"Every now and then you come across somebody you shouldn't have F***ed with

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Well I’m that guy."

Do you remember that quote? I thought it was pretty good when Clint Eastwood said it in El Torino.

Clearly it’s difficult to match Clint Eastwood, but did you ever have a similar moment?
I was in Ocean City, and I took my daughter to get Dippin Dots. As we were crossing the street, this Jeep sped up and swerved towards us and a redheaded kid stuck his head out the window and yelled “Get the fuck out of the way”

My daughter stared with wide frightened eyes, and I looked after the Jeep, filled with that impotent rage you get when this kind of thing happens.

Then, something funny happened. About four blocks down, the Jeep made a right turn. Since we were a block off the boardwalk I presumed they were turning into their hotel.

“Let’s take a walk honey.”

We walk down to the hotel, and I see the Jeep parked. So, what do I do? I call 911 and I tell them just what happened. The dispatcher tells me to wait while they send out a unit.

My daughter and I are sitting on a bench near the boardwalk, about 20 yards from the Jeep. The kids come out and start unloading the Jeep (truthfully, they don’t look like kids now, mid twenties or such.) We are sitting there, eating our dippin’ dots and the redheaded kid that yelled notices us. You can tell that it’s one of those things, where he’s not sure it’s us, but it makes him nervous.

I smile and wave.

He ignores me, they unload their stuff and go up to their room. When the police show up we tell the story again. The Police are not amused over what occured and they get the room number from the front desk, and go to pay a little visit to the kids.

My daughter and I finish our ice cream and leave. We didn’t bother to stay to see what happened. In my mind, I could see them opening the door and seeing the policeman standing there… and that was enough.

It’s funny, but one of the things that pissed me off was that back when I was a kid, and we did something unspeakable or bad… we kept going. These idiots just pulled into their hotel and stopped.

Yeah, I know, not Clint Eastwood, but not bad for a guy with a handful of Dippin Dots either.

2

Bravo.

One of my patients threatened one of my nurses recently.

He’s in the segregation unit now. From there he may go to supermax.

You do not f**k with my nurses.

3

I know of a certain (former) Mickey D’s employee who had a similar moment. :eek:

4

The short version:

  1. Drunk driver hits the “pullin family truckster”.

  2. I make him my hobby for the next few years (legal stuff ensues; people in suits using fun words like “garnishment”).

  3. Drunk driver’s financial house of cards collapses (unexpected bonus).

  4. Drunk driver loses wife (had enough of his shit).

  5. Drunk driver loses home (is evicted by deputies).

  6. Suits inform me drunk driver last seen living under downtown bridge. :smiley:
    Liquor bottles should come with a picture of my truck on the label; And a warning that says, “Don’t hit him.”

5

I was on the other side of this once. One summer day, my best friend Snakeford and I went to meet up with some chums to play soccer on the fields near our high school. As we got closer to the school, we saw adult male human wearing a bright yellow shirt running along the side of the road. I rolled down my window, Snakeford slowed the car down to a crawl, and we both yelled as loud as we could at right at the guy. No words, just “AAAAAAAH!”.

Yellow shirt guy freaked the fuck out. We’d scared plenty of people of people before this, but I’ve never seen anything like this. He started screaming his head off and flipping the bird and running down the middle of the street to try to catch up to us. We were about to turn into the school’s driveway when I noticed that he was still chasing us. I said “Shit, keep driving!”

We drove off to some sidestreet and hid for a few minutes. Then we made our way back to the fields. Yellow guy must have noticed when we had our turn signal on, as he was waiting behind the sign next to the entrance! As soon as we got close, he started chasing after us again. Eventually, with the help of the other entrance, we managed to juke him out and play some soccer, but we saw him running up and down the driveway, probably looking to beat the shit out of us or key Snakeford’s car. Whoops!

6

Oh, mine is so, so minor, I’m almost too embarrassed to share it.

Almost, but not quite. :smiley:

A couple of years ago, my husband and I went out to a club in DC to celebrate New Year’s Eve. It was still early, but it was pretty packed, because everyone wanted to stake out their “spot” for the countdown. We were standing watching a band perform, and we were crammed up next to some couches, where folks were vying for any tiny bit of real estate they could find on the seat, the arm, or the back. I was aware of a little shouting going on, though it was hard to tell because it was so loud. Then, suddenly, a guy in front of me reached past me, pushing me aside so he could shove the guy behind me. I realized I was about to be in the middle of a fight.

I have no idea what possessed me, but in a split-second, I squared myself off between them, pushing them as far away from each other as the crowd would allow, and shouted at the top of my lungs, “Oh, HELL no! You are NOT doing this in here. If you want to beat the crap out of each other, you can go outside and do it on the street. But not with ME in the middle.” I am not physically imposing by *any *stretch of the imagination - 5’9’’, 140, obviously no muscles to speak of, and I was wearing a cocktail dress, to boot - but I can be extremely loud, and apparently, it worked. Both guys stepped back. Then one guy’s girlfriend pointed to the other girlfriend and whined to me, “But she was pushing me…” and I cut her off: “I know. I don’t care. Take it outside.” Then, I calmly turned around to my husband (who was staring at me, clearly thinking, “Who are you, and what have you done with my wife?” and also, “You’re going to get us killed!”) and resumed watching the band. The guys and their girlfriends all stayed, and left each other alone the rest of the night. I didn’t have to tell them twice.

As a woman, this is probably the baddest-ass thing I will ever do.

7

I had a part time job in a pizza parlour back during my student days. One saturday night the franchise owners came in and took 4 of us part timers out back for a chat. Business wasn’t good and they didn’t need us any more, oh and they couldn’t afford to pay us more than half of what we were owed for that week. They were hoping that a bunch of students wouldn’t kick up a fuss over £35 or so each.

I mentioned what had happened to a friend of mine and this is when the fun started. It turned out that his dad owned the building and was their landlord. They were 2 months behind with the rent and giving every excuse in the book. Once my friends father heard what had happened he decided to call time on their bullshit.

Losing £35 was worth it for getting to sit outside in my car and watch while a locksmith changed the locks on Monday morning. And then watch the franchisees panic an hour later when they couldn’t open up.

8

I know what you’re thinking punk. Did I eat 6 Dots or 7? I don’t know either. But you gotta ask yourself “do you feel lucky?”. Well, punk, do ya?

Thanks, that was funny and sweet justice. And, if the police had bothered to look they might have found some security cam somewhere and depending on how much swerving they did those punks could have been in a world of legal shit.

9

Awesome. I love this story. I’d love to hear the version of this story from the want to be fighters side. Actually, they probably wouldn’t tell the story, but if they did, I bet your gender, weight, height and amount of muscles would change a lot.

Roar, I am woman!

10

I’m having a real problem reconciling “badass” and “Dippin’ Dots” in the same story.

I have no badass stories. My wife, however, has broken a purse snatcher’s ankle and damaged (if not broken) a creepy molestor-type’s toes. She also filmed an assault on a bus driver well enough to convict the assailants (the on-bus CCTV is completely useless in this regard). She’s a one-woman crimefightin’ machine.

11

A few years back we got invited to a birthday party for the 5y.o. daughter of a woman my wife is friends with at work. It was at their house which we had never been to before so we were watching road signs trying to get there.
Apparently we were driving too slow as a pickup truck with a scrawny redneck guy and his clan whipped around us with the guy hanging out the window yelling “Get off the road Asshole!”
He never got out of view as we drove and we started to notice that the turns we were making were following him. Ended up he was going to the same party we were and he was the woman’s brother-in-law. He was already out his car and looked nervous as I pulled up then looked really uncomfortable when he saw we also had a wrapped present. My wife begged me not to make a scene and I told her “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word.”
Instead I spent most of the next 2 hours making him really uncomfortable. I would just stare at him across the room and he would never look at me even though he could tell I was staring at him. I walked directly toward him at one point while he fidgeted then turned and stood directly next to him while the kids were singing ‘happy birthday’. I even found him in the basement with the other guys watching football and sat right next to him on the sofa. He moved within 5 minutes. Basically gave him a nervous two hours wondering when I was going to confront him which I never did.
Then the party was over and we went home.

12

“Dippin Dots” are actually quite badass, because they stick to your tongue and cause quite more pain than your average ice cream.

13

I’m just amazed that there’s a city where you can call the police over something like that and they actually show up.

14

Well played, sir; that’s a nice cold dish of revenge you served up there. :smiley: I salute your sense of self-restraint and decorum.

On the flip-side, it’s pretty sad that he never saw fit to apologize for losing his cool in the first place - especially given that he had two hours’ worth of opportunities to do so.

15

Major nitpick: I’m sorry, but Dippin’ Dots is in no way, and does not remotely resemble, in any way, actual ice cream. You did not finish your ice cream. You finished your Dippin’ Dots.

Minor nitpick: Shouting at pedestrians while driving by is rude, but hardly “unspeakable.” Swerving toward pedestrians (who, presumably, had the right of way) is dangerous and probably illegal. But unspeakable? I don’t think so.

That is all.

16

I was a teenager, drunk at 3:00 am at a Chinese restaurant. My best friend was bickering back and forth with a cross-dressing prostitute about who was next in line to order.

The cross dressing prostitute warned her, “You better shut the fuck up, honey, or you gonna get hurt”. I waltzed up to her and said, “You aint gonna do shit.”

Next thing I knew we were all tearing the place up, slamming into tables, knocking into walls. And I staggared to my feet when the fight was over to notice that my blouse was ballooning out in a very peculiar way. Turns out the hooker had sliced my shoulder open with a box cutter and my shirt was filling with blood. Hours later, in the hospital with an oxygen mask on my face, helping me to breath, I realized that sometimes, when someone tells you that you are fucking with wrong one, you really are fucking with the wrong one.

I have a scorpian shaped scar on my shoulder that to this day reminds me to never start no shit. Finish it if you must, but never start.

17

You are almost certainly going to win this contest.

18

:eek:

Boy, you got lucky. Then again I am about as unstreet smart as it gets and even I know the only proper response to a cross dressing prostitute is “you first mam” :slight_smile:

19

Light turns green. I start crossing the street. Car makes a right turn with no signal, damn near hitting me. Apparently he didn’t notice two cars behind him was a cop car. Guy gets pulled over and cop issues a ticket.

Did I mention I was wearing a full arm cast at the time?

20

I was driving home with a friend late one night when a car, presumably full of teenagers, passed us illegally and at great speed. I guess they didn’t notice that the car right behind them was a cop car. Busted!