Come on, take a load off, have a seat and let us know whose face you are sitting upon.
Celebrity?
Politician?
An ex?
An in-law?
Your boss?
Who?
Rush Limbaugh. After imbibing about 5 pounds worth of my best friend’s 5 alarm cookout chili (who, ironically, is himself a Dittohead).
Anyone I would do that to would deserve much worse. So I wouldn’t do it at all because I’d feel I was letting them off too easy. 
Dick Cheney. But only after a dinner of Ukrainian food and plenty of beer, where there is a 95% chance of a shart.
I sort of agree with Starving Artist (which doesn’t happen often, lemme tell ya.) Also, the assault is too “cruel and unusual” for my moral tastes. I wouldn’t issue twenty lashes, or waterboard someone, or kick 'em vigorously in the gonads (which, by the way, works against women fairly well, although not quite as well as against men. Bruised ovaries are – I am told – agonizing.)
Ask me whom I’d like to slap in the face…
Whichever wanted criminal has the biggest reward for their capture. That way, I could stun them with a fart to the face right before I bank some Benjamins by turning 'em in! 
My wife’s colleague, a tenure-track professor. He takes credit for grants won by other people and for work he didn’t do; his utter incompetence in his field results in shitty science; and his non-existent project management skills create extra work (and stress) for the people under him. He’s never honest about what he really wants from you or why he wants it, but you can always be sure that he’s rigged things so that he comes out ahead. How he rose to his present station is a bit of a mystery; the joke between my wife and me is that he must be engaging in some sort of blackmail.
So yeah, a great big beans/broccoli/crab-cake fart, right in his stupid, self-aggrandizing face.
John Boehner or Mitch McConnell, I can’t decide.
Sarah Palin
Hanoi Jane.
Oprah
The only problem is, I’m pretty sure all my farts smell delicious.
I’m not sure why we have these, ah, vivid accompaniments to what basically amounts to a “who do you hate?” thread. Is this a spinoff to some current event or something? Otherwise, why such a graphic requirement? Yeech.
You just made the list, missy!
The guy who paints FART on all those boxcars.
No, not really. I think it’s kinda cool.
I want Elaine Chao to sit on my face. And not fart.
Well, at least there’s a vinyl barrier. 
a politician would only enjoy it.
My next girlfriend. That would be hot!
Ray Comfort.