I’m in waste management.
I also moonlight as a nocturnal ownership transference executive (a burglar to you).
You are a Freelance Transference Engineer. If you work for somebody who takes a cut of your loot, they would be the Transference Executive.
Nobody takes a cut of my loot.
If they tried, I would exercise my waste management skills.
This…HAS to be some kind of euphamism for “Penis”, right?
ABI 3100 DNA Sequencer ensues?
I actually used this once on a pompous twit who asked, “And what do *you * do?” in a condescending manner.
"I’m a domestic engineer. "
“Oh, really?” <completely befuzzled look on p.t.>
“Yes,” <warming up to the moment> “I manage a 9-module facility.” <yeah, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms,…> “I have a co-manager, but he mostly works off-site on resource acquisition.” <goes to the office Monday - Friday> “I do virtually all of the on-site coordination and transportation management, as well as procurement and nutritional implementation.”
You get the gist.
Sadly for the entertainment value of my job, no.
Lead Vapor Transference Engineer at a Pac-10 University. I helped people find ganja in the dorm if they let me smoke some.
:
Put the coffee cup down. Now.::
I am Professional Driver, Class: Petrochemical Relocation Engineer <I drive a tank truck.>
I am also qualified in the following sub-specialities:
[ul][li]Vehicular Traffic Pattern Prediction Specialist <Betcha that jerk is gonna pull out in front of me …>[/li][li]**Vehicular Traffic Routing Specialist ** <When I turn on the turn signals, people just kinda naturally get out of my way.>[/ul][/li]I have mastered the use of the following tools:
[ul][li]**Incremental Velocity Transfer Controls ** (with audible alarm) <The long pedal on the right makes the truck go fast (vroooom vrrooommmm vrrroooooommmmmmm). The middle one (hopefully) makes the tires scrrrreeeeeeeeech. The one on the left (when used in conjunction with the lever thingy sticking up out of the floor) just makes funny grinding noises.>[/li][li]**Manual Directional Augmentation Control ** <The Steering Wheel makes things go 'round and 'round.>[/li][li]**Portable Personal Vertical Elevation Enhancement Device ** <There’s a ladder on the back of my truck. > (Note: This is the actual military nomenclature of a portable ladder.)[/li][li]High Impact Energy Concentration Device, 3 lb., Model BFH <I hit things with a Big ******* Hammer when frustrated. [/li][/ul]
(and with apologies to UncleRojelio)
**High Pressure Gas Transfer Expert ** <I fart.>
**Emergency Enclosed Space Evacuation Expert ** <See above.>
**High Pressure Gas Transfer Trainer ** <I can make you laugh so hard that you’ll fart.>
**Remote Keyboard & Monitor Cleaning Wizard ** <I Told ya to put down the coffee cup!>
Lucy
Qualified surveyor (i.e. I can use a map, compass an’ a Lieutenant with an autolevel)
Proficient in all MS Office software applications (yes, I am a PowerPoint Ranger. . . CHAIRBORNE!)
Qualified in high-conflict management/resolution (Um, yeah, that whole “war” thing.)
Graduated with B.S. E.E. Comma Sum Laude (the comma was between my name and the guy after me)
Tripler
That’s all I got for now.
Ballistics Experience
I once set off a rocket indoors.
[QUOTE=LucyInDisguise]
[li]**Portable Personal Vertical Elevation Enhancement Device ** <There’s a ladder on the back of my truck. > (Note: This is the actual military nomenclature of a portable ladder.)[/li][/QUOTE]
Hey, cool!
My flat comes with a ground-level garage/second kitchen/shed. There is a large “loft” the previous owner built, reached by a metal ladder that usually hangs on the wall.
So now (well, starting Monday, when we actually sign the paperwork) I’m the proud owner of a Portable Vertical Elevation Enhancement Device!
I usually need to tone down my resume, but here’s a couple I wish I could use:
- Managed crisis teams in a multi-lingual, multicultural environment (led quest groups in a MUD populated by lots of singaporeans and russkies, among others; I’ve had groups of 8 people where only 1 had english as his first language and it was the Aussie)
- Designed and implemented new code and other materials as part of an international project (wrote a bunch of areas, including getting the monsters to do what I wanted them to do; some of those areas were written in conjuction with other writers, who for some reason weren’t from Spain)
100% of my employers who considered hiring other people eventually chose me.
Managing Director, Mergers ands Acquisitions; highly skilled in personnel management, conflict resolution, and resource allocation. (I’m the captain of a pirate ship.)
Able to work independently and discreetly without supervision in high-security settings, very goal-oriented; wide skill-set including use of hardware and in-depth knowledge of software. (I’m a ninja.)