline
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Umm...OK? So....he wouldn't have gotten firearm training? Not really sure where your going with this.
I'm saying that being an MP should count against his toughness.
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  #48  
Old 12-12-2010, 06:38 AM
Horatio Hellpop Horatio Hellpop is offline
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Batman wasn't prepared for Chuck Norris.
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  #49  
Old 12-12-2010, 06:50 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Originally Posted by Try2B Comprehensive View Post
I've been told that autopsy reports say Wayne had 50 lbs. of rotting beef in his intestines when he died. Has anyone else heard this? Well, as macho as 'Beef, its what's for dinner' is, it doesn't look like a lot of help in a fistfight.
Sounds too me that autopsy report isn't the only thing that's full of shit.
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  #50  
Old 12-12-2010, 07:24 AM
godix godix is offline
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I don't understand this question. Sure, John Wayne Gacy had that whole scary crazy pogo the clown thing going on, but really, Norris would kick his homosexual serial killing ass all over the place.

Oh, wait, different John Wayne?
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