Things you'd never put on your resumé/CV

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Or, tell me about your (almost) completely useless talents. For example, many years ago I had the good fortune of meeting a young woman who was able to, at will, roll a quarter down her nose where it would bounce off a table and into a shotglass. Or, for another example, my sister can, at will, ejaculate a little stream of water from under her tongue. I do this, unintentionally, from time to time, but she has mastered it. I don’t know why.

So what embarassing or ridiculous thing can you do, or have you done, that you’d most likely never mention to a future employer?

2

I have a lot of experience with plumbing from when I used to work for my Dad’s sprinkler company. It’s not as if this really helps me at all in the advertising business, which I’ve been in for 10 years. I used to tell prospective employers about my plumbing experience just for giggles, but I’ve stopped mentioning it because once people found out about it, all of a sudden I’d become the go-to guy when the toilets got plugged up in the office. I’d also get calls at night from co-workers who wondered whether I’d mind coming over with my toolbox because a water line broke in their house and they couldn’t get a plumber to come over on an emergency call.

3

Well, I can waste hours and hours on end reading threads here at the SDMB. Until something shiny catches my eye.

Pretty sure a would be employer wouldn’t… LOOK! a quarter!

4

I can get any non-cooperative office machine to work again. Fax machines, printers, vacuum cleaners, air-conditioner compressers … mine, mine, mine. Copiers are a particular talent. I speak Ricoh’s language. I can coax out any jam, replace any toner. The boys stand around helplessly. They say things like, “Pretty good, for a girl.” … I then swear the onlookers to secrecy, for fear that I’ll be issued a Nextel so every floor can broadcast its troubles to FixItGirl.

5

ubI spubeak rubealluby flubuubent ubbububie dubbububie.

6

I can do this, too. We call it “gleeking.”

I can’t think of any other stupid things I can do. I once douched a calf, and thankfully I’m not looking for work in a field related to that particular talent.

7

-I’m an expert marksman…I’d NEVER share that with an employer.

-I can sharpen my knife to such a keen edge that I can shave with it.

-I own throwing knives… and can use them with accuracy.

I’m very strong and, although I’d never list that as an attribute on my resume’, it’s something that’s hard to hide.

8

Department of Erroneous Doubletakes:

The thread title is: “Things you’d never put on your resumé/CV.” My immediate reaction was, “Is this really the 105th thread on this topic?”

:o

9

I’ve memorized pi to 1000 places and the entire periodic table of elements.
I’m also very, very strong.
Umm… I’m a geek.
I can read for several hours on end.

10

I can flip the bird with the toes on my left foot. I’m sure my boss would be so excited to know that.

11

I can’t flip the bird with my toes (man, that’s GOOD) but I can give the “thumbs up” with them.

I can also hang a spoon from my nose.

Both skills, of course, I use daily here in my cubicle. :dubious:

12

I can turn on a lightswitch with my shoulderblade.

I can open doors with my feet.

13

Me three!

14

Because of a college work-study job, I’m very good at figuring out problems with any non-computer A/V equipment; the same job gave me skills as a movie projectionist. I also have a fair chunk of the dewey decimal system memorized (basically, the parts that have books that got checked out a lot). None of these skills are useful in my current job as a project manager.

15

Man, I got nothing. Unless you count my ability to have 4 separate IM conversations simultaneously. I’ve had as many as 6 going at once, but that’s a bit too much multitasking for my brain.

I probably coulda done better when I was younger, if such a medium existed.

16

I’ve got great quads.

17

I too am an accomplished gleekist, although it aims about 30 degrees to the left of center.

I don’t tell prospective employers of my 5,000 piece comic book collection, although I don’t keep it a secret once I get the job.

When I had a retainer I could play tunes on it (Wm. Tell Overture was a favorite). That was a long time ago.

–Cliffy

18

I can stick a pencil really far into my nose.

I have really strong fists, and have been known to punch solid walls as hard as I can to impress people.

I have a fairly high pain tolerance, so I often let people punch me in the stomach.

19

I don’t list the date of my college degree, just the school and the major.

I don’t state that I take shorthand, even though I’m a whiz at it.

I don’t list all of my job experience, just the last 10 years or so.

Yes, I’m pushing fifty, why do you ask?

20

I never mention the 2.5 hour shift I worked at Sonic.