How to cope with my six-week-old who won't let me put her down - EVER

My six week old had quite the rough start. After 6 weeks of bed rest due to pregnancy induced hypertension I was induced at 38 weeks when pih graduated into full blown preeclampsia. Born weighing only 3lb 15oz, DoperBaby spent 4 days in the nicu while the doctors tried to determine just why she was so tiny. Meanwhile I was stuck in my hospital bed on 24 hours with a magnesium drip. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. After numerous tests, they found no real cause for her size and through process of elimination figure it’s probably just from the pih. She is gaining beautifully and the doctors ate thrilled with her progress. She’s now about 7lbs and is even starting to get some rolls!

Our first few weeks home were great with just a few blips as we gradually decreased formula supplements and increased breast milk. At about 3 weeks our so DB started refusing to be put down.Now it’s to the point that she might go in her swing for about 10 minutes before the wailing begins.I can’t even put her down at night. The only way she’ll sleep is next to me in my bed. I am oh so careful to follow all the guidelines for bed sharing but I’m still scared out of my wits that something may go wrong.

It’s heartbreaking. And exhausting. And frustrating.

My house is falling apart. Laundry is piling up. Everyone is arguing.We’re all going a little nuts here .

I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do.

HELP!

Please, before anyone even replies, please don’t suggest that I just let her cry it out. At 6 weeks that’s just too young and downright cruel in my opinion. I’m game for just about anything else.

We’ve got a few months to work this out. I return to work in September and Doper Baby will then be going to a daycare. As my in laws love to remind me, the daycare provider won’t be willing-or able-to hold her all day like we currently do.

Have you tried a sling?

I bought a Moby Wrap. It’s in the washer now in fact. It’s rated for least 8 pounds though so I was hesitant to try it until she got a little bigger. That’s my next mission for tomorrow, to figure that thing out!

Second the sling. I recall being able to do laundry and other light housework with the sling on.

Also, may I gently suggest, there is a middle ground somewhere between letting her cry it out and holding her all the time. So… maybe now it’s 10 minutes in the swing. But it won’t kill her to fuss for a few more minutes. My son was very needy, wanted to be held a lot too, but sometimes I just stuck him in the bouncy chair in the bathroom, took my shower, and if he fussed, he fussed. He survived. I survived.

Not sure about putting her down at night. We used the swaddler with both kids and a sound machine that made a heartbeat sound with our daughter. That did the trick… but kids are all so different with what works. Best of luck!

That sounds like a rough start for everyone! I’m glad to hear that you’re all doing well now.

There’s a saying I like about having very young children: The days drag on forever, but the years fly by. It’s been fairly true in my experience. This probably isn’t very helpful advice, but in the grand scheme of things, DoperBaby won’t be tiny and want to be held constantly for all that long. Just do what you can while you hold her. IMHO, of course. Good luck!

Slings are a godsend. If the Moby doesn’t work for you and the peanut, try another style. Every duo has their favorite, and hates another with the fire of ten thousand suns. One of the infants I nannied for adored the Maya Wrap and still sleeps with it as an extra blanket at 10 years old. My own girl loved it for a while, but then really wanted to ride facing out, which I’m not well shaped for in a Maya Wrap, but a Snugli solved the problem nicely. (The Maya Wrap came back into play when she started toddling, when it became a toddler leash for a while.)

Ok, if you swear swear swear you won’t turn your back for a second, I’ll share a Mommy Secret: babies love the clothesdryer. It won’t let you go get the dishes done, but a baby in a box lined with a blanket (or strapped into a baby seat) on top of the running dryer is most often a calm baby. Don’t ask me why. The heat? The vibration? The white noise? All of the above? Don’t know. But it let me sort and fold and do it without an earful of sobs. Just Don’t Walk Away. Things on dryers do shimmy and move and the last thing in the world you want is a baby in a box to hit the floor!

Check with your doc before you wrap her. My ped didn’t want me to wear baby until she was over one month and showed some neck strength. After one month of similar symptoms, I figured out baby was getting too much foremilk and not enough fatty hindmilk. Partly because I had an oversupply problem and was engorged, and partly because I was an inexperienced mother who popped a breast in her mouth each time she cried. The consequences of too frequent nursing were breasts loaded with enough milk for two babies, and my little one would fill up on sugary foremilk then suffer terrible belly aches. The solution was “block feeding”, or feeding several times on the same side. This was uncomfortable for me for a week or so, but once my supply leveled out we went back to nursing both sides evenly at each feeding.

Have you tried swaddling? It might help her calm down. No guarantees, but it might help.

Oh! I forgot. This guy is a little weird, but absolutely a Baby Whisperer. This silly method really works for 9 out of 10 babies I’ve tried it with. - YouTube

I had a “poof” when my son was little, and I slept with him in it for quite a while after he was born. It kept me in a position where rolling over was impossible, and when he needed to nurse, I barely even had to wake up.

I second getting some sort of sling. Then she can be cuddled next to you while you do housework etc.

Thank you all so much for the ideas. I’ll reply more appropriately once I’m able to get back to my computer. Keep the suggestions coming.

One more thought.

Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait till tomorrow…
for babies grow up
we’ve learned to our sorrow…
So quiet down cobwebs-
dust go to sleep…
I’m rocking my baby
and babies don’t keep!

IMHO, it’s not a problem to hold a baby when it wants to be held. :slight_smile:

(ps. NOT my own poem, I wish it were).

I carried my fussy boy everywhere in a Snugli. And I swaddled him when laying him down to sleep. I did let him fuss for a few minutes but never longer than a few. I know many parents swear by that technique but I just couldn’t do it. After the first few months, he was content to be close to my heart and toted around with me. It was less stressful for me too, though I sure wished at times that I could have a few minutes to myself.

Fussy little one is now a happy, well-adjusted 6 year old. There are days I’d give anything to be able to tote him around in a Snugli again!

For those of you that wore your babies in a sling, how long did that last? I would gladly do this for as long as she needed but I’m not sure how that would work come September.

I love this. Such a sweet poem. FTR I love nothing more than cuddling up with my baby girl. I’m a firm believer that a baby’s need to be held is just as real and essential as their need for food or clothing. It’s just that I don’t do much of anything else lately. :slight_smile:

You know, that’s a really great way to look at it. And try this on for size: her need to be held is exactly as real and essential as her need for food and clothing. And her need for food and clothing is as real and essential as her need for being held. Sometimes, briefly, one of those needs has to go unmet while one of the others are handled. And since for her to eat, you have to eat, that includes taking care of yourself. Just as you might let her fuss a bit when she’s hungry, because the stinky diaper really must be changed first, it’s also okay to let her fuss a bit while you eat. I’m not talking great panicked screams, just…don’t fall into the guilt trap for taking care of you. Taking care of you, and her, and your home and your relationship with your husband…that’s a lot, and it’s *all *real and essential. Yes, she’s super duper special and needs to be the focus right now, but that doesn’t mean the rest of it can fall apart. [Insert airplane oxygen mask metaphor here.]

My baby was very clingy too. It was really hard, there we some days that we would have epic breastfeeding sessions that would last all day to the point that my butt hurt from sitting. I watched a lot of ridiculous TV and always had my Kindle and phone and bottle of water within reach. She’s 14 months now and is only starting to be less clingy now. We co-slept from the beginning and still do. Only you know what kind of sleeper you are, but I’m sure you’ve read everything online about co-sleeping and it can be done safely.

Also, don’t let your inlaws make you feel like you’re spoiling your baby. You cannot spoil a 6 week old. She needs you to live, to be happy and to feel safe. Hold her and enjoy it as much as you can, things will be ok.

I know how hard it is to feel like you have no time for yourself and I commiserate. It’s taken me a long time to relearn self-care. And sometimes just when everything is getting better it backslides and is really hard for a couple days- regressions happen every few weeks it seems. But everything will be ok, really.

I honesty never thought of things that way before. As a mom, I am so focused on my children’s needs that my needs always come second, always. But thinking of the family as a whole really puts things into a whole new perspective. Thank you for that!

I carried Jegan around in a Snugli until he was 5-6 months old. It was darn near full-time up to 3 months old and to a lesser extent as he became less fussy. By the time he was 6 months old, he was ready for a stroller. He wanted to see more of his environment and grew to dislike the Snugli (also by then he was too heavy to carry around for long stretches anyway). I am not recommending this; it worked for me because I had nothing but time. It was just the two of us during the week, and I stayed with my in-laws on weekends and the family would take turns holding and carrying him (I was living overseas for the first year of his life while my husband remained and worked in the US). This obviously would not have worked, if I had other children, a job, or even just my husband around and also in need of my attention and affection :slight_smile: I just wanted to share with you, it’s OK what you work out that makes sense for you and your precious child. I was very insecure about motherhood and worried I was making my son too dependent on me. I listened for a while to well meaning people telling me to let him cry it out, it would be good for him. In the end it came down to what I could live with. I felt my fussy, colicky baby needed my reassuring touch and comfort and feeling my warm body and my heart beating against his quite clearly soothed him. And he made it through my angst-y, smothering love just fine :slight_smile: