I’ve been doing this in my journal for a while now… posting “Today’s stupid porn spam title” almost daily. Just the least appealing, poorest worded, or most bizarre ones I get. Today I thought… hey, the folks at the SDMB probably have a lot of this hilarious stuff in their inbox, too!
Here are mine for the last week-ish:
Friday 01/03: Subject: BUFFY THE PENIS SLAYER!! Saturday 01/04: "Subject: MIDGETS! MIDGETS! MIDGETS! " Moday 01/06: “Subject: CELEB SLUTS LOVE BALD COOTER” Wednesday 01/08: “Subject: Sexy Trannys with Hard Schlongs” Friday 01/10: “Subject: Support, Russian Anal Deflor…” every time I see this, I think it says “Deflector” at the end, which makes it much more amusing, in my opinion Saturday 01/11: "Subject: BLONDE BOWLING BALL GETS BASTED "
I got a spam yesterday in which a bitter guy promised to show me sex pix of his ex-girlfriend. He bounced between viciously slagging on her and drooling about how hot she looked. Very strange.
I don’t get any spam at all, probably because my current email address is only a month old. However, my parents, that’s a different story. They get:
MAKE YOUR COCK SO LARGE IT’LL KNOCK DOWN WALLS!
MAKE YOUR COCK A QUARTER OF AN INCH BIGGER
MAKE YOUR DICK SO LONG IT’LL DRAG ON THE GROUND
HOT GIRLS AND GIRAFFES (yes, giraffes)
SURPRISE RAPE ATTACKS (as opposed to what? scheduled rape attacks? Do women really have “11:45: go into a dark alley…” on their planners?)
EXTREME COLON CLEANSING
All of these are real. You may begin weeping for humanity now.
I still remember this one from a few years ago. The from box said the email was from Dorothy. The subject box said “I want to give you a blowjob!”. What makes this disturbing to me is Dorothy was my mother’s name.
“Nusty Secrets” was good. What the heck’s a “nusty” secret?
Then, of course, there’s days where I get email offering to give me a huge penis on the same day I get email offering to give me huge breasts. Which is it, boys? No one really needs both, don’t you think?
And lots of stuff about Britney. Someday, I expect to see an email offering to give me a huge Britney.
Probably the worst, though, was the day I got an Email with my sister’s name on it. I get emails from my sister periodically. I was about to open it, until I noticed that the subject line read FUCK ME UP THE ASS UNTIL MY EARS BLEED.
Now, seeing as you are the only Opal that I know of and that it is not a very common name, I can only assume that this was sent to me by some worried and upright member of this board to warn me about the likes you.
I get so much spam that I’ve pretty much given up on cleaning it all out. It’s not as much porn as it used to be, but I still get gems like:
“I GOT SEE-THROUGH LINGERIE 2DAY! CAN U C MY HAND?”
“I like to get fucked in the ass!! Come watch for FREE!!”
“It’s JuLia!! We got drunk on NEW YEARS…And filmed it. :)”
“Lonely and Horny Housewife’s” (Seems like there should be a noun at the end here)
“Üadv-adlt-thr0bbing-with-delite-at-these-naughty-y0ung-teenz!”
“New Product Gives Women Instant Orgasms!” (How does that help me, though?)
At least the incest and “farm fun” porn spam has stopped.
I once got one about “nympho virgins” which led me to wonder – if they’re virgins, how do we know they’re nymphos, and if they’re nymphos, how come they’re still virgins?