Yeah, I’m starting a pit thread against spammers. I realize that absolutely no one, including spammers, likes spammers, so this is a little bit like starting a pit thread against cancer or mimes. But dammit, the rage builds up after a while.
I hate that I get so many of them. The Mac OS X Mail program does a great job of filtering it out so I don’t see most of them. But still when I see the thing saying “retrieving message 4 of 30” and then it turns out that they were all spam, I’m disappointed.
I hate the lame content. I’ve been reading the SDMB long enough to know that yes, there are people out there to whom a barn full of lonely and horny cum-slurping farmers’ wives is an appealing prospect, and more power to them. But I get tons that just say “bang a chick 2nite” with a link. C’mon, people! Show some fucking pride in your work, at least!
I hate that they don’t even bother to target the right audience. If they knew me at all, they’d know that “how to please a woman” is very low on my list of needs. My usual strategy for pleasing women is to leave them alone.
I hate that there’s so much creative potential wasted. I’d expect great things from subject lines like “The citizens have adjusted” and “Salad dressing dilettantes of 5330” (two actual spam messages I’ve received), and they turn out to be nothing more than ads for Viagra or porn sites. Even the dadaist filter poems at the end turn out to be worthless; lines like “How did Walt Disney respond to the huns? Acquiesingly” are few and far between.
And I really, really hate that they assume I’m a complete idiot.
I’m not going to be fooled by anything with “solomon_wong” or “solomonyang” or “solomonfamily” in the title.
I’m not going to be fooled by “Re: Hi honey” or “I forgot to tell you…” or “Hey there buddy.” I don’t know who you are, Freida Downey and Jonah Ramos, but I know that you’re not familiar enough with me to be calling me “buddy” or “honey” and that I never requested any information from you. And I sure as hell don’t expect my honies to be writing me with a string of random words at the beginning of the message.
I’m not going to buy any medication from someone who can’t spell it correctly. I sure as hell am not going to be receptive to any message with the subject line “Can’t keep it up?” Fuck you; I keep it up fine!
Really, it’s simple, spammers. I’m just not interested in seeing hot wet dripping adulterous pussy, and I’m equally uninterested in hearing about cheaper mortgage rates. But if you insist on showing me these things, then just do it – don’t try to trick me into seeing them. Because that’s just insulting.
