Sure, but if it turns into a real movie I get first dibs on playing Jittery Guy #3.
Well, I work in a very similar environment to Crunchy Frog’s–in fact, I thought, “Hmmm, I wonder if he’s [So-and-So]” at first (I don’t work in tech support, though, so he must not be.) I have to say, I don’t think acting weird (wearing pajamas, eating cereal, etc.) would get you fired around here. If it did, it would take a looooooooong time. However, avoiding calls would, most certainly, so I don’t know what to tell you. I was going to say, just come in late or skip work a few times and that should do it, but if you’re on your ninth absence, you know that already.
My husband says that at his company, once you are past the probation period, as long as you show up on time every day, you are golden. However, one of his ex-coworkers found another way to get fired. He came in one Saturday to make up some hours that he had missed that week for some reason or another. However, instead of drafting, he brought in his laptop and spent the hours playing Baldur’s Gate. Unfortunately, the owner of the company happened to be lurking about and caught him at it. On Monday, he was sent packing. So, you could try that, I guess.
Are all call centers run this way? Because that’s what I hate, hate, hate about my job as well! Sometimes I work days, sometimes I work nights, sometimes they split the shifts (come in for four hours, then come back in a few hours later for four more hours) and the days off are so random…sure, you get two days off a week, but if you work over the weekend, you might have to work seven, eight, nine, ten days in a row! Ugh. I’m on day 7 this evening…thank Og I have tomorrow off. I’d like to go back to school…they even say they’ll pay for it, but they can’t guarantee me a steady schedule so that I can schedule my classes. WTF?
I’m hoping to find another job and quit and have them begging me to come back as my revenge…if Crunchy Frog quits, his bosses will probably find it no big loss.
Declare yourself a tech support guru, were a pauncho, love beads, and advertise free love-in’s in the staff room.
In the middle of staff meetings, jump up and begin to dance and sing. Opera, Broadway tunes, old commercials.
Completely ignore everything said to you while you are doing this.
Then sit down as if nothing has happened. When people say something to you after that, look surprised and say “what?”. Claim that you DID NOT do any such thing. Be firm and insistent about that.
Heck, if you are phone support, ask everyone if they know Jesus. Not in the Christian manner, but in the personal, “ain’t he a cool guy?” manner.
Do the third person bit, but change your name (for these purposes) to Skippy. “Skippy doesn’t feel like it” “Skippy wants to know what you are having for lunch today”
In conversations with your boss and cow-orkers, talk about the minutae of personal grooming habits that fall into the TMI category. Like shaving or trimming your pubic hair.
Openly pick your nose. Wipe it on the tables and chairs. Not just once, but for extended periods of time.
I think the best way to get fired slowly would be to blatantly ignore the petty, bullshit rules that drive you crazy. Things like the dress code for example, or any of the micromanagement ‘advice’ you get from your boss(es). Since you mentioned that you sometimes get tasked to mentor newer techs you could start indoctrinating them into the ways of the BOFH. Bring an excuse calender to work with you, and actually use it on support calls. Start running your own small business from your cubical. Better yet, start running your own * competing * business from your cubical and everytime you get a support call just pitch your business to the customer. Errr, ok that last one might be a little faster than you were expecting.
Someone else mentioned just being totally honest with your boss. I think that’s a great idea. Everytime they solicit your opinion about some stupid-ass suggestion of theirs tell 'em the truth, they hate that, be sure to work in a good ad hominem attack directed at it’s originator as well: “Frank that idea is so stupid that even Santa Clause himself would vomit with rage if he ever found out someone was stupid enough to even suggest it.”
Have fun! And keep us posted!
[Leo]You leave Canada now, please.[/Leo]
You should all be flogged!! Anyone who’s watched Office Space will know this will only work in getting him promoted! shudders at the thought of gutting a fish at work
Now I don’t know about ways to get you fired, but I DO know a sure way to drive your coworkers right up the wall. Here’s what you do.
1)Goof off, BLATANTLY, in front of everyone. Surf the net, talk with fellow employees, etc etc etc.
2)Despite number 1, consistently produce the best results of ANYONE in your department.
I did this when I was working for IBM in Vermont. I had 12 hour shifts, I goofed off for close to 6 hours a day almost every day, and when my quarterly review came I almost always had the highest output numbers of my Department. It pissed people off to no end. I loved it.
And a slap upside the head to Lissa for stealing my Ferris Bueller’s Day Off reference. Curse you!
On that note, you could mingle around the office using Office Space references on people…TPS reports, sounds like a case of the Mondays, etc etc.
Anyway, good luck Bob, Bob, I hope your firing goes REALLY well.
Sanscour
The funny thing is, I do that. I’ve even showed a couple other co-workers that I like how I can get away with sitting at the phone for 1-2 hours at a time without getting a call. Everyone knows I surf. Last Sunday I was standing up giving updates on the Rams-Seahawks game (complete with “Kiss my ass!” blurted out rather loudly when the Rams blew their lead.)
So far I like Mullinator’s idea, but I doubt management would be smart enough to piece together the separate letters into words, and then make the leap to sentences. They’d collect all the different pieces, form a study group, have meeting and perform analsys on what it could mean and after 2-3 months, they’d come back with “I would like my worker’s peanut co-feet. Sincerely lick the CEO to embezzle. I plan to butter from the company. I want to cover in jelly and I’ll provide Crunchy Frog.”
By this time, they’d have forgotten that I was the one holding the sign at the end and think I’m just kidding when I try to tell them what it was supposed to say.
and Tamex said:
They wouldn’t even notice. I’m just another ass in the seat. The turnover rate is so high, I’ve been there just over a year and of the 27 of us that started in the same training class, there’s 5 of us left.
Ummm … the frightening thing is that my boss did this at a recent staff meeting.
All the more reason to do it. You get to get a few things off your chest. You’ll either end up fired or know that you got away with a pretty big misdeed without management having a clue.
That’s what it was! See, I read this thread yesterday and decided to try this, but I misremembered it and I told my boss to fuck off. Unfortunately I work for a very small (8-person) company and my boss is also a good friend of mine so he just spewed some obscenities back at me and told me to get back to work. I’ll have to try the “fucking idiot” thing today and see if that’ll do it. It’s not easy getting fired these days, but I’m sure with hard work and the right attitude, I can achieve it!
This reminded me of the Simpsons episode where homer builds the barbecue pit.
Maybe Crunchy Frog could build a barbecue pit in his cubicle and then start roasting steaks on it during work.
Really you shouldn’t be going for a drawn out firing. You want something that’ll get you in the papers. (But not in the gun toting sense, ok)
Get Union card check cards from your local CWA. . .or any other Union. Start passing them out to your co workers. On top of being fired you’ll have a great law suit that’ll take several years to finish.
Or,
You’ll become a labor leader and have fun ont he job.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Mama Tiger *
[(5) When he fires you, write him a nasty note – in Sanskrit.
Hmmm… You just gave me a very good idea, mama!! I work in the gulf as an english-to-arabic translator, and i hate my job. but when i quit, i know how to have the lat word. a note in sanskrit-it will freak them out. 
Ok, seriously, this is what you do. We actually had a problem with this in the Call Center I work for (I’m a telecom engineer).
Whenever you get a call, greet the person, and - half way through their explanation of what’s wrong - disconnect them. Just claim it was a bad connection or tht the customer hung up. You can do this a number of times through out the day.
At first your “Handle Time” will improve to be the best on the floor. Over time they will suspect that you are doing something wrong. You will probably make a lot of goals and get a lot of benefits from doing this and as long as they don’t actually see you doing it they can’t say you were doing something wrong.
In our case we actually could tell if the agent hung up or if it was the customer. The agent won the unemployment dispute by saying that they were never explicitly told not to hang up on customers.
You could just smile at the boss!! such action irritate them, and if you persist, one day you will be out, for no apparent reason.
An Urban Legend Maybe?
Crunchy Frog is a college student dying of moderob syndrome. There’s nothing he wants more than to get a brick from every city in the United States. Please mail him a brick at the following address.
here’s on that might work if your company does drug testing.
Get hold of the drug lab’s literature to be certain that there is a warning to the effect that poppy seeds can spark a positive drug test.
Stay up late for a few nights, to assure you’re really tired and kinda goofy. Eat at least one good-sized, really poppy-seedy poppy seed bagel, muffin or assorted poppy seed pastry daily. “Accidentally” stumble into an object or two in sight of a supervisor.
Get drug tested.
Fail.
If you get fired, insist on a re-test (some state laws require this). If you’re lucky, they will refuse.
You should, of course, make sure you are seen eating said poppy-seed pastries. You should also produce the literature after the fact, as though it were something you had not been aware of. That way, when you file unemployment, you will have a legitimate claim of “false positive”.
Go to a joke shot like Spencer’s and get a can or two of Bullshit Repellant. Liberally spray anyone who comes near you.
Or buy Fart-In-A-Can, label it Bullshit Repellant, and use it. Even more effective.