Worst Movie You've Paid To See

[Jack Batty]

I'm almost positive this has been done before, but what the hell -- new forum and all ...


I've stated before that I'm a push over. I like almost every movie I go to see. At least I very rarely actively hate a movie (although Planet of the Apes almost shook me of that habit).

But I can say without a doubt that the worst movie I've ever paid to see was Klippendorf's Tribe. I had gone to see it with my wife and several members of her family, so I couldn't walk out, but oh man did I want to.

It was painful to watch, I felt sorry for Richard Dreyfuss. I have no idea what possessed him to make that movie. Probably kissing Jenna Elfman.

[Primaflora]

The Carebears movie.

Oh the joy of sharing movies with the offspring!

[Katisha]

I inflicted Pearl Harbor on myself in order to see the Lord of the Rings trailer. It's a good thing that trailer was worth it, because the movie was painful in the extreme.

I thought about walking out, but then figured "Hell, I've seen two hours and haven't died, so I might as well stick it out." I should have walked out.

[handandahalf]

Mission to Mars. The only reason that I didn't walk out was the fact that my friend's VERY hot younger sister seemed to be enjoying herself, and she was sitting next to me...

Turns out that she hated the movie almost as much as I did, and was smiling because she noticed that my attention kept drifting to her.

[Gala Matrix Fire]

Leaving Las Vegas was excruciating. Once again, I was with my parents, and Dad seemed to like it, otherwise I most DEFINITELY would have walked out. I spent the last hour WAITING and HOPING for at least Nicholas Cage, if not also Elizabeth Shue, to die. It took WAY too long.

[Crunchy Frog]

Barton Fink.

I normally like the Coen Brothers, but man I was pissed about paying to see that.

[Enderw24]

Well, I didn't actually pay for this movie. I was only about 7 at the time so my parents paid for it. But it was the suckiest suckfest that ever did suck.

The movie was called TM. It was about a little girl who loves a robot too much and so the ever so precocious robot named itself Too Much. TM. I've never before or since heard the audience groan at a movie, but when we saw a black sheet with holes punched through it trying to pass for the night sky, no one could contain themselves. Anyway, she runs away with the robot, through Japan, meeks a perky Japanese boy, and they have a grand adventure elluding the evil mean bad guys who want to steal TM for their nefarious purposes.

***HUGE TM SPOILER!!!!***












The good guys win. The bad guys don't. Children everywhere sing "Hooooray for TM! Hoooooray for TM!" Crimeny, it's been 17 years and I can't get the damn song out of my head.

[Lemur866]

I was visiting an old college buddy and we needed to see a movie. So, check the listings. Hmmmm...something science fictiony, actiony, bare-breasty....

How about "Species II"? After all, "Species" wasn't SOOOO bad, and there were cool aliens, and it had that chick, and she had bare breasts and all. So off we go.

"Species II" was the absolute worst movie I have ever, ever paid to see. I mean, I've seen worse stuff on TV, cable or video, but in a theater? It was really really horrible. And you couldn't even see that one chick's breasts very well.

The runner up was "Armageddon".

[Enderw24]

I apologize for the inaccuracy I have just discovered in the above post. It has only been 14 years since TM was released. Looking it up on IMDB reveals that, of the four main actors, this was the last acting job for two of them and the other two couldn't find work until EIGHT years later. This should tell you something about the effect this movie had SAG and the population in general.
That damn song is still in my head.

[Dr. Rieux]

A tossup between Armageddon and Showgirls.

[Smeghead]

Wing Commander. I only paid 50 cents to see it, but I was still pissed about it.

I'd include Armageddon, but I think we snuck into that one.

[Revedge]

Boy, you youngsters today don't know how good you have it. In my time there were movies so bad that they caused so much brain damage in the audience that they had to get lobotomies just to raise their IQ enough to be able to drive home. (Through ten feet of snow. Uphill each way.)

Nightfall had to be one of the worst. They managed to take one of the classic works of science fiction and screw it up.

And I have yet to see a good version of a Heinlein book.

Of course Lost Horizon is probably the worst mainstream movie ever made. It was so bad I wanted to demand my money back even though I was seeing it for free.

[Atreyu]

Godzilla, the one with Matthew Broderick and that POS actress.

[Stoid]

The Cell leaps to mind.

I'm pretty good about knowing before I see it whether I'll be able to extract some pleasure from a film. The Cell suckered me the same way it suckered everyone: fabulous visuals.

But my ass was aching 20 minutes into it.

stoid

PS: I assume the OP means "Paid to go out to see" because I have paid for almost every movie I've ever seen because I rent like a fool.

And I'm worse than ever before. Netflix rocks.

[HP Ellison]

Barton Fink a bad movie?? For shame! It's one of the greatest movies I've ever seen! The metaphors, the *incredible* performance put in by John Goodman...perhaps the ultimate fusion of comedy and sheer, gut-wrenching despair. My god, man!

[NightRabbit]

Halloween H20. It was just a movie night with friends, but we groaned through the whole thing and, although it lasted a good hour and a half, the plot was so simple and stupid that when we got out we would have swore the whole thing was only about 30-45 minutes long...

[Darwin's Finch]

Dungeons & Dragons. Yup, in the theatre.

I figured, "Hey, I'm a gamer-geek! I've played D&D! This could be cool!"

Oh, how wrong I was.

It might have been more enjoyable if the producers, director, actors, screenwriter, and everyone else involved in the making of this film had just taken a dump on the audience instead of making the movie.

I had heard that Battlefield Earth was the Biggest Steaming Load^TM to hit theatres in a very long time, if not ever. I watched it when it got to cable, just to see. It was better than D&D.

[uglybeech]

I got you all beat.
I paid to see Waterworld.
I sat through it.
Should I admit that?

[Tamerlane]

Well 2000 Miles to Graceland was pretty fucking bad. But I'm going to go with Darwin's Finch and agree that Dungeons and Dragons ( I was bored, it was a matinee, but I still should hsave known better ) was, hands down, the worst film I've seen in a decade. Even Showgirls has more going for it ( somehow ). When the hero screamed ( in an almost theatrically bad tone of voice ) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...." when his annoying, steppin' fetchit-style sidekick bought it, I couldn't even laugh. I just sat there, stupefied.

Crunchy Frog: With all due respect, you're nuts . Barton Fink is a great film, with one of Goodman's best performances. The Coen brothers can do no wrong .

- Tamerlane

[Nocturne]

Crazy/Beautiful.

I was with two other females who refused to see A.I. with me, so I went to that movie with them.

It wasn't a horrific movie, I just never would've paid to see it on my own.

[Juniper200]

The Kilmer/Brando Island of Dr. Moreau. I want those hours back with interest. It was bad to begin with, and just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the director would ramp up the repulsion with Val Kilmer in a ill-fitting sarong and a grubby pig-woman. And then they'd throw in that Brando homonculus. What the hell were they thinking? What the hell was I thinking?

[Chas.E]

The ultimate horror: I was hornswaggled into seeing "Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean." Just think of Cher, Karen Black, and Sandy Dennis trying to do some serious acting. Quite possibly this is the worst movie ever made.

[Spiny Norman]

Highlander II. I win.

[Redboss]

Hair

I grew up on the Original Cast album, could sing every line:

...tell him Angela and I
don't want the two dollars back,
just him...

...sodomy,
fellatio
cunnilingus
pederasty..

...I would just like to say
that it is my conviction
that longer hair and other flamboyant
affections
of appearance
are nothing more
than the male's emergence
from his drab camouflage
into the gaudy plumage
that is the birthright
of his
sex...

and I truly believed the human body was beautiful, and that the war in vietnam was evil.

Then, years later, I heard at last they'd made a movie, and that Twyla Tharp had choreographed it in her own inimitable style (I'd never seen it, just read about it)

I race to see it, and I hated every minute of it. I hated the people up there on the screen. I actually wanted to hurt Treat Williams!

I left the cinema before the film ended, straightening my tie and angrily clutching my briefcase to my side...


No. It wasn't me - that's a joke. It really was a noxious film. Never even saw much dancing I'm afraid.


Redboss

[Gartog]

I have to agree with Dungeons & Dragons I htought that this could have been such a good movie - unfortuantly it was the worst I have ever seen. Ever. It steals from some big hit movies (Star wars, Indian Jones(The Maze sequence) but badly -

Urghhhhhh

[teigra]

It would have to be Magnolia.

It just seemed too long, over three hours.

I usually really like those movies with many stories wrapped around oneanother. It had a few good moments but as
I said before, it was too long and got boring.

[TheNewbie]

C'mon guys, hands down it has got to be "The Fast and the Furious". My jaw hurt from yawning during the movie.

[Junior Spaceman]

I find it hard to even type the name of the movie, but it's the longest, most horrible piece of nonsense ever: Meet Joe Black. You know how some movies are so bad they're good? Well this one's so bad it comes back in the other side (ala Pacman) and it's back at being really really bad. I have to echo the old piece of advice to anyone who sees this on a shelf at the video library, which is that you shouldn't even borrow a video on the same shelf, in case it's contagious.

Some death metal band named their record after this movie, which isn't funny at all, actually. It stands as the most evil record title ever, bringing to mind as it does, the worst piece of ... damn, I'm waxing lyrical now. It doesn't deserve any words, just a sign on all copies of the video with 'WRONG WAY - GO BACK'.

[Why A Duck]

In defense of Crunchy, Barton Fink was one of the worst suckjob movies to hit the screens in years.

Let me define my parameters. Was it as bad as Battle Beyond the Stars? Was it as bad as Ishtar? Was it as bad as almost any Julia Roberts movie? Of course not. But coming from the Coen boys, there is a certain caliber of film expected.

Normally I'm a big Coen Bros. fan, Miller's Crossing is still one of my favorite movies of all time. However, with Barton Fink they seemed to be trying to see how far they can push the audience. Plot? We don't need no stinkin' plot that makes sense. It does have some great talent in it like Turturro, Goodman, John Mahoney, and one of my faves Jon Politto. But it just never clicked. It had a promising start, but then just devolved into a huge test of patience. You've got to be careful when you shoot for the weird end of the movie spectrum. You can either succeed like Erasehead or Ken Russell's Gothic or you can bomb like Barton Fink.

My own pick for worst movie I've paid to see: Robocop 2, 'nuff said.

[TroubleAgain]

Scary Movie.

[CalMeacham]

At the risk of coming off like a neanderthal, I gotta agree with Crunchy -- I hated Barton Fink. But it's not the worst, even to my neanderthal sensibilities.

There have been a lot of good suggestions here. I'll agree with:

Battlefield Earth
RoboCop2
Lost Horizon (The musical version -- I showed it at my Bad Film Festival this year)

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

If I may cheat a little, and interpret "paid" as meaning "either saw in a theatre, or rented," then Gone With The Wind is by far the worst movie I've ever seen.

And yes, Dungeons and Dragons supersucked, and ripped off Star Wars: The Phantom Menace at every turn (I hated that film too, btw).

I was a little bit surprised that Leaving Las Vegas was mentioned here. Don't get me wrong, I disliked it thoroughly, but I don't know what it did to qualify as a "worst movie." It was pretty frikking bad, but I've seen worse.

[DynoSaur]

Starship Troopers. No contest. There were one or two redeeming qualities to the movie, but they were both attached to the redhead...

[Juniper200]

Originally posted by Zaphod BeeblebroxIf I may cheat a little, and interpret "paid" as meaning "either saw in a theatre, or rented," then Gone With The Wind is by far the worst movie I've ever seen.

I'm curious, 'brox. Why do you feel this way? I'm not questioning your right to this opinion and/or your sanity (okay, maybe just a little ), but I think you're definitely in the minority on this GWTW=Major Suckage thing and I'd like to know where that comes from.

I'll agree on Mission to Mars doing the Hoover. Before then, I'd never seen a movie so bad that major laws of physics allowed themselves to be broken in order for it to end sooner.

[Ethilrist]

Eliminators. "A former pilot rebels against his creator, teaming up with the scientist responsible for android technology, her pet robot Spot, a rough-and-tumble riverboat guide, and a martial arts warrior."

Starring Denise Crosby.

No, really!

[CalMeacham]

Ethilrist, I paid to see that movie, and it's GREAT! I showed it at a Bad Film Festival years ago. Just because a movie is substandard and stupid is no reason to day it's BAD. I'd rather watch The Eliminators again than watch Waterworld

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

Juniper. Aside from its soporific storyline, and its characters that no sane person could ever like - or even think of as "human", GWTW is also the most bigoted film ever made. And if my thinking so puts me in the minority, then I'm in good company. *insert smiley*

Seriously, I've met many people who thought the same thing. OTOH, I've met many people who wanted to question my sanity. *insert another smiley*

Little note: maybe I should get over my profound dislike of emoticons. It takes more time and effort to write *insert smiley* than it does to make one. Oh well. Another bullet in the gun of those who wish to question my sanity. *you know the drill, just insert the damn thing*

[THespos]

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (sp? I wouldn't look up the proper spelling on IMDB if you paid me.)

I walked out. I also endured criticism from people who are into movies WAY more than I am for doing so.

[friedo]

I'd have to say it's a tossup between Stepmom and Pootie Tang (which I walked out of after about 20 minutes.)

Oh, and TroubleAgain, Scary Movie was brilliant.

[Spudo]

Battlefield Earth by far. Easily the worst movie I've ever seen.

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

Yeah, I had a few chuckles when I watched Scary Movie. I don't know if I'd call it "brilliant," but I certainly wouldn't put it in a list of the worst movies I've seen.

[Juniper200]

Not to totally hijack the thread, but Gone With the Wind is the most bigoted film ever made? I take it you've never gotten any of this Birth of a Nation action.

Other than that, I am willing to agree to disagree at this point and watch the thread develop, free and unfettered by petty squabbles.

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

Apologizing for the slight thread drift...

Point taken. I should have phrased it better. GWTW is the most CELEBRATED uber-racist film ever made. It goes without saying that other films were more explicitly racist (hell, you can easily find films made by skinheads, and for skinheads on video). However, GWTW is the most racist film to have received that much popular acclaim.

And I doubt this would turn into a squabble. I stated an opinion, you asked me to elaborate, and we don't agree. That's perfectly fine. No squabble here.

[storyteller0910]

Well, this seems like a nice safe topic with which to delurk -

I have seen many bad movies in my life. Because I love going to the theater, I've paid full price for most of them. Nothing has ever made me as angry as "Drowning Mona." I was angry at the screenwriter, for evidently slamming his/her head repeatedly into a concrete wall before going to work on the nonsensical dialogue. I was angry at the director. I was angry at my lovely wife, for suggesting that we see it in the first place. I was angry at the ticket takers, at the projectionist... even my popcorn didn't taste good.

Excuse me, I have to go lie down now.

[Tamerlane]

Zaphod Beeblebrox: To continue this hijack even further - Actually Birth of a Nation still wins the crown . It is, in fact, perhaps one of the most celebrated films of all time. As a milestone in cinema, it holds a far more important place than GWTW. And it is racist to an almost staggering degree. But I agree with you in one respect - I didn't like GWTW either .


I still think that Barton Fink was good film . I also liked The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. But hey, each to their own . I'm also on the anti-Scary Movie side .

- Tamerlane

[Legomancer]

Where do I begin?

Laserblast - I paid money to see it when years later I could have seen it on MST3K.

Leviathan - ever wondered what Alien would be like if it was stupid and you didn't care about any of the people in it? Here's a movie for you!

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark - Okay, I can't really fault anyone else for this. I can't say I didn't know what I was getting myself into. The trailer did make it look funnier than it was, though. But it was god awful.

The Witches of Eastwick - shudder.

The Seventh Sign - Demi Moore, not Ingmar Bergman. Fortunately I missed signs one through six.

Ghostbusters 2 I saw for FREE and still felt owed something.

now, to the modern era:

Species - I didn't want to see this, but a friend said it was supposed to be good, so I went. After it was over and I was yelling at him for making me see this waste of time, he said, "Oh I knew it was going to suck, so I didn't mind it." Jerk.

The Fifth Element - disappointing because buried within it was an entertaining, fun movie. Unfortunately it was surrounded by a numbingly stupid and obnoxious one.

The Blair Witch Project - I've had scarier haircuts than this thing.

and finally, the creme de la creme: Event Horizon. Where do I begin to describe the sheer awfulness of this dreck? After seeing either it or the Blair Witch Project, I don't remember which came first, I decided I was seeing too many movies, so I quit.

These days I hardly see any movies, and I don't miss them. When something's worth seeing, like Memento, I find out about it and go see it. I read reviews, trust my gut, and won't see ANYTHING on its opening weekend. As a result I haven't seen any bad movies in the past two years, except one:

Tomb Raider - I went to this thing knowing it was scoring 15% on Rotten Tomatoes and was being called stupid even for a stupid action movie. But the wife wanted to see it for some reason, so we went. The most it did was confirm that my decision not to see as many movies was a good one.

[Zaphod Beeblebrox]

I think it depends on how one defines "most celebrated." BOAN might have marked a milestone in cinema, and might indeed be a more important film, but GWTW is a more well known film, at least with the general population. I think just about everybody who's seen a movie knows of GWTW. However, the same cannot be said for BOAN.

[Superdude]

Toss up between Tank Girl, It Could Happen to You, and Hannibal.

[Cheesesteak]

Darkman is the king of my awful movies, with The Jetsons Movie coming in a close second. Ugh, what were we thinking?

[Kwyjibo]

Critters2
<shudder>

(I actually liked Darkman...it was odd, but I enjoyed it.)