So, visiting my sister in law and BIL over the weekend. Their house is always a zoo of people and kids on holiday weekends. Here is the roster of participants: BIL, SIL, wife, niece, Niece’s husband, niece’s kids (3 girls,ages 6, 9, and 12). Also present was the 12 year old’s best friend. A 13 year old named Allie. I’m 48 years old by the way. So it was obvious to me that Allie was showing a higher level of interest in me than normal. She looked at me constantly to see how I responded to things she did, seeking approval. She came and sat next to me, and sat closer than you would have expected for someone you just met an hour before. Lots of other little things that added up to the fact that she was smitten. Other people noticed too. Both my wife and my SIL privately said something about it. All agreed that I was doing nothing to encourage her other than being the nice charming guy that I try to be at these sort of family get togethers
The real eye opener though was her physical contact venture into flirting. Not sexual, but unmistakably affectionate. I was sitting on the end of the couch and had my left foot stretched out on the ottoman. Allie walks by, essentially walking around past my foot where she could reach down as she walked by and touch it. She did, by giving the top of my foot a little scratch, scratch, scratch as she walked by. Not sure if that description conveys what happened well, but it was subtle in that no one else saw it, but unmistakably obvious to me. She didn’t look at me as she did it, but she looked back when she was a few feet away with a demure kinda smile.
I made a effort the rest of the day to not be in a position to interact with her except when there was a group conversation going on. I wasn’t rude. I just lowered the chances of anything else happening.
Told my wife about it later, she was surprised at Allie’s actions. We don’t know the girls parents and haven’t said anything to anyone else. We are just going to let it go and be cautious if she is around in the future.
I don’t know how abnormal it is, but young teen girls just reaching maturity test out the waters by flirting with adults they feel safe with sometimes.
Yes, it’s not uncommon for teen and pre-teen girls to test their sexual power with “safe” adult men. It doesn’t mean she actually wants something to happen. She might just want to see if she has the ability to get a rise out if you, so to speak.
A 13 year old girl openly flirting with and touching on a 48 year old man is not normal at all. I was a flirty little teen, but 48 was almost as old as my grandparents at that point in my life.
My first thought is that she’s been abused. It maybe reaching, certainly, but something in the milk ain’t clean.
Not all of this kind of flirting is about sex. She could have just felt strange at a family gathering where she didn’t feel she belonged so she latched onto another “outsider” as the OP was clearly not one of the “in-laws” also, yet accepted and safe. So it wasn’t about sex, it was about being “out-laws”.
Young teen girls like to flirt with “safe” men because they can test out their skills without fear of rejection. It’s completely normal, and unless she was explicitly sexual (like she literally said she wanted to blow you or something) I wouldn’t for a second think it was anything related to abuse. It’s just a tiny crush, not even that. She wants to see what the reaction to her flirting is, that’s all. Budding sexuality is thrilling, but also very scary. This was just a fun way to play at being a grown woman without any real risk for her, I’m sure.
eta: IMHO. I see people disagree and think it is abuse, and while I don’t think so,. I could be wrong. It may be worth mentioning to the parents. OP, did it seem “sexual” or just flirty?
Also, I wasn’t abused, but I definitely had crushes on men that age (teachers, etc.) when I was 13 or 14. I remember flirting with a man who was a friend of my parents at that age. I just wanted to act grown up. I think it embarrassed him some, thinking back on it, but it was just playfulness on my part. I didn’t mean anything serious by it.
Another vote for possible abuse. This sounds extremely abnormal to me. The “normal” way a 13 year old should react to a 48 year old is indifference or even disgust.
Didn’t seem sexual, but it did seem odd. Flirty is a good description of everything else, but the physical scratch went a little over the line, or it felt like it to me.
Not sure I agree with the “aligning with a fellow outsider” line of thought. In-law I may be, but honestly, my wife’s family likes me better than they do her. I’m definately an insider. I’m actually usually the “alpha” of the group. My wife’s family tends to follow my lead on things, so maybe she was picking up and that and aligning herself with the leader for some reason.
Have a hard enough time figuring out my wife, so I’m not up to delving the mind of a thirteen year old girl. I did get the feeling that she has rather uninvolved parents. Just a comment here and there that her parents didn’t keep her on a short leash
If she considers him safe, that’s a red flag. He’s a stranger. How does she know he’s not a weirdo? The next older guy she flirts with could be a pedo who eagerly encourages ramping up the flirtation.
I can understand a teen flirting with a trusted person in her life, but not some random stranger. Unless… Leftfield, are you devistatingly hansome?
My daughter had a friend once who seemed to be overly interested in me. It wasn’t flirting, but it was a high level of interest in talking with me. Much more so than any other kid, more than even my own daughter. I later found out her father is in jail and her mom is partying all the time. She was looking for a father figure or something like that. It wasn’t that I was such an interesting conversationalist. It’s that she was trying to fill some void in her life. So for whatever reason that girl was flirting with Leftfield, it was probably because of some emotional issue.
When my daughter was growing up I went through that with some of her friends I just acted like I didn’t notice. If you ever have the occassion to visit some of the poor regions in the southern U.S. You will find it is quite common, expecially if you appear to be well to do.
Hmm, we were visiting our old hometown, which is extremely economically depressed. Most living wage paying blue collar jobs left town in the 90s never to return. I live in Atlanta, and, all modesty aside, earn about 6 times what the average person in my hometown does.
Interesting.
Oh, and filmore, I wouldn’t say devastatingly handsome. :D:D
So your well-off and pretty good looking? How *you *doin’?
Seriously though… that does strike me as very, very odd. I did take some childhood development/sociology classes in college when preparing to become a teacher and I don’t remember anyone ever teaching me that pubescent girls like to flirt with “safe” men to test the waters. I am not so sure that I would go so far as to say she has been sexually abused, although the thought did enter my mind even before reading other people’s responses. Perhaps her family just hasn’t instilled proper social boundaries into her brain yet or something. I agree that it does not seem normal to me though.
I realize this is a movie quote and I know the context of it too…that being said, it’s still inappropriate for this thread, so let’s keep these type of replies out of here.
Why jump to abuse as a second option? I was a shameless flirt from 12 on, I didn’t care the guys age. Had nothing to do with abuse. It probably had more to do with insecurity at my physical attractiveness than anything else. Shoot, I had no problem sitting in the lap of a complete stranger in a Mexican taxi cab when I was 14, in front of my own father. The guy was about 26.
I was a volunteer summer camp counselor for one season and was on the receiving end of a few flirts. One the girls was walking ahead of me and started shaking her hips! She couldn’t have been more than fifteen and I was about 24.
