ok so this is about my sister who lives with me. She’s 23 going to collage and has a part time job. For the most of her life she couldn’t go 2 weeks without being in some kind of relationship. She’s gullible, naive, and just over all clueless.
She recently (within a year) decided to be single, and thats fine. The thing is nearly every week she would have 1 of 3 guys come over. Let her guy friends sleep in her bed whenever their over. So sense she’s been “single” for a year or so, she’s now complaining that she’s lonely and feels nonexistent. She also has been trying to go out on dates with guys she knows or just met,but when (i assume) they get to know her they just up and leave and don’t talk to her.
So my question or questions are:
Is she truly single while she’s doing this?
Is she “telling” everyone that she’s being slutty?
Also ‘sleeping in her bed’ doesn’t mean ‘having sex’. I’ve shared a bed with women before in situations where we didn’t do anything sexual. some people just like cuddling and companionship. And other people like to have sex, but don’t want to be in a relationship.
To my mind, and probably to others of my advanced age (50’s), “single” means “not married”. Which she absolutely is now, and has been since she was a newborn.
What she’s not right now is “dating one guy exclusively”. The three guys who stop by once a week to deposit a load are enjoying her bedtime without having to put up with her annoying personality. Works good for them. I’m not surprised she’s finally realized this isn’t working so good for her.
It doesn’t matter what name you, she, or any observers use for this situation. What matters is whether it’s working for her. Which she says it isn’t. She ought to focus on changing something, not trying to decide what name to give it.
I think this says it well. You can have 100 close friends of the opposite gender and still be “single” if there’s no one, particularly strong, exclusive relationship with a particular one.
She’s “single” as opposed to being in a mutually exclusive committed relationship.
Her current roster of “friends” probably know where they stand with her and are okay with that. They’ll probably all disappear at the speed of sound when the pregnancy scare happens.
If she wants an SO she has to be willing to be someone’s SO. I’m not as sophisticated as many people seem to be because I think fidelity is an important quality in an SO. Her mileage seems to differ.
His sister is also his roommate. This could get kinky.
Taking one’s mind out of the gutter, by the sound of things our OP is ordinary, stable, and provides a house & most of the middle-class trimmings for his flaky sister. Who is flaking up a storm in his house with her FWBs.
*Assuming *I’ve read between the lines accurately, it’s not surprising he’s a bit perturbed. And is trying feebly to decide on how to call this, followed by how to fix this, all without simply tossing her out on her clueless ear.
Good point. There are at least two different meanings of the term “single” as it relates to romantic relationships. One is “no relationship, or at least not an exclusive one”, and the other is “not married”. I’ve historically considered “single” to mean “not married”, so one can be in one of the following states:
Married
Single, but in a relationship
Single, not in a relationship. This could mean “not dating at all”, or could mean only casual hookups with no medium or long-term commitment.
(Obviously, I am omitting more complex states such as two-timing and adultery, but you get the point.)