“Standing there shiny and proud by your side,
Holding your joint while the neighbors decide,
Why is a vegetable something to hide?
To hi-i-ide,
To hi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ide?”
–Call Any Vegetable by Frank Zappa
I don’t know what’s more disturbing:
- A guy fucking a watermelon.
- His friends agreeing to come over and watch him fuck a watermelon.
- “I’d learned my lesson about penises and electricity”
But I’m laughing my ass off, so I guess it doesn’t matter. ROFL
Jess
Well… the “penises and electricity” thing was a whole different story, you see.
One of the worst things I ever saw happen to a guy was in high school, when a friend of mine participated in the vandalizing of a Sonic-Drive-In. He made the mistake of peeing into the little speaker you order your food through. The electrical arc traveled up the stream and practically fried the poor guy’s tallywhacker. He said it was like being kicked in the nuts while plugging your tinkus into a power socket. What was worse… he told us the next day at school… Li’l Mr. Happy didn’t seem to WORK any more, if you know what I mean.
He was scared. I didn’t blame him. To have your dick suddenly cease to function at age 16 is like … like… shit, I don’t know. A disaster, certainly. The next day he reported it still didn’t work, despite hours of priming with dirty magazines. He could pee through it… but that was about it.
Day three: still nothing. He was badly frightened… his brother had theorized that he’d shorted out some important nerves, or something. Would it ever work again? He was debating going to the doctor, even if it meant admitting who’d vandalized the Sonic…
An entire sexless LIFE stretched out before him, and he was having to take a hard look at that.
Day four: He came to school laughing, his heart had wings again. Life was good again. Apparently, the poor thing was just traumatized, that’s all. He reported no less than four successful launchings the previous night, with and without photographic assistance. All was well… but it was a lesson none of us ever forgot…
ROFL Wang-Ka, you lead a very interesting life, don’t you? 
Hoo! Funny stuff. I read this earlier and was laughing so hard I had to leave. I stopped by my friends house and he comes to the door with this HUGE piece of watermelon. I died. Flat fell over and died laughing! He called me a weirdo and shut the door on me. That just made me laugh harder. Here I am laughing my ass off on his front porch, tears in my eyes and his wife drives up with another watermelon. I don’t think I will be able to handle it at their BBQ later this afternoon. Too Funny!
I have a feeling this is real. From what I’ve sen around the net these days, it’s pretty tame by comparison.
But still distrubing.
Thank you, Joe.
You have made my entire ordeal worthwhile. Knowing that out there, somewhere, in the great world girdled by the Net, that I have made it impossible for someone to accept a slab of watermelon on the fourth of July without bursting out laughing…
…has achieved my purpose.
(snicker)
You are welcome. Damn I’m still laughing.
Whether any of this is true or not, I think I want to start hanging out with Wang-Ka. But especially if it’s true.
Bravo again, Mr. Ka.
Hell, no matter WHAT I said… would you BELIEVE me?
And like I said, I wasn’t there.
But I knew the guy.
And I believe it.
ROTFLMFAO
Wang-Ka is my new favorite poster too!
Whether this short story is fantasy or a true story matters not to me. Every story I’ve ever read by Wang-Ka has been so well written and entertaining, when I reach the end, I find myself wanting more!
I can’t wait until his next story!
<chanting>
Wang Ka, Wang Ka, Wang Ka… Everyone now: WANG KA
</chanting>
Everybody Wang-Ka tonight 
Wang-Ka, You’re a hoot. You can party with me anytime!
Heh, reminds me of a moment from the 1985 BBC series Happy Families :
Priest : “How many starving peasants would have been glad of that melon??!!”
Pitchfork-wielding peasant : “They’d have had to be pretty bloody hungry!”
I remember reading that story when I first started posting here.
Interesting story, man… very amusing.
F_X
Very funny story!
Sock Munkey, it was posted in this thread originally:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=159607
I’m going to snicker, and wonder, from now on everytime I see someone at the grocery store with a melon (or especially multiples) in his/her carts.
Here I was, happily enjoying having the watermelon I ate with my Independence Day cookout squelch through my digestive system, when I came upon this thread.
Now all the happy childhood memories of eating watermelon with my family on hot summer days have been replaced with images of a guy getting his freak on with a melon.
As for your other pal’s electrified eel, wasn’t there a game featured on Red & Stimpy called, “Don’t Whiz on the Electric Fence?” Both seem like obvious things not to do. Electricity travels through water, Mr. Wanga-Pal. Of course, he had to learn it the hard way.
I had chilled watermellon cubes at the beach today. 
Eating watermelon will NEVER be the same again!!!..just as the enjoyment of eating apple pie has changed!!!