Almond milk feels like I'm drinking elf come*

[Anaamika]

*Not speaking from experience. Stolen shamelessly from Dave Atell, btw.

But seriously. The point of milk is all gone with almond milk. I tried it because of the lesser calories, but it's so thick and creamy and smooth it's gross. I feel like I should slap my own ass and call myself a bitch as I drink it or something.

I guess I'm just so used to the texture of 2% or 1% milk that I can't stand this frothy drink.

What about soy milk, is that as gross? Other healthy milk options?

[CalMeacham]

Sorry to hear this. MilliCal is lately a convert to Almond Milk, and she loves it.



She also peruses the SDMB on her own, now that she's old enough. She'll probably see this thread, and I may have to explain what the hell "elf come" is. Thanks a lot.

[Sicks Ate]

I have come (see what I did?) to really enjoy soy milk. My son has a milk allergy, so that's what I get for him.

I didn't like it at first, because I wanted it to be milk. Once I quit thinking about it as milk, and starting thinking about it as just another drink, I really liked it. It has a nice nutty flavor, and is very good on a bland cereal like Cheerios. A big cold glass is also my favorite post-run recovery drink.

Quality matters, too. Silk is very good, and tastes different than the Costco brand, for example. Some brands seems to be thicker than others.

I wonder, if you end up finding soy milk repulsively thick as well, if you could thin it a bit with water?

Oh, and rice milk isn't anywhere near as thick, but it also doesn't have the awesome protein content that soy milk does.

[Nava]

'mika, if you ever come to Spain and haven't grown used to those milks, don't try horchata de chufa. My reaction to almond milk was "they call this 'milk' because it was invented by someone who didn't know horchata!" (horchata de chufa is made by pressing hydrated chufas, which are a kind of nut; guess how soja milk and almond milk are made - you guessed it right).

As far as I can tell, the only similarity between most of those and milk is being white liquids. I've had a couple of soy milks which were milkier than most of these horchatas, but in general I find that if it's not one of the flavored varieties, it's better to think of it as being a completely different thing than milk.

[Ellen Cherry]

My advice is to try it with cereal first, to get used to it. That's what I did with soy milk way back when. Of course, being used to soy milk, almond milk tastes like a delicious creamy milk shake to me, which, as opposed to you, I see as a good thing.

[Ellen Cherry]

Moving thread from MPSIMS to Cafe Society, where we can really get our elf on.

[corkboard]

I've never had it, but now if I do I won't be able to think of anything other than "I'm drinking a big glass of elf come".

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Ellen Cherry

My advice is to try it with cereal first, to get used to it. That's what I did with soy milk way back when. Of course, being used to soy milk, almond milk tastes like a delicious creamy milk shake to me, which, as opposed to you, I see as a good thing.

I don't really eat cereal. I drink it with an English Muffin.

Cal, sorry about your kid, but the Internet is for porn!

[Student Driver]

Sicks Ate mentioned rice milk, which I'd recommend to avoid that nasty thick/creamy thing a lot of fake milks have going for them. I like Rice Dream brand rice milk, unflavored. It's thinner than the overly creamy soy and almond milks I've tried (which I agree, are over done... it's like drinking half and half or cream), more similar in mouth feel to skim/1% than whole. It does have a slightly sweet taste of rice, which I like. I like drinking it by itself, and it does work okay in cooking and baking.

I've also tried unflavored coconut milk, which is agreeably thin, but found the taste to be lacking.

[Anaamika]

Ok, I'll try rice milk and coconut milk (I presume it's healthy, because regular coconut milk is pretty fattening). I'll try soy. ONCE.

[Vita Beata]

....peeks in to see what this is all about ... ambles off in search of brain bleach ...

[detop]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

<snip>Cal, sorry about your kid, but the Internet is for porn!

Obligatory link

[CalMeacham]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

I don't really eat cereal. I drink it with an English Muffin.

Cal, sorry about your kid, but the Internet is for porn!

MilliCal will appreciate that. She loves Avenue Q.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

I don't really eat cereal. I drink it with an English Muffin.

...you might try a glass instead.

[Snarky_Kong]

Originally Posted by CalMeacham

Sorry to hear this. MilliCal is lately a convert to Almond Milk, and she loves it.



She also peruses the SDMB on her own, now that she's old enough. She'll probably see this thread, and I may have to explain what the hell "elf come" is. Thanks a lot.

I remember being 13, you won't have to explain anything.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

...you might try a glass instead.

sluuuuuuuuuuurp!


Goddammit, I'm 36 going on 12.

[bup]

What if you put a little chocolate syrup in it and thought of it like a smoothie or yogurt drink instead?

[Anaamika]

I'm sorry I don't like chocolate syrup.. I could put maybe some strawberry or vanilla flavoring, but isn't that kind of defeating the purpose of a healthy drink?

Anyway it's not the taste. The taste is OK. IT'S TOO THICK. Yuck.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by corkboard

I've never had it, but now if I do I won't be able to think of anything other than "I'm drinking a big glass of elf come".

I once actually ran across some porn art that involved an inn that sold "elf milk" that turned out to be, yes, elf come. So I've got images to go with the thoughts.

[Rigamarole]

Hot OP.

[Maggie the Ocelot]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

I'm sorry I don't like chocolate syrup.. I could put maybe some strawberry or vanilla flavoring, but isn't that kind of defeating the purpose of a healthy drink?

Anyway it's not the taste. The taste is OK. IT'S TOO THICK. Yuck.

Do you like eggnog? How does it compare thickness-wise to eggnog?


(Me personally, I love eggnog's flavor, but can't stand the thickness. I drink it cut to 1 part eggnog, 3 parts milk. But of course that isn't an option when you're avoiding milk. Hrm.)

[Anaamika]

I don't like eggnog, no. Same reason.

[For You]

Another vote for Rice Dream, unflavored. I found Pacific Rice to be not as tasty. Tempt brand Hemp milk has good texture too, but a slight bitter aftertaste. I have heard hemp seed has some really good health benefits.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

I once actually ran across some porn art that involved an inn that sold "elf milk" that turned out to be, yes, elf come.

Yeah, the things we stumble across... accidentally...

[Barking Dog]

I really wish they'd stop calling it milk. It's not milk. Milk comes from a tit. You don't see soybeans with little udders on, do you?* It's juice, so they should call it soy juice.

And regardless of that arguement, from a marketing standpoint. I bet plenty of people who might like to drink elf cum (hehe) are put off from the get go because when they see "milk" on the label they have an expectation. And then that first taste ruins that expectation. Instead of thinking, "This soy juice tastes a little wierd but is yummy", instead think, "This milk tastes awful!" And throw it away. Like what Sicks Ate said, they didn't like it until they stopped thinking of it as 'milk'.

And to add my tuppence even more, I loves my cow squeezin's too much to give it up. Just so ya'll know and can now sleep peacefully


*paraphrased from Lewis Black.

[Simplicio]

I clicked on this just because I was curious to see whether the OP thought being similar to "elf come" was a good or bad thing. Apparently its meant in a bad way, though seems like it could go either way depending on how one feels about elves and semen.

[Greg Charles]

Hang on a second. Isn't "cum" the noun and "come" the verb? That's how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom.

I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it's what you're used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps?

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by Greg Charles

Hang on a second. Isn't "cum" the noun and "come" the verb? That's how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom.

I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it's what you're used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps?

Hobbikkake.

[sparky!]

Unless it's whale milk, then forget it.



Wait, whale milk has the consistency of toothpaste? Where's that puke smile?

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

Ok, I'll try rice milk and coconut milk (I presume it's healthy, because regular coconut milk is pretty fattening). I'll try soy. ONCE.

I get coconut milk because I'm allergic to something in cow milk, almond milk is icky, and I read that eating all this soy is going to give me the cancers (I'm sure in a week, something will come out saying coconuts give us cancer, too).

Anyway, the light flavor of coconut milk is great, I think, plus it's not too thick. You can use it in all kinds of cooking to add a great little flavor. Oh, and a carton of coconut milk (I buy it by the regular milk in the 'fridge section, not in the can or box) lasts waaay longer than real cow milk.

[ZipperJJ]

Hmm, interesting...

I bought some unsweetened almond milk to mix with mashed up avocado to make a sort of custardy breakfast treat that is both low carb and low in saturated fat.

The other day I ate a mouthfull of Special K high protein (and low carb!) cereal and was like "Needs milk!" so I opted to take a swig of the almond milk, and I was blown away at how milk-like it tasted. I'm eager to buy more and drink it like milk!

I ran it past my mom who said she'd recently bought some vanilla almond milk to put in her coffee and she hated it. Said the same thing as the OP - it's too thick. And sweet, maybe.

I wonder if the sweetened kinds are more thick. Or even if just the sweetness makes you think more about the thickness. I used to get lactose-free milk and it was pretty good but it was more of a cereal thing for me - it was too sweet.

Anyway I have Blue Diamond unsweetened. And honest to Og it tasted delicious and refreshing and thin to me. Perhaps you need to try unsweetened, it might be less thick!

[kayaker]

I love Silk brand soy milk. The secret is to add 2 ice cubes, a shot of Kahlua, and two shots of cheap vodka to the glass of soy milk. Stir, and drink.

[lieu]

Tell him I'm elfin coming... was that from The Limey?

[Dogzilla]

I have nothing to add aside from :: snerk:: at the elf come thing, and to mention that it sounds like almond milk would be really great when poured into my ice cream machine and told to make ice cream.

Otherwise, it sounds vile to me. I won't even try almond butter. I love almonds, but I suspect this is a lot like the boiled peanuts debacle. I grew up in Ohio, where nobody ever heard of boiled peanuts (unless you have a cousin down south or something). So fast forward to living in the south for most of my adult life and my roomie and I are at the beach. He's brought boiled peanuts along and wants to know if I want one. Sure, I love peanuts.

Bleargh! Same great peanutty taste, but what happened to the crunch? The texture is all wrong. Peanuts are supposed to be crunchy, not rubbery and soft. Ewwwwww. I'll suck the salt out of the shells, but then I'll feed the peanuts to the dog (who doesn't seem to mind the wrong texture). Boiling peanuts just makes them wrong. I don't know how you find the udders on a little almond to milk it, but I think it's probably the same deal-io: milking almonds is probably just wrong.

[PatriotGrrrl]

Y'know, I buy unsweetened almond milk often, but i don't think I've ever tried drinking it plain. I use it to make protein shakes. They taste better than ones made with water, and have less carbs than ones made with milk. I've never noticed that the texture was much different - if anything I would have said its thinner than milk.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Greg Charles

Hang on a second. Isn't "cum" the noun and "come" the verb? That's how I learned it in school, though not, of course, in the classroom.

I find soy milk gross, but my wife loves it, so I guess it's what you're used to. The various suggestions in this thread might help getting over the revulsion, but why bother? I mean, is there a need to force yourself to like it? Are you trying to build up to actual elf cum? A job opportunity in Middle Earth perhaps?

Technically, but I just hate the word "cum" so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it's significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day.

And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it'd be as a hooker? I'll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I'm sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for free!

....Wait...that came out all wrong.

kayaker, I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work.

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

kayaker, I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work.

One of the few benefits to owning the business, I guess.

[Ludovic]

I'm not courageous enough to try elf sperm. No amount of spunk would make me try that.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

I don't really eat cereal. I drink it with an English Muffin.

Originally Posted by Sicks Ate

...you might try a glass instead.

Oh god, I just thought of another terrible joke which I must share. Is that what you call a limp biscuit?

Sorry. Sorry. I'll show myself out.

[needscoffee]

The Blue Diamond brand is about the worst of the almond milks. The other brands are far better tasting. I get the 40 calories/cup stuff and find that it's a lot more filling than milk while a lot few cals than soy milk. It seems to be pretty much an acquired taste, though. It would definitely be better sweetened.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Originally Posted by kayaker

I love Silk brand soy milk. The secret is to add 2 ice cubes, a shot of Kahlua, and two shots of cheap vodka to the glass of soy milk. Stir, and drink.

If you leave out the soy milk, Kahlua, and ice you can fit a lot more vodka in there, and no need to stir. Little tip I picked up.

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Vinyl Turnip

If you leave out the soy milk, Kahlua, and ice you can fit a lot more vodka in there, and no need to stir. Little tip I picked up.

EXCELLENT! I mean, I drink this right before work, it'll be perfect.

[kayaker]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

EXCELLENT! I mean, I drink this right before work, it'll be perfect.

I've been told breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Cheers!

[Alan Smithee]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

Technically, but I just hate the word "cum" so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it's significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day.

And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it'd be as a hooker? I'll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I'm sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for free!

....Wait...that came out all wrong.

kayaker, I suppose I could try the Kahlua recipe, but that might give the wrong impression at work.

I actually came in to thank you for using the correct spelling of "come" instead of that horrendous junior-high, porno-mag neologism.

Anyway, rice milk is usually pretty thin, though it's also usually too sweet for me. I prefer soy milk to regular milk for a beverage, but I prefer regular milk on cereal. I agree that they are completely different drinks. I much prefer the soymilk that comes in the unrefrigerated tetra pak to kinds like Silk that come in refrigerated milk carton packages--the latter take away the delicious soy flavor and try unsuccessfully to taste more like milk. Fail.

[Greg Charles]

Originally Posted by Anaamika

Technically, but I just hate the word "cum" so I never use it. And I am trying to get used to almond milk because it's significantly less calories and I drink one glass of milk every day.

And what are you implying, that if I got a job opportunity in Middle earth it'd be as a hooker? I'll have you know if I went to Middle Earth I'm sure I could get another job opportunity and if there was elf come involved it would be for free!

....Wait...that came out all wrong.

Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That's very ladylike of you!

Hooker sounds so vulgar. I'm sure the elves would call it húicéir, or something cool like that, so there's no shame in it. If the elves really look like Orlando Bloom, I might even consider the job. I'm going to give almond milk a try before I commit to it though.

[Sicks Ate]

Originally Posted by Greg Charles

Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That's very ladylike of you!

Hooker sounds so vulgar. I'm sure the elves would call it húicéir, or something cool like that, so there's no shame in it. If the elves really look like Orlando Bloom, I might even consider the job. I'm going to give almond milk a try before I commit to it though.

Just remember, it only feels like elf come. You'll have to find something else if you want to experiment with the taste.

[Clawdio]

I think almond milk is gross too, but not because of the consistancy.... i think it has a nasty aftertaste.

I'm convinced that all the people that have reccomended almond milk to me over the years are playing some kind of elaborate trick on me...

[drastic_quench]

http://files.coloribus.com/files/ads...mall-66697.jpg

[Cartooniverse]

Originally Posted by CalMeacham

She also peruses the SDMB on her own, now that she's old enough. She'll probably see this thread, and I may have to explain what the hell "elf come" is. Thanks a lot.

" When a mommy Elf and a daddy Elf love each other very very much... "

[Anaamika]

Originally Posted by Greg Charles

Oh, I understand now. Come is your euphemism for cum. That's very ladylike of you!

I am quite the lady. I suppose that is rather contradicted by me knowing what a limp biscuit is, though.