BURRRRRP You’re hired! Unfortunately, they’re selling knock-offs of a copyrighted product, and are involved in insider trading. Best of all, you get to hold the bag when the SEC and Feds come to call. Have a nice time at that low security Federal Penitentiary.
I wish I could figure out how to do something useful with Photoshop®.
puggyfish (works as a magical sound…) You live simply and comfortably… as a nun (or priest.) No more sex or luxuries for you!
abracadabra danceswithcats you are the world’s greatest expert on Photoshop®. Unfortunately you use it to counterfeit the new $20 bills. Meet your new “roommate” Bubba!
I wish my Orioles would win the pennant next year.
The Orioles win the pennant, but by default because everyone else was on strike. ( Isn't that the only way they could win? )
Just teasin you, **if6was9** about the Orioles, nuttin but love for your team
I wish for molly maid to come clean my house.blatz
Your house is as clean as a whistle (literally) Molly maid has run off with all your household goods and sold them all on ebay for pennies on the dollar.
I wish for world peace--------- no that would be too easy how about 2 buckets of fudge ice cream covering my favorite doper misstee and all the time in the world to lick it off
misstee, your lickability is famous! 
balzac World peace is acheived! All the nations of the world lay down their arms. Then, in a Simpson’s moment, invaders from outer space take over the world. We are powerless to resist.
I wish for a turkey sandwich. With no mutant turkey, and no stale bread, no having the sandwich get caught in my throat, no disgusting add-ons like peanut butter and jelly. Just a nice plain turkey sandwich.
You get your wish. But the turkey is dry. THE TURKEY IS DRY!!!
I wish for a versions of Windows that never crashes…
A version of windows that never crashes has arrived, sadly its not compatable with your system.
I wish for a large order of french fries hot from the fryer. And ketchup!zap: unfortunately they are so hot they burn through your hand and the ketchup is super acidic making the brun wounds ridiculously painful
i wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread and i dont what any zombies i dont want to be a turkey myself
Your turkey sandwhich arrives, but before you even get a chance to have a bite, a homeless man wanders by, and coughs all over it. You can see the phlegm coating the entire sandwhich.
I wish for the tv remote to always be in the first place I look.ZIP! the first place you look is the toilet directly after a number 2.
Every. Single. Time.
I wish for a better speaker system.
you get a better speker system it just doesnt have an off switch and is constantly on its highest level for sound
i wish for a cheese monkey
Shazaam!! One cheese monkey coming up–without additonal perversions of any kind! Seriously folks, does this one even need to be more perverted? I think it stands on its own perverted merits. 
I wish I received a small fortune each month, just for being me…
You receive a small fortune each month in dividend checks. Unfortunately, it’s all that’s left of the huge fortune you’d invested in the stock market – and each month it gets smaller.
I wish I could dance like Ginger Rogers.
Granted, you get an unemployment check every month. You were fired for being yourself.
I wish I could make people love me.
Sorry, EddyTeddyFreddy must have posted while I was typing…
By the way, mine was for it’sjustme
ZAP! People now love you. Unfortunately, you’re in prison for the rest of your life.
I wish for 2,000,000,000 more wishes.
voila 2 billion wishes are granted… but you can’t enjoy any of them til you make all 2 billion of them. Of, course this would take WAY more than a lifetime. So you never really get any of them.
I wish the workweek was two days, and the weekend was 5.
no wishing for more wishes or anyhting like that Rico
and as no one considered poor ETF i will
you can dance like ginger rodgers but unfortunately only when your feet are being shot at and the person doing the shooting speaks a language where foot means head
(will you tell me your secret now ETF?)
i wish for a new halogen lamp
kkkkkkkkrrrrrp
You have 2 billion wishes, at the rate of one every 200 years. Your next one is due November 2204.
I wish I was a transformer!