There seems to be somedegree of curiosity about my family life, so I am starting my own thread for it.
First set of questions came from PandaBear77:
What. Specifically, Orthodox Jewish.
We are happy to welcome into the world as many beautiful souls as G-d feels we should be entrusted with. We didn’t set out to have any particular amount, large or small, but we love raising our children and do not set limits on that. As an individual, I feel that the best thing I can do for the world is to help perpetuate my wife’s genes to the next generation. (She’d be too humble to say that.)
Both of us are the oldest of four children. Extended-wise, my side (and specifically my father’s side) is rather large, and my wife’s side is pretty small.
Multiple home re-financings, deep in debt, look for bargains, tread water. Hoping to be able to grow our income (wife is an LPN but only working part-time for now) when able.
As above, no specific plans, no plans specifically not to. Knowing ourselves, we’ll probably feel in another year or two like we could welcome another.
Well, I just looked them up on Wikipedia, and I don’t see any reason to have a negative opinion of them.
Not much. None in any formal way, just that they’re expected to be helpful when asked.
Just expected. But part of the deal is we do not make them pass up a paying babysitting job to watch their siblings. Since we have three who are old enough to babysit, that’s not usually an issue.
Not all that frequently. Mainly birthdays, anniversaries (though we celebrate three anniversaries a year - the day we met, the day we got engaged, and our wedding anniversary) and special events like weddings, school dinners, and the like. Extremely rare that we’d spend an evening out “just because”.
Impossible to say for sure. We buy things in bulk a lot, so it’s hard to estimate what the weekly portion of the feeding is.
Three at the moment, we’re in the process of converting the basement to two more.
I was going :eek: at the prospect of 10 people and 3 bedrooms.
Then I remembered my husband’s family – 11 people and 2 bedrooms. I don’t know that they were all in the house at the same time though. The 2 oldest were probably gone before the 2 youngest showed up. I do know they were 3 to a bed at one point.
How do the kids feel about having so many siblings? Do they get along with each other? Any special bonds or favorites among them? Anyone excluded?
I’d love to see a short description of their personalities. Heck, I’d like to see a group photo, but I can understand why folks might not want pictures of their kids on the internet.
Do you have to schedule computer time? How about TV? Music? Everyone have headphones?
I come from a smaller family - mom, dad and three boys.
However, one of my friends who lived nearby was one of seven kids and I went over to his house to play - once! Even as a kid, I couldn’t take the noise and chaos in that house; little sister on the kitchen table eating butter with her hands, older sisters screaming in the next room, younger brother crying in the corner for some reason or another, overwhelmed mother with three full baskets of laundry -it truly was a madhouse.
My question is: “How do you handle the noise and chaos?”
They love being part of a big family, and are, quite frankly, always excited to watch my wife’s belly for the next one.
For the most part. # 2 constantly seems to be picking on # 5, but then again, he in general has a shorter fuse than most people. I won’t pretend that fights don’t occasionally break out, but that’s more of an opportunistic thing than a general thing.
6 and # 7 are such best friends we tend to think of them as a single unit. They’re a year apart in age, and it’s a shame to break them up into diffrent grades in school, but cest la vie. # 1 and # 3 (who happens to be the oldest girl, and who also happens to be large for her age - she’s about the size of # 1, despite being 3 years younger) share the same sense of humor and are the most mature of the bunch, so they seem to have something of a special bond. The oldest three are sort of a group of their own, and #'s 5, 6 and 7 are sort of their own group together.
Well, aside from the baby (who is loved by all of his older siblings but can’t really be considered part of a group just yet), not really. # 4 tends to be a bit more of a loner than the others, but that’s just relative - he still plays with the others plenty.
Hmm, OK, here goes:
1 - 15-year-old boy. Good in school, helpful around house, very industrious, very responsible. Always exploring and trying new things - tries cooking and experimenting with recipies, recently decided to teach himself to play the clarinet. Very outgoing, lots of friends. Great sense of humor. Sometimes too nit-picky about siblings’ minor faults, which can get annoying.
2 - 13-year-old boy. Lazy as a slug on barbiturates. Doesn’t like to study (though he badly needs to), helps grudgingly when at all. Very sensitive to slights, real or imagined, terrible temper (e.g., reacts badly to # 1’s nit-picking). Obsessed with baseball (specifically the Mets), Harry Potter, formerly with Ben 10 and Star Wars. His obsessive personality can make conversation with him a chore. Not very friendly with kids his own age (though he does play Little League baseball), likes to play with younger children who will let him be the boss of the game.
3 - 12-year-old girl. Good in school, helpful around house, likes to be “mother hen” to the littler girls, loves to hold the baby. Very sociable with friends, in person and on phone. Very easy-going.
4 - 9-year-old boy. Not lazy by nature, but moody and stubborn. Has some physical sensitivities, e.g., cuts labels off clothing, if clothing gets wet, he won’t continue wearing it and let it dry but will immediately take it off (if at home - he knows he can’t do that in public). Has certain hang-ups which he will stubbornly cling to, absolutely cannot be forced to do anything he’s not in the mood to do. Not violent, but great at passive resistance. Reaches frustration point on things quickly and gets stubborn about not trying any more, no matter how much help is offered. Socially, has a few close friends who he is VERY close to, reluctant, probably shy, to make new ones. If you “click” with him, he’ll be great, if you don’t, he’ll be impossible. Is beginning to get a bit more handle-able.
5 - 7-year-old girl. Very energetic, very outgoing. Good in school, moderately helpful around the house. Always wanting attention. Has a major silly streak. Tons of friends, socially, always wants to have playmates over. Will play with little sisters frequently, but gets easily frustrated by their limitations.
6 - 4-year-old girl. Quiet and sweet, somewhat shy.
7 - 3-year-old girl. Energetic, mischievous and outgoing.
8 - 8-month-old boy. Constantly seeking new things to put into his mouth.
I could probably put some pictured up on photobucket for those interested. I’m not overly “private” but I do shun the whole “social network” thing that’s popped up recently, so I don’t actively maintain a bunch of photos on line.
No formal scheduling, just a lot of compromises. The bigger ones know to wait until the littler ones are in bed before having their programs on. It helps that we only have DVDs, not broadcast/cable TV, so we don’t have to schedule TV watching around when something will air. As long as no one wants time on a resource someone else is using, we don’t kick them off, if there is competition for said resource, we’ll dictate, on an as-needed basis, when one should cede control to the next.
We’re not that big on listening to music in the house. Recently, # 1 (as mentioned above) has been teaching himself to play the clarinet, and # 4 acquired a keyboard (from my brother) that he’s trying to learn to play on. So far, the noise has been more a novelty than a source of conflict. We’ll have to see how it goes.
2 is extremely finicky, for genuine meals (i.e., excluding breakfast cereal), he eats only pizza and hot dogs, french fries, onion rings, knishes. In a pinch, scrambled eggs. And everything needs to have ketchup on it. # 1 doesn’t eat any meat other than hot dogs, but other than that has a pretty broad diet. All the others are not finicky about what they put in their mouths.
We have a jungle gym in the backyard and we have the standard assortment of board games, building toys, and art supplies. The little girls love their Barbie dolls and “Polly Pocket” toys. TV and computer games are popular. We go to playgrounds on Saturday afternoons (weather permitting) and to other places on Sundays.
I’m always hesitant to offer child-raising advice, kids are so different that there’s no blanket statement that covers all families, or all kids in a single family. Some kids thrive with a light touch, some might need a heavier hand, and the people best suited for deciding that are the ones who know the kids the best. On top of that, it’s not like my kids are all grown that I can point to a finished product and say, “Perfect. Follow our advice and that’s what you’ll get.” They’re still works in progress.
There are only two pieces of advice I’d feel are universal enough to offer:
ALWAYS be on the same page as your partner in front of the kids. If you can’t discuss a matter before dealing with it, support the one who had to make the decision in public and if you disagree, discuss it in private. NEVER let the kids think they can play one of you against the other.
Enjoy every moment of their childhood that you can, because that’s something you’ll never get back if you miss it.
DMark:
It’s not always easy. But if you’re surrounded by it, and it builds gradually (i.e., one kid at a time) you get used to it. It’s rare that it’s so disruptive that I need to get away alone, but if I ever feel that way, I can lock myself in the bedroom for the necessary time.
Sattua:
Covered in prior answers, but to summarize, oldest is 15, youngest is 8 months.
As needed basis. Keep their own rooms clean, put away toys after use. When mess gets too big, assign each capable kid a room (or area) to tackle, dividing as evenly as possible.
I’d estimate about 1.5 Gallons of milk, probably 2 pounds of chopped beef, 1.5 pounds of hot dogs, 4 pounds of chicken (between breast cutlets and leg quarters), 2 pounds of pasta, 8 slices of frozen pizza in a week. Probaby 5 pounds of potatoes, and I’m really not sure how much I’d estimate in eggs and cheese. Not much bread, though we’ll have 3 loaves of challah over Shabbat and buns for hot dogs and hamburgers.
What kind of tips wouldn’t you already know? Buy in bulk at Costco, stock up when there’s a major sale on something you use that isn’t perishable, don’t overpay for non-essentials like, say, soda. Clip coupons, and watch your weekly supermarket circulars.
Eyebrows of Doom:
Money and material things are always adjustable. Right now, we can maintain our current lifestyle, but if someday we find we cannot, we can, however regretfully, sell our house and move to a neighborhood where the mortgages would be cheaper or take a second job, or compromise on some other aspect of material comfort. Children…are love, happiness, pride, the continuation not only of my and my wife’s physical presence but also the values of our culture to the future. They are little spirits in the “form of G-d” that have the potential to improve the world. As long as we feel we can emotionally handle the task of managing one more (which is not to say that if we’re unexpectedly blessed with a multiple birth we’ll regret it), we’ll welcome that into our lives.
Like many other Orthodox Jews, I am in the habit of not writing the name of the diety, neither in Hebrew nor in translation, so that it does not get discarded or abused or erased. While it is possible that this customary restriction does not truly apply to electronic media, I’m loathe to discard the practice, especially as discarding it served no useful purpose.
So far, we’re managing one girls elementary school, one boys elementary school and one boys high school. Plus nursery school.
Fortunately, we haven’t yet had two of the schools holding conferences on the same night (the nursery school doesn’t matter for that anyway). The most we’ve ever had in one school at a time has been 3, and it can be a long night out. Unless there are some major circumstances (e.g., one Parent-Teacher night was while my wife was in the hospital after the birth of # 6. That was a VERY exhausting week for me), we always go together.
We go to a bungalow colony in the Catskills for the summer, where my wife runs the day camp for the littlest ones (# 6 and 7, at the moment). We send the medium-age ones (4 and 5) to a day camp in another bungalow colony. The big three have part-time jobs, and # 3 will be in a sleepaway camp for the second half of the summer. (All of these camps and bungalow colonies being Jewish, of course.)
If you keep having children after your wife is aged (after 40), have you discussed what you would do if you learned that the fetus is handicapped, ie has Down’s Syndrome, etc.? Do you feel that you could care for a handicapped child with all the other children that you have?
We have not discussed anything of the sort. G-d willing we will not be given any challenges we are not capable of handling. At the very least, I do not think that the multitude of children we already have will not make it more or less difficult to rise to whatever challenges may present in the future.
She has, and how!!!
Oh, was that a question? She’s blessed with a naturally small appetite, and is very conscientious about being able to fit back into her regular clothes after giving birth (after a reasonable healing period).
She’s blessed with a naturally small appetite, and is very conscientious about being able to fit back into her regular clothes after giving birth (after a reasonable healing period).