bald man being pestered for sex.

[gastropod1]

went on OKC, and have very little luck. met a few girls, but none of them were interested after the first date.
a month ago a girl contacted me. she's pretty hot, smart, etc, but she lives in the other end of the country and so i can't see the point. Ive told her this, but she persistently texts, emails me; she's even sent me a few picture o.O. the other night we skyped for about 3 hours, and she seems fun, but totally nuts and unreliable. she just finished up at grad school and is between work and drinking quite a lot because of it. she wants me to go down to see her, but this is a bad idea, huh?
she's the first girl that's actually been interested, and we talk most nights. i'm not half as good looking or qualified as her, and i have absolutely no idea why she's coming on so strong. it doesnt make sense? help

[sandra_nz]

So you're totally not interested....and then you skyped for three hours? And you wonder why she thinks you're interested?

[Maastricht]

Perhaps you are her "project"? Some young girls love to be the rescuer to someone they perceive as needing them. Or she may perceive you as "safe"because you would be glad to have her and therefore be nice to her.

Or maybe she hasn't fully realized she is out of your league, looks-wise, because the internet is just text (and she likes the way you type) and skype is just voice and you may have a good voice. In that case, going there and meeting IRL may be awkward.

Or you may be hotter then you think and she doesn't mind you being bald.

So either go and have an experience.
It may be the experience with the "crazy girl" most men have at some point (and it is usually one of their first relationship, because crazy girls tend to come on strong and inexperienced men don't know how to fend off the crazy. ) Or the experience will be just awkward and at best, polite.

Or stay home and be safe. Your call.

[gastropod1]

No. That's the thing...she been in long term relationships before, and knows her worth, too. She's usually quite cogent and lucid - aside from when she's drunk - and she seems keen to, using her words, 'settle down'. i expressed a desire to settle down too.

maastricht , eh.thats a coincidence...she lived there

[purplehorseshoe]

I wouldn't personally want to "settle down" with someone I also describe as "nuts and unreliable" but there's nothing wrong with fun fling with someone like that.

Worst-case outcomes:

- you fall in love with her despite the nuttiness and go on to have an unreliable wife until divorce ensues
- you get an STD
- you get a cross-country stalker
- you spend the $$ for a flight to meet her in person and she decides she's not really into you after all

Better-case outcome:

- weekend of awesomely fun happysexytime with a hot chick who likes bald dudes

Best-case outcome:

- you fall in love and live happily ever after


Do you have the dough to make a flight out and back without it affecting your finances too much?

[Nunzio Tavulari]

I need some clarification. You say you're bald, so you're thirty-five or so? And she's a girl, so about eighteen or nineteen? Sounds to me like she's looking for a sugar daddy to pay the bills.

[punch line loser]

Originally Posted by Nunzio Tavulari

I need some clarification. You say you're bald, so you're thirty-five or so? And she's a girl, so about eighteen or nineteen? Sounds to me like she's looking for a sugar daddy to pay the bills.

She just finished grad school, dude. My guess would be mid-twenties.

[pbbth]

Bald is not necessarily unattractive. There are lots of attractive bald guys*, my husband included. If you are only assuming you are out of her league because of a lack of hair you may want to reconsider that theory.

Also, don't assume that those women who only went out with you once weren't attracted to you physically. Lots of guys I dated I only went out with once because we really didn't have enough in common for me to want to pursue a relationship there. Or because I was going out on a lot of first dates and one of them went swimmingly well and I didn't want to waste my time with the other guys knowing that I was getting into a relationship wit someone else. Or, on one memorable occasion, the guy was very sweet and attractive but I am partially deaf and he had a permanent speech impediment meaning that we really couldn't communicate with one another at all. You never know what could make or break a date so don't assume it is because you are fugly or anything.


*Googling "sexy bald men" to find those pictures turned up some interesting results. It hadn't occurred to me that there is more than one way to be bald.

[Enkel]

I had a friend that seriously thought bald guys were totally sexy. If she'd had her way, all men would be required to shave their heads three times a day. And she would date some serious personality loosers just because they were bald. So that may not be a draw-back for as many people as you think.

If you like her, go for it. But, once I went out with a guy that started talking marriage on the first date. He was attractive and in a band it liked. So, I brushed it off as him joking in some strage way, but it did set off alarms.

He showed up to the second date with a ring. I suddenly took ill and had to go home. It took him about a month to finally stop calling. I'm sorry, but there is something off about a person who starts talking settling down with you when they still don't even know if you're a closet bagpipe player.

I think if you like her and she doesn't set off red flags, go for it. But, if you have red flags, don't ignore them.

[gastropod1]

well, she has a crazy life. -lives on a boat, is currently house sitting, and drinks like a fish. she's not a teen, she's mid 20s, and she hardly knows a thing about me. there was some talk about settling down, and we both claim to want that, but what does she expect: that i go meet her and we end up falling in love under a shower of spunk?
this whole situation is utterly bizarre, and i told her that there isn't a chance of it working.
so that, i suppose, is that.

[Loach]

First off, what is OKC?

About a year and a half ago I flew to Kentucky to meet someone that I met on a website. We talked, texted, moved on to cyber and phone sex, and sent interesting pictures to each other. When I got there it turned very uncomfortable. I have no idea why. She turned out to be a grade A bitch. I left early. But I do believe it was worth it to find out. Now I have no regrets, I know I gave it a try. A couple weeks later I met the woman I fell in love with and we are still dating.

But I have all my hair. So I got that going for me.

[TokyoBayer]

Originally Posted by gastropod1

She seems fun, but totally nuts and unreliable. she just finished up at grad school and is between work and drinking quite a lot because of it. she wants me to go down to see her, but this is a bad idea, huh?
she's the first girl that's actually been interested, and we talk most nights. i'm not half as good looking or qualified as her, and i have absolutely no idea why she's coming on so strong. it doesnt make sense? help

This is what we call "the crazy" as in don't put your dick in the crazy.

If she's like the crazies, despite her good looks and everything, she has issues, and low self worth, so she likes the idea of being is desperate to be wanted and needed.

Which is fine and nice, if you consider fine and nice to be clingy, then cold, then clingy, and get into head games, terrific fights and mind-blowing make up sex, as she simultaneously pushes you away while pulling you in.

Of course, I would have no personal knowledge of this, except for that one, er two or so girlfriends back when I was crazy crazier myself.

Knowing what I know now, would I go back and fuck the crazy? Nay. There are guys who enjoy the ride, but it was too many head games for me, and just made me drink more myself.

[gastropod1]

well, yeah, indeed.
she seems a little angry, and told me that i had led her on (which i had, i guess) by telling her about my previous disastrous dates, and my inability to hold down a steady relationship, yardiyrada. I stupidly texted her (while drunk...whooops) telling her I needed her, and all that stuff that comes with being a little bald and lonely.
she seems to be traveling about a lot, looking for work, and applying for various courses. I kind of do like her, but i think she's laughing at me, and want her to stop torturing herself and me.

online dating is mad. okcupid=okc, in answer to the previous q

[Bob Ducca]

Has she ever asked for money or indicated a current or impending financial crisis of some sort?

[gastropod1]

well...

presumably, seeing as we're all in this 'ere double dip recession, she is indeed in financial toil. she admitted as much, but i don't think she wants money (shucks, perhaps I'm being naive). -I never considered myself as a sugar daddy type.

I complained to her about my dull 9-5, and told her about my rags to riches story (i have a house and cat now!!), and her response was to try and convince me to go traveling. She has plans to work in s.korea/taiwan and save up for some course/apply for jobs while simultaneously learning the lingo.

-she's scared, yeah. however, she doesnt seem to be one of these grads that blame the economy for their temporary stint into the world of unemployment and debt. O.O she's scared though - that much is clear.

ARGH. It's not everyday a hot girl from the other end of the country throws herself at me.

[Taomist]

-If she weren't 'hot', would you give a damn?

-Plenty of 'hot' around you, and accessible. Get off your butt, put yourself out there, and find something do-able; you're making excuses to not even try by finding impossible 'relationships' to kill time. Knock it off.

[astro]

Unless you are bringing something extraordinary to the table an attractive female grad student pursuing an older man who lives across the country she has never met in person with some fervor is a bit odd. I suspect she enjoys being desired.

I would have said "smells like a nut, avoid" some years ago, but I've come to realize you never can tell where you'll find a connection. Logistically re distance I think it's a mistake but if you want to go visit go for it.

Be prepared for her to have a heretofore unmentioned boyfriend or SO she is on the outs with, and you are the rebound man she is using to punish him or make him jealous.


As an aside re her age the mid to late twenties is about the the time of life when bi-polar issues start emerging and asserting themselves.

[Enkel]

Originally Posted by astro

As an aside re her age the mid to late twenties is about the the time of life when bi-polar issues start emerging and asserting themselves.

I know someone who had a personality disorder click into high gear in her early 20s. Boy, when that happened there was no mistaking it. Went from mostly sane, mostly A's grad student to wandering the streets in dazed confusion during episodes. I'm wanting to say is was a split personality (I know, there is a new name for this)... but I don't think that is exactly what it was. Since she couldn't hold a job, she ended up back in her parent's care and totally rejected all of her old friends. It was too bad that it happened so long ago. Now a days, she could have stayed in touch with us online and just gone 'off line' for her bad days.

[Stink Fish Pot]

How is your self-esteem? In reading your posts, you don't seem to have a very strong one, and that can lead you into some bad decision making. I may be totally off the beam here, but you seem to be hung up on being bald, as well as the fact that this girl is prettier than most girls that pay attention to you. Being bald isn't a curse to a lifetime of loneliness.

If you get hurt easily when relationships don't work out, I wouldn't pursue this one. You say she's across the country? What is the reality that you would be willing to fly out there or pay for her ticket to come see you on a regular basis? If you can't see that happening because of the red flags you see popping up, don't start something you know will end badly.

My gut tells me that you wouldnt have posted this out here if you were going to "go for it". Something about her is nagging at you.... Listen to that voice.

But in the long-term, don't cut yourself short because you are bald, or maybe shorter than you want to be, or whatever personal traits of yours that you think others will find unattractive. Something that many people find attractive is a strong self-esteem. I'm not talking about being an arrogant person. Rather, someone who is comfortable with who he/she is. That can be a great turn-on..

Good luck with your decision.

[gastropod1]

She's probably depressed, but perhaps not bi-polar. she has a very fractious family life, and seems to have supported herself through life since she was a mid teen. she's upset because she hasn't yet finished her thesis, and can't find the funds, or a stable (geographically nebulous...going from one interview in one city, to another interview elsewhere) environment to complete the thing. RAAA...don't i know a lot about her!
I tried to talk to her yesterday - i prepared myself by getting a little drink wobbly - but by the time she was ok to talk, i was sober.
I think you're right, taomist! However, she's so f****** persistent, it makes me wonder if this could work.
as for being bald, I am bald and a bit upset about it all! i have a lovely smile, though. meh

[Bob Ducca]

Go see her and have a great time (hopefully) but DO NOT agree to give her any money no matter what her story is. This reads to me like someone trying to take advantage of you. Just be careful.

[hajario]

This should be obvious but you have no idea what, if anything, she has told her about her life is true. You are spending way too much mental energy and time on this woman.

[gastropod1]

no, yeah, cause...
she's just weird...she told me that if i'm not interested i should stop being mopey and find another girl. i dunno, it's all silly anyway.
if anything interesting happens, i'll tell you lot (not that it's technically interesting - just a bald man's sex life). i'll be quiet from now on.
THANKS!!!

[Stink Fish Pot]

OK... I feel like you are not telling us the whole truth about this. Clearly you are intrigued by her, or you wouldn't be even close to considering meeting her. But you have to get buzzed to speak to her over the phone? I'm missing something. So here's my suggestion for you.

Make sure you get her age documented from her in an email or instant message or skype. Then go see her. However, if you start walking from your car to her door, and she sticks her head out of the door with a towel on her head, a basket of laundry under her arm, and invites you in for some "sweet tea", run like hell. Because if you decide to go in, don't be surprised to see a boom mike swinging into your face with a skinny guy with a big head saying "I'm Chris Hanson".

[gastropod1]

well, yeah, maybe...

we speak a lot now, but last night she seemed very hyper and ended up telling me that reason she's coming on all strong is because she's lonely, stressed about her unfinished thesis, has an ill mother, all her friends have left the country...

i can deal with all that, but i really don't know what she wants. One minute she's suggesting we both move to Korea, the next she's hinting that she wants to settle down and have kids. she also tells me that I'm the only man who talks to her in a predator-ish kind of way - which can't be true - and, really, what am i supposed to do? i like her, but i cant suggest she move up here, can i? i mean, wtf? is that what she wants? ...is it even something that happens?

After about a month of intense banter, i have feelings for her...but this is stupidly impractical.

i'm a sucker for it.

[Jack Batty]

Son, heed these sage words from a man with experience: Never stick your dick in the crazy.

[gastropod1]

nice one, duude
non-predator-ish, i meant. raaa

[hajario]

Cut it off before you make the biggest mistake of your life. Don't even think of moving her in.

[gastropod1]

idiot idiot lemon idiot. i'll shut up about her....i'm taking my mind off it by looking at the bad bad racism being spouted in The Pit. -This place sure is interesting!

[Jack Batty]

Originally Posted by hajario

Cut it off before you make the biggest mistake of your life.

Hey now, I said don't stick it in crazy -- I wouldn't cut it off just yet.

[levdrakon]

Out of grad school, unbelievably in debt with no good work prospects.

Run!

[gastropod1]

okokokokok. OK.
look. no good work prospects....i dont want a sugar mummy, but lots of folk are out of grad school, in debt, and strggling. she doesnt blame the economy for it, she isnt a member of occupy, she just keeps on applying...and that's better than the alt. what else shall we do with them? kill them all?! force them into work houses? -that's going a bit far, i'm thinking about having sex with one! also, it's a huge population of people.
she's been honest about it from the start. she gets interviews, but no parents, and has lived independently since 17. she gets her money by working frrelance as a teacher and *ahem* writer...and by working in pubs and cafes.
she is geographically neb, and a little no fixed abode. HMMMMmmm

BOOBS

[gastropod1]

and, thankies, i wont cut off my penis just yet....

[Bob Ducca]

Originally Posted by gastropod1

okokokokok. OK.
look. no good work prospects....i dont want a sugar mummy, but lots of folk are out of grad school, in debt, and strggling. she doesnt blame the economy for it, she isnt a member of occupy, she just keeps on applying...and that's better than the alt. what else shall we do with them? kill them all?! force them into work houses? -that's going a bit far, i'm thinking about having sex with one! also, it's a huge population of people.
she's been honest about it from the start. she gets interviews, but no parents, and has lived independently since 17. she gets her money by working frrelance as a teacher and *ahem* writer...and by working in pubs and cafes.
she is geographically neb, and a little no fixed abode. HMMMMmmm

BOOBS

What are you on, dude?

[gastropod1]

i have a deadline. two articles due in in 1 hour...
i'm high on my disorganization.

[Stink Fish Pot]

Originally Posted by Bob Ducca

What are you on, dude?

I had the same thought. Followed by, "how old is this guy really?"

[gastropod1]

29, why? how old are you lot?

[Loach]

Just go and meet her. You're going to anyway. If you weren't you would have stopped this a while ago.

[Boyo Jim]

What country is she on the other end of? It's it's Lichtenstein, the stroll over would be a nice break. If it's America, just forget it.

[Esox Lucius]

Originally Posted by Bob Ducca

What are you on, dude?

Testosterone. It's rolling through his veins like a thousand railroad trains. (thanks, John Prine)

[TurboNuke]

Dont put your dick in the crazy. Your dick goes in the condom. The CONDOM goes in the crazy.