I just had a Little Debbie Swiss Roll for the first time in my life

[tdn]

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan

The prison I work at has lots of Little Debbie products available in the canteen, including swiss rolls, honey buns, oatmeal cream pies, german chocolate rings, donut sticks, cosmic brownies, fudge rounds, star crunch, chocolate chip cream pies, and nutty bars.

Tell me the down-side of prison again?

I’ve had patients gain 100 lbs in their first 8 months of incarceration.

Oh yeah, that.

Very clever of the prison system. Fatten up the inmates so that they can’t escape by slipping between the bars.

[kaylasdad99]

@Stealth_Potato

Well, to be more accurate, five or six of them.

For whatever reason, my life has been light on mass-manufactured snack cakes. I seldom buy anything that needs all four digits of the year in its best-by date. I have only the vaguest idea what Ho-Hos and Ding-Dongs are, unless they are absurd sexual euphemisms. I have never eaten a Twinkie, and, now, perhaps never will. It was this realization of disaster, together with the whispered recommendation of friends and acquaintances, that caused me to pick up a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls by way of an impulse purchase at the grocery store tonight. They seemed ill at ease between several packages of tofu dogs and a bag of avocados. If it is possible for box of snack cakes to look guilty, this one did so.

Then I got them home and opened the box. There followed an indistinct time in which something occurred after the fashion of a moral hiatus. When I was putting my pants back on I saw that the box was half-empty.

Where have these things been all my life??

I think this is what people mean when they talk about a religious experience. These cakes merit praise in their every substance: deliciously adequate chocolate cake, neither too heavy nor too dry, coupled with fluffy and sweet creamy filling in a tubular roll that yields the half-fancied experience of giving a blowjob to the chocolate fairy, but all enrobed in a tidy chocolate coating that makes it possible to eat without looking as though that’s exactly what you’ve done.

Half the box still remains, but I don’t think it will survive the night.
[I’m not sure if this belongs more in Cafe Society or here, but I figure the mundane pointlessosity is sufficiently high. :D]

It BELONGS in a Hall of Fame for Classic OPs somewhere.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@Ellen_Cherry

Five out of six epicures agree, Little Debbie snack cakes are fit only for Cafe Society.

What’s the epicurian’s choice?
The snack over which all maws rejoice?
On what do all the gluttons fawn?
What fills them up? What turns them on?
At Debbie’s name all gourmets stand
And take their stomach pumps in hand…

[sub]thanks to Tom K. Ryan for that[/sub]

[kaylasdad99]

Really? The same Tom K. Ryan who drew Tumbleweeds?

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

@kaylasdad99

Really? The same Tom K. Ryan who drew Tumbleweeds?

Yep.

It was originally an ode by Greasy the cook, extolling his own virtues. The last line was added by one of his customers.

[Chronos]

When I was in school, my mom would always pack some sort of sweet bakery item in my lunch. The Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls were always my favorite.

[gaffa]

@tdn

Very clever of the prison system. Fatten up the inmates so that they can’t escape by slipping between the bars.

Yeah, we have a problem with that in Chicago.

[cjepson]

My first Drake’s Yodel (back when I was about 12) was an experience similar to what the OP describes. I’ve got to say that I always felt that Little Debbie’s was Drake’s and Hostess’ poor relation… an OK substitute in a pinch. Now, alas, they’re about the best we’ve got (around here anyway).

[James_Otto_Sweet_Heart]

I have always loved Little Debbie’s Swiss Cake Roll, but lately I have not been getting them as much as I used to because of how expensive they are getting. Back in the day they used to be a whole lot cheaper. I can remember when the box would say just $1.09. Now it currently says $1.79.

God bless you always!!!

Holly

P.S. To me, them Swiss Cake Rolls have the better cream filling compared to the creme filling that was in the Hostess products.

[Hottius_Maximus]

I’m glad you finally got to enjoy those things; they are tasty. However may I suggest that you also try the Little Debbie Boston Creme Rolls? I think you’ll find them to your liking.

[Morgyn]

@Stealth_Potato

There was but one tiny packaged pair remaining, but as soon as I read this I tossed it in the freezer. Awaiting results now.

You haven’t reported back.

[Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank]

@Stealth_Potato

There followed an indistinct time in which something occurred after the fashion of a moral hiatus.

I will from hereon out be looking for a situation in which to use this line. Actually, I’m always looking for such a situation, only now I can pretend it’s so I can use that line.

[Snowboarder_Bo]

@Dr.Girlfriend

Now you need to move on to the Star Crunches. Chocolate covered caramel rice crispie crack. Mmm…

If the OP moves on to Star Crunches, they are surely doomed.

[spoiler]DOOMED!

:p[/spoiler]

[Bryan_Ekers]

I often get a box of Little Debbie’s for that long lonely hike from the supermarket exit to my car.

[Thuringwethil]

I’ve never been much for the Swiss Cake Rolls, but Little Debbie’s peanut butter bars are my kryptonite.

[Maus_Magill]

@Dr.Girlfriend

Now you need to move on to the Star Crunches. Chocolate covered caramel rice crispie crack. Mmm…

These and the peanut butter bars are crackalicious.

[Big_Blue]

@sahirrnee

Be glad you don’t live in the land of the* TastyKake*.

Shh…… don’t tell!

More for us.

[Princhester]

A long time ago in my young carefree backpacking-around-Europe days I became, ahem, ‘well acquainted’ with a petite young Canadian lady by the name of Deborah. I would appreciate it if I were to receive appropriate kudos for exercising admirable restraint in not inserting into this thread at this time a sleazy wisecrack involving the terms “Little Debbie”, “box”, and “eating”. Thank you.

[Siam_Sam]

That was one of the very few joys of living in West Texas, having my way with Little Debbie. The pastry was good too.

I recall some sort of women’s sanitary product named Little Miss Deb and marketed at young girls, so you had to be careful what you were ordering.

[gigi]

Swiss Cake Rolls and white milk
Nutty Bars and white milk
Donut Sticks and Yoo-hoo from the half-gallon carton
We got packed a Little Debbie Cake with our lunch in elementary school. Needless to say we ate it as soon as we left the house.