For maybe a year my wife has been saying that she wants one kid. Lately she’s been saying that I’m her baby and she doesn’t need a baby. Then I said that I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy since she said she didn’t need a baby. She said that made her worry a lot. Since she was about 18 she’s wanted to have at least one kid. She’s nearly 34 now and I’m 34. Apparently if you have kids when you’re 35 or older there is a higher risk of problems.
My wife keeps on saying she loves me so much and in the past she’s said she doesn’t want to get married again.
So to do what she really wants and what I kind of want would involve having a kid… otherwise she’s going to get fairly upset. Perhaps some people on this board think that it is in the best interests of society if I don’t have a kid with her. Maybe they might think that we should break up so that she can have a kid with someone else.
BTW I don’t think my life is “ruined”… I no longer need anti-depressants… I’m quite content with my life.
As far as my wife goes, she says this relationship is the best one she’s been in. She thinks she’s incredibly lucky. Sometimes she gets worried I’d leave her though. (After all I did break up with her for a little while because I “didn’t love her enough”). She eventually took me back though others tried to get with her. (She’s quite popular with men particularly mentally unstable men - she’s had some stalkers and one relationship caused her to be [mental] hospitalized)
We’re also financially pretty well off and I have a few computers and a huge TV, etc.
Years ago when I was feeling like a creepy guy my life was a disaster. I was living at home and was extremely skinny. The anti-psychotic I’m on now makes most people get a huge belly but now I’m just a fairly normal weight. BTW I used to have thick glasses but lately I got laser eye surgery which helped my wife become initially attracted to me. She often asks me things like “why are you so beautiful?” I usually reply “so that you’d marry me”.
Well I think I’m very good at tutoring people/kids… as far as playing around with babies go and having fun with them, I feel a bit self-conscious and embarrassed.
The thing with your own kids is the relentlessness of it. You are always their parent, even when you’re tired, even when you’re sick, even when you’re horny, even when you’re looking forward to watching the big game on tv, even when work has been hell, even when, even when, even when. If you’ve got supportive family and friends around, they might give you time off here and there but ultimately it comes down to you. If you’re not committed to being a parent all the time, every day… then it’s not for you.
JohnClay, is your wife still on psych medications? I only mention this because (IIRC) there are certain meds that are contraindicated during pregnancy. Which means that if she does become pregnant, her doc will have to discontinue the meds, making her more likely to relapse into illness.
If she is really wanting to start a family, I’d suggest she organise an appointment with her Dr first.
Well I get really annoyed with affectionate dogs… but anyway my wife said she’d look after the kid most of the time.
Well about a 6-7 minute walk away (my wife would drive though) there is her parents - and they’re raising a 12-13 year old girl whose mother is mostly staying in a mental hospital. Where I live there is my wife’s brother and his fiance downstairs. They’re getting married in a few weeks and they want to have 2 kids. The fiance of the brother does child care as her job so she knows a lot about raising kids and babies. BTW at the child care center she can’t give kids “time out” - she is only allowed to distract problem kids.
But what do you want? Do you really want to have a child? You seem pretty detached and nonchalant about the whole thing. You aren’t going to make a good father if you don’t really give a shit about your kid and hes just kind of someone that coexists in the same house.
Well I asked my wife if she wanted unprotected sex and she said she did…
Naughty sexual content:
We got down to it and she said to get a condom then said she said that out of habit. It was the best sex I’ve ever had. Things were warmer and a lot more comfortable. When I ejaculate I start getting a mild form of orgasm which gets better if I keep on going… but I usually have to pull out pretty soon. But this time I didn’t have to pull out and I kept on going… we ended up going maybe twice as long. (maybe 2 minutes or less) Well it is a few minutes longer if you include my wife trying to get me started with her hand.
That is very often the case for couples, and most of them feel that is enough basis to go and try for kids. Usually the hormones fill in the rest, so they make you go from “Oh my god what are we getting into” to "Yay, a baby, what a miracle. ". Also, people have a way to accept a new situation once it’s become inevitable.
All this hormonal and psychological help you may not get due to your mental ilness.
It sounds like you’ve got plenty of help by relatives. Have you asked them what they would advise you?
Are you currently living together? Would you, if she became pregnant? How would that work out?
Also, the fact that you’ve started with unprotected sex tells me you’ve already decided to go for it.
This right here. And what Eliahna said. Dude, I am a parent of 2. You and your wife need to be all-in on this. There is no going back once you are committed, and you cannot depend on others to raise your own child. If you are not 100% comitted to the idea of being a father, don’t go there, because being a parent can be a sustaining stressful situation and will shine a big bright light on any issues you have, your wife has, and your relationship has - all will be exposed. Think long and hard about your level of commitment, do some reading, and go in with eyes wide open before you make a decision. It is not for everyone and it is OK to say so. I sometimes wondered if I made the right decision (but no regrets for me).
While most pregancies and births go off without a hitch, sometimes there are problems. Think about complications during the pregancy, birth defects, the chance of twins, sleep deprivation, thousands of dirty diapers, learning issues, circumcision, breast feeding versus formula - the list of potential negatives and decisions after your child is born is endless. Ask yourself if you are prepared to handle this for the rest of your life. Just my 2 cents as a parent.
If this is your attitude, then don’t even think about having children. Children are going to want your affection/input/etc, ignoring them and handing them off to your wife is not the solution.