Sorry if this has been brought up before. I did a quick search and didn’t find anything.
A quasi-friend of mine, whom I’ve known since childhood is getting married next year. Now, we aren’t particularly close, but we see each other on the holidays, and run into each other every once in a while at the gas station or some such. He was my best man at my wedding 9 years ago.
Here is the problem. He is, without question, the most self-centered, materialistic person I know. His entire life he has managed to convince his parents to pay his way. He has never had to really work for anything. He works – he’s a administrative assistant/secretary in a government office, but his lifestyle up to now has been financed by mom and dad. His new wife, whom I’ve not yet met, is apparently just as selfish. As a result they live in a Pottery Barn catalog, and he owns half of Cabela’s inventory, because he likes to fish and hunt. If wants something, anything, he puts it on a credit card, safe knowing his mom and dad will foot the bill.
He loves fishing and white-water rafting. So naturally, he has boats. Three of them.
He likes cars. He has three of them, at last count.
So I’m kinda in a jam. I have no clue what to get him and his new wife for their wedding. I’m not kidding when I say that a $50 gift is really big expenditure for us. Since I have to make an effort to scrap together the money to purchase them a gift, I don’t want to get them something that they will just toss into storage then sell at a yard sale in a few years. And there is absolutely nothing in this world that they need. And if they WANT something, whatever that item is will be prohibitively expensive, I am sure. If I was to get him… I dunno. A tackle box. Or a new fishing pole. Or a tolling motor. Whatever. It would not be the right one because it is not the top-of-the-line item.
Goddamn it.
Any advice?
And I’ll add that simply not giving them a gift isn’t really an option… I’d feel like a total tool. I don’t want to be an ass. And skipping his wedding over a gift is kind dumb, too.
It sounds like you sort of hate him, and I don’t think I’d attend a wedding of someone I hated.
That said, I’ve been in the position of trying to find a suitable gift for my filthy rich in-laws. Usually the younger and poorer relatives just give a card, but I wanted to make some kind of effort beyond that - so I got some gourmet jelly beans, put them in a nice glass jar and tied it with a ribbon. I’m sure my Uncle and his new wife didn’t have that on the registry, but probably enjoyed munching on them while they unwrapped their other gifts. I’m not suggesting you give him jellybeans, but there are things that people like regardless of how much money they have, that they wouldn’t necessarily think to get on their own.
Then there are the personal touches - one thing he can’t buy, for example, is a photo of you two together, or something else that has emotional value. If you were kids together, maybe something nostalgic from his childhood - something he could only associate with you.
Find a discount store and buy a pretty picture frame that looks a little expensive. They will need lots of frames for their wedding pictures and you can generally find a frame or two for just a few bucks on sale.
Bertie Wooster and his chums always talk about buying fish slices whenever they have to go to a wedding. Bertie’s not a conceited, materialistic blowhard, of course, but I suspect that would fit the description of some of the grooms he knows.
Here’s a selection of fish slices, ranging from $6 - $4000 dollars.
I like this idea … I have a friend who is associated with one of the organizations, they have bee hives, cows, sheep, goats, poultry of different sorts. All sorts of great bootstrap critters. I seem to remember prices ranging from around $50 to something like several thousand for essentially a complete farmload of critters. [I know if I was trying to start up as a farmer I would love for someone to give me a breeding pair of goats - think of all the dairy!]
I’ll disagree on this one. Unsolicited charity gifts always seem tacky to me. The giftee doesn’t actually get anything, which is the point of gifts. And the gifter is the one who ends up with all the credit for being a charitable guy- which subtly implies the giftee is not as charitable as the gifter. If you want to give to charity, go for it. But don’t try to get credit for it at someone else’s wedding.
Give a simple gift that you can afford, and be done with it. There is going to be so much going on at that time that they are not going to notice that your gift is short of spectacular.
How much credit would there be? It’s not a birthday party where the bride and groom sit down and open all their gifts at the reception so all most of the guests will know is that your gift came in an envelope which is how a check would look too. And if they don’t want to look like uncharitable assholes, then they shouldn’t be uncharitable assholes.
If I would have to pick one hundred adjectives to describe my feelings regarding him, ‘hate’ is not one of them. I don’t understand the me-me-me attitude, and I don’t want to waste my money buying something that’s percieved as junk.
I do like the idea of gift cards. He and his fiance eat out a lot, so that’s something.
If there is a Trader Joe’s in his area, a gift certificate there might be good.
Nice selection of goodies, plus it appeals to those who might like some special food you can’t find at the local supermarkets.
Or get them a Festivus pole. It has a very high strength to weight ratio. Then you could air your grievances to them directly without committing a social faux pas.
I also don’t really understand why you’re going to the wedding of someone you clearly have no respect for. But if you want a the bare minimum perfunctory wedding gift then give the guy a $20 bottle of wine, in a gift bag from the dollar store.
First of all aren’t they registered somewhere?
Second of all, are you married? If so, do you remember who DIDN’T give you a gift? I know I don’t. If you don’t have the money to buy a gift then YOU ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO BUY ONE.
Seriously; I don’t understand the need to go into debt (or over extend yourself) for someone who you don’t care about; for someone who won’t remember if you bought them anything; or for someone you don’t even see regularly.
Alas I have to take issue with your statement "And I’ll add that simply not giving them a gift isn’t really an option… I’d feel like a total tool. " It IS an option. By all means, attend the wedding; but seriously wouldn’t you agree that someone who got upset or held a grudge at not receiving a gift from you isn’t the kind of person you want to worry about their thoughts of you?
It’s odd that at one time you were close enough with this guy to have him as Best Man at your own wedding yet don’t seem to think very much of him as a person; I would get him something that you can afford (Trader Joe’s gift card seems like a good call) and then try to avoid hanging out with the new couple as much as possible.
