Hmm. Alright, so it’s an archaic standard. But still, I’m curious: by the traditional definition, have you “transitioned to adulthood”? If you have, how old were you when you passed the last benchmark? If you haven’t, how old are you now? Other thoughts?
Have you completed school?
Have you left home?
Have you become financially independent?
Have you married?
Have you had a child?
Don’t want to do as a poll because I’d prefer to start a conversation of sorts. My answers to come.
ETA: Further questions for conversation: do you worry if you haven’t achieved these benchmarks? For the 20-30+ crowd, do your parents and other loved ones push you to achieve all of these?
I’m 40 now, achieved the first 4 benchmarks by 33, but haven’t achieved #5, nor do I plan to. Guess that means I am not yet an adult. Whoo hoo! Oreos for dinner!
It looks like an interesting article but not 10 pages interesting. I only read the first one.
I’m curious what other people will think of sociologists’ traditional milestones. It seems to me that ideally the first 3 should clearly be completed much faster than the latter 2. I wonder if the article comments on that at all. If there’s a huge drop in people getting married and especially having kids by 30, I’m pretty unconcerned. If everyone is living at home being financially dependent on their parents that’s pretty alarming.
For instance, for me personally I left home for good at 19 (spent a school year at college starting at 18 but it was when I went away at 19 that it was permanent). I’ve been financially independent since 19. Completed schooling about 3 months after turning 21. Now 5 years after that I’m no closer to marriage or kids and I’d say kids before 30 is pretty unlikely. Instead I own 2 houses and a successful business, both of which feel pretty adult.
So on the one hand, I don’t feel at all stunted or like I’m behind where my 20-something predecessors were in the '60s. But I do want a family someday and I can understand including them as milestones to adulthood. I just don’t care if I hit them any time soon.
What counts as completing school? Here in Indiana-- and probably most places traditionally reliant on manufacturing or other labor-- high school has been the traditional stopping point, with university degrees a more recent, and still debatable, definition. If high school, then yeah, I got a GED about 16 years ago. If college, then no, I’ll not earn my BS and BA until this December. And I won’t be finished with school, as I’m pretty much being steered to a PhD program by my current schools.
Yes, I’ve been independent for 20 years now.
Yes, much to the chagrin of my last couple of girlfriends, who wanted to bring their family’s fortunes to bear on my life.
Been married, currently divorced.
No kids. I’m of the opinion, though, that it’s the more adult thing to wait to have kids until one is capable of properly caring for them. I find it odd that friends who are financially struggling or dealing with drug and alcohol addiction could be considered more “adult” than me because they failed to use protection.
And further opinion… I agree that the standards are a bit archaic, and they assume that the opportunity to complete school is just handed to a pre-adult. Most of the folks I know in school are in there only because they’re adults. They couldn’t go to school until becoming self-sufficient and stable in life, since parents couldn’t afford the tuition. And even in a high-school-only world, there are plenty of folks around here who had to make a touch decision to leave high school to get a job, because their families were that desperate.
Thanks for this. The overuse of polls in threads that ask questions better suited for nuanced answers (the “is pornography misogynistic” thread, which is an interesting question, and its accompanying ridiculous poll comes to mind) is getting obnoxious.
I have finished school for the time being, have left home, and am financially independent (although my parents would always be willing to lend me money if I needed it). Not yet married, no kids either. My parents have been mildly nagging me about this - they are pretty old-fashioned about stuff like that, and I think they also really want grandchildren.
For me, leaving home and being financially independent are the two meaningful milestones in adulthood.
I hope to finish law school by 28. Finishing my M.A. presently. I may do a doctorate after the J.D./LLB, depending on my mood about getting a job. I have professors who went B.A., M.A., PhD, Post-doctorate, and just sorta…never left school. It would be nice to be some vaguely defined, over educated “consultant.” Does that mean all university professors are some sort of (wo)man-child who never quite grew up?
I have my own place, but I goto grandma’s every night for dinner. And…I’m sorta at my mum’s right now. It gets lonely at night, dammit!
Trustafarian! (I saw a book by that title at B&N - it’s my new buzzword, lol)
I told my girlfriend to marry me. She’s starting to yield.
It would be nice! As a result of number 3, I’m not worried about number 5. In fact, number 5 might help me seal the deal on #4!
I’m 23, FTR. Skipped a grade, then did 5 years of college, so I’ve been out a year.
Yes, as in undergrad. I may get a grad degree in the future.
Hell yes. I love my family to bits, but put us all in a room and we flip out.
Sort of. They pay my car and health insurance and cell phone (only $10/month), and I don’t see that stopping until I’m 26 and off their plan.
Jesus, no. I’ll be younger than my parents or my SO’s parents were by getting engaged next year at 24.
Not gonna have one for 8-10 years. I don’t think having a child makes you an adult in any way, either.
Personally, I think being an adult is when you save a significant portion of your paycheck. When you have an actual financial adviser and whatnot.
While I think the Times piece was written by old farts, for old farts (namely, 50-60 year olds that are the boomers/parents in the situation), a lot of it rings true for some of my friends. Some of them went back to school just because they couldn’t find jobs. Some of them are getting MFA’s and BFA’s that are just wildly absurd. Some of them are going to tier-3 law schools, knowing they won’t have a job at the end. Some of them live with boyfriends or girlfriends, with one owning the home and the other paying the mortgage. I see it mostly in poor poor financial decisions. It’s idiocy, plain and simple.
I think failure to launch is in part the fault of the kids, in part the fault of their parents.
There’s a running joke among my friends, “If you don’t know what to do or where to get something or how to move it, call lindsaybluth.” It’s like survival skills 101 were never taught to people.
Example is this: I left my apartment in a great building (to another apartment w/i the same building) to my roommate, who had her friends move in. My two friends are on the waiting list, but they hear through the grapevine that some people were just “given” the apartment by people who were leaving, and bypassed the whole waiting list. Aw HELL no. What do they do, they wonder? I guess we’re screwed, they say! I march down and berate the rental office, for their shady tactics and for not offering me that option (I had forwarded them no less than 5 perfect tenants in the past year) with my old apartment. Hand wringing ensues, and twenty minutes later, my friends were promised the next apartment that comes available. The next day they put down their deposit.
I’ve fielded questions from the absurd, including “Where do I find cheap furniture?” (uh, Craigslist, ya dummy)
I honestly think some kids were raised in a bubble. This problem spans class; I don’t see it any more with upper-middle class kids than I do with middle class kids.
If dropping out of high school counts as ‘completing it’, then yes. I don’t have plans for more schooling. I moved away from my parents and became financially independent the same year I was done with school. I have not married or had children yet, but I am only 25 and would like a family some day.
I’ve been supporting myself and moved out of home since I was 18, so tick those boxes.
Married since I was 22, so that ‘adulthood’ box can be ticked too.
Finished school around 23, I think. Went back for another year of post-grad around 27, but that’s completed too. Another adult tick for me
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.
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Sterilized since I was 24, so the kiddies box will never be ticked.
No adulthood for me then!
I think that once you’re 18, you’re an adult. But behaving like an adult is another story, of course. Many adults occasionally have non-adult moments, but by and large, if you’re supporting yourself I’m going to consider you an adult. The kids / married / school thing doesn’t really mean much to me as sole data points.
If you are over 18 and support yourself but behave immaturely, I’m going to consider you a stunted adult
I hope “completing school” means just that - school, not higher ed. Otherwise it gets ridiculous. My mum went back to university to do a Masters when I was in school, and finished it just after my brother was born. So if that counts, she became an adult at 36. (actually, she went back again later for a PhD. So fortysomething…)
Questions 4 and 5 aren’t really comparable to today, because lets face it the reason why people married and had kids much earlier was because it was very much socially unacceptable to have sex without being married, and contraceptive options sucked so the kids thing just followed naturally.
On the other hand, having kids does force you to be more mature than you might otherwise be. Having that responsibility on you (that you can’t get out of) can be a real shock to the system. I dare say most people who have kids young do grow up quite considerably as a result. But there are other ways.
My responses to the milestones
17 (high school)
17
23 (end of university)
30
33
Obviously I have a vested interest in discounting the last two as a measure of maturity!
