My boss is getting married on Saturday and in our office the tradition is that for weddings, births, and big birthdays someone will buy a card and hand it round to everyone to sign, usually including a collection of a pound or two from everyone to buy a present for the recipient. There is no set formula for who organises this and it’s been very busy recently, so about a week ago I spoke to two of my colleagues (we are all line managers) to ask if they knew of anyone doing this. They didn’t so I decided to step in, and given we had less than a week to get organised I had to order the gift immediately.
Now, I got married last year and was surprised and delighted to receive a card and £50 in vouchers. Seeing as my boss has been at the company longer (so knows more people) and he is marrying someone else who works here (I wasn’t), I thought we might get a bit more than this so I ordered a small crystal glass decanter and paid extra to have it engraved. The total came to about £75 (including the card) which I thought we would cover easily - in fact, I expected to be able to add a presentation box and/or a bottle of wine to fill it (the decanter, not the box). There are easily 50 people who may have wanted to sign the card so it was only asking for a little over £1 each. However, I ended up with about 40 signatures and £35, leaving me £40 out of pocket.
Now, I was aware that this was a risk entailed by ordering the gift before I knew how much would be raised, but I must admit I wasn’t expecting a shortfall of quite that much. It won’t hurt me much to have to cover it but it’s a bit galling that I was the one to organise the whole thing (otherwise no-one would have done), including collecting the gift from the shop on my own time, and now I seem to have to pay for half of it as well - and I’m not even going to the wedding!
So part of me thinks that I ought to explain this situation to my colleagues, but on the other hand it may be best to suck it up and put it down to experience. This post probably looks rather petty and going for option 2 may make me look awesomely petty in the eyes of my co-workers. What say you, Dopers?
It may be that because it got put off until so close to the wedding, a lot of people bought personal cards/gifts and therefore didn’t contribute. I know I would have if it were only a week or two before the wedding and there hadn’t been any word of a group card/gift.
Also, the whole “you must contribute money for a gift” thing at the office is always completely optional.
So I would just suck it up. Yeah, you’re out the money, but that’s just the way things go.
Put it down to experience. If someone asks you you might be able to tell them, but I would just consider it lesson learned and raise yourself above the pettiness. And don’t tell your boss the details!!!
Traditionally, the workers shouldn’t give big gifts to the boss. The thinking is that the boss can easily afford whatever s/he wants, so all the workers need to do is give a token. It’s also a very bad idea to go ahead and spend a lot of money on a communal gift before you’ve collected the money, especially if it’s on short notice.
People are usually reluctant to give too much to people above them. In offices I’ve worked at, gift giving was almost always from the top down and when we did chip in to do something for a manager, it was tough to get people to throw in much, if anything.
I might put the money I collected in the card that was signed by everybody, and then buy my own card and give that with the gift.
Unless I felt the gift was too much and I’d look like I was sucking up. Or I’d already told everybody what I bought. Or it would hurt the boss to know his people think so little of him.
Too many variables.
I’m pretty sure this is on you. Firstly, you don’t know that all 40 people didn’t contribute something - some of them may have put in 50p. That’s pretty cheap, but maybe they think your boss is a dick.
Secondly, while I may sign a card at work, I wouldn’t pay for the privilege of doing so. If I’m not invited to the wedding, the only thing I owe is my well wishes, which are free.
Finally, if you e-mail the 40 odd people, some of those have already contributed.
So, in conclusion - you can send out a reminder e-mail to everyone saying don’t forget about Mr. X’s card to sign! and see if anyone else steps up. Otherwise, you eat it.
Fair enough. The more I think about it, the more I agree with the thread. Maybe 3 or 4 people would have bought personal gifts as they are attending the wedding (I know this because a couple told me so, and that’s fine, I expected that). Either way, I realise it’s completely optional to give anything and yes, it is something I have brought upon myself. I guess I just underestimated the “boss factor” - he’s not like he’s a director or anything, just a line manager really, and I think he’s as well-liked as it’s possible to be in that position.
Obviously I will ensure he never hears of it (and just as importantly, my wife never hears of it - she worries about money too much as she had a parsimonious upbringing, I won’t miss the money particularly). Good news is that he seemed to like and appreciate the gift, I can live with the fact that he’ll never know I ended up paying for half of it!
Yes, both of these are the case. Because:
…I already did this (purely because I had to send an e-mail to everyone about an unrelated topic anyway - so it wasn’t obviously grubbing for more money), it didn’t work so I think that’s the end of the line. I’ll leave it - once again the Dope gives good advice.
I must admit that I do find it odd when these cards come round and there are pennies in the collection - if it’s a deliberate insult, it’s worthless as the target will never know, but I think it’s just thoughtlessness on the part of the contributor - maybe they’re just dumping change they had in their pocket but what is the organiser supposed to do with it?!
I think that you need to stop giving gifts at all, to be honest. In a small organization, maybe 6-10 people at the most, you can give gifts. With 50 people? So every time someone has an event you get them a gift? It would drive me fucking batty and I bet people are putting pennies in to protest. And yes, there should never be an expensive gift given up the chain of command, only down. By default they make more than me. So they get more.
We exchange birthday gifts in my office. There are FIVE of us, so it is not a financial liability, plus we look on it as an opportunity to have a little party.
And in a group of 50+ plus people? No way am I giving anyone a wedding gift if I am not even invited to the wedding. A crystal glass decanter is way, way, too expensive.
Gifts are only for weddings and births of a new child, so it’s something that happens maybe a handful of times a year. I don’t think it’s reached the stage where people are fed up of it. It’s more like that it’s a nice thing to do to mark the event, and it’s better for everyone to contribute £1 or £2 for a really nice gift and card from everyone, instead of making their own arrangements which would cost more. I agree I wouldn’t normally give a gift (or even a card) for a wedding I wasn’t invited to, but when it’s only one or two pounds it’s hardly a big financial commitment. And as has been said, the monetary part is entirely optional and anonymous (you can easily choose to sign the card and not add any money).
All of which means that the first option is definitely the right one. It’s the first time I organised something like this and clearly I aimed too high. Never mind, we learn from our mistakes and move on. Thank you Dopers for making this abundantly clear to me!
FTR, all our bosses are pretty good to us - they are always the first to buy a round of drinks on any evening out and would never expect one in return, occasionally they will provide extras like a bunch of doughnuts at lunchtime for their birthday, or whatever. The whole thing is really not a big deal, I am obviously the one making it sound that way (because of the situation I got myself into) but I assure you it’s not.
Why would you buy the gift before collecting for it?
Collecting for a common gift is fine, but I get really prickly when someone else makes a generous gesture and then tells me how much they expect me to pay for it. I don’t feel particularly compelled to contribute to something I didn’t plan for and didn’t have any say in. If I’m asked ahead of time to contribute as I wish, I’m in.
Oh yeah, that too. My sister made a very generous gesture to our mother a few years ago - I told her flat out that I didn’t want to participate, and I didn’t think the gift was appropriate. She bought it anyway, and felt that I should contribute. I didn’t, and I didn’t feel guilty about it, either - I made no secret of the fact that I wasn’t in.
I had a friend that would do that pretty often. He’d often announce mid-dinner to a guest (particularly if it happened to be a girl he was interested in) that dinner and drinks were on us. The rest of the group, of course, would then have to either pony up or cause a scene. Very convenient, for him.
Never expect someone to pay for something unless you’ve given them the chance to opt out first.
Yup, this was my major error - as I explained in the OP, it was essential as time was short. This, of course, was my fault for not organising it earlier.
I call this sort of thing “stupid tax” - unfortunately, it’s a tax I incur all too often. Other examples: missing a booked train so you have to shell out for another ticket (which is almost always more expensive than the original into the bargain); leaving so late for an appointment I have to pay for a taxi; dropping my phone and breaking it thus having to buy a new one - there are numerous examples and I’m sure we all do it from time to time!
Oh well. As far as stupid taxes go it’s not really that high, and besides, in your heart you can feel like you did give them something really nice and probably unexpected. And I don’t think you should be scolded since you never asked anybody for more money.
I’m wondering if the difference between the amount that was collected for your (and your co-workers’) presents and for your boss’s present was the amount that the boss normally puts in. In every place I’ve worked, underlings will throw in a couple of dollars, while the bosses will throw in a ten or twenty. Since your boss isn’t contributing this time, that would explain why the yield was low without needing to account for anyone acting differently from usual.
