Keep in mind that I’m really only referring to adults that are entirely capable and of sound mind; obviously, if a person is physically or mentally held back in some way then not actually doing grownup things would be understandable.
But here’s the question: At what point does an adult not doing adult things start to seem strange to you?
I’ve noticed that amongst this recent generation of people out in the world today (and, admittedly, I’m a part of this group) many of them seem to foresake the things that I would say are fundamental parts of being an “adult.” For example, most of my friends are in their early 20s, and yet nearly all of them don’t have driver’s licenses and half of them don’t have any form of ID whatsoever. While I’ll concede that there have been a few things that I accomplished later in life than I would’ve liked (eg. I didn’t get my DL until I was 18 vs. 16) and there are some things that I haven’t gotten around to yet, this whole idea of casting aside adulthood (and the independence - and consequences - that come with it) entirely seems incredibly strange to me.
Here, I’ll list a few examples and you guys can tell me whether NOT doing these things as an adult seems strange:
Not having a car
Not having a driver’s license or ID
Not having a job
Not having sex
Not having your own place
-Et al. Maybe this is a wierd question, but I can’t think of any other way of asking it.
I know several people in their 20’s who don’t have drivers a license, and it’s always struck me as odd and rather selfish. All of these people depend on family members for transportation. One of them, a 22 year old, just had a child. She still lives with her mother and I don’t think she has ever held down a job - but she thought having a baby was a great idea.
Are you sure they don’t have any kind of ID? How would they function in the world?
I realize you said you’re in your 20s yourself, but this whole paragraph sounds like one of those “Can you believe what the kids these days are doing?” complaints. And then the truth is that while a few kids might be doing that weird thing, most aren’t.
Not having a car - Expensive I’d guess. Insurance is a bitch, too.
Not having a driver’s license or ID - a little weird, but if you don’t smoke and can’t drink 'til 21, not much use for an ID.
Not having a job - a little strange, but then a minimum wage job these days doesn’t go very far towards a car or having your own place.
Not having sex - a little strange, but lots of adults don’t get sex very often either.
Not having your own place - like having a car, those things seem harder to do on a minimum wage salary these days, unless you live in Montana or someplace.
My best friend in the military didn’t have a driver’s license until his late 20’s. He had a motorcycle cycle license though, so I guess that counts.
Maybe I worded it a bit off in the OP, but I’m really not trying to come off as arrogant or anything like that. Really, I’m just looking to describe my frustrations behind this whole “screw adulthood” sensibility that is presumably overtaking young adults today.
And y’know, I obviously don’t know exactly how commonplace it is, but I just gotta believe that it’s a lot more common than you’d think.
You didn’t say where you live. That can make a difference. If you’re 20 and live in, say, New York City or Chicago and don’t have a car or a license that’s a lot different than living Peoria and not having either. I had a license when I moved to Chicago but found mass transit sufficient so for about 10 years I neither owned a car nor bothered to drive (I did keep my license current).
Given the economy, staying home with mom and dad into the 20’s is less strange than it would have been a few years ago. Living at home while saving money isn’t a new strategy.
However, lack of ID, lack of any job… more problematic. It’s one thing to live at home because you’re minimum wage first or second job doesn’t pay enough to live on, quite another to stay home and not even look for work.
To my mind, once you’re out of high school either you’re going to college or some sort of training, or else you’re working/looking for work. The car, ID, and where you live are secondary to that.
Depends on where one lives. In some places you need a car to get around, but in others public transportation is such that you can just do without.
Well at some point you need some ID, but that’s not what I consider a “grownup thing”.
Yes, that’s something one should eventually get. But plenty of adults have had to endure periods of unemployment.
Once again, it depends. Do you want to have sex or not? If you don’t, there’s no obligation. And even if you do, there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to have it.
Depends on the culture. In many countries you can find many generations of a single family living under a single roof.
I honestly thought the OP was going to be very like and focus on things like not getting married or postponing having kids until very late. I don’t know how answer the OP as stated however. I have never seen it among any significant group of young people. Most can’t wait to get their driver’s license and the car comes as soon as they can find anyway possible to get one. Are you sure you don’t just know a lot of unusual people? Those don’t sound like the ones I know. The only point that I really see myself are people that don’t leave home at a reasonable age. This is more common now than it was a decade ago because of the economy but young people moving out on their own before they get married isn’t typical historically.
I didn’t include “not getting married” or “not having kids” because I don’t think that they’re necessary in adulthood; nobody HAS to do those things, whereas things I mentioned were all (essentially) fundamental parts of being a grownup. I wish there was another word I could use haha.
Well, I guess it depends on whether the person seems to be pursuing a different lifestyle than the one you think of as ‘adult’, or whether they’re just genuinely lazy eternal teenagers. I think people who have some or all of the traits in the OP can really be either, so just automatically labelling them ‘not adult’ is not really helpful.
Many people don’t have cars because they can’t afford them - that shit is expensive, and to me living within your means is much more adult than simple car ownership. In many cities car ownership is unnecessary, even though many car owners will tell you it is. Not everyone who lives without a car is constantly mooching rides off other people - I don’t own a car and I can get literally everywhere I ever need to go on a bus, on foot, or by bike. If you don’t own a car and don’t need to or want to, what’s the point in getting a licence? There are other forms of ID.
Not having a job is a little trickier. It depends why you don’t have one - if you’re in school or job searching or doing something at home (looking after a parent, for example), those are valid reasons to not be working, IMHO. I don’t technically have a job, but I consider school my job, and since a combination of grants and scholarships pay my tuition and all my living expenses, I don’t need a job as long as I live within my means.
Living at home is common in some cultures, and living with roommates (don’t know if you count that as ‘not having your own place’) is financially a smart move for many people. Some people stay at home to help out older parents or help to raise young siblings.
So, to answer the OP’s question - none of those things seem particularly strange unless they are being done by someone who is deliberately trying to avoid responsibility and stay a child. You’d have to know the person pretty well to determine that, so I don’t think automatically thinking “no car - must be some kind of man-child” is very helpful. Also, if you and your friends are only in your early 20s, many people might be planning to do things like travel extensively or go to college before they settle into their ‘adult’ lifestyle.
Not having a car/driver’s license is not an issue IMO. If you live in an urban area it’s not that uncommon. But I don’t see how someone could live without a legitimate form of I.D. which BTW is required to get a job. Living at home? That used to shock me but I realize now that it’s a different world (economically) than when I was 20 so I don’t consider it weird.
My sister is involved with a man-child, he’s 36. His latest perfomance did not disapoint.
Was at his mothers place in her back yard sitting around talking with some other people, he saunders in plops his ass down on a swinging lawn-couch thinging, lies down takes out his crack-berry and entertains himself because sitting with the adults is boring. My sister went over to him said whatever to him and he begrudgingly came and sat with us. Poor muffin.
When I was about 19, I regularly took in midnight showings of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and was an active member of a specific time period recreation group. One day, I realized that I was one of the only members of my social group that was gainfully employed. I realized that I was often footing the bill for my friends to attend RH, buying them “dinner” at Denny’s afterwards, or paying for an entire weekend’s worth of food and camping for several people in order to socialize with these individuals.
I then realized that my social group aspired to growing up and being like the elders around us… The 30 and 40 year olds who were still frequenting the RHPS weekly and who still attending every event with the recreation group religiously… Often on someone else’s dime. My evaluation of these people led me to the belief that their entire life revolved around nothing more than finding their next drink, their next smoke, and their next fuck. They had no other ambition.
I quit both of those hobbies, got an even better paying job, found closer, more ambitious friends, and giggle when I see those people now, still struggling to survive, mooching off of others and still doing those same ridiculous things that they ought to have given up years ago.
*Does not apply to all RHPS or time period recreationists.
I get what you mean; not that many of them apply to me or most people I know, because I live in central London, so not being able to drive or move out of home are somewhat more usual than in the sticks (the stick = not London. :D) But I don’t think you meant those people.
A friend of mine didn’t have a passport till she was 27. She also can’t drive. She also looks very young. How the hell has she ever managed to get a can of cider, let alone apply for a job or benefits? Her Mum had to buy her some cigarettes the other day.
Don’t know. Culturally, I suppose at least not having ever had one’s own place by, say, 30 or so, is not done in the U.S., but if I were a parent, I’d try to have an open-door policy. My parents put me up for about 4 or 5 months when I was 30, and if it ever happened again, even for a few days, we’d all end up on DateLine as co-perpetrators of some heinous massacre.
I think it’s a sign of maturity to realize one needn’t buy the latest car to survive – think of all these kids in their early twenties who have some flashy-looking (but modest) car and work their little lives out just to make the payments. Not saving, not investing, not even buying lessons or more education, but just plunking it into some piece of jazz. I’m a city guy at heart, and I’d rather not live in a little car-cow-town like Portland where it’s de rigueur, but does take a lot of planning and budgeting to afford regular taxi rides and, those few times (for example, getting to a job where you need tools to carry with you) it may happen, giving money to a friend and co-worker in exchange for a lift.
I’m almost thirty and don’t have a car (though I do have a license) and live with roommates. I’m not really sure that it makes me “not a grown-up”, kinda the opposite really. I don’t need a car (I live near work, like to walk/bike and the city I live in has cheap buses) and living with room-mates saves me money (and keeps me from being a shut-in). It seems kinda immature to blow a bunch of money on a car I don’t need and an apartment all to myself just so I can get over some insecurities about being adequately “grown-up” rather then banking the cash for future needs.
Not having a car Age 25
Not having a driver’s license or ID Age 20
Not having a job Age 25. If no college degree, age 19.
Not having sex No age. It’s just not all that.
Not having your own place Age 25. Do you include sharing an apartment with lots of others in this?
There are some aspects of these that are worrisome. No job != no insurance. And I don’t think sharing an apartment with >1 other person counts as having your own place.
I guess I know too many professional students.
I haven’t owned a car in years. I live in Chicago, I don’t need one. I did join a carshare program about 5 years ago. It’s handy to have, but I use it about 5 or 6 times a year.