Iampunha, lose 20 lbs. by July 30th!

[iampunha]

Okay, so I get spam. Like, this morning was light, and I deleted six or seven pieces of it. Some mornings I'll have fifteen messages from W. Denkert (which I don't think is his real name), AND shit from the other spammers.

But this, THIS is the first time ANYONE has tried to spam me like this. Do they not KNOW I have no weight to lose? Did someone not point out to them that I wouldn't want to lose if it I had any TO lose? Or do they just say "Hey, get a thousand email addresses, we don't care if you email our own people, and send them spam about losing 20 lbs and giving away free samples!"?

I mean, come on! I used to get somewhat accurate spam . . . "Iampunha, check out this great website I found!" wherein Amber (it was always Amber, wasn't it? What's that all about?) would give me a site with three Xs in it, and something about girls cumming and . . . erm, how to prepare better for finals. Yup. ::hurries to find something ELSE::

Or Curtis Johnson (I am not making this up) would send me information about a credit card I didn't want.

At least they could have spelled my name right.

::Walks out, disgusted::

[reprise]

Join the club punha; not only don't I have any weight to lose, I also have no use for viagra, or pre-approved credit cards either.

[FairyChatMom]

I like the e-mail I get at my hotmail account that uses my real name - offering me Viagra, XXX hot women, credit cards, and who knows what-all... Hardly any real people use that address any longer, so I pretty much access it to delete the crap. Don't ask me why I keep it - I haven't a clue...

[Rosebud]

For a while, I was getting almost daily offers to buy products that would increase the size of my penis.

::looks in pants::

Nope, still female.

Lately I've been getting offers for diplomas from "non-accredited" universities. This makes me laugh, heartily, because I've just worked my ass off to get my Master's. The idea that anyone would promote buying a "degree" from the exists-only-on-paper University of Assboink ticks me off.

There have also been a few for legal substitutes for illegal recreational substances. I guess it's only fitting that somebody "earning" a fake degree would also be interested in smoking fake weed-- the whole fake college experience!

[Ike Witt]

I don't know about you guys, but the idea of taking out a mortgage on my apartment is kind of interesting.

[iampunha]

Originally posted by reprise
Join the club punha; not only don't I have any weight to lose, I also have no use for viagra, or pre-approved credit cards either.

Wait . . . you mean William Denkert didn't SPECIALLY select me after going through thousands of people who . . . also didn't apply for a credit card?

Rosebud, I'm on the other side . . . I don't want to increase the size of my breasts. I also don't want sexier abs or hair with a fuller body.

[sulawesi]

Why is it that whenever I get spam, my name changes from Matt to Ma;tt? Oh well, at least I know which ones to delete.

Rosebud, do you get those ads for "Weeed"? (Note the three e's) I used to a lot but they seem to have stopped.

[Rosebud]

Actually, vengeance and dust, I'm not sure! They always have something like "legal cannabis substitute" in the subject line, and I delete them on sight. Next time I'll open one up and check.

I also get offers for "herbal Viagra." My Yahoo! account, which I keep mainly as a back up in case my work account goes down, is a veritable treasure trove of spam. I'm sure both offers will show up over the next 24 hours or so.

[Enderw24]

At least you can ignore those. Instant messages from Hotcreemygurlz4u just pop right up there on the screen. You press ignore and some other IM pops up a few minutes later from some other spammer. Apparently E-mail isn't enough nowadays.

Then there's someone named State Police 101. He'll send you an Instant message that says "Enlarge UR penis! Click here.
If you ignore him, he'll change his name to State Police 102 and harass you again. And again. And again.

I could lose 20 lbs just using that energy to tell those fuckweasels to stick their instant pills right up their hard drive and twist. I've done it before. They never respond.